Re: Relationship with siblings

[Guest guest]

Dear MGHU,

My heart goes out to you. It would be little suffice to say, " such is life " . I

have heard this from various people who simply do not understand the situation

with a bpd parent and attribute it to slight overreaction and emotional

sensitivity on my part.

The intricate weaving and triangulation created by the bpd person is a

self-fulfilling prophecy hurting the lives of all around them.

My Nada has also created severe triangulation between my siblings and myself and

it has been such for a long while I just didn't realize it until it went full

circle this past year. Then I knew it was part of something bigger that had been

taking place for a long while. So sad.

This past year has been a great eye-opener and a time of healing for me.

Unfortunately, my finances hit a hard spot since I was almost non-functional

from the shock and grief of what I would call the death of my family. Or, the

death of the family that could have been without the dysfunction and abuse.

May we all heal indeed. God bless.

-Joy

>

> Regarding my place in family and relationship with siblings

>

> I was an only child, nada was a widow who remarried when I was twelve years of

age. Nada and NPD step father had two sons; they both have PhD D in a very high

paying field. Nada worships education and the money that is possible with an

advanced degree.

>

> One step brother married a woman that nada and step father did not like nor

approve of her. The relationship with this brother went sharply down hill after

this marriage; the SIL and nada had a ugly confrontation and SIL no longer has

any contact with nada. This brother and family (she had a eight year old son

when they married) visit nada about once every three years; when they come to

visit the SIL is not available and stays very busy doing blah blah. This

brother visits, takes nada to lunch and the family stays for several days. Nada

has a guest house on her property, so this arrangement is convenient.

>

> One step brother has remained the Golden Child and wife and children have

encouraged nada to share their life. Nada goes there several times a year (1000

miles apart and nada will not discuss moving to their city). This distance does

present a hardship for brother and his family and frankly, nada does not care at

all. This SIL is a children's therapist and her background is a bonus in

handling nada and her temperament. When I was in contact with nada, much of the

conversations were about how wonderful this brother and his family are in every

way.

>

> I have gone LC because I could no longer handle the whining and constant

ugliness toward me. It was not a safe place for me to be mentally and

especially emotionally, I needed to remove toxic engulfment from my life.

>

> I know that nada has engineered this separation and wants only this one

brother to be her child. I tried to stay in touch with nada because I felt it

showed support for my brother (he is executor and co signer on her bank account

and nada sometimes consults him on her affairs). I was stopped dead in my

tracks when a close friend ask me how often my brother consulted me about

decisions that need to be made for nada's future and well being. Never. I am

in mourning about the mother I will never have and do struggle with LC. I do

know that if I were to pick up the phone and call nada that she MIGHT be civil

for a few phone calls and then would gut me..... so my head says I am making

the right choice (LC), but my heart is sad.

>

> Nada can get much more attention because two of her children have LC with her

than if we were in the picture. This drama is a series of deliberate actions on

her part. Because of the age difference, there is little chance that either of

my half brothers will consider having a relationship with me. Such is life.

>

> May we all heal

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Connie,

I am so sorry for the sadness you are feeling. I know it is not an easy road to

travel to

get over all this negative treatment..and for what? Being born? To the wrong

person?

I feel that the one thing you have from all this is a deep compassion and

understanding for

others; I hope you can give this to yourself. Though I know it is not easy.

~patricia

Relationship with siblings

Regarding my place in family and relationship with siblings

I was an only child, nada was a widow who remarried when I was twelve years of

age. Nada and NPD step father had two sons; they both have PhD D in a very high

paying field. Nada worships education and the money that is possible with an

advanced degree.

One step brother married a woman that nada and step father did not like nor

approve of her. The relationship with this brother went sharply down hill after

this marriage; the SIL and nada had a ugly confrontation and SIL no longer has

any contact with nada. This brother and family (she had a eight year old son

when they married) visit nada about once every three years; when they come to

visit the SIL is not available and stays very busy doing blah blah. This

brother visits, takes nada to lunch and the family stays for several days. Nada

has a guest house on her property, so this arrangement is convenient.

