hi (ttc)

[Guest guest]

Hi, everyone.

Last night I had a " talk " with . You know, I talked and he listened

until he fell asleep. I thought it was really important for me to share what

I've been feeling. We had a huge fight the night before, and I just wanted

to talk to him not about that but what I was feeling. I told him that I am

scared to get pg again (bc of the possibility of it being ep) but I am scared

not to. To which of course he had no comment. Then I mentioned that this

month is 2 years from when I conceived my first ectopic pregancy. Then he

fell asleep. But of course I didn't stop there. I still went through the

whole horrible experience in my head. From finding out I was pg, to starting

to have probs and being ignored, to actually going to the hospital and

finding out what was going on. It was horrible. I think I cried half of the

night. During which slept the entire time.

Well, today I found out the someone down the street from me is pg. She and

her husband tried when they could, but he was always deployed. So I found

out today that she is due on Dec 3rd. I'm not jealous or mad or any of the

feelings that you would expect, but aggrivated. My dr tried to give me this

lecture on how my weight is probably the only reason I am having trouble

getting pg, and this woman is about 200 pounds heavier than me. And height

doesn't even factor in bc we are about the same. If he tries to tell me to

lose weight next time I go in, I will probably just go off on him.

I need a little bit of advice. Nothing big. My dad told me yesterday that

my sister is planning on getting married next year. I was a little upset by

this bc I talked to her the day before and she didnt' mention it. Am I being

ridicuous? I always thought that would be something she'd tell me, but

instead I found out from my dad. I'm not mad. I'm really happy for her, but

it upsets me that she didn't tell me.

Okay, and (you knew it was coming) more on 's orders. They have finally

shown up!!! Report date is June 20, and he would have to depart on June 13.

They lost his first form for deferrment, so he did another one which has been

lost again. He talked to someone from levee (the people who have to do with

overseas orders) and they told him they won't defer bc he can clear in 10

days. But he talked to someone who told him to go tomorrow with something

and they would delete them. I am so upset and frustrated and sick of this.

I have been so depressed all day. I am just starting to feel so hopeless

again, and I keep having to fight back the tears. I just don't know what to

do anymore. I may be packing up and moving next week for all I know. Or I

may be here for a while. I just don't know anymore!! Okay enough.

Well today is 7 dpo. I have 8 more days to go. I guess we'll see, huh? I

don't even have the energy to worry about it anymore since all of this stuff

with his orders. I was all hyped up about it until I got all of this

" wonderful " news.

Anyway. I guess I'll stop blabbering now. later!!!

Amy