Guest guest Posted June 4, 2000 Report Share Posted June 4, 2000 Dear Kim, I think we all can relate to your feelings. I know my mind spins every day with thoughts of the loss and thoughts of the next pregnancy. Like you I think about IF treatments, IVF, and even adoption all the time. Just today I happened to look down at my stomach and suddenly it seemed so small (I've NEVER felt that way before) but I was just thinking of how it should be puffing out in all the right places. I'm not sure when your ep was, mine was 4/3. I was due Thanksgiving Day. I can tell you that 6-8 weeks after the ep was the worst time for me. I just passed the 2 month point and I'm feeling better. More resolved that things will be okay and that someday by some means I will have a baby. I know everyone is different, but maybe knowing that I'm just a little ahead of you and feeling better will give you some encouragement. You're certainly in my thoughts and prayers. Joleen PS - one of my best friends that I see all the time is due the week before I was, it is so hard to watch her tummy growing and I really don't know how I'll react in November. But I'm trying to begin gearing up for it now. Hopefully that will make it somewhat easier then! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2000 Report Share Posted June 4, 2000 Dear Kim I really feel for you and the loss that you have endured. I think grieving has no time frame and it is on an individual basis. I have lost 4 babies. 3 were ectopic and one was the twin of my daughter who is now 22 mos old. I lost her twin when I was 19 week pg. I am sad. I miss my babies and I crave another. IF has left me tubeless and dependant on IVF. I never think of when due dates would be and never new nor wanted to know the sexs of the babies. It makes it much to personal for me personally. I do not handle depression well. I hope you get pg real soon and that your darn AF shows itself soon. I have a SIL who just gave birth to twin girls. I have been stuggleing w/ this for 2 weeks now and find it very hard to go ther to see them. I fake happiness to her to the point I feel silly. I am currenly in tx for 2cd IVF now nad im on day 5 of stims. The first IVF was a bust but I was in a crappy clinic and have since switched clinics. Good luck to you kim and really if you ever need some one to vent to or talk about your babies w/ I am here. I know that people dont view ectopics as REAL babies and they are. Been Sad > Well girls I am going to do my best to try and find the cause of what I have > been feeling lately. So bear with me if I ramble. I have been feeling pretty > sad lately. A lot of it having to do with not being able to move forward b/c > my AF has been MIA. I know better than to make it simple. Of course I am > still grieving over the loss of my Christain(12-31-00) and (3-11-00). > But when is it too long or too much greif? Of course there is no answer to > that.It is ok to greive for my children I know that, but I am so losey at > dealing with pain. > I am terrified of going on to IVF afraid I will fail or afraid I will lose > yet another precious angel. I have been trying so long and so many times I > have put my life on standstill and here I am once again-making me last. I > can't work because of IF treatments. I already had to quit one job b/c of an > insensitie louse for a boss. And moving on to IVF -when exactly will that > happen? August, September, later....?- will just make trying to work more > complicated. If I move on to IVF and am sucessful right I will be pg for my > angels due dates.It can ease the pain or scare me to death. And of course I > have a cousin having a baby a week ahead of when I was due. Thank God she > lives in New York. I couldn't do it if she lived close. I am having all > kinds of nightmere's at night > When when will this all be over? Will it ever be over? Will I always > miss my angels? Will it get easier next year or after I am pg again? If you > have lasted this long I really admire you. And I have to say I feel better > writing it down. Thank you for listening, Kim > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Free @Backup service! Click here for your free trial of @Backup. > @Backup is the most convenient way to securely protect and access > your files online. Try it now and receive 300 MyPoints. > http://click./1/4935/4/_/26068/_/960160036/ > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 5, 2000 Report Share Posted June 5, 2000 Kim, I'm sorry you are feeling how you've been and I wish I had a magic wand to take your pain away or the words of wisdom to make this an easier time for you, but I have neither. All I can, unfortunately, give you is an ear to chew on or a ^ (shoulder) to cry on. I would like to say it gets easier w/time, or if you become pg, but I can't say either of those either, since it hasn't happened for me yet. I know I just have to take one day at a time, and some days are easier than others & others I minds as well walk around w/a Kleenex box tied to my eyes & nose. You have been through a lot lately too, w/your mom & family, so maybe knowing your mom is doing a little better will make you feel a little better; however if not know we are all here, will to listen whenever you need to vent, cry or scream. Take care Kim!!!!!! Kel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 5, 2000 Report Share Posted June 5, 2000 Kim, Have you thought about seeing a therapist. I have a reproduction therapist that I see. IF can be a very difficult time. I can totally relate to how you feel. I am no longer the person I used to be. My life is on hold. How can it not when you are trying to achieve your dream. I don't know about you, but my dh just doesn't understand. He tries to be some what sympathetic, but he just doesn't get it. I was just reading at my dr office last week that IF has the same anxiety and depression as someone with AIDS or Cancer. It really does help to have someone to talk to. I am hear if you need to talk. Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 5, 2000 Report Share Posted June 5, 2000 Dear Kim, Hello I am sorry you are feeling so sad. I have not been ttc for long at all so I can not truly relate to you or most of the strong women who belong to this group but I can relate to still feeling so much grief. I don't think there is a timeline Kim. I find myself obsessed with ttc and getting pg. I don't know if this is healthy but it has helped me a little. I think you are feeling " normal " feelings. Perhaps, agressively moving forward with ivf will help you. What is going on with your cycle? If af is mia could you be pg? Take care, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 5, 2000 Report Share Posted June 5, 2000 Kim, I hope you are feeling better by the time you are reading this. Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 5, 2000 Report Share Posted June 5, 2000 , My EP was treated w/ metho on March 11. My numbers at last check were not yet 0 and I have yet to have an AF since my EP. I wish i would get pg on my own, but I am not counting on it! I am just now starting to look forward to the IVF and it is very scary to me. I hope after the consult when I learn more about it , maybe it will become less scary to me. I hope you are having a good day!Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 5, 2000 Report Share Posted June 5, 2000 Dear Kim, I am sorry I got so confused. That must be so frustrating still waiting for af to arrive. I know for me, when it came it was such a relief to be back to " normal " if there is such a thing. I hope you get to that place real soon. When is your next blood draw to determine your levels? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 5, 2000 Report Share Posted June 5, 2000 Dear Kim, I'm so sorry I'm replying to your post a little late. I am sure hoping that by mow you are feeling better. I just wanted to say that I truly understand what you are going through and I want you to know that I am here for you and thinking about you. As far as your concern over IVF, I share your concern there as well. It is a hard thing to decide to do. I mean, you know that it works, but are you willing to put yourself up for the possibility of the let down if it doesn't? That's what I'm currently toying with here. Anyway, you take care and here's hoping that good ole Aunt Flo is on her way. I'm so sure that you'll feel so much better after that happens. Take Care! Love Ya! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2000 Report Share Posted June 7, 2000 Kristie, I agree w/ the fact that there is no time limit on grieving for the lost of a precious baby. We've all been there and we are still grieving...There is not a day that goes by when I don't think about my precious Bria (03-16-00)...Pray over the Ivf and place it in God's hands...I'll keep you in my prayers Tq Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2000 Report Share Posted June 7, 2000 I'm sorry Kim...The message was meant for you not Kristie....My boo-boo Tq Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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