Why we become addicted

[Guest guest]

When we give up the drug of our choice, a void is created. The

initial struggle to abstain from it often leaves us vulnerable. For

the first time in years, we no longer have food clouding our

feelings; we don't even have a name for some of these feelings. We

may experience happiness, pleasure, satisfaction, enjoyment,

fulfillment, and other positive feelings; we may also experience

anger, depression, resentment, sorrow, dejection, fear, emptiness,

and other negative feelings.

To fill these voids or numb the pain, we may start to use, or

increase the use of, other substances or compulsions which produce a

feeling of immediate gratification. Since we've never done feelings,

of any kind, too well, we may develop cross addictions to take the

edge off our powerful new feelings, both positive and negative.

Although we may not now be addicted to these substances, their use

can lower our inhibitions and leave us open to repeating old

patterns of thinking and behavior, which can lead back to overeating

or on to new addictions.

Those of us who have managed to put together a few years in this

program have learned to think of other substances as something we

haven't gotten addicted to....yet. It doesn't mean we can't and

won't, if given a chance. The fact that we became addicted to food

reflects a tendency towards behavior that may lead to cross

addiction (addiction to other substances). Particularly during the

first few shaky months, we might find ourselves drawn to new

obsessive behavior, that might have been unacceptable before. We may

overeat, become addicted to our jobs, find ourselves on shopping

sprees we can't afford, etc.

In fact, because of our past addictive behavior, we even have to be

very careful of prescribed medications! We addicts have a dangerous

tendency to self-medicate. If the doctor tells us to take one pill,

we figure two will be better. If we have three pills left over after

an injury or surgery, we save them instead of throwing them away.

After all, we tell ourselves, we might need them the next time we

are in real (or imagined) physical pain. We cannot deviate from

prescribed use without placing our sobriety in jeopardy. As

recovering marijuana addicts, we have learned that we must be very

vigilant about our sobriety at all times, in all ways.