Re: do you feel like a fraud?

[Guest guest]

I love that show! Thanks for reminding me.

> I've been watching this show called " The Riches. " It's about a family

> of Irish-American Travelers, or nomadic people who travel the country

> and steal for a living.

>

> Through a series of bizarre circumstances, the family winds up living

> in a fancy upper middle-class neighborhood. The plot revolves around

> them pretending to be something they're not (rich, non-Travelers)

> while trying to hold on to what they are (Travelers).

>

> A large part of the dramatic tension on this show is the constant fear

> of being found out for the frauds that they are. The tension is great

> because the stakes are so high... if they're found out, their entire

> way of life will come crashing down.

>

> This show has gotten under my skin in a powerful way. I realize that I

> identify with the characters in a really visceral way. I realized that

> I feel like a fraud quite a lot, scared on some level that someone

> will find me out.

>

> But find me out for what? I'm not a criminal or a liar. I pay my

> taxes. I hold the door open for people in the elevator. But I can't

> shake the feeling that deep down, it's all a lie.

>

> Does that make any sense? Has anyone here had a similar feeling? Can

> you figure out where it comes from?

>

> I'm guessing it stems from the confusing dichotomy of appearing to do

> everything right but being told that one is never good enough, never

> smart enough, never capable enough... in short, a failure.

>

> Thoughts?

>

> qwerty

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

This really hit a cord.  For me the fraud is about trying to appear normal.  My

family was so freaky and odd and I just wanted people to think I came from a

normal background.  My father was a professor and my mother worked at the

university too.  We lived all over the world.  We lived in X neighborhood

(prestigious) these are the things I liked to tell people.  The reason:  Because

these facts make my parents appear competent.  All the other things like the

fact that my dad would sit and read all day long for days on end and never leave

the house, was paranoid and socially maladaptive, prone to irrational fits of

rage and debilating depression, that everything in our house was falling apart

(literally and figuratively), we lived in LA but only had one car because a) my

father wanted control over my mother (if we went shopping and came back late he

would be in a rage) and b)my mother wanted a luxury car and we couldn't afford

two, my father

had the potential and opportunity to make more money, lots more money, with

shocking ease but while all of my friends fathers seemed intent on providing the

best they could for their family, my dad couldn't do it.  He would just sit

there and read and rage about successful people.  All the while my

mother demanded that I be her emotional nursemaid, surrogate mother, surrogate

life partner and all around self-object. As I have posted she behaved in a sick

way with me regarding sex and food...

I think of it all as crusty, and messy and dirty and totally f***ed up.

At my core, I believe that I am a product of all of this and so I am crusty, and

messy and dirty and totally f***ed up.  I've tried to hide it my whole life....

do you feel like a fraud?

I've been watching this show called " The Riches. " It's about a family

of Irish-American Travelers, or nomadic people who travel the country

and steal for a living.

Through a series of bizarre circumstances, the family winds up living

in a fancy upper middle-class neighborhood. The plot revolves around

them pretending to be something they're not (rich, non-Travelers)

while trying to hold on to what they are (Travelers).

A large part of the dramatic tension on this show is the constant fear

of being found out for the frauds that they are. The tension is great

because the stakes are so high... if they're found out, their entire

way of life will come crashing down.

This show has gotten under my skin in a powerful way. I realize that I

identify with the characters in a really visceral way. I realized that

I feel like a fraud quite a lot, scared on some level that someone

will find me out.

But find me out for what? I'm not a criminal or a liar. I pay my

taxes. I hold the door open for people in the elevator. But I can't

shake the feeling that deep down, it's all a lie.

Does that make any sense? Has anyone here had a similar feeling? Can

you figure out where it comes from?

I'm guessing it stems from the confusing dichotomy of appearing to do

everything right but being told that one is never good enough, never

smart enough, never capable enough... in short, a failure.

Thoughts?

qwerty

[Guest guest]

((((hugs))))

[Guest guest]

I have a weak spot for this show as well. I find it highly ironic that while

being so amoral they fit in to the 'Upper crust " society thing perfectly. To see

the likes of people like this have a moral crisis is.....rich.

