Re: Vocal Repetition Makes Me Insane

[Guest guest]

Is this a borderline thing? Or, just her brain?

>

> The repetition makes me insane caught my eye. This is exactly what

> I've been thinking about for years. My Nada's constant vocal

> repetition...which, now could be blamed on old age if she hadn't

been

> doing it since the day I was born.

>

> Same conversation...different day... over and over and repeat!

> I don't know if this is a borderline trait or a short in the

brain???

>

> But, I tell you, it makes me want to kill myself. I just can't

take

> the same darn thing talked " at me " (not with me) for hours on

end...if

> she can possibly get my attention that long. She tries to sneak

into

> my house offering to " help " me with something. Which, I know is a

> down right lie! Then, she sits on my sofa saying " too bad she's

too

> tired to do it " and here it comes.

>

> First, she feels it her need to preach the gospel to me...of

course,

> she's my mother. So, it's her job...right? first it's her

> interpretation of heaven and hell. Which, I had memorized 50,000

> times ago as a child. And which is somewhere along a child's level

> of " hell is where there are spiders and things you don't like. "

But,

> becomes more nutty as the conversation progresses where she makes

up

> things about heaven and hell that no one knows. But, you know how

> borderlines re write history or anything else as they see fit.

>

> Then, the conversation switches to some talk of her father as a

drunk

> and after we've gone through that whole speel again and again...and

she

> wants me to be her therapist...again...you get the picture.

>

> Then, it becomes ways she'd like to control my life...she calls

> this " goals we need to set. " Of how she will have total control of

my

> calendar and we'll spend twenty four hours a day

together....including

> my sitting with her on the couch while she does laundry (and she

would

> most likely be talking on the phone to someone else while I sit

there

> and tend her)...NOT! I'm sorry but that's just weird. I'm afraid

she

> needs to learn how to be alone a little bit. She gets big sad eyes

> over the fact that I " put her off " and won't answer my phone every

> minute. And her latest tactic is " when I love you so much and just

> need to know you're alright " ...barf. If this weren't so

manipulative in

> nature...I'd feel bad.

>

> I hate having a borderline mother. This would break her heart.

But,

> honestly sometimes it's just more than a person can bare.

>

[Guest guest]

I've been thinking about this too.  I don't know if it is a BPD trait either. 

My nada's topic for about a year now is the terrible town we live in.  She is

convinced we live in the very worst place in the world.  Most of the time I just

change the subject or get off the phone.  Sometimes I still try to talk

logically to her about it, but it seems there is no way to burst her fantasy

that if she lived anywhere else there would be a lot of wonderful people who

would want to take care of a poor victim like her.  (Never mind that she has

lived many other places and grew dissatisfied with them also.)  Let me know if

you find a way to make it stop!

Subject: Vocal Repetition Makes Me Insane

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, August 5, 2008, 9:14 PM

The repetition makes me insane caught my eye. This is exactly what

I've been thinking about for years. My Nada's constant vocal

repetition.. .which, now could be blamed on old age if she hadn't been

doing it since the day I was born.

Same conversation. ..different day... over and over and repeat!

I don't know if this is a borderline trait or a short in the brain???

But, I tell you, it makes me want to kill myself. I just can't take

the same darn thing talked " at me " (not with me) for hours on end...if

she can possibly get my attention that long. She tries to sneak into

my house offering to " help " me with something. Which, I know is a

down right lie! Then, she sits on my sofa saying " too bad she's too

tired to do it " and here it comes.

First, she feels it her need to preach the gospel to me...of course,

she's my mother. So, it's her job...right? first it's her

interpretation of heaven and hell. Which, I had memorized 50,000

times ago as a child. And which is somewhere along a child's level

of " hell is where there are spiders and things you don't like. " But,

becomes more nutty as the conversation progresses where she makes up

things about heaven and hell that no one knows. But, you know how

borderlines re write history or anything else as they see fit.

