Re: finishing what you start

[Guest guest]

I don't think there is anything all exclusive for a BPD anyway. My mother

would be one way at one point and totally different. She flip-flopped on all

kinds of things. One year she was a democrat all for women's rights and

the next year she was a die-hard republican who was compltely against

abortion. She never knew what she believed. Very often she took on the traits

or

beliefs of people around her. If her friend was a nurse, she wanted to be a

nurse and would buy all kinds of medical books and study about it -- never

doing it because the frienship would turn ugly shortly and then " all

nurses were horrible people. " It could be with anything in her life from a

career to religious beliefs to morals and values.

A lot of BPD's have addictions, which my mother did not. A lot are

physically abusive, mine was not.

My mother was a definitely a textbook case, though, for being a

hermit/waif. She could also be queen. She was all over the place emotionally and

psychologically.

In a message dated 12/30/2009 2:59:56 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

anuria-67854@... writes:

Well, I personally think there is a lot of variety under the " borderline

personality disorder " umbrella.

My nada has been formally diagnosed *twice* (two different decades, two

different psychologists) with bpd, but I also see a lot of other Cluster B

traits in her, particularly narcissistic pd traits.

Mine is a perfectionist, and never leaves anything unfinished. And it has

to be finished perfectly, or ripped apart and done all over again. To

perfection.

So, me personally, I don't buy the concept that never finishing anything

is necessarily a bpd trait. Maybe for some, but not for all.

Its a big umbrella.

-Annie

--- In _WTOAdultChildren1@WTOAdultChilWTO_

(mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ) , Hummingbird1298@, Humm

>

> One trait of BPD that is pretty well known is that they NEVER finish

what

> they start. After really thinking it over and trying to make sure I

prove to

> myself that I do not have any part of me that is borderline, I am going

to

> go ahead and finish nursing school. I know it's stressful, but I believe

I

> can do it if I stick to my goals and try very hard to push myself

through

> this life I have been given.

>

> My mother never finished anything. She started law school, real estate

> school, even started preparing to run for county commissioner and yet

never

> finished.

>

> I don't want to be like that. And my therapist has drilled it into my

head

> over the last year that I do not have BPD. I have always doubted her and

my

> biggest and worst nightmare would be for someone to tell me I had BPD.

> She says that worrying about it alone pretty much proves I don't have

it,

> lol.

>

> But I've always thought that out of everybody in this head of mine (for

> those who don't know, I do have DID), *I* was the one who displayed the

most

> BPD fleas with my suicidality, my past self injury and history with this

> constant depression. She assures me that I just have bad coping skills

that I

> am redirecting -- slowly.

>

> So. This is what I have decided. I am going to FINISH what I have

started.

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

[Guest guest]

The similarities never end. My nada did run for county commissioner. She lost

and managed to offend many of the community members in the process.

Nada also starts many things and never finishes them. This is something that

I'm very scared of repeating. Right now I feel like my life is very out of

control and I don't want that for my children. There isn't anything I can do

about it, but it still drives me crazy.

le

>

> One trait of BPD that is pretty well known is that they NEVER finish what

> they start. After really thinking it over and trying to make sure I prove to

> myself that I do not have any part of me that is borderline, I am going to

> go ahead and finish nursing school. I know it's stressful, but I believe I

> can do it if I stick to my goals and try very hard to push myself through

> this life I have been given.

>

> My mother never finished anything. She started law school, real estate

> school, even started preparing to run for county commissioner and yet never

> finished.

>

> I don't want to be like that. And my therapist has drilled it into my head

> over the last year that I do not have BPD. I have always doubted her and my

> biggest and worst nightmare would be for someone to tell me I had BPD.

> She says that worrying about it alone pretty much proves I don't have it,

> lol.

>

> But I've always thought that out of everybody in this head of mine (for

> those who don't know, I do have DID), *I* was the one who displayed the most

> BPD fleas with my suicidality, my past self injury and history with this

> constant depression. She assures me that I just have bad coping skills that I

> am redirecting -- slowly.

>

> So. This is what I have decided. I am going to FINISH what I have started.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

my nada always started thing and never finished them...but they weren't

important things...like she enjoyed knitting...she'd buy all these scanes

of yarn, and she'd start something...we never knew what it was supposed to

be as it was never finished and ended up looking like a woolen place matt

LOL same for all her projects...she'd buy something, intending to put it

together or do whatever, and she never did...I shudder to think what we'll

find under her messes once she ides...she's a hoarder too...not as bad as

the ones on TV, but close...I usually finish what I start, sometimes I dont,

but like nada, they aren't important things..LOL it took me 5 years to

finish the needlepoint I started :-) Just had other things I'd rather

do...but knowing needlepoint wasnt " it " for me, I never started any more...

Jackie

> One trait of BPD that is pretty well known is that they NEVER finish what

> they start. After really thinking it over and trying to make sure I prove

> to

> myself that I do not have any part of me that is borderline, I am going to

> go ahead and finish nursing school. I know it's stressful, but I believe I

> can do it if I stick to my goals and try very hard to push myself through

> this life I have been given.