Re: do you feel like a fraud?

I love that show! Thanks for reminding me.

On Thu, Jul 17, 2008 at 3:41 PM, qz <qwerty.zanderson@ gmail.com> wrote:

> I've been watching this show called " The Riches. " It's about a family

> of Irish-American Travelers, or nomadic people who travel the country

> and steal for a living.

>

> Through a series of bizarre circumstances, the family winds up living

> in a fancy upper middle-class neighborhood. The plot revolves around

> them pretending to be something they're not (rich, non-Travelers)

> while trying to hold on to what they are (Travelers).

>

> A large part of the dramatic tension on this show is the constant fear

> of being found out for the frauds that they are. The tension is great

> because the stakes are so high... if they're found out, their entire

> way of life will come crashing down.

>

> This show has gotten under my skin in a powerful way. I realize that I

> identify with the characters in a really visceral way. I realized that

> I feel like a fraud quite a lot, scared on some level that someone

> will find me out.

>

> But find me out for what? I'm not a criminal or a liar. I pay my

> taxes. I hold the door open for people in the elevator. But I can't

> shake the feeling that deep down, it's all a lie.

>

> Does that make any sense? Has anyone here had a similar feeling? Can

> you figure out where it comes from?

>

> I'm guessing it stems from the confusing dichotomy of appearing to do

> everything right but being told that one is never good enough, never

> smart enough, never capable enough... in short, a failure.

>

> Thoughts?

>

> qwerty

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

wow, is that a reality show or are they actors?

I absolutely identify with that, the feelings started when I was

abused as a child by some perpetrators and every since then I've

been addictive in nature and trying to cover up or hide the dirty

side of me.

My father too has this weird fixation on making it seem like I

am 'dirty' somehow. It has really been getting to me lately and I

haven't even been able to post about it because I am feeling such

shame and bewilderment at seeing this behavior of his. He is a

filthy pig and a slob and there are two rooms in their house I won't

even clean because he's so gross. I moved the cats into their back

bedroom because two of them are incontinent and he constantly

bitches about the 'smell' in this room (I have a cabin but no

internet out there so this is where my computer is), even though he

would literally let the cat litter sit for weeks and weeks when he

was in charge of it which is why I took it over. I change it every

few days, and scoop it in between if need be (I am the primary

caretaker of the cats because my mother hates them and complains

about them constantly, just one more thing to feel victimized

about). I don't know, there are just little things my dad does that

are very hurtful and I really don't know how to deal with. And I

know it is all projection, and I sense that at some point there is

going to be more stuff coming up to deal with from the past

regarding him which I find depressing because I have lost so much

time reeling around like a pinball trying to figure out what was

true and what wasn't that the thought of having to deal with more

intense emotions regarding him is not something I look forward to.

Sometimes the weight of his defamation campaign is overwhelming. I

know that is where my 'dirty' feelings come from, these creeps.

[Guest guest]

YES!!!

First, I love " The Riches, " and second, yes, I have very much felt

like a fraud my whole life. I grew up in a very lower class

neighborhood, was one of only 3 girls in it around my age who didn't

get pregnant as a teen. I vividly remember sitting on a couch in the

student union the day I graduated from college, that song " Twilight

Zone " by Golden Earring was playing, and I was listening to the

lyrics ( " Help, I'm stepping into the Twilight Zone...where am I to go

now that I've gone too far? " ) and crying, because I realized that, as

well as I'd done in school, I somehow never really expected to

succeed and graduate. I kept thinking, " Girls from my town don't do

that. " When my husband and I bought a new house in the suburbs, I

made myself not get attached to it, thinking, " I'm not going to be

allowed to live here. Something will happen, I won't get to keep

this, I don't deserve it. " People tell me I'm a good mother,

a " pillar of the church, " but I feel like that's just how I appear,

if they knew me they would think I was a hypocrite. A lot of the time

I feel like I don't know who I really am, because I'm trying to do

the right things so people don't see that I'm not " normal. " I always

feel like I don't know what " normal " is--and yet my parents always

told me our family was normal, that my only problem was that I

thought life was like " The Brady Bunch. " So why don't I know what

normal is, and always feel like I'm faking it?