Then, the conversation switches to some talk of her father as a drunk

and after we've gone through that whole speel again and again...and she

wants me to be her therapist... again...you get the picture.

Then, it becomes ways she'd like to control my life...she calls

this " goals we need to set. " Of how she will have total control of my

calendar and we'll spend twenty four hours a day together.... including

my sitting with her on the couch while she does laundry (and she would

most likely be talking on the phone to someone else while I sit there

and tend her)...NOT! I'm sorry but that's just weird. I'm afraid she

needs to learn how to be alone a little bit. She gets big sad eyes

over the fact that I " put her off " and won't answer my phone every

minute. And her latest tactic is " when I love you so much and just

need to know you're alright " ...barf. If this weren't so manipulative in

nature...I'd feel bad.

I hate having a borderline mother. This would break her heart. But,

honestly sometimes it's just more than a person can bare.

[Guest guest]

The endless beat is the rhythm of helplessness.

poor me...poor me...poor me...

My nada has a long list of complaints...

things that she hates but cannot fix:

1) hating her home (she lives in a very lovely house)

2) having no workspace of her own (there's lots of room)

3) her husband won't travel with her (a lie)

4) her boss treats her badly (she refuses to communicate her needs)

5) friends take advantage of her (again, no communication)

She would endlessly cycle through this list. She just wanted an ear.

All outside suggestions or solutions to her problems were ignored.

My husband used to say that my nada was only happy when she could find

a reason to be unhappy.

Time to turn the volume down or find a new station.

>

> Subject: Vocal Repetition Makes Me Insane

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Tuesday, August 5, 2008, 9:14 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> The repetition makes me insane caught my eye. This is

exactly what

>

> I've been thinking about for years. My Nada's constant vocal

>

> repetition.. .which, now could be blamed on old age if she hadn't been

>

> doing it since the day I was born.

>

>

>

> Same conversation. ..different day... over and over and repeat!

>

> I don't know if this is a borderline trait or a short in the brain???

>

>

>

> But, I tell you, it makes me want to kill myself. I just can't take

>

> the same darn thing talked " at me " (not with me) for hours on end...if

>

> she can possibly get my attention that long. She tries to sneak into

>

> my house offering to " help " me with something. Which, I know is a

>

> down right lie! Then, she sits on my sofa saying " too bad she's too

>

> tired to do it " and here it comes.

>

>

>

> First, she feels it her need to preach the gospel to me...of course,

>

> she's my mother. So, it's her job...right? first it's her

>

> interpretation of heaven and hell. Which, I had memorized 50,000

>

> times ago as a child. And which is somewhere along a child's level

>

> of " hell is where there are spiders and things you don't like. " But,

>

> becomes more nutty as the conversation progresses where she makes up

>

> things about heaven and hell that no one knows. But, you know how

>

> borderlines re write history or anything else as they see fit.

>

>

>

> Then, the conversation switches to some talk of her father as a drunk

>

> and after we've gone through that whole speel again and again...and she

>

> wants me to be her therapist... again...you get the picture.

>

>

>

> Then, it becomes ways she'd like to control my life...she calls

>

> this " goals we need to set. " Of how she will have total control of my

>

> calendar and we'll spend twenty four hours a day together.... including

>

> my sitting with her on the couch while she does laundry (and she would

>

> most likely be talking on the phone to someone else while I sit there

>

> and tend her)...NOT! I'm sorry but that's just weird. I'm afraid she

>

> needs to learn how to be alone a little bit. She gets big sad eyes

>

> over the fact that I " put her off " and won't answer my phone every

>

> minute. And her latest tactic is " when I love you so much and just

>

> need to know you're alright " ...barf. If this weren't so manipulative in

>

> nature...I'd feel bad.

>

>

>

> I hate having a borderline mother. This would break her heart. But,

>

> honestly sometimes it's just more than a person can bare.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hmmm....I never really considered it part of the bpd but my mother does

endlessly repeat the same conversations with the same quality and always talks

AT me....interesting....

