Re: next generation?

[Guest guest]

Katrina - I understand your pain. I dealt with my own infertility for 10 years

- and it is a huge grieving process. Especially when we have so many mixed

notions of what " motherhood " means, given we've grown up with nadas as role

models. When the time is right, you will feel in your heart the right thing to

do. There are so many options available to building a family, and being a

mother does not mean giving birth. Pregnancy is only 9 months, motherhood is

for life! I found that once my heart told me that I really wanted to be a mom,

and I submerged myself in the adoption process, the pain of infertility began to

fade. So whether you choose not to have children, or surrogacy, adoption,

foster parenting, or fertility treatments, you may still have that chance to

experience motherhood if your heart so desires.

My cousin and I both adopted our children. We were both raised by nadas. We

joke that we are " pruning the tree " :-)

Its not easy.

(((hugs)))

-

>

> What makes me sometimes sad when I read many of your stories -- is how

fulfilling and healing it is for many of you to raise a child / children

yourself now, and I've also always thought that having the experience of

motherhood myself would be, if not easy, healthy and healing...

> My name is Katrina, I know some of your names still, maybe you remember me, I

continued reading but not so much writing for a whole time now. Last year I

lived under a lot of stress due to fertility treatments, DH and I will not have

children of our own except through treatments that are hard and painful, and

that I don't take well bc of strong migraines and bc of a sensitivity to having

my hormonal balance disturbed so rudely. I feel the exams and surgeries as

constant violations. I don't want to talk about this now, though, this years of

almost torture and of constant transgression of my boundaries is a story by

itself: but: what if we will not have children? I lie awake at night, it feels

like the loss of a dream and like the loss of some hope I've always cherished to

be able to overcome my life as the child of a witch/waif highfunctioning

nada...that makes me sometimes desperate. I would so much have wished God would

have given me the chance to raise a child, make it feel safe and loved for wat

she/he is.

>

[Guest guest]

Katrina your post made me so sad. I went through a lot of anxiety about

becoming a mom, both wanting to and being terrified. I really think I needed

the extra time to understand myself and my nada issues, but I think because of

my age and the raging hormones, pregnancy was not easy for me. It was torture,

to put it mildly. The dreams were bad, the sickness was bad, and I felt tired,

miserable and short tempered (which makes me feel like nada, which makes me feel

crazy) for about 15 months. I had those tubes cut, chopped up and taken out

after my second baby. They were worth it, but when we decide we want to expand

our family next time I will be looking to foster a child that had their own

nada. They'll be broken, like we all were, but who could better love those

kids?

If you decide to become a mommy, however you go about it, you will be a good mom

because you've had all this time to know what was done to you. You have suffered

the desire for children and can name it, too. That desire alone has driven some

women to do some desperate, wrong things, and yet here you are, still striving.

Still clearly putting that desire out in the universe to be answered.

My heart goes out to you, and I wish you all the best. Please keep us posted.

[Guest guest]

Katrina--

I wish I could offer up something wise and healing. I just know that

" motherhood " is housed in a place so deep and so fundamental, it goes beyond

reason or intellect. It goes beyond our past, and it goes beyond our nadas.

This longing is so deeply woven into our most basic hearts and our most

rudimentary instincts it can be tough to manage. No matter what the

circumstances.

And I am so sorry. That sensitive, deep portion of your being--the portion that

can only feel and know wisdom--holds a lot of pain and loss right now. For

that, I am very sad with you. I am so sorry you are going through this. I

can't imagine it being anything but painful and confusing.

If I may, you wrote: " a hope I've always cherished to be able to overcome my

life as the child of a witch/waif highfunctioning nada... " My friend, you have

already overcome your life as the child of a nada. Your willingness to

sacrifice for another, even as that precious other hasn't been given to you, is

*far* beyond your nada's abilities. Your ability to love, be deeply hurt and

disappointed, and to work towards something with such sacrifice is far beyond

BP--no matter how functional they are. You have resonated with hope, love,

sacrifice, and dreams that include the genuine care and nurturing of another

human being. Sacrificially. Not as a way to feed yourself and your own needs.

All of these things are something I want to honor you for. You have already

overcome.

My wish for you is that this time of pain be a brief season--that you will be

given the desires of your heart, no matter how it is realized.

God bless,

Karla

>

> What makes me sometimes sad when I read many of your stories -- is how

fulfilling and healing it is for many of you to raise a child / children

yourself now, and I've also always thought that having the experience of

motherhood myself would be, if not easy, healthy and healing...

> My name is Katrina, I know some of your names still, maybe you remember me, I

continued reading but not so much writing for a whole time now. Last year I

lived under a lot of stress due to fertility treatments, DH and I will not have

children of our own except through treatments that are hard and painful, and

that I don't take well bc of strong migraines and bc of a sensitivity to having

my hormonal balance disturbed so rudely. I feel the exams and surgeries as

constant violations. I don't want to talk about this now, though, this years of

almost torture and of constant transgression of my boundaries is a story by

itself: but: what if we will not have children? I lie awake at night, it feels

like the loss of a dream and like the loss of some hope I've always cherished to

be able to overcome my life as the child of a witch/waif highfunctioning

nada...that makes me sometimes desperate. I would so much have wished God would

have given me the chance to raise a child, make it feel safe and loved for wat

she/he is.

>