Relationship with siblings

[Guest guest]

Regarding my place in family and relationship with siblings

I was an only child, nada was a widow who remarried when I was twelve years of

age. Nada and NPD step father had two sons; they both have PhD D in a very high

paying field. Nada worships education and the money that is possible with an

advanced degree.

One step brother married a woman that nada and step father did not like nor

approve of her. The relationship with this brother went sharply down hill after

this marriage; the SIL and nada had a ugly confrontation and SIL no longer has

any contact with nada. This brother and family (she had a eight year old son

when they married) visit nada about once every three years; when they come to

visit the SIL is not available and stays very busy doing blah blah. This

brother visits, takes nada to lunch and the family stays for several days. Nada

has a guest house on her property, so this arrangement is convenient.

One step brother has remained the Golden Child and wife and children have

encouraged nada to share their life. Nada goes there several times a year (1000

miles apart and nada will not discuss moving to their city). This distance does

present a hardship for brother and his family and frankly, nada does not care at

all. This SIL is a children's therapist and her background is a bonus in

handling nada and her temperament. When I was in contact with nada, much of the

conversations were about how wonderful this brother and his family are in every

way.

I have gone LC because I could no longer handle the whining and constant

ugliness toward me. It was not a safe place for me to be mentally and

especially emotionally, I needed to remove toxic engulfment from my life.

I know that nada has engineered this separation and wants only this one brother

to be her child. I tried to stay in touch with nada because I felt it showed

support for my brother (he is executor and co signer on her bank account and

nada sometimes consults him on her affairs). I was stopped dead in my tracks

when a close friend ask me how often my brother consulted me about decisions

that need to be made for nada's future and well being. Never. I am in mourning

about the mother I will never have and do struggle with LC. I do know that if I

were to pick up the phone and call nada that she MIGHT be civil for a few phone

calls and then would gut me..... so my head says I am making the right choice

(LC), but my heart is sad.

Nada can get much more attention because two of her children have LC with her

than if we were in the picture. This drama is a series of deliberate actions on

her part. Because of the age difference, there is little chance that either of

my half brothers will consider having a relationship with me. Such is life.

May we all heal