OT - TGIW old but still funny

[Guest guest]

.......

Doctors

> > >

> > > A man comes into the ER and yells, " My wife's going to have her baby

> > > in the cab! " I grabbed my stuff,

> > > rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off

> her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I

was

in the wrong one.

> > > (Dr. Mark Mac, San , TX)

> > >

> > > At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly

> > > and slightly deaf female patient's

> > > anterior chest wall. " Big breaths, " I instructed. " Yes, they used to

> > > be, " remorsed the patient.

> > > (Dr. Byrnes, Seattle, WA)

> > >

> > > One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that

> > > her husband had died of a massive

> > > myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her

> > > reporting to the rest of the family that he

> > > had died of a " massive internal fart. "

> > > (Dr. Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada)

> > >

> > > I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity

> > > test. I placed the patient twenty feet from

> > > the chart and began, " Cover your right eye with your hand. " He read

> > > the 20/20 line perfectly. " Now your

> > > left. " Again, a flawless read. " Now both, " I requested. There was

> > > silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned

and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was

standing

> > > there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish

the

exam.

> > > (Dr. Theodropolous, Worcester, MA )

> > >

> > > During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his

> > > cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble

> with one of his medications. " Which one? " I asked. " The patch. The

nurse told

me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of

> > > places to put it! " I had him quickly undress and discovered what I

> hoped I wouldn't see...

> > > Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the

> > > instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new

one.

> > > (Dr. St. Clair, Norfolk, VA)

> > >

> > > While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, " How

> > > long have you been bedridden? " After a look of complete confusion

she

> > > answered... " Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was

alive. "

> > > (Dr. Swanson, Corvallis, OR)

> > >

> > > I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, " So how's your

> > > breakfast this morning? " " It's very

> > > good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the

> > > taste, " the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the

woman produced a foil packet labeled

> > > " KY Jelly. "

> > > (Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI)

> > >

> > > A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with

> > > purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of

> > > tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly

determined that

> the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for

immediate

> > > surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the

staff

> noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed

> > > green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, " Keep off the

grass. " Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short

note on the

> > > patient's dressing, which said

> > > " Sorry, had to mow the lawn. "

> > >