JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

Men and Women—Compared and Contrasted

Okay, I know this is hopelessly stereotypical, but you have to admit

that

there is some truth in there. This is totally in fun—no offense to

either

gender is intended.

NICKNAMES

If , Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each

other , Suzanne, Debra and Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and

go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat

Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

EATING OUT

And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in

$20

bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything

smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the

girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2

item that she doesn’t want.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,

a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of

items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to

identify most of these items.

HANDWRITING

Men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women

use scented, colored stationary and they dot their “i’s” with circles

and

hearts.

GROCERIES

A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store

and buys them. A man waits until the fridge is just about empty—except

for the moldy stuff—and then goes shopping. He buys everything that

looks

good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed

tighter than the car on Beverly Hillbillies.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after

that

is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking,

men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never

worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A

successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man

marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow

deteriorate overnight.

OFFSPRING

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist

appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret

fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people

living in the house.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a

little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to

understand her at all.

UNDERSTANDING

There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman: before marriage

and after marriage.

- the person who wrote this apparently

prefers to remain anonymous

[Guest guest]

Hey MIKE ! How the heck are you ??

I just shared yourjokes with my 23 yr. old son.

We both laughed!!!!

Quit lurking........

Dianne

[Guest guest]

and it was NOT me that made the list up i got it from a joke list and merely

passed it on because i

thought that it was cute

norwood@... wrote:

> Wow what a lot of truth in these LOL

>

> Please visit our homepage at http://members.xoom.com/AChallengers

> You will find information, recipes, before and after pictures.

> To contact the list owner please send mail to lindag@...

> Visit our 2000 Train Tour Site -

http://www.brunnet.net/k & l/web_site_train_tour/actraintour.htm