Re: Re: What was this about?

[Guest guest]

This about sums it up:

*

If you're like me, you get into disputes with narcissists over their casual

dishonesty and cruelty to other people. Trying to reform narcissists by

reasoning with them or by appealing to their better nature is about as effective

as spitting in the ocean. What you see is what you get: they have no better

nature. The fundamental problem here is that narcissists lack empathy.

     Lacking empathy is a profound disturbance to the narcissist's thinking

(cognition) and feeling (affectivity). Even when very intelligent, narcissists

can't reason well. One I've worked with closely does something I characterize as

" analysis by eggbeater.. " They don't understand the meaning of what people say

and they don't grasp the meaning of the written word either -- because so much

of the meaning of anything we say depends on context and affect, narcissists

(lacking empathy and thus lacking both context and affect) hear only the words.

(Discussions with narcissists can be really weird and disconcerting; they seem

to think that using some of the same words means that they are following a line

of conversation or reasoning. Thus, they will go off on tangents and

irrelevancies, apparently in the blithe delusion that they understand what

others are talking about.) And, frankly, they don't hear all the words, either.

They can pay attention only to

stuff that has them in it. This is not merely a bad habit -- it's a cognitive

deficiency. Narcissists pay attention only to themselves and stuff that affects

them personally. However, since they don't know what other people are doing,

narcissists can't judge what will affect them personally and seem never to learn

that when they cause trouble they will get trouble back. They won't take other

people's feelings into consideration and so they overlook the fact that other

people will react with feeling when abused or exploited and that most people get

really pissed off by being lied to or lied about.

>>>>>>>>>>>

If they didn't do so much damage, it would be pathetic..

Re: What was this about?

what's said in twelve step meetings is supposed to be confidential. it

would have been within your rights to go back to that meeting and talk

about what happened and how hurt you were by it. I've been to a few al-

alon meetings, I like ACOA/CODA type meetings but to each their own. I

feel bad that she behaved this way, since there is a tacit agreement

of confidentiality in those meetings. Anytime anyone asks you to go to

one and you want to you don't have to go to the specific one they

want, or attend when they do. It's really a shame she broke your

confidences. A very, very sick person.