Re: Very LONG please try and read.

[Guest guest]

Treasa,

I am so sorry honey for what you went through. I also went through

something similiar when I was 17. You are not a slut or a tease!!! I was

at this guy's house with my girlfriends (we snuck out of our houses in the

middle of the night) and he made me have sex with him. Let me tell you how

I felt like it was my fault. I didn't even scream or fight because I was so

scared. I am now almost 25 years old and it wasn't until last year that I

was finally able to admit that I was indeed raped. It took me a long time

to tell my dh also but I was so glad that I did and we had no more secrets.

I never got tested for STD's after my rape (which by the way was more than

one time) This guy threatened to do all kinds of stuff to me and my family

if I stopped having sex with him. Well, guess what I finally did stop and

nothing happened. Anyway, I often wonder if maybe I did get an STD from

him that went away on its own and that's what caused my ep. But, we cannot

think that way! This was not our faults!!! Please e-mail me whenever you

need to (dmhoke@...) I know exactly what you are feeling.

Take care,

Dawn

[Guest guest]

Treasa,

This was not your fault!!! It doesn't matter if you did or did not ask him

back to your place. What he did was rape, and even if things did go a little

far before he left it didn't entitle him to come back and force you to do

anything you didn't want. I know it may take time, but I think it is

important that you share this with Alan. I know you fear that he thinks

badly of you, but from what you said it sounds like he understands the

situation (as well as he can). And that's good. He may be able to help you

begin to deal with this, since it sounds like you didn't before. BTW, you

didn't offend me at all with what you wrote. You felt the need to get it

out, so it's good that you wrote.

Also, is it possible that you may be able to afford IVF later? Maybe save or

something? Just a suggestion so that maybe you don't have to give up all

hope if the RE tells you the same thing.

You can email me directly if you ever want to talk. Remember that. No

matter what you want to talk about. Take care of yourself, sweetie. I

realize that you are having a rough time, and you will definitely be in my

thoughts.

Amy

[Guest guest]

Treasa,

That is a terrible thing for you to have to go through. Don't ever

blame yourself. I know that is easy to do. I have being going through

my mind what I did for my tubes to get ruined. I have not been with

that many guys, but who knows who they have been with. I keep blaming

myself that I did something to ruin my tubes. I had a clamidia (sp?)

test once and it was negative. I did read though if they catch it

right away and treat it, it does not do that much damage. There is a

really good chance that this is not what caused it so please don't

blame yourself. There is nothing you can do about your past. Have you

looked into financial help for IVF? mentioned that her

clinic was a school and it would be a lot less of an expense. Don't

give up on your options. GO to the specialist and see what happens. I

am really glad you were able to talk about it, maybe this will help

you to move ahead. I am really sorry for your results. I am not great

at writing my thought. But I am thinking of you and I am here for

you.

Pam

[Guest guest]

Treasa,

((((HUGS)))) It was rape! That man raped you. No man has the right to

make you do what you do not want to do. It was wrong of him and you need to

talk about it! and no one thinks any less of you. You are not a slut! Rape

is real and this is called date rape. And it is not your fault you had the

STD's and you treated them. it is untreated STD's that cause those problems.

I have also had both of the deseases you mentioned and I got them the old

fashioned way. I'd prefer to think of myself as misguided, not a slut. My

HSG's have all been clear up to my EP.What I am saying is there could be

other reasons for the damage. It is only human to look to find the fault

when bad things happen. but I know I am not alone in telling you THIS IS NOT

YOUR FAULT!!!!! Do not take that on yourself. Please believe me, Kim PS I

have also been molested and raped if you need to talk

[Guest guest]

Treasa,

God Bless you for having the strength to come forward and tell your

story. Rape is never, ever, ever the person being raped's fault! If you

said no, it should mean no. It's too bad that there is so much shame

associated with it or that asshole would be in jail where he belongs!

Please try not to be so hard on yourself. You may need other

counseling, I know it happened a long time ago, but the wounds are still

fresh. I want you to be happy again. You deserve it. I know you want

a baby so very bad, but please try to focus on yourself right now. You

need time to heal from lots of different isssues. Thank God that you

have your dh and the kids that you have now. No one can definately tell

you that you will not be holding another baby of your own. Please don't

loose the faith in miracles! Try to be happy, you are a sweet and

special person. You affect the lives of so many others. You do deserve

happiness! Take care of yourself.

Vicki

[Guest guest]

Treasa,

I also survived such an incident and several molestations as a child.

This has always been difficult for me to admit to anyone, I fear that

they will look at me differently, like I'm less of a person, or that I

deserved it. But after many years I have come to realization that it

isn't my fault.

It's unfortunate that girls/women are constant victims of sexual crimes

(as well as some boys/men). Don't ever blame yourself sweetie, it's not

your fault. I'm so sorry that it has come back to haunt you in such a

devastating way. My heart goes out to you! Let me know if I can help,

you know I'm here if you want to talk.

Love & hugs,

Jo-Ann

[Guest guest]

Dear Treasa,

I have to agree with everyone...it was not your fault. Please don't

blame yourself. I am glad you decided to share. It should feel good

to have this weight lifted. I hope in these few days since you

posted that you have found some solitude and comfort.

You do have many options. Speak to your RE. Keep us posted and I

will be praying for you.

Take care,

[Guest guest]

Treasa,

My heart goes out to you. The fact that you kept all that bottled up for 14

years must have been so difficult.

Remember this. You never asked to be raped. No one does. This was so NOT

your fault! I wish I could be near you so I could give you a hug right now.

You need support on this. By sharing this, you might be on your way to

recovery. I'm no expert and I'm lousy at advice but I would suggest this.

Please talk to some professional who deals with this. You need to release

all that's bottled up inside you. And, NO, I don't think any less of you.

In fact, I think you are extremely brave for sharing that painful memory with

us.

I also think your dh is great too. He sounds understanding and that's what

you need now. Understanding. We are all here for you.

Sending you ((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))) and lots of love,

L