Guest guest Posted August 25, 2008 Report Share Posted August 25, 2008 Hi Malinda, I'm glad you posted this because it's so important for everyone to realize the physical manifestations that can result because of growing up in the pressure cooker of a BPD parent. Our bodies have felt that they were under constant attack. Healing chronically rattled nerves and bodies takes time, but I want to encourage anyone who might be having physical symptoms of PTSD to discuss it here. I've been through all kinds of hypochondriasis and many trips to the ER because I thought I was dying from " something.. " For a while, it really consumed my life. I knew where every fire station was just in case I needed an ambulance. I realize now that I had PTSD behaviors and panic disorder. I was constantly double checking on my body and health and had many embarrassing moments because of my hair trigger startle reflex. I had ice cold hands and was always embarrassed to shake hands or touch anyone because of it. I can clearly remember when I knew I was starting to recover from panic disorder because the warmth slowly came back to my hands. I just want anyone who is experiencing this to know that it does get better. And, you're right - we deserved so much better. Tag Subject: Abuse and the brain To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 1:01 PM I have been reading a lot on the effects of long term abuse has on the brain. It actually effects the part of the brain called the hippocampus. It is due to the extreme amount of stress the brain is enduring due to the abuse. The side effects of all this is like someone suffering from PTSD. It make effect are clarity when completing tasks, we may become super vilgant about our lives, we may have a super sensitive startle reflex, a very distorted sense of self...and the list continued. The good news is when we remove ourselves from the toxic situation and begin to heal, so does this part of our brain. How destructive is this poison know as abuse, and how it has effected all of us...even our brains. We though are resilent, loveable and wonderful human beings. I tell myself I am not the sum of my past- but this amazing person I am today living in this present moment, as are we all. At least now I know why in the past I did what I did, and yes, sometimes those behaviors from my past to creep back and I do all I can to squash them, because I (we) all deserve so much better then we were given. Malinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2008 Report Share Posted August 25, 2008 Oh my Lord yes!! Oh, holy cow, I had chronically cold, sweaty hands! Yes, probably caused by the pressure cooker of nada, the irritable perfectionist. In second grade I went through a phase of not being able to swallow without feeling like I was going to choke & got really thin. I bit my nails until they bled. So embarrassing. Even as a little kid I had neck problems, it was easy for me to get a bad " crick " in my neck: muscle spasms in my neck and shoulders. Again, probably stress-induced, or maybe because of having my head jerked around from the force of being slapped so often. I too had to learn to control my involuntary startle reflex; I'd startle when nada made any sudden, unexpected move near me, but if she *saw* me do that it would set her off. I'd get raged at; I guess it embarrassed her. She'd humiliate me for things I couldn't help, as well. I'll never forget when, back in third grade, it became obvious that I had very poor eyesight. Even sitting in the first row didn't help. When I wore my new glasses outside for the first time, I was enchanted: I could see the individual leaves on the trees! I could see individual bricks in the house across the street! Wow! But my joy seemed to irritate nada; instead of being happy for me that I could see, she told me to shut up, and I didn't have to wear them all the time, just when I needed to see the blackboard at school. She actually said they made me look ugly, so what was I so happy about? I was crushed. No wonder I thought my own mother didn't like me. What else could I think? This forum/Group is so good for me. I'm actually going to collect all my posts here and put them in a folder so that I can print them out eventually, if I ever go into therapy. -Annie > > > Subject: Abuse and the brain > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 1:01 PM > > > > > > > I have been reading a lot on the effects of long term abuse has on > the brain. It actually effects the part of the brain called the > hippocampus. It is due to the extreme amount of stress the brain is > enduring due to the abuse. > > The side effects of all this is like someone suffering from PTSD. > It make effect are clarity when completing tasks, we may become super > vilgant about our lives, we may have a super sensitive startle reflex, a > very distorted sense of self...and the list continued. > > The good news is when we remove ourselves from the toxic situation > and begin to heal, so