What my mother did to me today

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I wrote here before. I'm 24 that decided a year ago to move out of my parent's

apartment to my own place. My decision happened after a sort of " awakening "

(that took some time) that everything in my house is rotten, and that it's

causing me a lot of emotional damage. My father is the one who is more

" dominant " in his verbal abuse. At least once a day he shouts at my mother. And

all in all he treats her in a degrading way.

I could feel sometimes that I could get some love from my mother, but since

she's with my father for over 20 years, she's also gotten very weird. She

probably has some type of PTSD. She tries to act at the outside like she's OK

and everything. Heck, she's even a director of an organization! But in the house

she's very very controlling, never relaxed, demanding and always wanting

everything to be her way.

I don't go to visit them or anything like that, I just can't bear to see how my

father treats my mother. I can't stand to see how he raises his voice at her.

The person that he's supposed to be closest to – he yells at and puts down.

I'm sure that my mother is in a complete denial in regarding to him, Or maybe

she's in a " state " that she just can't see how things are so wrong. She actually

thinks (that's what she told me once not so long ago) that my father is a

wonderful husband...

Anyway, a few weeks ago my parents decided to move an apartment inside their

city (I moved to a mate's apartment at a different city). So my mother called me

two weeks ago to pack my things (I left a lot of things at my parent's

apartment). So with no choice I came home to pack. I did it at a time I knew my

father is at work, and packed all my things in boxes. My mother said to me that

the movers would take the boxes to the new apartment, and there I'll unpack them

in a few cupboards that she has for me in their new apartment.

They moved last week. My mother wanted me to come to their new apartment last

week to help them unpack the things, I gently reminded her that in the meantime,

I prefer not to be around the house.

Between me and myself, I figured that last week they are unpacking, so my father

would be home the whole day, I'm trying to avoid him so that won't be a good

time for me to be there. So I thought that I'll come this week at one of the

mornings to unpack the boxes.

Anyway, yesterday at 19:00 I get an SMS from my mother saying to me to be at

*my* apartment at 10:30 today morning since she hired movers to take all of my

boxes (more than 10 boxes - It's all the possessions I have) to my apartment.

I called her and asked her why is she doing this, I'm in a mates apartment,

there is no room here for 10+ boxes. And she told me that because I didn't come

to help last week and that I'm not in so much contact with them, she figures

that " there is no reason for them to be a storage place for me " and therefore

she's sending over to me the boxes (doesn't matter that that would even more

distant me from them, since now there won't be *nothing* in their house that

belongs to me, not even a shirt, and I'll even have less of a reason to come

home now).

She didn't warn me or anything, she didn't tell me " if you won't come and unpack

by this day, I'll send the boxes to you " . She just decided to tell me the night

before that movers are about to take all of my things to my apartment.

Not to mention I don't have a clue where I could store the things in my mates

apartment.

Anything you have to say on this will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Jack

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear about your problems with your parents.

Sounds like your mother AND father have BPD. I have found my nada believes what

she wants to believe regardless of what anyone else tells her. My stepfather

was similar to your father in a lot of respects but he was even more vile and

abusive than yours appears to be to your nada. She always believed that 'men

are Gods and the King of his castle' so he can treat his wife and children any

way he sees fit and it's 'fine' - he's just being a real MAN. A real man 'keeps

his wife and kids in line'. As soon as he died, he was crowned King by

her. Three years later he still holds that 'crown'. In a BPD's mind, you are

either all good and saintly or all bad and evil. There is no room for anything

in-between. If you are an only child, of course, this means a fluctuation

between you are evil and you are a saint and can do no wrong. Quite the roller

coaster!

You can't do anything about their marriage as difficult as this is to witness

because she not only accepts it, but believes he is as you say 'a good husband'.

All you can do is distance yourself from it as much as you can and bite your

tongue a lot as I did.

You are doing the best you can given the circumstances. Try to cheer up and

absolutely know that things will get better for you because they will.

I hope this helps.