~

To: WTOAdultChildren1

From: friendsofcam@...

Date: Wed, 6 Aug 2008 04:14:48 +0000

Subject: Vocal Repetition Makes Me Insane

The repetition makes me insane caught my eye. This is exactly what

I've been thinking about for years. My Nada's constant vocal

repetition...which, now could be blamed on old age if she hadn't been

doing it since the day I was born.

Same conversation...different day... over and over and repeat!

I don't know if this is a borderline trait or a short in the brain???

But, I tell you, it makes me want to kill myself. I just can't take

the same darn thing talked " at me " (not with me) for hours on end...if

she can possibly get my attention that long. She tries to sneak into

my house offering to " help " me with something. Which, I know is a

down right lie! Then, she sits on my sofa saying " too bad she's too

tired to do it " and here it comes.

First, she feels it her need to preach the gospel to me...of course,

she's my mother. So, it's her job...right? first it's her

interpretation of heaven and hell. Which, I had memorized 50,000

times ago as a child. And which is somewhere along a child's level

of " hell is where there are spiders and things you don't like. " But,

becomes more nutty as the conversation progresses where she makes up

things about heaven and hell that no one knows. But, you know how

borderlines re write history or anything else as they see fit.

Then, the conversation switches to some talk of her father as a drunk

and after we've gone through that whole speel again and again...and she

wants me to be her therapist...again...you get the picture.

Then, it becomes ways she'd like to control my life...she calls

this " goals we need to set. " Of how she will have total control of my

calendar and we'll spend twenty four hours a day together....including

my sitting with her on the couch while she does laundry (and she would

most likely be talking on the phone to someone else while I sit there

and tend her)...NOT! I'm sorry but that's just weird. I'm afraid she

needs to learn how to be alone a little bit. She gets big sad eyes

over the fact that I " put her off " and won't answer my phone every

minute. And her latest tactic is " when I love you so much and just

need to know you're alright " ...barf. If this weren't so manipulative in

nature...I'd feel bad.

I hate having a borderline mother. This would break her heart. But,

honestly sometimes it's just more than a person can bare.

_________________________________________________________________

Reveal your inner athlete and share it with friends on Windows Live.

http://revealyourinnerathlete.windowslive.com?locale=en-us & ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WLYIA_\

whichathlete_us

[Guest guest]

My mom talks " at " me, too. She seems very seldom interested in my

life. She mostly tells me stories about what she's doing and asks

for my advice on everything. Which I have stopped giving her. I

say, " That's an interesting problem, mom. What do you think you are

going to do? "

>

> Hmmm....I never really considered it part of the bpd but my mother

does endlessly repeat the same conversations with the same quality

and always talks AT me....interesting....

>

>

> ~

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> From: friendsofcam@...

> Date: Wed, 6 Aug 2008 04:14:48 +0000

> Subject: Vocal Repetition Makes Me Insane

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> The repetition makes me insane caught my eye. This is

exactly what

>

> I've been thinking about for years. My Nada's constant vocal

>

> repetition...which, now could be blamed on old age if she hadn't

been

>

> doing it since the day I was born.

>

>

>

> Same conversation...different day... over and over and repeat!

>

> I don't know if this is a borderline trait or a short in the

brain???

>

>

>

> But, I tell you, it makes me want to kill myself. I just can't

take

>

> the same darn thing talked " at me " (not with me) for hours on

end...if

>

> she can possibly get my attention that long. She tries to sneak

into

>

> my house offering to " help " me with something. Which, I know is a

>

> down right lie! Then, she sits on my sofa saying " too bad she's

too

>

> tired to do it " and here it comes.

