Re: BPD's and grandchildren

[Guest guest]

" I see other grandparents who take their grandchildren on trips or

overnight, and it just makes me sad that my children don't have

that. " Beth, I am sure it makes you sad, but OHHH how nice it

would be to have my MIL BP live two hours away!! They don't really

have a relationship with their grandkids, they let them watch

unlimited amounts of TV, computer, unlimited food (MIL is also

diabetic), etc. My son compares going to MIL's to Disney - " we just

get to do whatever we want, whenever we want! " She loves to control

the situation, cannot commit to a time to drop them off or for us to

come get them, she says " call me back later and we'll

see " , " they're fine " , " we'll plan a time later " . And then if you

are gone when she wants to meet you, she gets upset that you weren't

home. She 'pops' our baby (1 1/2 years old), tells the kids, " Don't

tell your Mom, but. . . . " Likes the older two, but not the younger

two (splitting), calls the younger two names (including calling our

daughter MY name because she reminds her of me), tries to make

decisions with my husband when she knows I am unavailable or out of

town (Son, I am going to bring a trampoline over - it is the perfect

time, DIL is out of town for the weekend. I know YOU would like

them to have one, and we want to give it to them.) Wanting to get

them each a laptop, when I tried once to tell her that I didn't want

the kids having unlimited time to the computer due to access to

pornography, she said, " Oh DIL, whooptie-do. a couple of titties.

I see nothing wrong with that anyway. You need to get over it.

they will see that much at the beach. " There could be a blessing in

your kids not getting sucked into the BP grandparent black hole.

Oh, I wish I had opened my eyes sooner. I am now fighting for my

kids safety, my sanity, my role as their mother, and not to mention

my marriage, married to an over-emeshed chosen child, who has

enjoyed his role - up until now!

Finally Standing

>

> I guess I'm just venting, because I don't know why any of this

should

> surprise me, but I get so aggravated with how my parents deal with

my

> children. It's like my children are just toys to them, to be

played

> with when they feel like it, and put away when they're not in the

> mood. Fortunately, we live several hours away, so it doesn't hurt

my

> children's feelings, but it irritates me. My father didn't even

come

> to the hospital when my first child (his first grandchild) was

born

> (this was when we lived in the same town)--he was " too tired " (it

was

> 6 PM). My mom, on the other hand, showed up in the delivery room

and

> started ordering everyone around (I had NEVER invited her). My

> husband used to travel a lot for business, and once I called them

> because I had a fever of 103 and was drifting in and out of

> consciousness and really needed someone to watch my daughter.

When I

> told mom, she said, " I'm glad you told us, so we don't come over

and

> get sick " ! Several times they've come to our house wearing

surgical

> masks, because they " don't want to catch something " --this is when

my

> kids weren't sick, and my parents are perfectly healthy, it's not

> like they have some condition that neccessitates this. I got sick

of

> it and told them that if it was so dangerous for them to visit

their

> grandchildren, just leave--of course, that was me " over-reacting " .

> Then they got this dog that they do not train at all--it jumps,

nips,

> knocks my children over, goes to the bathroom everywhere--and I'm

> unreasonable if I ask them to put it in another room when we visit

so

> it doesn't hurt my children. Mother's explanation is, " You moved

and

> took my grandchildren away from me, so now all I have is my dog. "

But

> how often did they come to visit when we lived 10 minutes away?

They

> would come for an hour or so every few weeks, and then they'd

be " too

> tired " and leave.

> I see other grandparents who take their grandchildren on trips or

> overnight, and it just makes me sad that my children don't have

that.

>

> Beth

>

[Guest guest]

Your MIL is out to lunch. By all means keep those laptops out of your house..

What a loon. She is definitely trying to undercut your authority with your

children and hubby just goes along to keep her happy. YIKES. Rent the Dark

Victory movie with Bette and ask him if he sees anything familar. If he

will watch it.

Here is my question if Nada is that enmeshed with your hubby how on earth did

you get past her to marry him? I mean it strikes me that he did have a moment of

clarity at one time.

