Re: marriage made in...hell? Ashana/Annie

[Guest guest]

Ashana, that makes a LOT of sense - thank you! Even though my parents divorced

when I was too young to remember, I still feel a need to understand how these

two people came to be together to have me - and what I did in a former life to

deserve it (partially joking). My nada's choice of a sociopathic man always

seemed odd to me because she was very close to her father who was a generous and

passive type of man, a dishrag type to my grandnada who ruled the roost. So my

father is the antithesis of my grandfather. I feel bad describing my grandfather

that way because he was a good and kind man, one of the few non-messed up

influences in my early life. Yet he served my grandmother as did the rest of

us. The imprint of mate for me ended up being just like father and I have to

be very careful not to get involved with sociopathic types. I've seriously

dated two of them so far in my lifetime and that's quite enough.

Annie, I'd been meaning to mention The Sociopath Next Door book. I read that a

few months ago and found it really fascinating and on target. I haven't read

Hare's book yet though.

>

> ,

>

> I think this may be more or less what bpds get out of it.

>

> The bpd probably never notices the lack of emotional connection or sincere

concern and so they don't miss this.  Sociopaths would never make a bpd feel

smothered or engulfed, because they have no self to smother you with.  On the

other hand, they can fake enmeshment like on one's business and appear to be

basically whoever you need them to be. Sociopaths don't really care one way or

the other how other people feel, and so they can seem much more stable and

predictable.  Their feelings are never hurt by what bpds say or whatever

projecting the bpd tries to do and they can't be drawn into reacting--but they

will react if it seems like a reaction is called for..Staying calm during a bpd

crisis does not take any deliberate effort for them (unlike for us)--because

they genuinely don't care.  And this can help the bpd calm down.

>

> Remember how bpds always seem to want you to be a particular person? 

Sociopaths can be that person.  It makes no difference to them one way or the

other who they are.

>

> Best,

> Ashana

>

>

> The INTERNET now has a personality. YOURS! See your Yahoo! Homepage.

http://in.yahoo.com/

>

>