Feeling blue

[Guest guest]

Today has been really difficult. Things have piled up on me and I

ended up in tears at work. This morning at home, a song came on the

radio which reminded me of the baby my son and daughter in law lost

in October last year. And this was the day the organiser of Sudden

Infant Death Syndrome & Kids organisation contacted me to ask if I

would like another get together. Then something I suspected was going

on was reinforced with the guys I hang out with during breaks at

work. I realise that they don't follow up on things that I have

talked about with them. They don't enquire how something turned out,

or if I'm feeling better or whatever else we may have talked about. I

naturally enquire about the things they have shared, and they don't

seem to mind telling me how things went. I'm friendly and polite, and

I think I handle it well. And lately they don't even seem to want to

listen when I'm talking. I must have done something wrong, but don't

know what. It's so hurtful, and makes me feel like the little child

no one wanted around all over again. (Tears on the keyboard now) And

to cap it off, one of my three bosses constantly has me hyper

vigilant. I have been working with her for just over a year. She runs

hot and cold, is very inconsistent, plays favourites and is rude,

overbearing and belligerent. A lot like a nada. I'm terrified of

making a mistake (she checks my work) and sometimes I get so anxious

I double check my work and still miss an error. It's not the end of

the world, but the way she speaks to me, you'd think it was. She has

not for one minute mentored or encouraged me, or talked to me about

how things are going for me jobwise, let alone personally.

For the last eight weeks or so, I thought I had been doing really

well in not letting her get to me and I suspect she knows it. So now

she has a new trick, giving me tasks late on Friday which she could

have given me earlier and sometimes even the day before. Friday is

the day to get your desk clear in my section, so it then becomes very

intense for me. The rest of the office stops at 5:30 for drinks and

nibbles, and I'm off the clock but still working. Makes me feel

second class. And today being so difficult, my boss got to me.

Am I cynical, or could this woman truly be playing games with me?

It's been a lousy day and I feel as though I am whining, but I know

you guys understand.

Any thoughts or suggestions please.

Jonna