Guest guest Posted March 16, 2005 Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 Dear Group. I want to thank you all for the obvious courage I have acquired from being a part of this group. My daughter called today on my cell as I sat with the detective. I asked her if I was to pick up from school as she had asked me to a week ago. One never knows how things will be from one day to the next with her. She said if I wanted to I could, she said to have him back by 6:00. When I picked him up, he was delighted to see me there. I hadn't seen him in a week. I aked him how everything was and he said that " Will (the dirt bag) moved Mommy's bed into the living room so they (Mommy & Will) could watch cable better and the baby doesn't sleep in her crib, she sleeps in bed with them. The bed in liv room seemed a bit odd, but the worst of it was that told me that he and his 4 yr old brother have been confined to their rooms for the past week. They were still being punished since Sunday because they woke up the baby. I f they want to go to the batroom, they must call to Mommy and Will before coming downstairs and then they can use the bathroom. I could not believe my ears!!! These children are 4 and 6. The punishment did not fit the crime. also told me that Will told him that if they were his kids, he would smack them. I asked if Will had ever hit him and he said no. We went to dinner at 's favorite rest and then back to my house so we could play chess which he loves and watched a movie. I asked him if he wanted to sleep over. He did, so I called his mother to see if he could. She said yes and I went to pick up his stuffed animals and his blankie. When I got there, she didn't have his favorite stuffed animal and I asked her where it was, she snapped that she didn't know and didn't care (not like even her to be so indifferent about something that loves> With that I left. I had been home for about 1/2 hr when she called and said she wanted home, NOW. I told her to forget it that she wasn't playing these games anymore with me and definitely not with . She started screaming at me that either I bring him back or I would never see him again. I had heard the dirt bag in the background telling her what to say. And I lost it. I told her to do whatever she wanted and that I would be turning the bum in. And that I was aware of how these boys have been being treated by him and I wasn't putting up with it. She then went into one of her famous rages where she told me if I turned him in, she would " slash my throat " . I might add I had been recording the conversation. I told her ot do what she wanted. She told me she would have the police at my house to get . Now , the dirt bag did that to me last summer after they had been away for three weeks and when they got back (a week later) he called out of the blue and told me to get the boys back to " HIS " house immediately. I told him then, they'd be back when I was ready and he called the police on me. So, I called my son who told me to go to the police station and press charges against her, which I did. I told the police officer everything that has been going on. He didn't like the bed in living room scene or the fact that 2 little ones are confined to their room for a week. We didn't press charges, yet. It went in as a formal complaint and I can change it to formal charges if she threatens me again. He told me to do it on a Friday night if I was going to because then she would be kept in a cell at the state prison because no judge would be available till Monday!!!! is sleeping here tonight. She called me about an hour ago to tell me that if I wanted to send him to jail, then do it and she'd just have him back when he gets out. She's just tired of being afraid of ME!!!. I asked her how is she afraid of me when she is the one threatening my life all the time. She said because I was going to take HIM away from her.She told me she hates me and wants nothing to do with me. I told her I agree and I only want no interruption of my relationship with the boys, so as long as the dirt bag learns his place, doesn't intere with my relationship with the boys, and doesn't treat the boys badly as he has been doing with these punishments, then I won't do anything to send him back. If he gets in my way any longer, I will make it my life's work to see him go back. He has now missed 2 out of three counseling appts which were a condition of his parole, and he still doesn't have a job. She said he'll be helping her in real estate, which translates into, " I won't be working " . And since I told her she no longer works for me, I guess he is -hit out of luck on that one too. The detective says he can definitely get him put back in the can. He has 33 years as a large city cop and says they always end up back because their brains just don't get the whole cause and effect thing or consequences. The policeman I spoke to said his concern is that Will has been in jail for 9 years where he has probably been bullied and now he is bossing the kids around just to feel superior. He says I need to call DCYF. But they may have to spend a night or 2 in foster care until they check me out. I don't want to traumatize them like that. So, I have to talk with a lawyer next week. THe detective says he can guarantee that as soon as 's $30,000 is gone (and if she's buying him dope that should be soon) that Will be gone too. He's 24 yrs old and hasn't been out in the world for most of his " adult " life. She will have nothing to offer him. But I can't risk the boys with him for that length of time. Once again, thanks for all your support and input. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 Does what the dirt bag is doing to my grandsons sound strange or abusive to you or anyone else out there? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 Kudos to you for standing your ground!!!!!!! I also keep in mind that these may sound very bad, but they are idle threats on your daughters part, she is only saying these things cause the dirt bag is there. She has to appear in control. Good luck to you and , God I hope he pulls through this okay. Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 Well why do you think the bed is in the living room? How long can she keep the boys locked away in their rooms before it becomes abuse? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 I think emotionaly trauma is just as bad as physical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 absolutely abusive!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 I think will pull through it okay. I just want to get him out of that house. It's my younger grandson I'm worried about. He is not as grounded as ; lives more in a fantasy land and she told me last night that she would tell the authorities that I had pulled 'ants down and spanked him and that tells everyone that. Told her that was news to me, but I'm sure she can get to say anything she wants. I did tell the cop that last night too. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 It is legal as long as 1 person knows it's being done and I did!!! jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 Jean You stood your ground, good! You should call your child protective services, they may not make the children stay in foster care at all. They don't here they just let the nearest relative take the children. I am sure if it came down to it your daughter would rather have her children with you than in foster care. on the other hand two days of foster care is better than what is going on in that home now. I have come to the conclusion that having my DH's son in foster care would prove beyond a shadow of a doubt his mother is not capable of taking care of him. Hugs Kelley Re: Dear Group Dear Group. I want to thank you all for the obvious courage I have acquired from being a part of this group. My daughter called today on my cell as I sat with the detective. I asked her if I was to pick up from school as she had asked me to a week ago. One never knows how things will be from one day to the next with her. She said if I wanted to I could, she said to have him back by 6:00. When I picked him up, he was delighted to see me there. I hadn't seen him in a week. I aked him how everything was and he said that " Will (the dirt bag) moved Mommy's bed into the living room so they (Mommy & Will) could watch cable better and the baby doesn't sleep in her crib, she sleeps in bed with them. The bed in liv room seemed a bit odd, but the worst of it was that told me that he and his 4 yr old brother have been confined to their rooms for the past week. They were still being punished since Sunday because they woke up the baby. I f they want to go to the batroom, they must call to Mommy and Will before coming downstairs and then they can use the bathroom. I could not believe my ears!!! These children are 4 and 6. The punishment did not fit the crime. also told me that Will told him that if they were his kids, he would smack them. I asked if Will had ever hit him and he said no. We went to dinner at 's favorite rest and then back to my house so we could play chess which he loves and watched a movie. I asked him if he wanted to sleep over. He did, so I called his mother to see if he could. She said yes and I went to pick up his stuffed animals and his blankie. When I got there, she didn't have his favorite stuffed animal and I asked her where it was, she snapped that she didn't know and didn't care (not like even her to be so indifferent about something that loves> With that I left. I had been home for about 1/2 hr when she called and said she wanted home, NOW. I told her to forget it that she wasn't playing these games anymore with me and definitely not with . She started screaming at me that either I bring him back or I would never see him again. I had heard the dirt bag in the background telling her what to say. And I lost it. I told her to do whatever she wanted and that I would be turning the bum in. And that I was aware of how these boys have been being treated by him and I wasn't putting up with it. She then went into one of her famous rages where she told me if I turned him in, she would " slash my throat " . I might add I had been recording the conversation. I told her ot do what she wanted. She told me she would have the police at my house to get . Now , the dirt bag did that to me last summer after they had been away for three weeks and when they got back (a week later) he called out of the blue and told me to get the boys back to " HIS " house immediately. I told him then, they'd be back when I was ready and he called the police on me. So, I called my son who told me to go to the police station and press charges against her, which I did. I told the police officer everything that has been going on. He didn't like the bed in living room scene or the fact that 2 little ones are confined to their room for a week. We didn't press charges, yet. It went in as a formal complaint and I can change it to formal charges if she threatens me again. He told me to do it on a Friday night if I was going to because then she would be kept in a cell at the state prison because no judge would be available till Monday!!!! is sleeping here tonight. She called me about an hour ago to tell me that if I wanted to send him to jail, then do it and she'd just have him back when he gets out. She's just tired of being afraid of ME!!!. I asked her how is she afraid of me when she is the one threatening my life all the time. She said because I was going to take HIM