Guest guest Posted February 1, 2010 Report Share Posted February 1, 2010 my son takes this and i was thinking i should too....which is why I need to either find a better paying job or spend less on where i live (my mortgage!). Re: Re: anyone remember? > > > I understand..I dont like fighting, but I will if I think I have to... > > Jackie > > > > Hi Jackie, > I wrote this in my reply to ; but I am afraid of confrontation too. It > scares me and I avoid it > to my detriment. I don't want people mad at me and I fear that they > might be mad at me but not > tell me the truth... (another things that scares me) > ~p > > > > ------------------------------------ > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to �Understanding the Borderline Mother� (Lawson) and �Surviving the Borderline Parent,� (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 1, 2010 Report Share Posted February 1, 2010 Do a search for the city you live in + " recreation " . The city might offer classes in similar stuff, for super-duper cheap, like $60 for 6 classes or something. > > > > I need to get better at confrontation and fighting. Sometimes > > I think I should take up boxing, something really aggressive to feel > > it in my body, and then hopefully in my mind and heart. > > I always put myself aside. And then I know I have a victim mentality > > that goes with it. > > ~patricia > > Re: Re: anyone remember? > > > > > > I understand..I dont like fighting, but I will if I think I have to... > > > > Jackie > > > > > > > > Hi Jackie, > > I wrote this in my reply to ; but I am afraid of confrontation too. It > > scares me and I avoid it > > to my detriment. I don't want people mad at me and I fear that they > > might be mad at me but not > > tell me the truth... (another things that scares me) > > ~p > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @ SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. > > > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to �Understanding the Borderline Mother� (Lawson) and �Surviving the Borderline Parent,� (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! > > > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 1, 2010 Report Share Posted February 1, 2010 " Brrr...I m so angry at all of them who put all of us through that, that horror, and thinking if I dont do the right thing, my mother will die and it will be my fault. Doug " Wow. Doug. Thank you for the way you articulated this (not just the part above, but your whole post). I lived in fear as an adolescent of my mom killing herself and this pretty much continued thoughout my adulthood though in a slightly different form since I no longer lived with her. It was not until last year, when I was 40 years old, when she finally did actually try to kill herself two times - genuine attempts rather than manipulative talkings or attempts - that I realized how much I had been living in fear of her killing herself. I was really controlled by how much I was afraid that if I did not do or say the right thing that she would kill herself. And in the aftermath of her attempts last year I realized that if she does kill herself - it will be hard, but I would ultimately be OK and it would not be my fault. Now when she is having a bad spell and I am aware of it, it still affects me, but not nearly like it once did and certainly not in the sense that I feel compelled to somehow fix it or talk her out of it. I know it would be hard for me and my brother if she does kill herself (as our dad killed himself as well), but I think we have both gotten to the point of being more on the side of " If you are going to do it - do it and get it over with. " MY > > > She did that every day for you to prove you loved her?! To a kid?! Wow. > That > is beyond self-centered and thoughtlessly cruel. > > I do understand better than most that someone serious about suicide will do > it. Period. I've been that person several times. The closer I got to it, > the > less I wanted anyone to know. Had I done it, it would have been absolutely > no one's fault and no one's responsibility to stop me because they would > not > have even had the option. > > I get what you're saying. And I agree. I don't know where this doubt is > coming from unless it's just a holdover from childhood training. > > Thanks, > B. > > _____ > > From: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> > [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>] > On Behalf Of doug883@... <doug883%40yahoo.com> > Sent: Sunday, January 31, 2010 1:55 PM > To: WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> > Subject: Re: anyone remember? > > Yea, , > > It was pretty horrible, and not the most horrible moment of a horrible > childhood. As many of us can relate, there are moments that stand out as > so horrible, but much of what we took for granted every day, others > would find truly awful. > > One thing i urge you to wrap your arms around is this. You are not, and > never would be, responsible for another person taking their life. Oh, we > may have missed signs that would help us intervene and prevent it, once, > or twice, or several times. But the reality is a truly suicidal person > will commit suicide. And You. Cannot. Stop. Them. Period. > > Furthermore, you are not responsible for the actions of any person > except yourself. You can influence, but not direct, others. And , as you > pointed out, after a while , it just gets old. Like the little boy who > cried " Wolf " , after a while you cry out and no one comes. So it is > with BP s. Sadly, about 10% of them