alone time

[Guest guest]

Count me in on this one too. I love being alone. I cherish the long

drive I have to and from work. sadly, i am living with my

mother..the one who is bpd. its a living hell. i never know what

her mood will be when i get home, or what i could have done wrong

today. sometimes i even call home to find out just to sorta try to

prepare myself. how pathetic huh? i am 42 and have no choice right

now but to be here and she is loving the fact that she has so much

more control of my life now and of my 3 children. she has started

treating my older two 18 and 16 as she does me now. This is almost

unbearable. it seems that since i have started show resistance to

her demands and control measure and simply not responding to her

outburst, i just walk away, that she has really gone over the edge.

she can't deal with not getting a reaction out of me. now, she is

saying that someone has " messed with my 5 year old daughter "

sexually touching her or something. I have sat her down and talked

with her and this is not true. my mothers says she can just tell by

the way she dropped her head when she ask her about it. this is

insane. and what makes matters worse, she says its someone i know.

i know she is insuiuating its my best friends husband, who happens to

be her godfather, but heres the kicker....shes never been alone with

him. go figure. she is so jealous of of spending anytime with

ANYONE but especially my best friend. even if she isn't home or at

work, she still gets mad if i go anywhere...so i guess thats why my

time alone soooo much.

Smoothered

>

>  

> Take Care Of You,

> JaneSoul

>

>

>

> Help me understand this (long,

> > > sorry)

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > My mother was trying to sabotage our plans to move to NYC

> this

> > > > spring

> > > > > until I told her it wasn't for me, but for my husband. I've

> > > always

> > > > been

> > > > > the bad child. She constantly berates me to my face and

> behind

> > > my

> > > > back.

> > > > > She beat me as a child. She's even written me letters

telling

> > me

> > > in

> > > > > excruciating detail why I am a bad person, alcoholic, and a

> > > > failure,

> > > > > and how maybe we shouldn't have a relationship anymore. she

> > > added

> > > > on

> > > > > that my then boyfriend/now husband was going to leave me

> > because

> > > we

> > > > > were all just a bunch of drunks.

> > > > >

> > > > > Now for some reason, she has idealized my husband and

thinks

> > > he's

> > > > > perfect. So I focused on him in regards to the NYC plan to

> get

> > > her

> > > > off

> > > > > my back. It's not completely true that the move is mainly

> > about

> > > > him. We

> > > > > both want to go for a multitude of reasons. (just for

> > > information,

> > > > my

> > > > > parents live far away from us).

> > > > >

> > > > > I recently got pregnant with our second child and now she

is

> > > acting

> > > > > like I am purposely trying to ruin the NYC plan. My dad

said

> > > when

> > > > he

> > > > > got home from work after I told her in the afternoon, she

was

> > in

> > > a

> > > > > black rage about the pregnancy and told him I was ruining

my

> > > > husband's

> > > > > plans and dreams. She has also said in the past that I

> married

> > > the

> > > > > first man that would have me (not true) and had a child

right

> > > away

> > > > to

> > > > > trap him (again not true). Having #2 now is PART of our

plan,

> > > and

> > > > > always has been. I just didn't share it with her.

> > > > >

> > > > > She had this reaction when she found out I was pregnant

with

> > my

> > > > first

> > > > > child too. And it was so hurtful to me because I feel my

> > > children

> > > > don't

> > > > > deserve to be resented by anyone, especially her. It's none

> of

> > > her

> > > > > business when we have kids or how many we have! She did

> > > eventually

> > > > move

> > > > > past it all and actually came to be there for his birth.

This

> > > time,

> > > > she

> > > > > is basically ignoring the fact that I'm pregnant, never

> > > > acknowledges

> > > > > it, never asks me how I'm feeling, and only wrote back one

> > word

> > > > when I

> > > > > asked if she liked some names I sent her (I thougth if I

got

> > her

> > > > > involved in the fun stuff she'd get over it. I was wrong of

> > > > course).

> > > > >

> > > > > The things she has said regarding my marriage and the

> > conception

> > > of

> > > > my

> > > > > first born and now this reaction to #2 are so painful to

me.

> > > I've

> > > > > gotten used to the absue over the years of course but this

> > > stings.

> > > > I

> > > > > read somewhere that the bad child was accused, tried, and

> > > convicted

> > > > of

> > > > > his/her supposed crimes before s/he even knew about the

> > > > accusations.

> > > > > That's always how I've felt. But now she is extending that

to

> > my

> > > > > family? How insulting it is to my husband to claim I only

> > > married

> > > > him

> > > > > because I was desperate.

> > > > >

> > > > > Can someone please help me try to figure this out? What

> should

> > I

> > > > do? I

> > > > > am really tempted to just gradually cut contact. Does that

> > work?

> > > > She

> > > > > sends me emails that aren't mean, just normal, and I feel

> like

> > I

> > > > don't

> > > > > have a reason NOT to respond. As is human nature, nothing

is

> > > ever

> > > > fully

> > > > > black and white. Sometimes she's not all that bad.

> > Occasionally,

> > > > she's

> > > > > even good. But the bad is really bad, and there a lot.

> > > > >

> > > > > __._,_..___

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> 35-

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> > > to " Understanding

> > > > the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline

> > > > Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome

to

> > > the

> > > > WTO community!

> > > > >

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