away from her.She told me she hates me and wants nothing to do with me. I told her I agree and I only want no interruption of my relationship with the boys, so as long as the dirt bag learns his place, doesn't intere with my relationship with the boys, and doesn't treat the boys badly as he has been doing with these punishments, then I won't do anything to send him back. If he gets in my way any longer, I will make it my life's work to see him go back. He has now missed 2 out of three counseling appts which were a condition of his parole, and he still doesn't have a job. She said he'll be helping her in real estate, which translates into, " I won't be working " . And since I told her she no longer works for me, I guess he is -hit out of luck on that one too. The detective says he can definitely get him put back in the can. He has 33 years as a large city cop and says they always end up back because their brains just don't get the whole cause and effect thing or consequences. The policeman I spoke to said his concern is that Will has been in jail for 9 years where he has probably been bullied and now he is bossing the kids around just to feel superior. He says I need to call DCYF. But they may have to spend a night or 2 in foster care until they check me out. I don't want to traumatize them like that. So, I have to talk with a lawyer next week. THe detective says he can guarantee that as soon as 's $30,000 is gone (and if she's buying him dope that should be soon) that Will be gone too. He's 24 yrs old and hasn't been out in the world for most of his " adult " life. She will have nothing to offer him. But I can't risk the boys with him for that length of time. Once again, thanks for all your support and input. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 I wish you luck with everything, good luck of course! :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 Wow, sounds like you're going through the ringer on this one. I'm really glad you went to the police and filed a formal complaint-- and that you RECORDED the conversation. Smart. It sounds like it is going to help, too, to talk with the private dick. Keep us posted, > Dear Group. > > I want to thank you all for the obvious courage I have acquired from being a > part of this group. My daughter called today on my cell as I sat with the > detective. I asked her if I was to pick up from school as she had asked > me to a week ago. One never knows how things will be from one day to the next > with her. She said if I wanted to I could, she said to have him back by 6:00. > > When I picked him up, he was delighted to see me there. I hadn't seen him in > a week. I aked him how everything was and he said that " Will (the dirt bag) > moved Mommy's bed into the living room so they (Mommy & Will) could watch > cable better and the baby doesn't sleep in her crib, she sleeps in bed with them. > The bed in liv room seemed a bit odd, but the worst of it was that > told me that he and his 4 yr old brother have been confined to their rooms for > the past week. They were still being punished since Sunday because they woke > up the baby. I f they want to go to the batroom, they must call to Mommy and > Will before coming downstairs and then they can use the bathroom. I could not > believe my ears!!! These children are 4 and 6. The punishment did not fit > the crime. also told me that Will told him that if they were his kids, he > would smack them. I asked if Will had ever hit him and he said no. > > We went to dinner at 's favorite rest and then back to my house so we > could play chess which he loves and watched a movie. I asked him if he wanted > to sleep over. He did, so I called his mother to see if he could. She said > yes and I went to pick up his stuffed animals and his blankie. When I got > there, she didn't have his favorite stuffed animal and I asked her where it was, > she snapped that she didn't know and didn't care (not like even her to be so > indifferent about something that loves> With that I left. I had been home > for about 1/2 hr when she called and said she wanted home, NOW. I > told her to forget it that she wasn't playing these games anymore with me and > definitely not with . She started screaming at me that either I bring him > back or I would never see him again. > > I had heard the dirt bag in the background telling her what to say. And I > lost it. I told her to do whatever she wanted and that I would be turning the > bum in. And that I was aware of how these boys have been being treated by him > and I wasn't putting up with it. She then went into one of her famous rages > where she told me if I turned him in, she would " slash my throat " . I might add > I had been recording the conversation. I told her ot do what she wanted. She > told me she would have the police at my house to get . Now , the dirt > bag did that to me last summer after they had been away for three weeks and > when they got back (a week later) he called out of the blue and told me to get > the boys back to " HIS " house immediately. I told him then, they'd be back when > I was ready and he called the police on me. > > So, I called my son who told me to go to the police station and press charges > against her, which I did. I told the police officer everything that has been > going on. He didn't like the bed in living room scene or the fact that 2 > little ones are confined to their room for a week. > We didn't press charges, yet. It went in as a formal complaint and I can > change it to formal charges if she threatens me again. He told me to do it on a > Friday night if I was going to because then she would be kept in a cell at the > state prison because no judge would be available till Monday!!!! > > is sleeping here tonight. She called me