One step brother has remained the Golden Child and wife and children have

encouraged nada to share their life. Nada goes there several times a year (1000

miles apart and nada will not discuss moving to their city). This distance does

present a hardship for brother and his family and frankly, nada does not care at

all. This SIL is a children's therapist and her background is a bonus in

handling nada and her temperament. When I was in contact with nada, much of the

conversations were about how wonderful this brother and his family are in every

way.

I have gone LC because I could no longer handle the whining and constant

ugliness toward me. It was not a safe place for me to be mentally and

especially emotionally, I needed to remove toxic engulfment from my life.

I know that nada has engineered this separation and wants only this one

brother to be her child. I tried to stay in touch with nada because I felt it

showed support for my brother (he is executor and co signer on her bank account

and nada sometimes consults him on her affairs). I was stopped dead in my

tracks when a close friend ask me how often my brother consulted me about

decisions that need to be made for nada's future and well being. Never. I am

in mourning about the mother I will never have and do struggle with LC. I do

know that if I were to pick up the phone and call nada that she MIGHT be civil

for a few phone calls and then would gut me..... so my head says I am making

the right choice (LC), but my heart is sad.

Nada can get much more attention because two of her children have LC with her

than if we were in the picture. This drama is a series of deliberate actions on

her part. Because of the age difference, there is little chance that either of

my half brothers will consider having a relationship with me. Such is life.

May we all heal

------------------------------------

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

Hi Joy,

Your email just hit a deep note of grief with me.. I am sorry you've hit this

hard point in life. I

do hope it will help you to come back to a new understanding of your life where

you can flourish.

It is what we all deserve.

The death of 'what could have been' is a bitter realization. And good to know

it and go through it.

I hope that you find beauty and ease in your life after this...

~patricia

Re: Relationship with siblings

Dear MGHU,

My heart goes out to you. It would be little suffice to say, " such is life " . I

have heard this from various people who simply do not understand the situation

with a bpd parent and attribute it to slight overreaction and emotional

sensitivity on my part.

The intricate weaving and triangulation created by the bpd person is a

self-fulfilling prophecy hurting the lives of all around them.

My Nada has also created severe triangulation between my siblings and myself

and it has been such for a long while I just didn't realize it until it went

full circle this past year. Then I knew it was part of something bigger that had

been taking place for a long while. So sad.

This past year has been a great eye-opener and a time of healing for me.

Unfortunately, my finances hit a hard spot since I was almost non-functional

from the shock and grief of what I would call the death of my family. Or, the

death of the family that could have been without the dysfunction and abuse.

May we all heal indeed. God bless.

-Joy

>

> Regarding my place in family and relationship with siblings

>

> I was an only child, nada was a widow who remarried when I was twelve years

of age. Nada and NPD step father had two sons; they both have PhD D in a very

high paying field. Nada worships education and the money that is possible with

an advanced degree.

>

> One step brother married a woman that nada and step father did not like nor

approve of her. The relationship with this brother went sharply down hill after

this marriage; the SIL and nada had a ugly confrontation and SIL no longer has

any contact with nada. This brother and family (she had a eight year old son

when they married) visit nada about once every three years; when they come to

visit the SIL is not available and stays very busy doing blah blah. This

brother visits, takes nada to lunch and the family stays for several days. Nada

has a guest house on her property, so this arrangement is convenient.

>

> One step brother has remained the Golden Child and wife and children have

encouraged nada to share their life. Nada goes there several times a year (1000

miles apart and nada will not discuss moving to their city). This distance does

present a hardship for brother and his family and frankly, nada does not care at

all. This SIL is a children's therapist and her background is a bonus in

handling nada and her temperament. When I was in contact with nada, much of the

conversations were about how wonderful this brother and his family are in every

way.

>

> I have gone LC because I could no longer handle the whining and constant

ugliness toward me. It was not a safe place for me to be mentally and

especially emotionally, I needed to remove toxic engulfment from my life.

>

> I know that nada has engineered this separation and wants only this one

brother to be her child. I tried to stay in touch with nada because I felt it

showed support for my brother (he is executor and co signer on her bank account

and nada sometimes consults him on her affairs). I was stopped dead in my

tracks when a close friend ask me how often my brother consulted me about

decisions that need to be made for nada's future and well being. Never. I am

in mourning about the mother I will never have and do struggle with LC. I do

know that if I were to pick up the phone and call nada that she MIGHT be civil

for a few phone calls and then would gut me..... so my head says I am making

the right choice (LC), but my heart is sad.

