Nada Rule #3

[Guest guest]

Create a crisis so you can go in and appear to fix it and look like a hero.

Anyone else have a nada who loves to do this?

My nada has done this so many times - created unnecessary drama in her life so

she can try and appear to be the hero. Once she accused her brother of

molesting his daughter (totally not based in reality) by calling his local

police department " anonymously " and describing a fictitious situation that she

absolutely believed was true. Well, the chief of police was very good friends

with my uncle, knew what was going on, and told my uncle, who then took nada to

court, sued her for slander - and won. Nada still believes she was just trying

to help my cousin, and is convinced that something " inappropriate " was going on.

(I've talked to my cousin - she is *very* well-adjusted, assured me that nothing

ever has happened, and knows my nada is crazy.)

Another time, when my grandfather (dads dad) - a sweet and wonderful man - was

getting old and less capable, nada and my dad hired some live-in caregivers to

take care of him (they lived 1000 miles away). After a year or so of the

caregivers being " wonderful " , suddenly something set off nada, and she was

convinced that the caregivers were abusing my grandfather and trying to take his

money. She called everyone she new (and many she didn't) crying " elder abuse "

and when my grandfather protested and told my dad (who he was close to) that

everything was fine, that the caregivers were doing a great job, nada convinced

my dad that they were brainwashing grandpa and threatening him with torture to

make him say those things. Things got so bad that it destroyed the relationship

between my dad and his father. They had not spoken for months when my

grandfather died. Fortunately, my brother and I went to see grandpa 3 weeks

before he died (I had a premonition, so we got on a plane and flew there without

telling my parents). Grandpa told us that he was so devastated that his

relationship with his only son had been destroyed, and that he thought my mother

was very sick. This was a man who never said a bad word about anyone!

Another time, the rabbi in my parent's temple was having an affair. Nada got

the temple member phone directory and started a crusade where she called

everyone in the directory to tell them how morally wrong this was, and that the

congregation needed to " fire " this rabbi. Two families were destroyed in the

process, and the rabbi was banished to a congregation in a foreign country

someplace. Nada was proud of her accomplishment.

Stuff like that would send nada on crazy crusades. All the recent discussion on

this group about neglect made me remember a lot of this stuff because every time

nada was on a crusade, my brother and I didn't exist. She couldn't think about

anything else, talk about anything else, or have anything to do with us because

her crusade was the " ultimate " most important thing in the world.

Sometimes the more I read other peoples' stories on this list, the more those

old, forgotten memories come up. I feel like an onion today - layers, peeling

back layers.

Thanks for being here...

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