Thinking of a plan

[Guest guest]

As I often write here, I have been NC with nada since end of August 2008. I had

hoped to have peace in my life as a result of that decision and instead feel

even more stressed about everything. If anything it has heightened my anxiety

because I never know what she is doing, is getting ready to do, etc. It has

also caused me to lose contact with my grandparents, have a very strained

relationship with my brother, and have to miss all family gatherings. So

basically, I've lost in a way.

I was not abused as a child, but have the type of relationship with nada that

went crazy once I became an adult and really started to become myself. I am

considering turning my NC into a very controlled LC with the help of my very

patient husband. I actually feel like this would put me more in control if I

can stick to my plan. What my husband fears is that nada will dominate me and I

will instantly revert back to talking to her daily, etc. I really would like to

do the following:

We live 5 hours away so the visits would be seldom. I would like to invite them

for a visit at a specific time and not invite them to spend the night. It's

just too much. My house is very small and I have 3 kids! Instead of smiling

and pretending that I don't notice nada's tricks, I would like to nip things in

the bud. Such as, if she says something bizarre and unacceptable in front of my

kids, I would politely direct her to another room and request right then and

there that it not be mentioned again. If my dishrag father goes outside and she

starts telling me how I should talk to people, look at people, etc. or starts

saying anything negative about dishrag I would march her butt right outside and

she could either say it to everyone or leave.

I guess in a way this is about control. I actually feel like I would be more in

control of my emotions and my life if I ended the NC and just learned to stand

up to nada. If she would dare to fly into a rage in front of my kids, then she

will have made the decision herself that she isn't welcome in my home.

The hard part is maintaining my boundaries. How can I discipline myself to not

answer the phone? I am a very open person, yet I don't want to get all friendly

with nada and be talking to her daily again. I am aware of her tricks and I

don't want to be a part of her life constantly. I don't want her to know if we

have car trouble, a migraine, are considering purchasing a home, etc. I need to

learn to be hostile to some degree. I know nada will realize that I am not

being sharing and pry stuff out of me and this is what my husband fears. Her

personality definitely dominates mine.

I don't want any involvement from them. From the NC I've learned that I don't

need their help in anyway even if I'm extremely ill so I want to stick to that.

Is it possible? I am such a wimp. For example, we are getting ready to buy a

house. It would be much easier if they helped us move, but I don't want any

help from nada and fada even if that means I pay a perfect stranger to carry my

furniture.

I need to find some peace and NC isn't getting it. What's next?

le