Fwd: Fw: how to handle telephone soliciters

[Guest guest]

Another joke from chrissy's aunt lori

how to handle telephone soliciters

>

>> > >> What to do when you get those wonderful telephone

>> > >> calls.

>> > >>

>> > >> 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just

>> > >> filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some

>> > >> money.

>> > >>

>> > >> 2. If they start out with, " How are you today? " say,

>> > >> " Why do you want to know? " Alternately, you can tell

>> > >> them, " I'm so glad you asked, because no one these

>> > >> days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my

>> > >> arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog

>> > >> just died... "

>> > >>

>> > >> 3. If they say they're Doe from XYZ Company, ask

>> > >> them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the

>> > >> company name. Then ask them where it is located.

>> > >> Continue asking them personal questions or questions

>> > >> about their company for as long as necessary.

>> > >>

>> > >> 4. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer:

>> > >> " Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company... " You:

>> > >> Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask,

>> > >> " What are you wearing? "

>> > >>

>> > >> 5. Cry out in surprise, " Judy! Is that you? Oh my God!

>> > >> Judy, how have you been? " Hopefully, this will give

>> > >> Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to

>> > >> figure out where the hell she could know you from.

>> > >>

>> > >> 6. Say " No " , over and over. Be sure to vary the sound

>> > >> of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they

>> > >> are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it

>> > >> until they hang up.

>> > >>

>> > >> 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the

>> > >> Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice

>> > >> as you can, " I don't have any friends... would you be

>> > >> my friend? "

>> > >>

>> > >> 8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: " Can you get

>> > >> out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN

>> > >> blood?

>> > >>

>> > >> 9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask

>> > >> him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered,

>> > >> tell them that you could not just give your credit

>> > >> card number to a complete stranger.

>> > >>

>> > >> 10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same

>> > >> company, they often can't sell to employees.

>> > >>

>> > >> 11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a

>> > >> Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream,

>> > >> " Oh my God!!! " and then hang up.

>> > >>

>> > >> 12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment

>> > >> and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME

>> > >> phone number so you can call him/her back. When the

>> > >> Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give

>> > >> out their HOME numbers you say " I guess you don't

>> > >> want anyone bothering you at home, right? " The

>> > >> Telemarketer will agree and you say, " Now you know how

>> > >> I feel! " Hang up.

>> > >>

>> > >> 13.Ask them to repeat everything they say, several

>> > >> times.

>> > >>

>> > >> 14.Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would

>> > >> please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you

>> > >> continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food

>> > >> loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

>> > >>

>> > >> 15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on " home

>> > >> incarceration " and ask if they could bring you some

>> > >> beer.

>> > >>

>> > >> 16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make

>> > >> up a number.

>> > >>

>> > >> 17. Tell the Telemarketer, " Okay, I will listen to

>> > >> you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing

>> > >> any clothes. "

>> > >>

>> > >> 18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon,

>> > >> playing a joke. " Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously,

>> > >> Leon, how's your momma? "

>> > >>

>> > >> 19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they

>> > >> need to speak up... louder... louder...louder...

>> > >>

>> > >> 20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want

>> > >> to write EVERY WORD down.

>> > >>

>> > >> =====

>> > >>

>> > >>

>> > >> __________________________________________________

>> > >>