>

>

>

> First, she feels it her need to preach the gospel to me...of

course,

>

> she's my mother. So, it's her job...right? first it's her

>

> interpretation of heaven and hell. Which, I had memorized 50,000

>

> times ago as a child. And which is somewhere along a child's level

>

> of " hell is where there are spiders and things you don't like. "

But,

>

> becomes more nutty as the conversation progresses where she makes

up

>

> things about heaven and hell that no one knows. But, you know how

>

> borderlines re write history or anything else as they see fit.

>

>

>

> Then, the conversation switches to some talk of her father as a

drunk

>

> and after we've gone through that whole speel again and again...and

she

>

> wants me to be her therapist...again...you get the picture.

>

>

>

> Then, it becomes ways she'd like to control my life...she calls

>

> this " goals we need to set. " Of how she will have total control of

my

>

> calendar and we'll spend twenty four hours a day

together....including

>

> my sitting with her on the couch while she does laundry (and she

would

>

> most likely be talking on the phone to someone else while I sit

there

>

> and tend her)...NOT! I'm sorry but that's just weird. I'm afraid

she

>

> needs to learn how to be alone a little bit. She gets big sad eyes

>

> over the fact that I " put her off " and won't answer my phone every

>

> minute. And her latest tactic is " when I love you so much and just

>

> need to know you're alright " ...barf. If this weren't so

manipulative in

>

> nature...I'd feel bad.

>

>

>

> I hate having a borderline mother. This would break her heart.

But,

>

> honestly sometimes it's just more than a person can bare.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Reveal your inner athlete and share it with friends on Windows Live.

> http://revealyourinnerathlete.windowslive.com?locale=en-

us & ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WLYIA_whichathlete_us

>

>

[Guest guest]

I've been studying alot about brain/neuro development and I was

wondering if borderlines brain development in this area is behind.

There's a certain age kids reach in elementary school where they will

cycle through the same subject over and over...they'll ask the same

question like " when will we be there? when will we be there? when

will we be there? " over and over again. This is a brain development

level (or digit span) of 3 or 4...I forget which. Their brains keep

cycling through the same subject, they are aware that they are asking

the same question, but, it's like a circle they can't break out of.

So, I wondered if our BPD friends are stuck at this level and what

we are seeing is the adult version of level 4. Repeat and repeat.

Another characteristic of this level is that they want to communicate

with you. But, don't know how. So, they will talk about themselves

or talk " at " you. At which point you, the adult, joins in and adds

to the conversation. They learn and develop out of this stage.

If my BPD mom were not so old now, I'd have her take a test on digit

spans and see what she tested at on different levels. Then, see if I

could get her to work on it and up her digit spans. Interesting

stuff. I learned this at NACD.org. They have a test for this under

the title simply smarter.

> >

> > Hmmm....I never really considered it part of the bpd but my

mother

> does endlessly repeat the same conversations with the same quality

> and always talks AT me....interesting....

> >

> >

> > ~

> >

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > From: friendsofcam@

> > Date: Wed, 6 Aug 2008 04:14:48 +0000

> > Subject: Vocal Repetition Makes Me Insane

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > The repetition makes me insane caught my eye. This

is

> exactly what

> >

> > I've been thinking about for years. My Nada's constant vocal

> >

> > repetition...which, now could be blamed on old age if she hadn't

> been

> >

> > doing it since the day I was born.

> >

> >

> >

> > Same conversation...different day... over and over and repeat!

> >

> > I don't know if this is a borderline trait or a short in the

> brain???

> >

> >

> >

> > But, I tell you, it makes me want to kill myself. I just can't

> take

> >

> > the same darn thing talked " at me " (not with me) for hours on

> end...if

> >

> > she can possibly get my attention that long. She tries to sneak

> into

> >

> > my house offering to " help " me with something. Which, I know is

a

> >

> > down right lie! Then, she sits on my sofa saying " too bad she's

> too

> >

> > tired to do it " and here it comes.