Be strong

Re: BPD's and grandchildren

" I see other grandparents who take their grandchildren on trips or

overnight, and it just makes me sad that my children don't have

that. " Beth, I am sure it makes you sad, but OHHH how nice it

would be to have my MIL BP live two hours away!! They don't really

have a relationship with their grandkids, they let them watch

unlimited amounts of TV, computer, unlimited food (MIL is also

diabetic), etc. My son compares going to MIL's to Disney - " we just

get to do whatever we want, whenever we want! " She loves to control

the situation, cannot commit to a time to drop them off or for us to

come get them, she says " call me back later and we'll

see " , " they're fine " , " we'll plan a time later " . And then if you

are gone when she wants to meet you, she gets upset that you weren't

home. She 'pops' our baby (1 1/2 years old), tells the kids, " Don't

tell your Mom, but. . . . " Likes the older two, but not the younger

two (splitting), calls the younger two names (including calling our

daughter MY name because she reminds her of me), tries to make

decisions with my husband when she knows I am unavailable or out of

town (Son, I am going to bring a trampoline over - it is the perfect

time, DIL is out of town for the weekend. I know YOU would like

them to have one, and we want to give it to them.) Wanting to get

them each a laptop, when I tried once to tell her that I didn't want

the kids having unlimited time to the computer due to access to

pornography, she said, " Oh DIL, whooptie-do. a couple of titties.

I see nothing wrong with that anyway. You need to get over it.

they will see that much at the beach. " There could be a blessing in

your kids not getting sucked into the BP grandparent black hole.

Oh, I wish I had opened my eyes sooner. I am now fighting for my

kids safety, my sanity, my role as their mother, and not to mention

my marriage, married to an over-emeshed chosen child, who has

enjoyed his role - up until now!

Finally Standing

>

> I guess I'm just venting, because I don't know why any of this

should

> surprise me, but I get so aggravated with how my parents deal with

my

> children. It's like my children are just toys to them, to be

played

> with when they feel like it, and put away when they're not in the

> mood. Fortunately, we live several hours away, so it doesn't hurt

my

> children's feelings, but it irritates me. My father didn't even

come

> to the hospital when my first child (his first grandchild) was

born

> (this was when we lived in the same town)--he was " too tired " (it

was

> 6 PM). My mom, on the other hand, showed up in the delivery room

and

> started ordering everyone around (I had NEVER invited her). My

> husband used to travel a lot for business, and once I called them

> because I had a fever of 103 and was drifting in and out of

> consciousness and really needed someone to watch my daughter.

When I

> told mom, she said, " I'm glad you told us, so we don't come over

and

> get sick " ! Several times they've come to our house wearing

surgical

> masks, because they " don't want to catch something " -- this is when

my

> kids weren't sick, and my parents are perfectly healthy, it's not

> like they have some condition that neccessitates this. I got sick

of

> it and told them that if it was so dangerous for them to visit

their

> grandchildren, just leave--of course, that was me " over-reacting " .

> Then they got this dog that they do not train at all--it jumps,

nips,

> knocks my children over, goes to the bathroom everywhere-- and I'm

> unreasonable if I ask them to put it in another room when we visit

so

> it doesn't hurt my children. Mother's explanation is, " You moved

and

> took my grandchildren away from me, so now all I have is my dog. "

But

> how often did they come to visit when we lived 10 minutes away?

They

> would come for an hour or so every few weeks, and then they'd

be " too

> tired " and leave.

> I see other grandparents who take their grandchildren on trips or

> overnight, and it just makes me sad that my children don't have

that.

>

> Beth

>

[Guest guest]

Yikes not Dark Victory, but Now, Voyager. BPD, NPDs all over the place. A bit

over the top by our standards today.

Re: BPD's and grandchildren

" I see other grandparents who take their grandchildren on trips or

overnight, and it just makes me sad that my children don't have

that. " Beth, I am sure it makes you sad, but OHHH how nice it

would be to have my MIL BP live two hours away!! They don't really

have a relationship with their grandkids, they let them watch

unlimited amounts of TV, computer, unlimited food (MIL is also

diabetic), etc. My son compares going to MIL's to Disney - " we just

get to do whatever we want, whenever we want! " She loves to control

the situation, cannot commit to a time to drop them off or for us to

come get them, she says " call me back later and we'll

see " , " they're fine " , " we'll plan a time later " . And then if you

are gone when she wants to meet you, she gets upset that you weren't

home. She 'pops' our baby (1 1/2 years old), tells the kids, " Don't

tell your Mom, but. . . . " Likes the older two, but not the younger

two (splitting), calls the younger two names (including calling our

daughter MY name because she reminds her of me), tries to make

decisions with my husband when she knows I am unavailable or out of

town (Son, I am going to bring a trampoline over - it is the perfect

time, DIL is out of town for the weekend. I know YOU would like

them to have one, and we want to give it to them.) Wanting to get

them each a laptop, when I tried once to tell her that I didn't want

the kids having unlimited time to the computer due to access to

pornography, she said, " Oh DIL, whooptie-do. a couple of titties.

