Re: - food for thought and has no calories- SUE

[Guest guest]

Sue,

Thank you for your sweet response!! Truthfully, I'm not sure what I

hope to accomplish. I don't think he will open his arms and say he

is sorry and that he has been terribly wrong. I think he will act as

if nothing has happened between us and everything is hunky-dory. I

guess I just want some type of closure. Does he want to be a part of

my life, do I just write him off, or do I just keep on writing him

letters twice a year and have that be the extent of our

relationship. At this point I really don't want him to meet my kids.

I don't want them exposed to him. They have GREAT grandparents that

love them. It just amazes me that he has NEVER NEVER asked about

them or even has sent me a small note saying hi thanks for the

pictures.

I'm sorry about your father. It sounds like you did do the right

thing. You were the better person. You stepped up to the (so called)

plate and loved him and took care of him. Thanks again for your

response!!!!!

Hugs!!!!!

PS I LOVED your subject line!!!!!

>

> Hi heather,

>

> This is Sue (green_iiiiii) and I am new to the group, but since

you

> asked the question in the open messages I wanted to offer

something.

>

> I think we want our parents love, no matter how they treated us,

we

> want their approval and love. With the lost of the nagging weight

> there is something inside you that is hoping your dad will see you

> and open his arms and show his love and say how sorry he is....but

I

> think the reality is that they usually don't give us the response

we

> are hoping for.

>

> My situation similar to yours with my father, who passed this

year.

> I am a successful business woman, more than all the kids for both

his

> wives. None came to see him in the place he was living. They

pretty

> much abandoned him and his alcoholic ways. Not me...still wanting

> approval and his unconditional love, I went to see him and wanted

> show him I was the bigger person (so to speak). I cleaned him up

and

> cleaned his place. Cut his hair and made him shower..then what

did

> he want? For me to take him to get more booze. It was just one

> major manipulation........there i was telling him I would take him

to

> the store if he cleaned up and there he was cleaning up so I would

> take him to the store...he used me and I used him.

>

> When it was over, it was tired. I thought...hum...I am the better

> person, I have grown to be loving and caring and because of that I

> will do the right thing and continue to go and see him. My doctor

> asked me why....he asked me if I thought I was going to change my

dad

> after all these years. Hearing it from someone else and the fact

> that I was still that little girl looking for love and approval

from

> a man who just happened to be my father, but was not capable of

> showing real love to anyone made me see I was trying to fill that

> hole inside me that my father left. He was a very selfish man.

>

> So my thoughts are to weigh the reason this is gnawing at you.

Are

> you looking for his love and approval? If so, fill that hole

inside

> you with your wonderful boys and the people in your life who have

> consistantly loved you no matter what size you are. Those are

your

> true family and loved ones.

>

> I know this is probably a little different then what some people

> wrote, but the fact that he hasn't seen his grandkids, well,

that's

> his loss, as was his loss for not showing you the love you

deserved.

>

> Ok, hope this helps some.

>

>

>

> Sue

>