> >

> >

> >

> > First, she feels it her need to preach the gospel to me...of

> course,

> >

> > she's my mother. So, it's her job...right? first it's her

> >

> > interpretation of heaven and hell. Which, I had memorized

50,000

> >

> > times ago as a child. And which is somewhere along a child's

level

> >

> > of " hell is where there are spiders and things you don't like. "

> But,

> >

> > becomes more nutty as the conversation progresses where she makes

> up

> >

> > things about heaven and hell that no one knows. But, you know how

> >

> > borderlines re write history or anything else as they see fit.

> >

> >

> >

> > Then, the conversation switches to some talk of her father as a

> drunk

> >

> > and after we've gone through that whole speel again and

again...and

> she

> >

> > wants me to be her therapist...again...you get the picture.

> >

> >

> >

> > Then, it becomes ways she'd like to control my life...she calls

> >

> > this " goals we need to set. " Of how she will have total control

of

> my

> >

> > calendar and we'll spend twenty four hours a day

> together....including

> >

> > my sitting with her on the couch while she does laundry (and she

> would

> >

> > most likely be talking on the phone to someone else while I sit

> there

> >

> > and tend her)...NOT! I'm sorry but that's just weird. I'm

afraid

> she

> >

> > needs to learn how to be alone a little bit. She gets big sad

eyes

> >

> > over the fact that I " put her off " and won't answer my phone

every

> >

> > minute. And her latest tactic is " when I love you so much and

just

> >

> > need to know you're alright " ...barf. If this weren't so

> manipulative in

> >

> > nature...I'd feel bad.

> >

> >

> >

> > I hate having a borderline mother. This would break her heart.

> But,

> >

> > honestly sometimes it's just more than a person can bare.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > _________________________________________________________________

> > Reveal your inner athlete and share it with friends on Windows

Live.

> > http://revealyourinnerathlete.windowslive.com?locale=en-

> us & ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WLYIA_whichathlete_us

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

That's really interesting about BPD affecting or being related to a

stage of neurological development. My understanding is that certain

forms of autism and also OCD can also lead to " getting stuck " on

certain ideas.

My mom and one of my brothers do this often--talking at you, repeating

the same thing over and over etc. I've often wondered if there's not

some kind of brain malfunction!

> > >

> > > Hmmm....I never really considered it part of the bpd but my

> mother

> > does endlessly repeat the same conversations with the same quality

> > and always talks AT me....interesting....

> > >

> > >

> > > ~

> > >

> > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > From: friendsofcam@

> > > Date: Wed, 6 Aug 2008 04:14:48 +0000

> > > Subject: Vocal Repetition Makes Me Insane

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > The repetition makes me insane caught my eye. This

> is

> > exactly what

> > >

> > > I've been thinking about for years. My Nada's constant vocal

> > >

> > > repetition...which, now could be blamed on old age if she hadn't

> > been

> > >

> > > doing it since the day I was born.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Same conversation...different day... over and over and repeat!

> > >

> > > I don't know if this is a borderline trait or a short in the

> > brain???

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > But, I tell you, it makes me want to kill myself. I just can't

> > take

> > >

> > > the same darn thing talked " at me " (not with me) for hours on

> > end...if

> > >

> > > she can possibly get my attention that long. She tries to sneak

> > into

> > >

> > > my house offering to " help " me with something. Which, I know is

> a

> > >

> > > down right lie! Then, she sits on my sofa saying " too bad she's

> > too

> > >

> > > tired to do it " and here it comes.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > First, she feels it her need to preach the gospel to me...of

> > course,

> > >

> > > she's my mother. So, it's her job...right? first it's her

> > >

> > > interpretation of heaven and hell. Which, I had memorized

> 50,000

> > >

> > > times ago as a child. And which is somewhere along a child's

> level

> > >

> > > of " hell is where there are spiders and things you don't like. "

> > But,

> > >

> > > becomes more nutty as the conversation progresses where she makes

> > up

> > >

> > > things about heaven and hell that no one knows. But, you know how

> > >

> > > borderlines re write history or anything else as they see fit.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Then, the conversation switches to some talk of her father as a