>

> My mother never finished anything. She started law school, real estate

> school, even started preparing to run for county commissioner and yet

> never

> finished.

>

> I don't want to be like that. And my therapist has drilled it into my head

> over the last year that I do not have BPD. I have always doubted her and

> my

> biggest and worst nightmare would be for someone to tell me I had BPD.

> She says that worrying about it alone pretty much proves I don't have it,

> lol.

>

> But I've always thought that out of everybody in this head of mine (for

> those who don't know, I do have DID), *I* was the one who displayed the

> most

> BPD fleas with my suicidality, my past self injury and history with this

> constant depression. She assures me that I just have bad coping skills

> that I

> am redirecting -- slowly.

>

> So. This is what I have decided. I am going to FINISH what I have

> started.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well, I personally think there is a lot of variety under the " borderline

personality disorder " umbrella.

My nada has been formally diagnosed *twice* (two different decades, two

different psychologists) with bpd, but I also see a lot of other Cluster B

traits in her, particularly narcissistic pd traits.

Mine is a perfectionist, and never leaves anything unfinished. And it has to be

finished perfectly, or ripped apart and done all over again. To perfection.

So, me personally, I don't buy the concept that never finishing anything is

necessarily a bpd trait. Maybe for some, but not for all.

Its a big umbrella.

-Annie

>

> One trait of BPD that is pretty well known is that they NEVER finish what

> they start. After really thinking it over and trying to make sure I prove to

> myself that I do not have any part of me that is borderline, I am going to

> go ahead and finish nursing school. I know it's stressful, but I believe I

> can do it if I stick to my goals and try very hard to push myself through

> this life I have been given.

>

> My mother never finished anything. She started law school, real estate

> school, even started preparing to run for county commissioner and yet never

> finished.

>

> I don't want to be like that. And my therapist has drilled it into my head

> over the last year that I do not have BPD. I have always doubted her and my

> biggest and worst nightmare would be for someone to tell me I had BPD.

> She says that worrying about it alone pretty much proves I don't have it,

> lol.

>

> But I've always thought that out of everybody in this head of mine (for

> those who don't know, I do have DID), *I* was the one who displayed the most

> BPD fleas with my suicidality, my past self injury and history with this

> constant depression. She assures me that I just have bad coping skills that I

> am redirecting -- slowly.

>

> So. This is what I have decided. I am going to FINISH what I have started.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

yes, I think it's just an individual thing, same for the general

public..some finish what they start, others dont...my husband is a

perfectionist...I love and hate when we do any work around the house. I

love it because I know it will be so wonderful and beautiful when he's

done...but I hate it because he will rip it all apart and start over if even

a tiny little thing isn't right...he is no way BPD or any personality

disorder LOL

Jackie

Well, I personally think there is a lot of variety under the " borderline

personality disorder " umbrella.

My nada has been formally diagnosed *twice* (two different decades, two

different psychologists) with bpd, but I also see a lot of other Cluster B

traits in her, particularly narcissistic pd traits.

Mine is a perfectionist, and never leaves anything unfinished. And it has

to be finished perfectly, or ripped apart and done all over again. To

perfection.

So, me personally, I don't buy the concept that never finishing anything is

necessarily a bpd trait. Maybe for some, but not for all.

Its a big umbrella.

-Annie

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

The only thing I would say here is that you don't want to set yourself up for

failing

your own demand. I am not saying you should or shouldn't finish anything. But

I don't think

that is necessarily a trait of BPD; I don't have it but I don't finish things (I

do have ADD, and

that is why I don't finish things) . My mother finished many many things. She

was an accomplished

cook, baker, craft person. She would do intense counted cross stitch and

finished so many of those

I can't count (and they are very difficult and tedious to do).

~patricia

Finishing what you start

One trait of BPD that is pretty well known is that they NEVER finish what

they start. After really thinking it over and trying to make sure I prove to

myself that I do not have any part of me that is borderline, I am going to

go ahead and finish nursing school. I know it's stressful, but I believe I

can do it if I stick to my goals and try very hard to push myself through

this life I have been given.

My mother never finished anything. She started law school, real estate

school, even started preparing to run for county commissioner and yet never

finished.

I don't want to be like that. And my therapist has drilled it into my head

over the last year that I do not have BPD. I have always doubted her and my

biggest and worst nightmare would be for someone to tell me I had BPD.

She says that worrying about it alone pretty much proves I don't have it,

lol.

But I've always thought that out of everybody in this head of mine (for

those who don't know, I do have DID), *I* was the one who displayed the most

BPD fleas with my suicidality, my past self injury and history with this

constant depression. She assures me that I just have bad coping skills that I

am redirecting -- slowly.

So. This is what I have decided. I am going to FINISH what I have started.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I know how you feel, I am so hypervigilant of traits in myself that might show

I'm turning into my mother!

I think the positive is that you want to grow as a person. You are not in denial

about negative traits and have good awarenesses about yourself.