>

> Nada can get much more attention because two of her children have LC with

her than if we were in the picture. This drama is a series of deliberate

actions on her part. Because of the age difference, there is little chance that

either of my half brothers will consider having a relationship with me. Such is

life.

>

> May we all heal

>

------------------------------------

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

Well-said, Joy!

Mghu, I'm just starting to fully understand both the past and current

manipulation & dynamics within my very small FOO (nada, sister, and me are all

that's left). I get the sense that the " bully " factor of BPD is significant in

some way that I haven't seen adequately discussed/analyzed yet--maybe I haven't

gotten to it yet--still working through a number of excellent books. It seems a

very common thread with BPD moms, including the recruitment of the golden child

to bully or otherwise maltreat other siblings. All I know is that protecting

myself, listening to myself and healing myself are my most urgent priorities

right now. I've contorted myself for far too long around her/them. When my

sister told me at christmas time that, no, she didn't need to respect my

decision to not go to nada's for christmas, I finally felt the full force of the

truth of the situation--like a brick wall. I think I've been harboring some

desperate notion that she (my sister) was my ally, but she's not. Right now, I

don't have any allies (dad and grandma were my only allies and they are both

gone). So I knew it was time for me to do something more for myself.

In 2003 I was in a state of NC with nada but gradually got sucked in again over

time and since christmas, I've moved back into LC mode with both her and my

sister. And like you, it's not without a heavy heart. I think about how small

my remaining family is, and how short life is, and do I really want to

disconnect from them, when they're all I have left? Because then I'll be a

complete orphan. But the reality of it is, I always was, and I'm going through

a similar mourning process. Going back to LC with both my nada and my sister is

sad, but I know it's necessary for me and that I will heal more with LC, for the

foreseeable future.

Fwiw, I believe you are on the right path--protect, love and heal yourself. One

of the things I notice as I go through this healing process is how much my

internal dialogue/coaching sounds like the words of the loving mom I never had;

and it feels a lot like I'm re-parenting/re-momming (if that's a verb!) myself.

May you find comfort and strength in the wisdom within your heart, and from the

many teachers in this discussion group. And yes, please, may we all heal--it's

a beautiful closing, and I may just borrow it from you.

-

> >

> > Regarding my place in family and relationship with siblings

> >

> > I was an only child, nada was a widow who remarried when I was twelve years

of age. Nada and NPD step father had two sons; they both have PhD D in a very

high paying field. Nada worships education and the money that is possible with

an advanced degree.

> >

> > One step brother married a woman that nada and step father did not like nor

approve of her. The relationship with this brother went sharply down hill after

this marriage; the SIL and nada had a ugly confrontation and SIL no longer has

any contact with nada. This brother and family (she had a eight year old son

when they married) visit nada about once every three years; when they come to

visit the SIL is not available and stays very busy doing blah blah. This

brother visits, takes nada to lunch and the family stays for several days. Nada

has a guest house on her property, so this arrangement is convenient.

> >

> > One step brother has remained the Golden Child and wife and children have

encouraged nada to share their life. Nada goes there several times a year (1000

miles apart and nada will not discuss moving to their city). This distance does

present a hardship for brother and his family and frankly, nada does not care at

all. This SIL is a children's therapist and her background is a bonus in

handling nada and her temperament. When I was in contact with nada, much of the

conversations were about how wonderful this brother and his family are in every

way.

> >

> > I have gone LC because I could no longer handle the whining and constant

ugliness toward me. It was not a safe place for me to be mentally and

especially emotionally, I needed to remove toxic engulfment from my life.

> >

> > I know that nada has engineered this separation and wants only this one

brother to be her child. I tried to stay in touch with nada because I felt it

showed support for my brother (he is executor and co signer on her bank account

and nada sometimes consults him on her affairs). I was stopped dead in my

tracks when a close friend ask me how often my brother consulted me about

decisions that need to be made for nada's future and well being. Never. I am

in mourning about the mother I will never have and do struggle with LC. I do

know that if I were to pick up the phone and call nada that she MIGHT be civil

for a few phone calls and then would gut me..... so my head says I am making

the right choice (LC), but my heart is sad.

