the parent-child bond betrayed

[Guest guest]

I hope you don't feel any guilt at all; you are being a good mother to protect

and shield your child from an abusive person even if that person is your mother.

My Sister used to work as an emergency technician and told me that on more than

one occasion she was involved with cases where a battered child was brought into

the emergency room, and the pathetic little things would be covered in bruises,

or bloody cuts, or have broken limbs, or concussions, and yet these little

victims would be screaming and reaching their tiny arms out for their mommy: the

person who had battered them so badly in the first place.

Being so abjectly bonded to someone who brutalizes you is totally illogical and

seems counter-productive, but it happens.

How much horrific abuse does it take before a child or adult will finally see

the need to break that bond? I guess when the child/adult child finally senses

that its a survival issue: if they want to live, if they want to be emotionally

healthy, they need to get away.

It takes a lot longer for some of us because we just " go away " , or dissociate,

so that we do not experience the pain and terror as its happening, and instead

live in a kind of numb denial or true amnesia after each terrifying incident in

order to stay bonded to our abuser. I finally began to " wake up " in my late

40's-early 50's.

You are not a bad person for protecting yourself and your child from abuse.

Instead you are to be commended.

-Annie

>

> Thanks Doug for your heartfelt words of wisdom. I am so sorry for all the

losses in your life and in the lives of all of us who were raised by Nadas.

> �

> I frequently am surprised to remember my 8-yr-old son does not know my Nada at

all because we have not had contact since he was about 1. She is such a huge,

looming presence in my head that it is strange to remember he has no memory of

her at all. My older child has some memories of her because he saw her last when

he was 5-ish.

> �

> After all the horrible things she has done to me and all the awful emotions

the woman has made me feel, I still have to stop myself from feeling bad that I

am " cheating her " out of seeing her grandchildren grow up. Can you believe that?

> �

> Do you see how I still to this day word that -- I am cheating her/ her

grandchildren ...

> �

> It's sick, but it is what it is.

> �

> I worry about her death and how I will react and the guilt I will feel that I

had to finally chose myself and my kids over her and move far away from the

insanity that is a Nada.Thank you for giving me some words to fall back on when

the time comes.

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