update on CPO... uBPD wants to apologize as part of the settlement

October 14, 2008

Wondering if those of you with more experience with a BPD person can

help me process this..

A brief description of my situation: We have been the surrogate

family for the now 18 yr old high school senior friend of my high

school senior son. The boy has been living with us since Father's

day, when his mom had a huge rage. However, over the past 4-5 years he

has been using us as a safe sanctuary for the repeated episodes of

violence in his household, verbal, emotional, and physical. The mother

had another rage in mid-July,at which time she came to my house,

knocked on the door, pushed her way in when I opened it, and I ended

up having to call the police after she hit me (she struck my arm when

I was reaching for the

phone). I didn't file a report. Last month, I got a phone call from

the boy's father's psychologist, stating that he had a " duty to warn "

me that the mother had threatened to kill me. I filed for a civil

protective order (CPO), which the judge granted ex parte, telling my

lawyer that this was one of the most warranted requests he had heard

in awhile.

Fast forward a few weeks, and just this afternoon I got a call from my

lawyer, who had heard from the mother's lawyer. She has asked to meet in

person with me (with the lawyers present) to " tender an apology. " I

asked my lawyer if that was something her lawyer would have

recommended, and she said that it likely came from a counselor,

because an apology is an admission of guilt and a lawyer wouldn't

recommend that.

Anyhow, now I am feeling like I am being pressured to change what I

have asked for in the CPO because of the apology. I plan to stick to

my request, but it seems like I am being put in an awkward position.

Why would my lawyer have me listen to an apology... it absolutely

won't change my fear of this woman and it would only help her, in my

opinion.

So, for those of you with more experience with BPD, what should I make

of this request for an apology? Do you think that she assumes I will

drop the whole issue because of the apology? Is there any reason why

I shouldn't hear it? Anything I should say in response to it?

Thanks for any insight.

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