> >

> > Nada can get much more attention because two of her children have LC with

her than if we were in the picture. This drama is a series of deliberate

actions on her part. Because of the age difference, there is little chance that

either of my half brothers will consider having a relationship with me. Such is

life.

> >

> > May we all heal

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am glad. I am glad that my experience helps clarify even if painfully someone

else's grief. It is the paradox to healing, by feeling the pain first.

We all have something in common. We are phoenixes.

May beauty dwell in the unexpected places of your life from here on.

((()))

Joy

> >

> > Regarding my place in family and relationship with siblings

> >

> > I was an only child, nada was a widow who remarried when I was twelve

years of age. Nada and NPD step father had two sons; they both have PhD D in a

very high paying field. Nada worships education and the money that is possible

with an advanced degree.

> >

> > One step brother married a woman that nada and step father did not like

nor approve of her. The relationship with this brother went sharply down hill

after this marriage; the SIL and nada had a ugly confrontation and SIL no

longer has any contact with nada. This brother and family (she had a eight year

old son when they married) visit nada about once every three years; when they

come to visit the SIL is not available and stays very busy doing blah blah.

This brother visits, takes nada to lunch and the family stays for several days.

Nada has a guest house on her property, so this arrangement is convenient.

> >

> > One step brother has remained the Golden Child and wife and children have

encouraged nada to share their life. Nada goes there several times a year (1000

miles apart and nada will not discuss moving to their city). This distance does

present a hardship for brother and his family and frankly, nada does not care at

all. This SIL is a children's therapist and her background is a bonus in

handling nada and her temperament. When I was in contact with nada, much of the

conversations were about how wonderful this brother and his family are in every

way.

> >

> > I have gone LC because I could no longer handle the whining and constant

ugliness toward me. It was not a safe place for me to be mentally and

especially emotionally, I needed to remove toxic engulfment from my life.

> >

> > I know that nada has engineered this separation and wants only this one

brother to be her child. I tried to stay in touch with nada because I felt it

showed support for my brother (he is executor and co signer on her bank account

and nada sometimes consults him on her affairs). I was stopped dead in my

tracks when a close friend ask me how often my brother consulted me about

decisions that need to be made for nada's future and well being. Never. I am

in mourning about the mother I will never have and do struggle with LC. I do

know that if I were to pick up the phone and call nada that she MIGHT be civil

for a few phone calls and then would gut me..... so my head says I am making

the right choice (LC), but my heart is sad.

> >

> > Nada can get much more attention because two of her children have LC with

her than if we were in the picture. This drama is a series of deliberate

actions on her part. Because of the age difference, there is little chance that

either of my half brothers will consider having a relationship with me. Such is

life.

> >

> > May we all heal

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @... SEND HER

ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE

and the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'm glad you liked " my " closing line. I borrowed it from someone ELSE on

these boards because it touched me as well.

It is hard being in this dark space where you are at. It is a sure sign you are

going to get your emotional freedom because you wrote your biggest priority is

healing yourself. That is the first step: realizing that there is never going to

be the same " you " with the same negative mental feedback again.

You wrote: " do I really want to

disconnect from them, when they're all I have left? "

....I only have contact with my half-brother and one of my paternal uncles. That

is all. I have not met them in person but found them on the internet.

It is tough being a KO without a sense of roots, a sense of family. However,

bpd/dysfunctional FOOs are the opposite of what a family is for. It undermines

the *very* definition. That is the strange and twisted paradox. I think I would

have been much better off if raised or adopted into another family or even a

decent foster home. At least there would be less if any bullying and yelling and

erratic, alcoholic behaviors.

I went to college with someone raised in a foster home. Or maybe two. He was a

very nice person and he has done well for himself as a manager of a video game

testing company. I believe he had one relative: a grandmother who may no longer

be living who he had contact with. Anyhow, he was a generous person and

well-liked by our whole academic dept (who are now all graduated).

I also knew someone from college who had many, many relatives. Her extended

family came to her birthday party. She was also my last roommate who I no longer

have contact with. She had bpd?/pd like characteristics that came out after 6

months of renting with her. No likey. I was surprised by how distorted/unhealthy

her thinking was considering she appeared to have a heap of familial support.