Thank you, qwerty--your question just vividly points out to me what I

need to work on!

>

> I've been watching this show called " The Riches. " It's about a

family

> of Irish-American Travelers, or nomadic people who travel the

country

> and steal for a living.

>

> Through a series of bizarre circumstances, the family winds up

living

> in a fancy upper middle-class neighborhood. The plot revolves around

> them pretending to be something they're not (rich, non-Travelers)

> while trying to hold on to what they are (Travelers).

>

> A large part of the dramatic tension on this show is the constant

fear

> of being found out for the frauds that they are. The tension is

great

> because the stakes are so high... if they're found out, their entire

> way of life will come crashing down.

>

> This show has gotten under my skin in a powerful way. I realize

that I

> identify with the characters in a really visceral way. I realized

that

> I feel like a fraud quite a lot, scared on some level that someone

> will find me out.

>

> But find me out for what? I'm not a criminal or a liar. I pay my

> taxes. I hold the door open for people in the elevator. But I can't

> shake the feeling that deep down, it's all a lie.

>

> Does that make any sense? Has anyone here had a similar feeling? Can

> you figure out where it comes from?

>

> I'm guessing it stems from the confusing dichotomy of appearing to

do

> everything right but being told that one is never good enough, never

> smart enough, never capable enough... in short, a failure.

>

> Thoughts?

>

> qwerty

>

[Guest guest]

I can Absolutely see where you're coming from!  Sometimes I feel like I'm just

going through the proper motions and trying to 'not be seen'.  I guess I'm 

afraid that people will find out that I am 'human' and don't have it 'all

together', perhaps they will see the pain I have and the person I have been made

to believe I am.  Maybe I fear that if a weakness is found it will be used

against me or someone will lash out because of a fault.  I know this is a so

illogical on the surface, but my physical body tells me otherwise and that is

how I go through my day, still watching my step.  It had gotten a little bit

better as I work my way through the dis-ease, but will it continue to improve?

My comfort level around others?

Anyway,  I hope this wasn't depressing.  Really I'm just putting things

together, mostly without emotion.  I guess, QZ, you really helped me to surface

with that via you post.  Thanks!

 

Take Care Of You,

JaneSoul

do you feel like a fraud?

I've been watching this show called " The Riches. " It's about a family

of Irish-American Travelers, or nomadic people who travel the country

and steal for a living.

Through a series of bizarre circumstances, the family winds up living

in a fancy upper middle-class neighborhood. The plot revolves around

them pretending to be something they're not (rich, non-Travelers)

while trying to hold on to what they are (Travelers).

A large part of the dramatic tension on this show is the constant fear

of being found out for the frauds that they are. The tension is great

because the stakes are so high... if they're found out, their entire

way of life will come crashing down.

This show has gotten under my skin in a powerful way. I realize that I

identify with the characters in a really visceral way. I realized that

I feel like a fraud quite a lot, scared on some level that someone

will find me out.

But find me out for what? I'm not a criminal or a liar. I pay my

taxes. I hold the door open for people in the elevator. But I can't

shake the feeling that deep down, it's all a lie.

Does that make any sense? Has anyone here had a similar feeling? Can

you figure out where it comes from?

I'm guessing it stems from the confusing dichotomy of appearing to do

everything right but being told that one is never good enough, never

smart enough, never capable enough... in short, a failure.

Thoughts?

qwerty

[Guest guest]

I don't know. I think that long ago, I gave up on expecting to

impress anyone. Could never please anyone in my family. I guess I

have lost the care of holding it all together...because it was always

darned if you do...darned if you don't.

But, I guess that I feel like a fraud in that if I dress up and try

to act like " somebody " I've been told so long that I'm " nobody " that

I feel fake to assume anything else.

