Feelings again.....

[Guest guest]

I watched the movie- Girl Interrupted and I saw so much of Wiona's

character in me- in the sense she had stopped feeling.

When I started posting 3 years ago- I was numb and lost, I mean that.

I was also then suicidial because the first emotion I started to feel

was the pain. The pain just overwhelmed me, to the point I just

didn't care if I lived or died.

But you guys were there- telling me it was going to be ok. I was a

valuable human being no matter nada had told me. You made me realize

nada was the one with the problems, and though I couldn't change her,

I could change me. You validated me- not as a daughter or wife of BP,

but just as me- this woman named- malinda.

I also learned everybody's low point and turning point is different.

Whether we go NC, stay in contact, with boundaries in place or just

maintain the best we can...it is ok. No judgement, no explanations-

no accountability- whatever works for us and our situation, but we

will still be there for each other.

So it has been since Monday (after my confrontation with my bp

husband) that he has not said anything abusive, belittling, or

shaming to me...Tonight of course he did....and I did just what I

told him I would - I called him out. He apologized and actually

stopped.

I don't know if I still want to spend the rest of my life with a man

I have to tell he is being disrespectful to me and or verbally

abusive, but as long as I am here with them...and if it continues- he

will know his unkindness to me is unacceptable.

I FEEL AGAIN- not just PAIN, but I now FEEL JOY, HOPE and PRIDE in

myself.

Thank you helping me find my lost feelings, voice, and spirit.

Malinda