- food for thought and has no calories

[Guest guest]

Hi heather,

This is Sue (green_iiiiii) and I am new to the group, but since you

asked the question in the open messages I wanted to offer something.

I think we want our parents love, no matter how they treated us, we

want their approval and love. With the lost of the nagging weight

there is something inside you that is hoping your dad will see you

and open his arms and show his love and say how sorry he is....but I

think the reality is that they usually don't give us the response we

are hoping for.

My situation similar to yours with my father, who passed this year.

I am a successful business woman, more than all the kids for both his

wives. None came to see him in the place he was living. They pretty

much abandoned him and his alcoholic ways. Not me...still wanting

approval and his unconditional love, I went to see him and wanted

show him I was the bigger person (so to speak). I cleaned him up and

cleaned his place. Cut his hair and made him shower..then what did

he want? For me to take him to get more booze. It was just one

major manipulation........there i was telling him I would take him to

the store if he cleaned up and there he was cleaning up so I would

take him to the store...he used me and I used him.

When it was over, it was tired. I thought...hum...I am the better

person, I have grown to be loving and caring and because of that I

will do the right thing and continue to go and see him. My doctor

asked me why....he asked me if I thought I was going to change my dad

after all these years. Hearing it from someone else and the fact

that I was still that little girl looking for love and approval from

a man who just happened to be my father, but was not capable of

showing real love to anyone made me see I was trying to fill that

hole inside me that my father left. He was a very selfish man.

So my thoughts are to weigh the reason this is gnawing at you. Are

you looking for his love and approval? If so, fill that hole inside

you with your wonderful boys and the people in your life who have

consistantly loved you no matter what size you are. Those are your

true family and loved ones.

I know this is probably a little different then what some people

wrote, but the fact that he hasn't seen his grandkids, well, that's

his loss, as was his loss for not showing you the love you deserved.

Ok, hope this helps some.

Sue