FWD: Cutting Our Losses

[Guest guest]

Project Hope

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Cutting Our Losses

Any of you who have ever raised a garden will know that a garden needs

watering and weeding and feeding if it is to flourish. " Weeds will blow in and

sprout, and the next thing they are growing and using up precious space, plant

food and water. They will grow and flourish while our crop does not fare very

well unless we cultivate our crop and eliminate the weeds.

The same is true with our lives. Sometimes we just keep going on and

encountering loss after loss. We are in a downward spiral. We practice

controlling our anger, our negative emotions, and other effects. But the games

just go on. Here is where we need to examine our lives, our goals and our

plans. We need to learn to limit ourselves to the primary essentials. We make

a decision to be happy, and to never harm another person. If we harm another

person, it will eventually fall back on us.

If we keep having a problem that we cannot get resolved, and cannot get to

the bottom of, we need to consider that someone we least suspect may be stirring

it up and coaxing it along for some kind of personal reason.

I will be alerted to inconsistencies in the behavior and communication of

others. I will be careful about getting caught up in the false promises of

others, or manipulations of any other sort. I will also be wary of those who

manipulate others, using negative emotions or dishonest intensions, or who rage

with condemnation irrevelant to the facts.

I will never knowingly use false or misleading information to motivate or

manipulate another person in any way. Such tactics are a serious violation to

human ethics and have unfortunate consequences.

We have certain obligations that must be kept. This includes taking care of

our family, providing for our children, obeying the law, and paying our debts.

We must take care of our property, our employment, and earn a livelihood.

There may be a lot of things to come up that would occupy a good part of our

time and energy. We must learn to question our thinking when it comes to

getting involved with a lot of these extra and miscellaneous things. We need to

assign priorities and choose them well. We learn to question ourself.

QUIK CHECK

1. Is this my business and obligation, or am I allowing

myself to get hooked with a false sense of duty?

2. Am I trying to be responsible for something I have

absolutely no power over?

3. Is this going to be good for me, or is this about false

hopes and false promises?

4. Is the information I have really true, or just part of

the picture?

5. Is this what I want, or is someone manipulating me

to go on some wild goose chase?

6. Am I being intimidated in some way?

7. Am I going out on a limb to gain approval

from some reason?

8. Will I be obligated in some way that conflicts

with my desires, beliefs, finances, relationships

or peace of mind?

9. Are the benefits hoped for, likely to come true?

10. Am I allowing some untrustworthy person to be

responsible for my business or personal affairs?

We journal about these issues. We may well need to discuss these matters

with another person whom we trust. We do not want to harm someone, and we do

not want to betray commitments or break our trust. We have the Twelve Steps,

Traditions, and Concepts to guide us, as well as the law, and other moral ethics

and values.

If another person is interfering with our life in negative ways, we may have

to separate ourselves from that harmful influence. Especially we may have to

separate ourselves from those with whom we have used alcohol and drugs, or

engaged in some other type of addictive behavior, such as illicit sex or

indiscriminate gambling.

We have the right to self preservation. And we must not allow ourselves in

the position to intervene the pricks and goads which are most justly earned and

deserved by another person. That would diminish us, while at the same time, it

would prevent the other person from learning the lesson they desperately need to

learn.

We must all take risks in our day to day life experiences. But we can make

calculated risks. We can have some idea of the outcome of what we do. We

should not take blind risks and bring those losses on ourselves and others.

My step-mother used to say to us, " Always count the cost of anything before

you do it. It can save you your life. " A precious gem of advice. " What will

be the cost? " And " What will be the likely outcome? " " What is the benefit?

What is the liability? " Learn to simplify, simplify, simplify. Get rid of the

clutter! Don't take on a lot of unnecessary and unprofitable activities and

pursuits, just to fill your day. Save a little time and rest for love and

pleasure, and " Don't keep jumping off track! "

F.