Most of her relationships consisted of dependent types of people and her dating

relationships ended when the guy just stopped all communications with her

mysteriously. I think I knew why though. Her bpd-ish behavior came out.

Anyhow, the reason I go into such detail about this is because a family doesn't

necessarily " make " or " break " you. Though, it is nice to have them to lean on

during financial times of stress if possible. Otherwise, have a fun and

wholesome time creating your own composite family/support group that will carry

you emotionally further than you have ever thought you could go before. It is

this way for me. It just takes some time.

Have you seen the movie, " The Spy Next Door? " I recommend you watch it if

you like Jackie Chan too. There is a part in the 3/4 way into it where Jackie's

character is talking to the step daughter when they are up late due to her

brother's snoring. It is a good talk about " family " and what it means. It

touched me.

Best to you!

Joy

> > >

> > > Regarding my place in family and relationship with siblings

> > >

> > > I was an only child, nada was a widow who remarried when I was twelve

years of age. Nada and NPD step father had two sons; they both have PhD D in a

very high paying field. Nada worships education and the money that is possible

with an advanced degree.

> > >

> > > One step brother married a woman that nada and step father did not like

nor approve of her. The relationship with this brother went sharply down hill

after this marriage; the SIL and nada had a ugly confrontation and SIL no

longer has any contact with nada. This brother and family (she had a eight year

old son when they married) visit nada about once every three years; when they

come to visit the SIL is not available and stays very busy doing blah blah.

This brother visits, takes nada to lunch and the family stays for several days.

Nada has a guest house on her property, so this arrangement is convenient.

> > >

> > > One step brother has remained the Golden Child and wife and children have

encouraged nada to share their life. Nada goes there several times a year (1000

miles apart and nada will not discuss moving to their city). This distance does

present a hardship for brother and his family and frankly, nada does not care at

all. This SIL is a children's therapist and her background is a bonus in

handling nada and her temperament. When I was in contact with nada, much of the

conversations were about how wonderful this brother and his family are in every

way.

> > >

> > > I have gone LC because I could no longer handle the whining and constant

ugliness toward me. It was not a safe place for me to be mentally and

especially emotionally, I needed to remove toxic engulfment from my life.

> > >

> > > I know that nada has engineered this separation and wants only this one

brother to be her child. I tried to stay in touch with nada because I felt it

showed support for my brother (he is executor and co signer on her bank account

and nada sometimes consults him on her affairs). I was stopped dead in my

tracks when a close friend ask me how often my brother consulted me about

decisions that need to be made for nada's future and well being. Never. I am

in mourning about the mother I will never have and do struggle with LC. I do

know that if I were to pick up the phone and call nada that she MIGHT be civil

for a few phone calls and then would gut me..... so my head says I am making

the right choice (LC), but my heart is sad.

> > >

> > > Nada can get much more attention because two of her children have LC with

her than if we were in the picture. This drama is a series of deliberate

actions on her part. Because of the age difference, there is little chance that

either of my half brothers will consider having a relationship with me. Such is

life.

> > >

> > > May we all heal

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It is very sad and can be debilitating while one learns to rethink the idea of

family and let go of expectations. (ly-IT SUCKS. In therapy last week my

therapist brought up " family by choice " and " finding your tribe " . He said LOTS

of people are " kicked out " of their FOOs or choose to be NC. He brought up

historical anecdotes (people who have had children out of wedlock, marrying

outside your race, coming out, etc.) He said we are not OBLIGATED to family.

That the notion that we are, is just a cultural myth. He encouraged me to find

my tribe, like minded individuals that are not cruel or draining.

> > >

> > > Regarding my place in family and relationship with siblings

> > >

> > > I was an only child, nada was a widow who remarried when I was twelve

years of age. Nada and NPD step father had two sons; they both have PhD D in a

very high paying field. Nada worships education and the money that is possible

with an advanced degree.

> > >

> > > One step brother married a woman that nada and step father did not like

nor approve of her. The relationship with this brother went sharply down hill

after this marriage; the SIL and nada had a ugly confrontation and SIL no

longer has any contact with nada. This brother and family (she had a eight year

old son when they married) visit nada about once every three years; when they

come to visit the SIL is not available and stays very busy doing blah blah.

