New here - My story

[Guest guest]

I really don't know where to begin. Confused, hurting, guilt, anger,

ashamed (is it ME?), all of the typical feelings one with a NADA

experiences I suppose.

I posted a few years ago when this board was in a different format.

All my life I was told I was a bad person, everything I did was wrong.

NADA enjoyed hurting me and watching me cry all my life. It is a

pattern I can look back on now with such clarity. Any happy moment she

made sure to come in for an attack right before to make me cry.

A few years ago I *finally* realized that it is NOT me. She is

mentally ill and will not get help. She spiraled out of control about

5 years ago and was told by a therapist that she needs serious

treatment, at a center from 9-5 everyday for a few weeks. Therapist

moved, she laughed it off. Now denies she was ever told that. I make

things up, I am a liar.

Always got along with my father, he would always smooth things over by

telling me " you know how she is, just ignore her " He was by no means a

great dad growing up, but realized his faults and changed in later

years. I didn't have any anger toward him. We had a good relationship.

Until....the moment of truth. About 2 years back my brother got

separated from his ex. Terrible stuff between them, he'd call me

sobbing and I would just listen and try to help him. Gave him $ for a

lawyer to fight in court. The NADA was at her summer home, calling me

screaming at me to " do something for your brother! " There was

literally nothing I could do other than what I was. One day, she

decided to raise the stakes. She called and said " I am saying goodbye "

I said " where are you going? " she said " I am killing myself because YOU

WON'T HELP YOUR BROTHER " THen she took pills while on the phone with

me so I could hear it. My father ran in, made her gag them up. They

made sure I heard the whole thing. They kept calling me, I avoided

the calls for 4 months and kept repeating that I will talk to her AFTER

She gets the help she needs. Well, she went to a therapist who told

her " it is perfectly normal to try to commit suicide and blame your

children, people do it all the time. Your daughter is the one with the

problem. " So that didn't work. I am blamed for my mother's suicide

attempt. The FADA now believes everything she says and does and tells

me over and over I am the wrong one and " look what you did to your

mother " . I just want to be left alone.

I have tried MANY times to go NC, but they always " come for me " as I

put it. DH is a loving supportive guy who always tries to smooth

things over, so he will try to make me work it out for " peace " No

longer, he now sees the depths of her evil and wants her to stay away

from me and our kids.

She has managed to turn the entire family against me, she loves that.

She's been telling me for years that everyone in the family hates me,

talks about me, I am a B, she agrees with them. I had an aunt I really

really liked and she stopped talking to me. I think what happened is I

decided to disengage from the sickness and she called that aunt

screaming and crying day and night. So of course instead of that aunt

saying " wow, this lady is sick! " she said " oh that rotten daughter of

yours. " My brother and his new wife stopped speaking to me 6 months

ago. They like having their bills paid, I guess. She has control over

him because he has always needed her. I think she rages on me because

I am very independent/self sufficient and have my stuff together, for

the most part. I've been told by family members and close friends it

is obvious she is very jealous of me. I don't doubt it.

I have another aunt that gets attacked frequently. In front of the

family. No one says a darn word. She called me after the suicide

attempt to tell me my mother was clearly mentally ill. She said my

mother would call her and say things, then the next day call back,

denying it al, saying " you are CRAZY, you make things up. " My poor

aunt had to buy a taperecorder because she thought *she* was insane.

She is not. She has three grown kids who I am close with (though

probably just a matter of time, right?) and they all are a happy family.

I've tried to create boundaries when I let her back in saying I'd see

them 1x a month. I felt I could put the fake smile on for an hour or

two once a month and deflect the sickness. I think that was MORE Than

generous given her history on how she treats me. Oh and when my older

DS was a toddler she came and physically attacked me in my home in

front of him. When I called the police to get her out I did not want

charges pressed, just needed her to GO. She ended up hitting the cop

2x because he wouldn't let her continue to beat on me. I really got the

mother of the year.

Anyway, they used my 4 year old to plow through that 1x a month boudary

by getting info out of him, showing up where they weren't wanted then

saying " he invited us, we are welcome to be here. " They want to be

wherever I am, then always complain that my friends are so rude to

them. (They are not, these are usually acquantainces that I don't tell

I have a sick NADA)

I am stuck here now in that rotten place. Knowing I deserve to be

happy and to not let my kids get sucked into her sick world--she now

plays on their little minds. But the guilt, anger and fear of

them " coming for me " makes me sick, really sick. I just want them to

go away and leave me alone. I have a good husband, wonderful kids and a

lot of good friends. Unforutnately I have been very sick for two years

and am trying to balance my physical condition with the needs of my

children. I cannot have anything bringing me down right now, I

physically cannot handle it. I need to escape their sick world once

and for all.

Another poster wrote a post earlier and asked how, and honestly, after

all these years I don't know how it will ever be possible. During the

last altercation they said they are taking me to court for grandparent

rights. I know that she could win an oscar with a performance in court

so I guess they'll get that, eventually.

Sorry this got so long. Hope I can hang here for a while to get the

confirmation I need that I am doing the right thing by stopping all

contact and moving on.