> > drunk

> > >

> > > and after we've gone through that whole speel again and

> again...and

> > she

> > >

> > > wants me to be her therapist...again...you get the picture.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Then, it becomes ways she'd like to control my life...she calls

> > >

> > > this " goals we need to set. " Of how she will have total control

> of

> > my

> > >

> > > calendar and we'll spend twenty four hours a day

> > together....including

> > >

> > > my sitting with her on the couch while she does laundry (and she

> > would

> > >

> > > most likely be talking on the phone to someone else while I sit

> > there

> > >

> > > and tend her)...NOT! I'm sorry but that's just weird. I'm

> afraid

> > she

> > >

> > > needs to learn how to be alone a little bit. She gets big sad

> eyes

> > >

> > > over the fact that I " put her off " and won't answer my phone

> every

> > >

> > > minute. And her latest tactic is " when I love you so much and

> just

> > >

> > > need to know you're alright " ...barf. If this weren't so

> > manipulative in

> > >

> > > nature...I'd feel bad.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I hate having a borderline mother. This would break her heart.

> > But,

> > >

> > > honestly sometimes it's just more than a person can bare.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > _________________________________________________________________

> > > Reveal your inner athlete and share it with friends on Windows

> Live.

> > > http://revealyourinnerathlete.windowslive.com?locale=en-

> > us & ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WLYIA_whichathlete_us

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Hi, I'm new.

I'm in my fifties, and my mother/nada is in her 70's. The bad news: in my

experience BPD

does not get better with age.

If I had to assign an emotional age to my mother, who was diagnosed with BPD 30

years

ago, I'd say she is closer to a two-year-old. I think there is a lot of

narcissism mixed in

with my " nada's " bpd: she throws tantrums, has to have her own way, and she does

that

" talking at you " instead of " with " you thing, like you're not even there. I had

to phone her

recently to tell her that a natural disaster in our area was minor and did no

damage to me

or my place, and in the middle of my sentence she just starts talking over me!

That is so

frustrating, but expected. Whenever I phone her, if I let her she would just

babble on at

me for a half-hour without even asking me why I called her or if there was

anything I

wanted to say.

What makes my nada's bpd so difficult to deal with is that she can be " normal "

about... a

third of the time. Its so " Jekyll and Hyde " . My mom is sweet and lovable when

she

behaves like a normal person, but then she can change in the blink of an eye to

" nada " ,

screaming with rage, or crying hysterically over a perceived " ugly remark " , or

stony

silence. Sometimes I wonder if its just an act: the normal behavior?

Sometimes I can

detect a strain, as though my nada can behave normally for a while, the way some

people

can stand on their hands and even walk on their hands for a little while, but

they can't

stay that way. It takes a lot of effort. So I wonder if the being nice,

letting other people

talk, and not taking the things they say negatively is hand-walking for her?

As a small child, I had a lot of problems with " monsters. " I had horrible

dreams about

being chased by huge robots, or big dogs with white teeth, or Godzilla, but now

I'm pretty

sure I was just trying to make sense of a mother who could change unexpectedly

from a

smiling mommy to a scary monster who slapped me and screamed hateful things at

me,

and whipped me with dad's belt, sometimes for no reason that I understood.

So, I will read with interest your experiences and how you all are dealing with

your BPD

parent or parents. The only thing that has worked for me is physical distance.

I can't live

near my nada, she is too domineering and demanding, like an emotional black hole

that

sucks everything into it and is still empty.

Thanks,

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > Hmmm....I never really considered it part of the bpd but my

> > mother

> > > does endlessly repeat the same conversations with the same quality

> > > and always talks AT me....interesting....