about an hour ago to tell me > that if I wanted to send him to jail, then do it and she'd just have him back > when he gets out. She's just tired of being afraid of ME!!!. I asked her how > is she afraid of me when she is the one threatening my life all the time. She > said because I was going to take HIM away from her.She told me she hates me > and wants nothing to do with me. I told her I agree and I only want no > interruption of my relationship with the boys, so as long as the dirt bag learns his > place, doesn't intere with my relationship with the boys, and doesn't treat > the boys badly as he has been doing with these punishments, then I won't do > anything to send him back. If he gets in my way any longer, I will make it my > life's work to see him go back. > > He has now missed 2 out of three counseling appts which were a condition of > his parole, and he still doesn't have a job. She said he'll be helping her in > real estate, which translates into, " I won't be working " . And since I told > her she no longer works for me, I guess he is -hit out of luck on that one too. > > The detective says he can definitely get him put back in the can. He has 33 > years as a large city cop and says they always end up back because their > brains just don't get the whole cause and effect thing or consequences. The > policeman I spoke to said his concern is that Will has been in jail for 9 years where > he has probably been bullied and now he is bossing the kids around just to > feel superior. He says I need to call DCYF. But they may have to spend a night > or 2 in foster care until they check me out. I don't want to traumatize them > like that. So, I have to talk with a lawyer next week. THe detective says > he can guarantee that as soon as 's $30,000 is gone (and if she's buying > him dope that should be soon) that Will be gone too. He's 24 yrs old and > hasn't been out in the world for most of his " adult " life. She will have nothing > to offer him. But I can't risk the boys with him for that length of time. > > Once again, thanks for all your support and input. > > Jean > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 Jean Abusive, but perhaps not the dirt bags rules. Obviously your daughter is allowing it to happen which makes her party to it. Maybe harsh but probably not actually abuse. There is no reason to move the bed to the living room, cables can be added to the bedroom to watch tv.....sounds to me like the relationship with dirt bag is so important to her as well as the new baby that she has split the others black! Hugs Kelley Re: Dear Group Does what the dirt bag is doing to my grandsons sound strange or abusive to you or anyone else out there? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 In Rhode Island only one party needs to know. My son is an asst Dist Attny and he has advised me of such. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 Before you do anything, please ask your son if recording the conversation was legal in your state. Otherwise, go for it! Meredith " . I might add > I had been recording the conversation. I told her ot do what she wanted. She > told me she would have the police at my house to get . Now , the dirt > bag did that to me last summer after they had been away for three weeks and > when they got back (a week later) he called out of the blue and told me to get > the boys back to " HIS " house immediately. I told him then, they'd be back when > I was ready and he called the police on me. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 Hey, he's a dirtbag. So, his dealings are going to be shady and unreliable, and possibly abusive. > > > Does what the dirt bag is doing to my grandsons sound strange or abusive to > you or anyone else out there? > > Jean > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 When she does not bathe them or feed them, when they do not show up for school. Now is a good time for Child protective services to stop by her house and question why the bed is in the living room, allthough for the most part they look to see the child has his own place to sleep and there is food in the house, a good one will dig deeper. Hugs Kelley Re: Dear Group Well why do you think the bed is in the living room? How long can she keep the boys locked away in their rooms before it becomes abuse? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 keep records very detailed records, and keep recording the phone calls. Hugs Kelley Re: Dear Group I think will pull through it okay. I just want to get him out of that house. It's my younger grandson I'm worried about. He is not as grounded as ; lives more in a fantasy land and she told me last night that she would tell the authorities that I had pulled 'ants down and spanked him and that tells everyone that. Told her that was news to me, but I'm sure she can get to say anything she wants. I did tell the cop that last night too. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 While the recording may not be legal to use in court it can sure be helpful with DFCS Re: Dear Group Before you do anything, please ask your son if recording the conversation was legal in your state. Otherwise, go for it! Meredith " . I might add > I had been recording the conversation. I told her ot do what she wanted. She > told me she would have the police at my house to get . Now , the dirt > bag did that to me last summer after they had been away for three weeks and > when they got back (a week later) he called out of the blue and told me to get > the boys back to " HIS " house immediately. I told him then, they'd be back when > I was ready and he called the police on me. