Thanks SO much for your advice, everyone

[Guest guest]

jackie, annie, katrina, deanna: I really, really appreciate everyone's wonderful

input. I cut and pasted all of your ideas and am going to read and re-read it so

I'm ready for " battle. " Sigh, what a way to live! In fear of a 72-year old

woman with a stooped back! It would be funny if it weren't so pathetic.

Realmom2two, I had to laugh because you said, " If she wanted to see one of them

and they were...gasP... at a friends house or at a sports event, she flipped out

and went on her tangent that my kids do too much and shouldn't have so many

friends. Then I had spineless brother calling me... " That is EXACTLY what

happens, the dynamic in our family. My mother gets upset with me, tells my

brother, and he calls me to put on his best " older brother voice " and advise me.

(I won't get started on the weird relationship he and my mom have now that my

father's gone. Not creepy/sexual weird, just like he's substituting weird. But I

shall not digress.) Give me a break. He LOVES to give me advice about my kids

but he doesn't even have a dog. He can barely take care of himself. Also, I

laughed b/c on Sunday, I showed up without my older daughter and my mother was

appalled that she (my daughter) chose not to come. My mother was offended and

of course, went on and on about how my daughter is slowly moving away from her.

The girl is TWELVE. She's moving away from all of us, she's individuating, give

the girl room!! I hate going to my mom's and it's almost a given, an obligatory

visit that I have to make every Sunday. SOB. I need to rent a spine. Sigh.

Ky: thank you so much for your encouragement of me as a mom. I still

wonder if i am doing the right thing in sending my daughter for her weekend

retreat, but I know that's based mostly in fear, just fear. Thanks for your good

words.

> > >Two possible approaches:

> > >

> > >Try being an emotionless robot: If she starts in criticizing

> > >you, talk over her, interrupt her, " Thank you for your input,

> > >mother, but husband and I have made our decision. " No

> > >justifying, no defending, no explaining; you are a robot.

> > >

> > >If she starts screaming abuse at you, just calmly talk over

> > >her, " I can hear that you are upset; I'll talk to you later

> > >when you are calmer. " and immediately leave or hang up.

> > >

> > >Or, try getting angry instead of scared: angry in a calm, icy

> > >way: " How *dare* you criticize my parenting skills? Your

> > > " mothering " turned me into a neurotic mess, thank you very

> > >much, and I don't care to repeat your mistakes with my

> > >child. And if you criticize my parenting decisions again, I am

> > >going No Contact with you for a long, long time, mother. Do you

> > >understand me clearly? "

> > >

> > >If she starts screaming abuse at you, just calmly talk over

> > >her, " I won't tolerate your disrespect; I'll talk to you later

> > >when you are calmer. " and immediately leave or hang up.

> > >

> > >The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Just

> > >dismissing your mother's input with an emotionless indifference

> > >as though it has absolutely no relevance whatsoever is probably

> > >better.

> > >

> > >-Annie

> >

> > --

> > Katrina

> >

>