does this part of our brain. > > How destructive is this poison know as abuse, and how it has > effected all of us...even our brains. We though are resilent, loveable > and wonderful human beings. I tell myself I am not the sum of my past- > but this amazing person I am today living in this present moment, as > are we all. > > At least now I know why in the past I did what I did, and yes, > sometimes those behaviors from my past to creep back and I do all I can > to squash them, because I (we) all deserve so much better then we were > given. > > Malinda > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2008 Report Share Posted August 25, 2008 Annie, Bless you for sharing. You really suffered through a lot. I sometimes don't understand why or how a parent could treat a child like you were treated. Your personal insights are very powerful, and you see clearly how the abuse effected you. Keep healing my friend...your courage and grace despite what you had to endure shines through. Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , " anuria67854 " <anuria- 67854@...> wrote: > > Oh my Lord yes!! Oh, holy cow, I had chronically cold, sweaty hands! Yes, probably > caused by the pressure cooker of nada, the irritable perfectionist. > > In second grade I went through a phase of not being able to swallow without feeling like I > was going to choke & got really thin. I bit my nails until they bled. So embarrassing. Even > as a little kid I had neck problems, it was easy for me to get a bad " crick " in my neck: > muscle spasms in my neck and shoulders. Again, probably stress- induced, or maybe > because of having my head jerked around from the force of being slapped so often. > > I too had to learn to control my involuntary startle reflex; I'd startle when nada made any > sudden, unexpected move near me, but if she *saw* me do that it would set her off. I'd > get raged at; I guess it embarrassed her. > > She'd humiliate me for things I couldn't help, as well. I'll never forget when, back in third > grade, it became obvious that I had very poor eyesight. Even sitting in the first row didn't > help. When I wore my new glasses outside for the first time, I was enchanted: I could see > the individual leaves on the trees! I could see individual bricks in the house across the > street! Wow! But my joy seemed to irritate nada; instead of being happy for me that I > could see, she told me to shut up, and I didn't have to wear them all the time, just when I > needed to see the blackboard at school. She actually said they made me look ugly, so what > was I so happy about? I was crushed. No wonder I thought my own mother didn't like me. > What else could I think? > > This forum/Group is so good for me. I'm actually going to collect all my posts here and > put them in a folder so that I can print them out eventually, if I ever go into therapy. > > -Annie > > > > > > > From: maparise17 <malinda024@> > > Subject: Abuse and the brain > > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > > Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 1:01 PM > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I have been reading a lot on the effects of long term abuse has on > > the brain. It actually effects the part of the brain called the > > hippocampus. It is due to the extreme amount of stress the brain is > > enduring due to the abuse. > > > > The side effects of all this is like someone suffering from PTSD. > > It make effect are clarity when completing tasks, we may become super > > vilgant about our lives, we may have a super sensitive startle reflex, a > > very distorted sense of self...and the list continued. > > > > The good news is when we remove ourselves from the toxic situation > > and begin to heal, so does this part of our brain. > > > > How destructive is this poison know as abuse, and how it has > > effected all of us...even our brains. We though are resilent, loveable > > and wonderful human beings. I tell myself I am not the sum of my past- > > but this amazing person I am today living in this present moment, as > > are we all. > > > > At least now I know why in the past I did what I did, and yes, > > sometimes those behaviors from my past to creep back and I do all I can > > to squash them, because I (we) all deserve so much better then we were > > given. > > > > Malinda > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2008 Report Share Posted August 25, 2008 Tag, Thank you for response...it is startling to read these posts that show the physical effects of all this. It was eye-opening for me, and PTSD is very real and it can impair us in so many ways. You have gone through so much...bless you. You are still thriving and healing. I think as you do this is an important issue, that should be addressed. Your insights are powerful...thank you for sharing. Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , C Kipp wrote: > > Hi Malinda, > > I'm glad you posted this because it's so important for everyone to realize the physical manifestations that can result because of growing up in the pressure cooker of a BPD parent. Our bodies have felt that they were under constant attack. Healing chronically rattled nerves and bodies takes time, but I want to encourage anyone who might be having physical symptoms of PTSD to discuss it here. I've been through all kinds of hypochondriasis and many trips to the ER because I thought I was dying from " something.. " For a while, it really consumed my life. I knew where every fire station was just in case I needed an ambulance. > > I realize now that I had PTSD behaviors and panic disorder. I was constantly double checking on my body and health and had many embarrassing moments because of my hair trigger startle reflex. I had ice cold hands and was always embarrassed to shake hands or touch anyone because of it. I can clearly remember when I knew I was starting to recover from panic disorder because the warmth slowly came back to my hands. I just want anyone who is experiencing this to know that it does get better. And, you're right - we deserved so much better. > > Tag > > > > Subject: Abuse and the brain > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 1:01 PM > > > > > > > I have been reading a lot on the effects of long term abuse has on > the brain. It actually effects the part of the brain called the > hippocampus. It is due to the extreme amount of stress the brain is > enduring due to the abuse. > > The side effects of all this is like someone suffering from PTSD. > It make effect are clarity when completing tasks, we may become super > vilgant about our lives, we may have a super sensitive startle reflex, a > very distorted sense of self...and the list continued. > > The good news is when we remove ourselves from the toxic situation > and begin to heal, so does this part of our brain. > > How destructive is this poison know as abuse, and how it has > effected all of us...even our brains. We though are resilent, loveable > and wonderful human beings. I tell myself I am not the sum of my past- > but this amazing person I am today living in this present moment, as > are we all. > > At least now I know why in the past I did what I did, and yes, > sometimes those behaviors from my past to creep back and I do all I can > to squash them, because I (we) all deserve so much better then we were > given. > > Malinda > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2008 Report Share Posted August 25, 2008 OMG Annie in reading your post I so can relate to the flinching when nada made any kind of sudden movement or even if she started talking too loud. My nada would rage at me too if I did it. It took me years to not flinch at all kinds of things including affection. I am glad that I don't really do that anymore although if I am in a very uncomfortable situation I would probably revert back to that. Uggh. The gift that keeps on giving.... > > > > > > From: maparise17 <malinda024@> > > > Subject: Abuse and the brain > > > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > > > Date: Sunday, August 24, 2008, 1:01 PM > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I have been reading a lot on the effects of long term abuse has > on > > > the brain. It actually effects the part of the brain called the > > > hippocampus. It is due to the extreme amount of stress the brain > is > > > enduring due to the abuse. > > > > > > The side effects of all this is like someone suffering from PTSD. > > > It make effect are clarity when completing tasks, we may become > super > > > vilgant about our lives, we may have a super sensitive startle > reflex, a > > > very distorted sense of self...and the list continued. > > > > > > The good news is when we remove ourselves from the toxic > situation > > > and begin to heal, so does this part of our brain. > > > > > > How destructive is this poison know as abuse, and how it has > > > effected all of us...even our brains. We though are resilent, > loveable > > > and wonderful human beings. I tell myself I am not the sum of my > past- > > > but this amazing person I am today living in this present moment, > as > > > are we all. > > > > > > At least now I know why in the past I did what I did, and yes, > > > sometimes those behaviors from my past to creep back and I do all > I can > > > to squash them, because I (we) all deserve so much better then we > were > > > given. > > > > > > Malinda > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 2008 Report Share Posted August 27, 2008 I know the effect of living inside the boiler maker almost killed me. I am only 43, buy last year I had colon cancer from all the stress. Had much of it removed, removed myself from the situation, and I'm feeling much healthier! Be careful. Investigate what it may be costing you to maintain these relationships. Is your loss worth their momentary gain? Your loss can be permanent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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