why don't I remember?

December 26, 2009

Yeah. I have huge gaps in my memory. Of course, I have DID, but I think

overall, I have gaps just in general. I don't remember many Christmases and

the ones I do remember are when I was much, much older. I also only remember

1 birthday as a child. Weird thing is my sister only remembers the same

birthday of mine that I do....straaaange.

In a message dated 12/26/2009 4:31:58 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

climberkayak@... writes:

It's becoming clearer to me that I don't remember massive parts of my

childhood. Every now and then my nada or nadaunt will bring up a " do you

remember when...? " thing about something simple like stuff a family pet did or

a

place we went. And I don't remember. Sometimes if I get them to tell me

enough about the memory it'll slowly come back to me. These are memories of

very ordinary things that shouldn't have been blotted out by emotional abuse.

Yet I don't remember. In fact I barely remember any specifics. Just a few

little video reels of a few seconds here and there in my mind. My childhood

wasn't happy (obviously) but there wasn't overt abuse, I wasn't in fear of

being hit, and even the emotional abuse wasn't name calling - more like

" just " getting FOG dumped on me for the most minor or random infraction. Even

those memories are just snippets, almost as if seen through a fog.

Anyone else relate? What causes this?

December 26, 2009

It's becoming clearer to me that I don't remember massive parts of my childhood.

Every now and then my nada or nadaunt will bring up a " do you remember when...? "

thing about something simple like stuff a family pet did or a place we went.

And I don't remember. Sometimes if I get them to tell me enough about the

memory it'll slowly come back to me. These are memories of very ordinary

things that shouldn't have been blotted out by emotional abuse. Yet I don't

remember. In fact I barely remember any specifics. Just a few little video

reels of a few seconds here and there in my mind. My childhood wasn't happy

(obviously) but there wasn't overt abuse, I wasn't in fear of being hit, and

even the emotional abuse wasn't name calling - more like " just " getting FOG

dumped on me for the most minor or random infraction. Even those memories are

just snippets, almost as if seen through a fog.

Anyone else relate? What causes this?

December 26, 2009

my sister doesn't remember huge parts of our childhood either...she's

blocked it..I remember everything...I think she's better off not

knowing...it's cause by the body trying to save you...some people get

multiple personalities to help them cope, you and my sister just blocked

the memories..

Jackie

It's becoming clearer to me that I don't remember massive parts of my

childhood. Every now and then my nada or nadaunt will bring up a " do you

remember when...? " thing about something simple like stuff a family pet did

or a place we went. And I don't remember. Sometimes if I get them to tell

me enough about the memory it'll slowly come back to me. These are

memories of very ordinary things that shouldn't have been blotted out by

emotional abuse. Yet I don't remember. In fact I barely remember any

specifics. Just a few little video reels of a few seconds here and there

in my mind. My childhood wasn't happy (obviously) but there wasn't overt

abuse, I wasn't in fear of being hit, and even the emotional abuse wasn't

name calling - more like " just " getting FOG dumped on me for the most minor

or random infraction. Even those memories are just snippets, almost as if

seen through a fog.

Anyone else relate? What causes this?

December 26, 2009

,

I don't think the abuse has to be overt to be traumatic. I think feeling your

parent is unavailable to you is quite terrifying to a small child. That scary

face your nada gets when she's mad is terrifying even if she didn't hurt you

then. It's still like having aliens take over. I've realized, because my

parents did not care for me, very ordinary things became frightening and

overwhelming and are stored in my brain in exactly the same way as a traumatic

event. It's possible you felt the same way.

I think it's possible you don't remember things because you were dissociated

half the time and you just can't store memories normally in that state. Lots of

things interfere with memory formation--even lack of sleep does. I'm sure

chronic stress doesn't help.