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > ~

> > > >

> > > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > > From: friendsofcam@

> > > > Date: Wed, 6 Aug 2008 04:14:48 +0000

> > > > Subject: Vocal Repetition Makes Me Insane

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > The repetition makes me insane caught my eye. This

> > is

> > > exactly what

> > > >

> > > > I've been thinking about for years. My Nada's constant vocal

> > > >

> > > > repetition...which, now could be blamed on old age if she hadn't

> > > been

> > > >

> > > > doing it since the day I was born.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Same conversation...different day... over and over and repeat!

> > > >

> > > > I don't know if this is a borderline trait or a short in the

> > > brain???

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > But, I tell you, it makes me want to kill myself. I just can't

> > > take

> > > >

> > > > the same darn thing talked " at me " (not with me) for hours on

> > > end...if

> > > >

> > > > she can possibly get my attention that long. She tries to sneak

> > > into

> > > >

> > > > my house offering to " help " me with something. Which, I know is

> > a

> > > >

> > > > down right lie! Then, she sits on my sofa saying " too bad she's

> > > too

> > > >

> > > > tired to do it " and here it comes.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > First, she feels it her need to preach the gospel to me...of

> > > course,

> > > >

> > > > she's my mother. So, it's her job...right? first it's her

> > > >

> > > > interpretation of heaven and hell. Which, I had memorized

> > 50,000

> > > >

> > > > times ago as a child. And which is somewhere along a child's

> > level

> > > >

> > > > of " hell is where there are spiders and things you don't like. "

> > > But,

> > > >

> > > > becomes more nutty as the conversation progresses where she makes

> > > up

> > > >

> > > > things about heaven and hell that no one knows. But, you know how

> > > >

> > > > borderlines re write history or anything else as they see fit.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Then, the conversation switches to some talk of her father as a

> > > drunk

> > > >

> > > > and after we've gone through that whole speel again and

> > again...and

> > > she

> > > >

> > > > wants me to be her therapist...again...you get the picture.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Then, it becomes ways she'd like to control my life...she calls

> > > >

> > > > this " goals we need to set. " Of how she will have total control

> > of

> > > my

> > > >

> > > > calendar and we'll spend twenty four hours a day

> > > together....including

> > > >

> > > > my sitting with her on the couch while she does laundry (and she

> > > would

> > > >

> > > > most likely be talking on the phone to someone else while I sit

> > > there

> > > >

> > > > and tend her)...NOT! I'm sorry but that's just weird. I'm

> > afraid

> > > she

> > > >

> > > > needs to learn how to be alone a little bit. She gets big sad

> > eyes

> > > >

> > > > over the fact that I " put her off " and won't answer my phone

> > every

> > > >

> > > > minute. And her latest tactic is " when I love you so much and

> > just

> > > >

> > > > need to know you're alright " ...barf. If this weren't so

> > > manipulative in

> > > >

> > > > nature...I'd feel bad.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I hate having a borderline mother. This would break her heart.

> > > But,

> > > >

> > > > honestly sometimes it's just more than a person can bare.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > _________________________________________________________________

> > > > Reveal your inner athlete and share it with friends on Windows

> > Live.

> > > > http://revealyourinnerathlete.windowslive.com?locale=en-

> > > us & ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WLYIA_whichathlete_us

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Your post- about being chased by monstors reminded me of an

experience I had frequently when walking home from school where I'd

suddenly be afraid that I was running from some horrible

monstor...and this could happen out of nowhere. I could be perfectly

happy and singing...and I often talked to the " sun " on my way home

from school as if he were a friend. Then, out of nowhere I'd be

afraid and wondering why and running from something. This became a

game and evolved into pretending I could fly quickly away to safety.

And I think that you are right. It is probably related to our

mothers. Because, that is how she was and still is...she's bright

and loving like the warm sunshine one moment and the next something

else entirely. And suddenly, even now, I'm afraid. And I try to

stay as far away from her when I see signs of that " witch " coming

out. I used to dream at night that she was secretly a wicked and

mean witch trying to destroy me...and no one knew that she was

because she could be so nice. And I think that somewhere in that

dream I was the clown trying to make thinks lighter and make it safe.

