suicidal nada... =(

[Guest guest]

i've posted here before about my nada... trying to get her to stay in

therapy and get meds. no luck, of course.

recently my grandma was diagnosed with cancer, and she is refusing

treatment because she wants to die. for background, my great-grandma

killed herself and my nada, age 11, found her.

shes threatened before, and hasn't done it yet, but i still worry.

here is my last email from her, in which she is replying to me telling

her to please see a doctor, because i was not qualified to help her.

" I have been feeling like ending it for many days before I

talked to u. Don't take my 'threats " like they are directed at u for

not following preconceived " scripts " . It is more like a call for

help. It is against my two warring selves I want to threaten. I truly

don't know how much longer I can tolerate two people living inside of

me. My mother's dying and my new connection will my brother is

stirring up lots of shit I don't know how to handle. My deep

meditations somehow tend to push me over the edge - I can't find

meaning in a suffering world.

P.S. You CAN help me!!! You don't neede " MAGIC " "

i'm not sure how she means i could help her. she says she is calling

for help but what am i supposed to do?

she says she wants to go to a hospital, but then when my dad takes

her, she changes her mind and refuses. then she refuses all the

hospitals that the insurance will pay for and they can afford. just

like she always finds some reason to hate her current doctor, and

never go back, or some side affect of meds she just can't bear. even

when my family has succeeded in getting her in therapy or a hospital,

she's always quit, or left, and never stays with anything long enough

(which in my opinion is the rest of her life).

she backs herself in a corner where suicide is the only way out.