Guest guest Posted December 30, 2009 Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 Hi Doug, Your email made me feel such sadness; I am so sorry for your loss, your many losses. I understand how you are feeling. After my father died about a year and a half ago, and after I went through a period of rage towards my mom, I decided that even with her *issues* , even the ugly ways she can behave, she was the only parent I had left and on the other side of her behavior is someone who would take any of her kids in and never misses a birthday, xmas, for the grandkids or us, her own kids. So I decided to find ways to keep peacefulness between us (does not always work) I know the grieving process takes a long time; losing a parent is so hard. And when there are complicated circumstances it can take longer or be more difficult, so I appreciate all you are going through and wish you peace through it all. Sounds like you have a fun bunch of kids around ~patricia Bittersweet Christmas Hey Everybody, Merry Christmas. I just got home from an evening with 3 of my 4 kids, and my 4 grandkids. I was really nice, everyone got along , kids had fun, guinea pig is about to have babies, Played Euchre with my son, dil, and grandson. All very nice, and pleasant. And the thought hit me that nada died in July, having never met my 6 yo grandaughter. She had very little time around the others. She was a very limited part of my kids lives. And this was her choice. Part of her disease, but still her choice. She missed knowing and being part of the beautiful little girls, ( ok, I m grandpa, I m allowed to be biased!) the sweet but rough and tumble boys, seeing her grandkids grow to fine adults that they are. And it is very sad. And I miss her, or perhaps who I needed her to be. Twisted as she was, infuriating as she was, LC though we were, she was the only mom I got, and now she is gone. So there is grief along with the joy. I grieve her loss, my loss in never having a sane mom, and my sense of failure that I couldn t get her to embrace change and healing. I know, it wasnt my responsiblity, but the emotions are still there. I didnt do all a son should have, and for that I feel guilt. I did do all the son of a KO could do, and more, and in that I feel serene and put the guilt in perspective. Life was not what I wished it to be. But I survived. I m 54 years old. My mom is gone. I m healing, and working through the pain and lonely inner child with a wonderful, wise, compassionate T. Still, there is sadness. I know many of you, my friends, are moving close to that time when nada will die. Do the best you can, but realize that you must protect your self and your emotional integrity. Do that no matter what, and do the best you can with nada, and no more. She will take everything if you let her, and you cannot do that. Death doesnt change that fact, as death comes to us all, no exceptions. Life is how we live it, and not just how long. Do your best, and beyond that be gentle with yourself. Its ok to grieve that she is not what you need her to be. It is ok to grieve her impending death, and her loss to death at last. You will never be the perfect person she expected you to be, and that is ok too. Forgive yourself, and be at peace with yourself. Merry Christmas mom. Merry Christmas, and thanks for the few good times you gave me. Thanks for the degree to which you did try. I m sorry you were never able to overcome your disorder. I m sad you had so little to give, and sad that our relationship was so strained as a result. But you are gone now, and I m sad and grieve at your loss. Merry Christmas mom. I forgive you. Good bye. Doug ------------------------------------ Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2009 Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 (((((Doug))))) , Amen. Happy New Year to you and your family. Leanne ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Tue, December 29, 2009 10:20:24 PM Subject: Bittersweet Christmas  Hey Everybody, Merry Christmas. I just got home from an evening with 3 of my 4 kids, and my 4 grandkids. I was really nice, everyone got along , kids had fun, guinea pig is about to have babies, Played Euchre with my son, dil, and grandson. All very nice, and pleasant. And the thought hit me that nada died in July, having never met my 6 yo grandaughter. She had very little time around the others. She was a very limited part of my kids lives. And this was her choice. Part of her disease, but still her choice. She missed knowing and being part of the beautiful little girls, ( ok, I m grandpa, I m allowed to be biased!) the sweet but rough and tumble boys, seeing her grandkids grow to fine adults that they are. And it is very sad. And I miss her, or perhaps who I needed her to be. Twisted as she was, infuriating as she was, LC though we were, she was the only mom I got, and now she is gone. So there is grief along with the joy. I grieve her loss, my loss in never having a sane mom, and my sense of failure that I couldn t get her to embrace change and healing. I know, it wasnt my responsiblity, but the emotions are still there.. I didnt do all a son should have, and for that I feel guilt. I did do all the son of a KO could do, and more, and in that I feel serene and put the guilt in perspective. Life was not what I wished it to be. But I survived. I m 54 years old. My mom is gone. I m healing, and working through the pain and lonely inner child with a wonderful, wise, compassionate T. Still, there is sadness. I know many of you, my friends, are moving close to that time when nada will die. Do the best you can, but realize that you must protect your self and your emotional integrity. Do that no matter what, and do the best you can with nada, and no more. She will take everything if you let her, and you cannot do that. Death doesnt change that fact, as death comes to us all, no exceptions. Life is how we live it, and not just how long. Do your best, and beyond that be gentle with yourself. Its ok to grieve that she is not what you need her to be. It is ok to grieve her impending death, and her loss to death at last. You will never be the perfect person she expected you to be, and that is ok too. Forgive yourself, and be at peace with yourself. Merry Christmas mom. Merry Christmas, and thanks for the few good times you gave me. Thanks for the degree to which you did try. I m sorry you were never able to overcome your disorder. I m sad you had so little to give, and sad that our relationship was so strained as a result. But you are gone now, and I m sad and grieve at your loss. Merry Christmas mom. I forgive you. Good bye. Doug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.