will end their own lives. You can > only prevent it by doing what they want, ie give up your own life and > devote every moment to their needs. > > In intervening with someone who is suicidal, we interupt the immediate > action, determine if there is intent, ability, means, and an active > plan, then follow up with counseling to help the person come to grips > with the emotions or events that make them consider suicide. For most > people, that is a great plan, and has good outlook for success. > > Not, however, with a BP. How many of them agree to the follow up, or to > participate in therapy, for any of their insanity, hoarding, > relationships, depression, suicide, addictions, out of control sexual > behaviors, ( yea, we don t talk about that part of it on here much, but > likely we all have stories about how our nadas were inappropriate and > uncontrolled sexually, while condemning other family members for similar > activities, since that is often a part of their disorder.) > > We , as the Hoover bait, the object of manipulation, intervene and > intervene to stop them from commtting suicide, over, and over, and over. > It didnt dawn on me till years later, but during my 9th grade year, my > nada would be at home alone all day, but then start her hysterics and > her daily ( for months!) " suicide attempts " as soon as I came in from > school. I was 14, so what did I know? I dutifully was Hoovered, and > took the knives or pills, and re assured her of my love once more, then > settled in for a nice peaceful evening. ( Yes, friends, that WAS > sarcasm. ) If she wanted to die, she would have made the attempt as > soon as I left for school. > > It is , therefore, 90% manipulation, and 10% a successful attempt. But > in the process of ruining our lives, they play a dangerous game, because > there comes a point where we say, Enough, no more. F__ it, if you really > want to die, I m not going to stop you. I ll hate that, but I m NOT > going to spend the rest of my life stopping you. Get some help, or go in > the back yard so I don t have to clean up the mess in the house, but > that game is over. > > And I say to all of us who hit that point, no guilt. We didnt cause it, > we couldnt fix it, and its not our fault or our responsiblity. > > Brrr...I m so angry at all of them who put all of us through that, that > horror, and thinking if I dont do the right thing, my mother will die > and it will be my fault. > > Doug > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 2, 2010 Report Share Posted February 2, 2010 It's just like an old so-called joke that is irrelevant and never was funny. It's like they want some kind of reaction; who knows what it is. But it is tragic over all ~patricia Re: Re: anyone remember? thanks ..Just another way for nada to try and make me feel bad is all. I know it's not my cooking that caused my fathers CHF...but nada loves to tease her kids in a cruel fasion...so this is something I havent been able to live down in my famly, and now, 11 years later, my father is dying from the CHF and nada is still telling me it's my fault, he was fine before he eaver ate my food !! sigh..the cruelity of a BPD parent ! I know it's not my fault, and I dont feel guilty about it at all..it was one meal LOL Jackie Jackie~ this lasagna thing......is freaking crazy! God. I wish it would help you by me saying: NOT YOUR FAULT. I just can't believe this stuff...and it's not like I haven't experienced it for myself either!! ~patricia ------------------------------------ Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to �Understanding the Borderline Mother� (Lawson) and �Surviving the Borderline Parent,� (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 2, 2010 Report Share Posted February 2, 2010 Hey Jackie, Thank you! You are right; I am so passive in a lot of ways because I feel always that I will be abandoned. I have no inner sense of my importance. I guess I feel important if I can *do* something for people. I remember telling my sister that my boyfriend told me I was like an angel to him. And I was surprised, you know? No one had ever said such a thing. And she said to me: you are MY angel, Pat. I didn't really know she felt that way. I know I tried to help her as best I could. But I didn't think she felt that way about me. It is hard for me to know how much my nieces and nephew value me. But I hope that is true; I did (and do) my best for them. My son, I know because he shares his inner life with me and his experiences. He trusts me in a way he does not trust his dad. For this I am glad (not the dad part but the me part). Thanks Jackie~ ~patricia , you do this because your taught from the time you were born that you are not important!! everyone else in the world comes first, before you !! you need to see that isn't true, that was just your nadas way of making you do what she wanted... you are important to your son, you're important to your nieces, and you're important to this list. You have a lot of value Jackie I need to get better at confrontation and fighting. Sometimes I think I should take up boxing, something really aggressive to feel it in my body, and then hopefully in my mind and heart. I always put myself aside. And then I know I have a victim mentality that goes with it. ~patricia ------------------------------------ Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to �Understanding the Borderline Mother� (Lawson) and �Surviving the Borderline Parent,� (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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