And the FOG rolls in...

[Guest guest]

My elderly nada just phoned me, crying copiously, to let me know that she knows

that I

know about the current situation: that my Sister has " divorced " nada, and that

they are

both going to the same psychologist separately.

Nada actually sounded contrite; she said she felt the psychologist was a good

man and she

thinks he can help her come to terms with her brain dysfunction, learn new

behaviors, and

that she will do anything to keep us all together as a family. She asked me to

write her a

letter listing all the things I think nada has done, for her to read and share

with the

psychologist.

Wow! I was pretty impressed, actually! Her words sounded so real, so

heartbreaking, and

so rational.

On the other hand... this is a pattern with my nada. And its a *very* old

pattern.

In fact, one of the earliest memories I have (I'm estimating that I was between

3 and 4

years old) is me trying to hide behind the door of my room and covering my ears

so that I

can't hear " the woman " who is laying across my bed, sobbing piteously. The

woman is

saying she is sorry, over and over, and she begs me to come to her. She sounds

so sad.

As I'm listening, I do feel sorry for her and I want to go to her, but I stay

behind the door

saying to myself, " She is just trying to trick me. "

So, nada is very good at this, and quite believable. She might even genuinely

believe what

she says at the time she is saying it. I will lay a bet, however, that the

minute nada

believes that she is back in our good graces, she will not hesitate to resume

her old

patterns of being demanding, impossible to please, insulting and denigrating.

An added creepy factor that I've noticed in more recent decades is nada's

propensity to

seek revenge. Since nada believes that we all deliberately set out to hurt her

feelings all

the time anyway, she is pretty much in revenge mode all the time. That is

damned

spooky; your own mother just biding her time and waiting for the right moment to

spring

something nasty on you, to " get back " at you for hurting her. She'll save up

something

that she knows hurts me deeply for, like, months, and wait until I'm

particularly vulnerable

in that area, and then spring it on me: " Gotcha back! "

I believe that our Nada will consider this event (being forced into therapy) as

the deepest

of betrayals. I hate to think what she will consider a proper payback for this.

God help

me, I'm thinking that she might go so far as to accuse my Sister and/or me of

stealing

from her, or of elder abuse, or even of plotting to kill her!

I think it would be smart of my Sister and me to extricate ourselves from all

legal

entanglements with nada, take our names off all her papers, accounts, etc., and

if we do

see her, only see her in public places or at a friend's house but not in her

home. I'm that

distrustful of her, heaven help me. It hurts me to say that, it makes me

ashamed, but I do

not trust my nada at all, and believe she may try something that devastating to

get back

at us.

-Annie