>

> I can Absolutely see where you're coming from!  Sometimes I feel

like I'm just going through the proper motions and trying to 'not be

seen'.  I guess I'm  afraid that people will find out that I

am 'human' and don't have it 'all together', perhaps they will see

the pain I have and the person I have been made to believe I am. 

Maybe I fear that if a weakness is found it will be used against me

or someone will lash out because of a fault.  I know this is a so

illogical on the surface, but my physical body tells me otherwise and

that is how I go through my day, still watching my step.  It had

gotten a little bit better as I work my way through the dis-ease, but

will it continue to improve? My comfort level around others?

> Anyway,  I hope this wasn't depressing.  Really I'm just putting

things together, mostly without emotion.  I guess, QZ, you really

helped me to surface with that via you post.  Thanks!

>

>  

> Take Care Of You,

> JaneSoul

>

>

>

> do you feel like a fraud?

>

>

> I've been watching this show called " The Riches. " It's about a

family

> of Irish-American Travelers, or nomadic people who travel the

country

> and steal for a living.

>

> Through a series of bizarre circumstances, the family winds up

living

> in a fancy upper middle-class neighborhood. The plot revolves around

> them pretending to be something they're not (rich, non-Travelers)

> while trying to hold on to what they are (Travelers).

>

> A large part of the dramatic tension on this show is the constant

fear

> of being found out for the frauds that they are. The tension is

great

> because the stakes are so high... if they're found out, their entire

> way of life will come crashing down.

>

> This show has gotten under my skin in a powerful way. I realize

that I

> identify with the characters in a really visceral way. I realized

that

> I feel like a fraud quite a lot, scared on some level that someone

> will find me out.

>

> But find me out for what? I'm not a criminal or a liar. I pay my

> taxes. I hold the door open for people in the elevator. But I can't

> shake the feeling that deep down, it's all a lie.

>

> Does that make any sense? Has anyone here had a similar feeling? Can

> you figure out where it comes from?

>

> I'm guessing it stems from the confusing dichotomy of appearing to

do

> everything right but being told that one is never good enough, never

> smart enough, never capable enough... in short, a failure.

>

> Thoughts?

>

> qwerty

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

i feel like a fraud often, but i think i'm getting a little better at

it. i don't think there's really any way to curtail the feeling

completely, but i find that if i am supposed to do something, i feel

more confident if i rehearse before the real thing. if this is a

lesson, this means doing the lesson in my head or giving it to my

husband or dad prior to the real deal. if this is an art

demonstration, then i complete several projects before teaching

others. if this is a show, well, of course i practice practice

practice my songs until i'm virtually physically on autopilot so that

i can be nervous, but my arms, hands, fingers, and vocal chords know

what to do without much control from me.

it doesn't help take the feeling away. the feeling is always there in

the beginning, but it does help to show myself that i actually know

what i'm talking about and that i'm not a fraud.

bink

>

> I've been watching this show called " The Riches. " It's about a family

> of Irish-American Travelers, or nomadic people who travel the country

> and steal for a living.

>

> Through a series of bizarre circumstances, the family winds up living

> in a fancy upper middle-class neighborhood. The plot revolves around

> them pretending to be something they're not (rich, non-Travelers)

> while trying to hold on to what they are (Travelers).

>

> A large part of the dramatic tension on this show is the constant fear

> of being found out for the frauds that they are. The tension is great

> because the stakes are so high... if they're found out, their entire

> way of life will come crashing down.

>

> This show has gotten under my skin in a powerful way. I realize that I

> identify with the characters in a really visceral way. I realized that

> I feel like a fraud quite a lot, scared on some level that someone

> will find me out.

>

> But find me out for what? I'm not a criminal or a liar. I pay my

> taxes. I hold the door open for people in the elevator. But I can't

> shake the feeling that deep down, it's all a lie.

>

> Does that make any sense? Has anyone here had a similar feeling? Can

> you figure out where it comes from?

>

> I'm guessing it stems from the confusing dichotomy of appearing to do

> everything right but being told that one is never good enough, never

> smart enough, never capable enough... in short, a failure.

>

> Thoughts?

>

> qwerty

>