Anyone have any idea on this question

[Guest guest]

I recently had it out with Nada but didn't suggest BPD. I just asked her to let

me off the hook as her mother and asked her why she invests so much time in

everyone else except her children's and grandchildren's lives. She said yes to

me being off the hook as mother/therapist/confidant/sounding board/ motivator.

She couldn't answer the other question. She admitted self-sabotaging and didn't

know why she did this. Also she played down her gambling and drinking as

socialising.

Now my question. How can someone know how their loved ones feel and that they

have lost their children and families from their behaviour continue to live that

life? Not get any help, as I know she is sad about what has happened, but if my

brother and I don't accept her life as it is well tough. She said she wont

change. The way she is living and all her crazy friends and men mean more to

her than her family.

I know it is hard to change and BPD is involved. Many people change though I

know I certainly did when I become a MUM. You would think losing the ones you

love is a motivation in itself. Obviously this is not the case.

Just sad she has chosen her dysfunctional life over us.............

Kazam

[Guest guest]

I don't think they *believe* that they're at fault. It is

possible to recognize a fact intellectually without believing in

it emotionally. The way their brains work just doesn't allow

them to admit to having faults that they could work on changing.

There's a disconnect between their perception of their behavior

and their actual behavior. My nada once admitted to treating me

badly while acting like my mostly out-of-the-picture brother was

wonderful. She couldn't put that admission together with the

fact that she was continuing to act the same way though. It was

like she had a moment of clarity, brought on by someone else's

complaints about their own family, but as soon as she said the

words, the fog came back in and she could no longer see what she

was doing.

At 04:33 PM 02/18/2010 kazam77769 wrote:

>I recently had it out with Nada but didn't suggest BPD. I just

>asked her to let me off the hook as her mother and asked her

>why she invests so much time in everyone else except her

>children's and grandchildren's lives. She said yes to me being

>off the hook as mother/therapist/confidant/sounding board/

>motivator. She couldn't answer the other question. She

>admitted self-sabotaging and didn't know why she did

>this. Also she played down her gambling and drinking as

>socialising.

>

>Now my question. How can someone know how their loved ones

>feel and that they have lost their children and families from

>their behaviour continue to live that life? Not get any help,

>as I know she is sad about what has happened, but if my brother

>and I don't accept her life as it is well tough. She said she

>wont change. The way she is living and all her crazy friends

>and men mean more to her than her family.

>I know it is hard to change and BPD is involved. Many people

>change though I know I certainly did when I become a MUM. You

>would think losing the ones you love is a motivation in

>itself. Obviously this is not the case.

>Just sad she has chosen her dysfunctional life over

>us.............

>

>Kazam

--

Katrina