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 The whole thing sounds weird to me. Who would WANT their bed in the living room? They can either move the tv or buy a used one from a pawn shop. Either way, putting the bed in the living room is hugely unfair to the children. The personal intimate relationship that probably occurs in the living room with the bed there is inappropriate. What if one of the kids were to walk in on them? Could be highly traumatic. That may be why the kids are still confined to their room, which is very sad, even if your bp kid says differently. > Well why do you think the bed is in the living room? How long can she keep > the boys locked away in their rooms before it becomes abuse? > > Jean > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 What state are you in Jean? either that or look here for recording laws for your state http://www.rcfp.org/taping/states.html kelley Re: Dear Group Before you do anything, please ask your son if recording the conversation was legal in your state. Otherwise, go for it! Meredith " . I might add > I had been recording the conversation. I told her ot do what she wanted. She > told me she would have the police at my house to get . Now , the dirt > bag did that to me last summer after they had been away for three weeks and > when they got back (a week later) he called out of the blue and told me to get > the boys back to " HIS " house immediately. I told him then, they'd be back when > I was ready and he called the police on me. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 Good! Funny even after we told my SS mother she was being recorded she continues to act like an idiot on the phone! Hugs kelley Re: Dear Group It is legal as long as 1 person knows it's being done and I did!!! jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 My daughter called today to tell me she had me taken off the " pick-up " lists at both my grandsons schools and she once again told me she will get a restraining order if I send dirt bag back. I said as long as you let me have a relationship with my grandchildren, we'll be all set won't we? She started screaming saying I was not going to control her and I was never going to see them. I told her then that I didn't have anything to lose by sending him back then. If she won't let me see them anyway, why wouldn't I send him back. He's the reason for this mess. he's the one in collaboration with her whose abusing them emotionally. How much of a push over does she think I am?? My whole family wants her in jail, never mind him. They are so sick of her antics and my grandsons have always been the apples of the whole family's eye. I love how she has NO support group in her entire life, but she is going to call the shots. Just like him; he's such a loser'should keep his mouth shut because his rapp sheet is twice as long as I thought, but he's too stupid to lay low either. The criminal just doesn't get it. My detective says dirt bag was supposed to have served 20 years for the armed robbery, but served 5 and got parole after 4. Then there have been numerous drug related incarcerations and weapons violations. Says he will definitely be able to get him violated and will get the powers that be take a closer look at his sentencing. But once he's back, does that get me any closer to seeing my grandsons? I don't know. I told her she will never work for me again and she can lose the house cause I will not give her a dime ever again. Nothing seems to work. She just won't back down. I know it is a power struggle, but I believe I am right. He is a dirt bag criminal who should not be arounf my grandsons. I don't know whether to back off or continue. It doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. And she denied that she threatened to slash my throat last night. Says I'm crazy . And it has always been me. I'm the problem with her whole life and everyone knows what a rotten childhood she had. MY son says he could not have imagined having had a better childhood. Since I provided her with a rotten childhood, that's the reason she doesn't want me arounf my grandsons. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 Whether I send him back or not she has taken steps to stop me from seeing them. I made sure today that the principal of 's school and the owner of the daycare where goes both know the whole situation. 's principal told me " I know why you're calling. told me this morning that his Mommy new husband is a crazy man " , and he then went on to tell her the rest as he told me. Everyone is going to hold off about calling DCYF till I talk with the lawyer. the principal said that the kids would not be removed from the home unless they felt my daughter would not take steps to correct the situation. At which point she said they would certainly be put with me till she gets her act together. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 My detective told me to sever all contact with her. If she calls now, don't answer or answer and say to her " I'm through, I'm finished " and hang up. He says she feels too sure that I'll always be there and that she has me by the ------ where the kids are concerned. He says she needs to feel less secure about me. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 Oh, the other thing is that she hates me because I wouldn't give him a " chance " . I told her I had offered to take him out looking for a job when he first got out, but he didn't want me to do that , said he was " uncomfortable " around me. But now she says, he really said I turned HIS stomach, because he knew I was looking down at him I told her there was no where else to look. He is not in a position to demand respect. Someone in his shoes HAS to earn it. And besides, he never wanted to get a job at all !!! Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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