Re: OT DONT READ IF YOU DONT WANT TO READ OT STUFF

January 21, 2001

Lyssa -

I don't really now what to tell you. I know I've had some rough times with

my husband too. He hated me for getting pregnant with my daughter, and

threatened to feed me something that would cause a miscarriage. He

wouldn't be seen with me, wouldn't go anywhere with me, was not there when

she was born - only showed up pretty much to take me home. If it wasn't for

my Mom, I'd have been taking a taxi to the hospital - and with , I had

numerous trips with the preterm labor.

Then years later when his stupid move caused 's burn - I figured that

was it. I couldn't deal with it. His ignorance had caused my baby so

much pain, and they were telling me of the possiblity of skin grafts, and so

on. I'd rather have my fingernails ripped out one by one than think of my

daughter going through that.

But I came to the conclusion that he just is what he is. He loves me to the

best of his capability, and does his best - even though to me that might not

be good enough. It was explained to me once - I was putting my standards

of behavior on him - and hadn't given him the script. He's trying - he

even apologized to me once last week - and he just doesn't do that.

this might not even apply to your situation - I just offered it as something

to think about.....

We all care about you - and don't want to see you hurting....

Terri

January 22, 2001

Lyssa - I hope you will be feeling better about this soon. Just put what he wants on the table along with what you and the kids want. The only thing he won't be indulging in is the meat. Then, hopefully, the changes will stop or at least slow down. But life is a changing process, and we all change as time goes on. It doesn't mean the other person loves you less. It just means that they - or part of them - or some of their habits - have changed.

January 22, 2001

OH lyssa,

Do you know what it is about your life that you hate? Have you tried writing it all down?

I am glad you are going to shut up to him about the vegetarian thing. I know some will disagree with me, but I do think it's best if you cook for you and the kids and ask if he will be joining you and then let it go if he's not like water off your back. Nobody's buttons get pushed that way.

I am so sorry for your pain. I wish I could just wisk it away. I am glad you are reaching out and especially that you are in therapy as I believe it can help you figure out where you want to be.

I am here if you want to talk. Take care.

a

OT DON"T READ IF YOU DONT WANT TO READ OT STUFF

With my mood these days I felt it apt.Ok everyone I'm sorry to whine but I'm going insane. I don't know why thisveg thing has me so bothered. why why why? ugh I don't know. Anyway I'vedecided to shut up about it to him. Its going no where. I emailed him thatarticle and he ripped it apart. Not literally but in rebuking. He says hetakes b12 supplements and he isnt' vegan so he gets in dairy and eggs andthus he isn't lacking anything which is probably true. Looks its not being aveg that bothers me. Its the fact he seems to be changing so much so fastthese days I feel like I'm being left behind and whats next leaving me? ahha there it is the insecure girl feelings. Now I'm thinking and have beenfor months of divorcing him but I"m gutless. I'm all talk and can't walk thewalk and I'm going insane.Anyway thats all I'm saying for now. I just pray if there is a God orsomeone or something that it makes my heart and my mind find peace and openup because I feel powerless. I've asked him to quit his job. I've asked himto cut back on his travel and he keeps saying no and he knows I'll donothing about it. I can't get any regularity in my life except in thebathroom and I feel like that is my life a big crap.I've been asking myself for months now. How do you know when its over? Itsnot like he beats me. He says he loves me but its our life I hate and if hecan't or won't change then I should right? Or do I waste my life living anddoing something I hate even though I love the man? ARGH I'm so confused.Lyssa-----Original Message-----From: Kari > Mood RingPlease visit our homepage at http://members.xoom.com/AChallengersYou will find information, recipes, before and after pictures.To contact the list owner please send mail to lindag@...Visit our 2000 Train Tour Site - http://www.brunnet.net/k & l/web_site_train_tour/actraintour.htm

January 22, 2001

Lyssa.. you sound like you need to stop worrying about him and start

thinking about yourself what do you have in your life.. do you work or have

something to do for yourself.. ?? i would not worry so much about him i

would take care of my children and see that i have a way to be fulfilled and

independent and if he wants to be with you he will.. and if not you are

strong enough to carry on .. you have made a big change too by losing the

weight.. maybe thats made him think about making big changes too.. i dont

know enough to really say but you cant rely on another for all of your

happiness you have to find some of it in yourself

catherine

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January 22, 2001

Thanks you're very close to the mark I believe. I cannot work due

to visa restrictions and that isn't helping me ..I am trying to be a great

mother, keep the house clean, etc. I am a Junior leader with Scouts this

year. Trying to find ways to keep busy and feel good. I will have to stop

worrying about what he does and focus on me and deal with whatever comes and

have faith the marriage will work. You'd think after 15 years I'd be secure

with it but I'm not. That scares me too. Lately everything does lol.

I think too I thought so much of our " problems " were caused by my weight

that when it was gone so would the problems alas the problems are still

there and now I can't eat my problems away anymore.

Boy am I looking forward to Thurs .. when I go back to the doctor.

hugs

Lyssa

-----Original Message-----

From: catherine