From what I understand of BPD, it's a disorder that can be overcome but only if

the person is willing to do the work, which isn't the case most of the time.

Congratulations on your decision to finish nursing school!!

You know what's funny is I am one of those people that doesn't finish what I

start, so you've given me food for thought. I just joined Weight Watchers and

you've given me motivation to do it right.

Thanks!

Fiona

[Guest guest]

Fiona and ,

I think sometimes mentally it is hard for us to have the emotional stamia

to carry things out. I too joined Weight Watchers to seek support and help with

that emotional eating that is such a part of who I am. So finish Nursing School

and follow your dreams.

I worry so much that I will become my mother- I am still in therapy

working through those demons. I keep telling myself because I have sought help-

I will not ever become her. I am extremely hypervigilant about my relationship

with my daughter- I want never to be a nada in her life. I do sometimes see a

reflection of her in me- and I just see then how totally powerful this disorder

can be.

I think that awareness of ourselves is key here- and taking care of our

needs- emotions and lives- is so important. Then we find who we are beyond the

relationship with our BP parent. We then with clarity can see who we are and who

we want to be.

So Ladies- keep growing and moving foward.

Malinda

>

> Hi ,

> I know how you feel, I am so hypervigilant of traits in myself that might show

I'm turning into my mother!

>

> I think the positive is that you want to grow as a person. You are not in

denial about negative traits and have good awarenesses about yourself.

>

> From what I understand of BPD, it's a disorder that can be overcome but only

if the person is willing to do the work, which isn't the case most of the time.

>

> Congratulations on your decision to finish nursing school!!

> You know what's funny is I am one of those people that doesn't finish what I

start, so you've given me food for thought. I just joined Weight Watchers and

you've given me motivation to do it right.

>

> Thanks!

>

> Fiona

>

[Guest guest]

if you haven't by now, it's really doubtful you will become your

mother...especially since you ( and probably all of us on this list) have

made a conscious effort to NOT behave like our BPD parents. Besides, in

your messages that I've read while I've been on this list, you sure doNOT

sound BPD !!

Jackie

Fiona and ,

I think sometimes mentally it is hard for us to have the emotional

stamia to carry things out. I too joined Weight Watchers to seek support and

help with that emotional eating that is such a part of who I am. So finish

Nursing School and follow your dreams.

I worry so much that I will become my mother- I am still in therapy

working through those demons. I keep telling myself because I have sought

help- I will not ever become her. I am extremely hypervigilant about my

relationship with my daughter- I want never to be a nada in her life. I do

sometimes see a reflection of her in me- and I just see then how totally

powerful this disorder can be.

I think that awareness of ourselves is key here- and taking care of our

needs- emotions and lives- is so important. Then we find who we are beyond

the relationship with our BP parent. We then with clarity can see who we are

and who we want to be.

So Ladies- keep growing and moving foward.

Malinda

[Guest guest]

I agree. " Fleas " are bpd-like behaviors that we have picked up because they were

modeled to us as " normal " by our bpd mothers.

Our nadas can't recognize that their behaviors are negative and

counter-productive; the nature of bpd is that the bpd individual will not take

responsibility for her own actions or words, its always someone else's fault

that she flew into a rage or feels hurt.

Bpds don't feel the need to change their behaviors because they believe there is

nothing wrong with them.

And because they lack empathy and the ability to introspect, they lack the tools

to become observant of their own negative behaviors, care about the impact their

behaviors have on others, or learn to modify their behaviors.

I think this is because they have an organic brain malfunction, but this is just

my opinion based on some research studies. Bpds lack an emotional " rheostat " ;

their emotions are either " off " or " on at full volume. " No in-between; parts of

their brain are either switched off or are simply missing.

But us KOs were fortunately not born with this brain dysfunction. We have

empathy, and we can observe ourselves objectively. We have the ability to take

responsibility for our own behaviors and we care when our behaviors hurt other

people, so we can change ourselves.

-Annie

>

> if you haven't by now, it's really doubtful you will become your

> mother...especially since you ( and probably all of us on this list) have

> made a conscious effort to NOT behave like our BPD parents. Besides, in

> your messages that I've read while I've been on this list, you sure doNOT

> sound BPD !!

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

> Fiona and ,

>

> I think sometimes mentally it is hard for us to have the emotional

> stamia to carry things out. I too joined Weight Watchers to seek support and

> help with that emotional eating that is such a part of who I am. So finish

> Nursing School and follow your dreams.

>

> I worry so much that I will become my mother- I am still in therapy

> working through those demons. I keep telling myself because I have sought

> help- I will not ever become her. I am extremely hypervigilant about my

> relationship with my daughter- I want never to be a nada in her life. I do

> sometimes see a reflection of her in me- and I just see then how totally

> powerful this disorder can be.

>

> I think that awareness of ourselves is key here- and taking care of our

> needs- emotions and lives- is so important. Then we find who we are beyond

> the relationship with our BP parent. We then with clarity can see who we are

> and who we want to be.

>

> So Ladies- keep growing and moving foward.

>

> Malinda

>