This brother visits, takes nada to lunch and the family stays for several days.

Nada has a guest house on her property, so this arrangement is convenient.

> > >

> > > One step brother has remained the Golden Child and wife and children have

encouraged nada to share their life. Nada goes there several times a year (1000

miles apart and nada will not discuss moving to their city). This distance does

present a hardship for brother and his family and frankly, nada does not care at

all. This SIL is a children's therapist and her background is a bonus in

handling nada and her temperament. When I was in contact with nada, much of the

conversations were about how wonderful this brother and his family are in every

way.

> > >

> > > I have gone LC because I could no longer handle the whining and constant

ugliness toward me. It was not a safe place for me to be mentally and

especially emotionally, I needed to remove toxic engulfment from my life.

> > >

> > > I know that nada has engineered this separation and wants only this one

brother to be her child. I tried to stay in touch with nada because I felt it

showed support for my brother (he is executor and co signer on her bank account

and nada sometimes consults him on her affairs). I was stopped dead in my

tracks when a close friend ask me how often my brother consulted me about

decisions that need to be made for nada's future and well being. Never. I am

in mourning about the mother I will never have and do struggle with LC. I do

know that if I were to pick up the phone and call nada that she MIGHT be civil

for a few phone calls and then would gut me..... so my head says I am making

the right choice (LC), but my heart is sad.

> > >

> > > Nada can get much more attention because two of her children have LC with

her than if we were in the picture. This drama is a series of deliberate

actions on her part. Because of the age difference, there is little chance that

either of my half brothers will consider having a relationship with me. Such is

life.

> > >

> > > May we all heal

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Joy, your email brought me a smile; I keep trying ....I guess I am and

we are all phoenixes.

~patricia

Re: Relationship with siblings

Hi ,

I am glad. I am glad that my experience helps clarify even if painfully

someone else's grief. It is the paradox to healing, by feeling the pain first.

We all have something in common. We are phoenixes.

May beauty dwell in the unexpected places of your life from here on.

((()))

Joy

> >

> > Regarding my place in family and relationship with siblings

> >

> > I was an only child, nada was a widow who remarried when I was twelve

years of age. Nada and NPD step father had two sons; they both have PhD D in a

very high paying field. Nada worships education and the money that is possible

with an advanced degree.

> >

> > One step brother married a woman that nada and step father did not like

nor approve of her. The relationship with this brother went sharply down hill

after this marriage; the SIL and nada had a ugly confrontation and SIL no

longer has any contact with nada. This brother and family (she had a eight year

old son when they married) visit nada about once every three years; when they

come to visit the SIL is not available and stays very busy doing blah blah.

This brother visits, takes nada to lunch and the family stays for several days.

Nada has a guest house on her property, so this arrangement is convenient.

> >

> > One step brother has remained the Golden Child and wife and children

have encouraged nada to share their life. Nada goes there several times a year

(1000 miles apart and nada will not discuss moving to their city). This

distance does present a hardship for brother and his family and frankly, nada

does not care at all. This SIL is a children's therapist and her background is

a bonus in handling nada and her temperament. When I was in contact with nada,

much of the conversations were about how wonderful this brother and his family

are in every way.

> >

> > I have gone LC because I could no longer handle the whining and constant

ugliness toward me. It was not a safe place for me to be mentally and

especially emotionally, I needed to remove toxic engulfment from my life.

> >

> > I know that nada has engineered this separation and wants only this one

brother to be her child. I tried to stay in touch with nada because I felt it

showed support for my brother (he is executor and co signer on her bank account

and nada sometimes consults him on her affairs). I was stopped dead in my

tracks when a close friend ask me how often my brother consulted me about

decisions that need to be made for nada's future and well being. Never. I am

in mourning about the mother I will never have and do struggle with LC. I do

know that if I were to pick up the phone and call nada that she MIGHT be civil

for a few phone calls and then would gut me..... so my head says I am making

the right choice (LC), but my heart is sad.

> >

> > Nada can get much more attention because two of her children have LC

with her than if we were in the picture. This drama is a series of deliberate

actions on her part. Because of the age difference, there is little chance that

either of my half brothers will consider having a relationship with me. Such is

life.

> >

> > May we all heal

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

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ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE

and the SWOE Workbook.