I guess these experiences were helping us cope as children...with

what we dealt with in real life. Similar to the way that we learn

from play.

> > > > >

> > > > > Hmmm....I never really considered it part of the bpd but my

> > > mother

> > > > does endlessly repeat the same conversations with the same

quality

> > > > and always talks AT me....interesting....

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > ~

> > > > >

> > > > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > > > From: friendsofcam@

> > > > > Date: Wed, 6 Aug 2008 04:14:48 +0000

> > > > > Subject: Vocal Repetition Makes Me

Insane

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > The repetition makes me insane caught my eye.

This

> > > is

> > > > exactly what

> > > > >

> > > > > I've been thinking about for years. My Nada's constant

vocal

> > > > >

> > > > > repetition...which, now could be blamed on old age if she

hadn't

> > > > been

> > > > >

> > > > > doing it since the day I was born.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Same conversation...different day... over and over and

repeat!

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't know if this is a borderline trait or a short in

the

> > > > brain???

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > But, I tell you, it makes me want to kill myself. I just

can't

> > > > take

> > > > >

> > > > > the same darn thing talked " at me " (not with me) for hours

on

> > > > end...if

> > > > >

> > > > > she can possibly get my attention that long. She tries to

sneak

> > > > into

> > > > >

> > > > > my house offering to " help " me with something. Which, I

know is

> > > a

> > > > >

> > > > > down right lie! Then, she sits on my sofa saying " too bad

she's

> > > > too

> > > > >

> > > > > tired to do it " and here it comes.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > First, she feels it her need to preach the gospel to

me...of

> > > > course,

> > > > >

> > > > > she's my mother. So, it's her job...right? first it's her

> > > > >

> > > > > interpretation of heaven and hell. Which, I had memorized

> > > 50,000

> > > > >

> > > > > times ago as a child. And which is somewhere along a

child's

> > > level

> > > > >

> > > > > of " hell is where there are spiders and things you don't

like. "

> > > > But,

> > > > >

> > > > > becomes more nutty as the conversation progresses where she

makes

> > > > up

> > > > >

> > > > > things about heaven and hell that no one knows. But, you

know how

> > > > >

> > > > > borderlines re write history or anything else as they see

fit.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Then, the conversation switches to some talk of her father

as a

> > > > drunk

> > > > >

> > > > > and after we've gone through that whole speel again and

> > > again...and

> > > > she

> > > > >

> > > > > wants me to be her therapist...again...you get the

picture.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Then, it becomes ways she'd like to control my life...she

calls

> > > > >

> > > > > this " goals we need to set. " Of how she will have total

control

> > > of

> > > > my

> > > > >

> > > > > calendar and we'll spend twenty four hours a day

> > > > together....including

> > > > >

> > > > > my sitting with her on the couch while she does laundry

(and she

> > > > would

> > > > >

> > > > > most likely be talking on the phone to someone else while I

sit

> > > > there

> > > > >

> > > > > and tend her)...NOT! I'm sorry but that's just weird. I'm

> > > afraid

> > > > she

> > > > >

> > > > > needs to learn how to be alone a little bit. She gets big

sad

> > > eyes

> > > > >

> > > > > over the fact that I " put her off " and won't answer my

phone

> > > every

> > > > >

> > > > > minute. And her latest tactic is " when I love you so much

and

> > > just

> > > > >

> > > > > need to know you're alright " ...barf. If this weren't so

> > > > manipulative in

> > > > >

> > > > > nature...I'd feel bad.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > I hate having a borderline mother. This would break her

heart.

> > > > But,

> > > > >

> > > > > honestly sometimes it's just more than a person can bare.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

_________________________________________________________________

> > > > > Reveal your inner athlete and share it with friends on

Windows

> > > Live.

> > > > > http://revealyourinnerathlete.windowslive.com?locale=en-

> > > > us & ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WLYIA_whichathlete_us

> > > > >

> > > > >