It's also possible you don't remember things because your attention was

elsewhere: you could have been deep in a fantasy world of your own making to

escape, or you could have been scanning your nada for signs of danger and

therefore not be paying much attention to regular life. I remember a lot of my

childhood, but what I mostly remember is the abuse. I don't remember a lot of

ordinary life very clearly, especially around my parents. That's partly because

I spent a lot of time alone, but I also think that it's probably the case that

if they were there around, I really didn't give a darn about what was going on.

I was just focused on staying out of harm's way. I had about 2 brain cells

available to pay attention to the cute things the cats were doing and that was

it.

Best,

Ashana

The INTERNET now has a personality. YOURS! See your Yahoo! Homepage.

http://in.yahoo.com/

December 26, 2009

,

I think Ashana makes some good points. Emotional abuse doesn't

have to be really blatant and overt to make a child want to

retreat from reality. Continuous low-key abuse is stressful and

emotionally painful. People don't like to remember continually

being treated miserably. Additionally, you shouldn't expect

yourself to remember all the details of everyday life. People

don't typically remember every detail of everything. What the

family pet did may simply not have been important enough for you

to bother remembering. The same goes for places you went that

didn't make a big impression on you. Different people find

different things to be memorable, so it may be that the things

your aunt remembers that you don't were simply things that made

more of an impression on her at the time they happened. Or it

could be that the things in question didn't happen if your nada

and nadaunt are anything like my nada. My nada is very good at

" remembering " things that either didn't happen or that happened

differently than she remembers. Even when they really happened,

she's capable of remembering something as being a big deal that

everybody should have noticed when in reality they were

inconsequential and the kind of thing that everyone else quickly

forgot about.

At 04:31 PM 12/26/2009 climberkayak wrote:

>It's becoming clearer to me that I don't remember massive parts

>of my childhood. Every now and then my nada or nadaunt will

>bring up a " do you remember when...? " thing about something

>simple like stuff a family pet did or a place we went. And I

>don't remember. Sometimes if I get them to tell me enough

>about the memory it'll slowly come back to me. These are

>memories of very ordinary things that shouldn't have been

>blotted out by emotional abuse. Yet I don't remember. In

>fact I barely remember any specifics. Just a few little video

>reels of a few seconds here and there in my mind. My

>childhood wasn't happy (obviously) but there wasn't overt

>abuse, I wasn't in fear of being hit, and even the emotional

>abuse wasn't name calling - more like " just " getting FOG dumped

>on me for the most minor or random infraction. Even those

>memories are just snippets, almost as if seen through a fog.

>

>Anyone else relate? What causes this?

>

--

Katrina

December 26, 2009

,

I am the same way. I was not physically abused and for the most part my mother

was loving - but she worked in these cycles where she would be kind of nutso for

a while and then mellow out over a period of time. I have more memories of

school and friends I think than my childhood at home. But like you said,

sometimes a memory will come back with conversation. One thing that I have

wondered is if we don't remember it like they do because it didn't actually

happen like they remember it happening.

December 27, 2009

,

YES. Me, too.

In fact, that's kindof the famliy joke, how I don't remember ANYTHING before age

6. I have a few memories before that age, but that's it.

I remember reading years ago that those who don't recall childhod memories may

have abuse issues to work through. I chose to leave that unturned. Too painful

to unearth at that time.

Fiona

December 27, 2009

I think it's good..my sister has done the same..why force yourself to

remember, and hurt yourself all over again? Leave well enough alone and be

happy you dont remember :-)

Jackie

> ,

> YES. Me, too.

> In fact, that's kindof the famliy joke, how I don't remember ANYTHING

> before age 6. I have a few memories before that age, but that's it.

> I remember reading years ago that those who don't recall childhod memories

> may have abuse issues to work through. I chose to leave that unturned. Too

> painful to unearth at that time.

>

> Fiona

>

December 27, 2009

This reminds me all of a sudden that my dad said he never remembered his mom or

his life before she died.

He was 13 and I always thought that was strange and that he was just saying

that. I have reason to believe his

mother was mentally ill; both his brothers had major mental problems. So maybe

that is why he didn't remember.