I see nothing wrong with that anyway. You need to get over it.

they will see that much at the beach. " There could be a blessing in

your kids not getting sucked into the BP grandparent black hole.

Oh, I wish I had opened my eyes sooner. I am now fighting for my

kids safety, my sanity, my role as their mother, and not to mention

my marriage, married to an over-emeshed chosen child, who has

enjoyed his role - up until now!

Finally Standing

>

> I guess I'm just venting, because I don't know why any of this

should

> surprise me, but I get so aggravated with how my parents deal with

my

> children. It's like my children are just toys to them, to be

played

> with when they feel like it, and put away when they're not in the

> mood. Fortunately, we live several hours away, so it doesn't hurt

my

> children's feelings, but it irritates me. My father didn't even

come

> to the hospital when my first child (his first grandchild) was

born

> (this was when we lived in the same town)--he was " too tired " (it

was

> 6 PM). My mom, on the other hand, showed up in the delivery room

and

> started ordering everyone around (I had NEVER invited her). My

> husband used to travel a lot for business, and once I called them

> because I had a fever of 103 and was drifting in and out of

> consciousness and really needed someone to watch my daughter.

When I

> told mom, she said, " I'm glad you told us, so we don't come over

and

> get sick " ! Several times they've come to our house wearing

surgical

> masks, because they " don't want to catch something " -- this is when

my

> kids weren't sick, and my parents are perfectly healthy, it's not

> like they have some condition that neccessitates this. I got sick

of

> it and told them that if it was so dangerous for them to visit

their

> grandchildren, just leave--of course, that was me " over-reacting " .

> Then they got this dog that they do not train at all--it jumps,

nips,

> knocks my children over, goes to the bathroom everywhere-- and I'm

> unreasonable if I ask them to put it in another room when we visit

so

> it doesn't hurt my children. Mother's explanation is, " You moved

and

> took my grandchildren away from me, so now all I have is my dog. "

But

> how often did they come to visit when we lived 10 minutes away?

They

> would come for an hour or so every few weeks, and then they'd

be " too

> tired " and leave.

> I see other grandparents who take their grandchildren on trips or

> overnight, and it just makes me sad that my children don't have

that.

>

> Beth

>

     

[Guest guest]

I totally feel you on this one Beth. The culprit is my fada (BPD,

NPD.) He splits between my son and daughter. I used to get a " bad "

report everytime about my daughter and my son could do no wrong.

Your mom sounds just like him with " Disneyworld at her house " and

they do whatever they want. He used to lie about my children

watching " Chucky " and " Dracula, " but I would be the one up in the

middle of the night with them screaming from nightmares from the

movie images. Then I would confront him and we would just downplay

the sitch or outright lie.

He went to extremes with trying to permanently gain custody of my

son, not the daugher, without my knowledge and I now have a

restraining order against him. He is a stone nut and I'm not

implying that this is your mom, but I'm changing my son's school, my

daughter's daycare and they will NEVER have a relationship with him

or his wife (enabler) or my bro (BPD, NPD, Anti-Soc Conduct Dis)

whom my dad really f*cked up-excuse me.

Just stand your ground and protect your fam. Only you can set the

boundaries and enforce them. Before you allow this madness to

affect your children, you may need to cease visitation altogether.

I started noticing animosity brewing between my 4 and 6 yr olds and

the competition for the grandparents love beginning. I nipped it.

They will not end up like my bro and I.

Be strong, you know what your options are and what decisions you

must make.

Alana

>

> I guess I'm just venting, because I don't know why any of this

should

> surprise me, but I get so aggravated with how my parents deal with

my

> children. It's like my children are just toys to them, to be

played

> with when they feel like it, and put away when they're not in the

> mood. Fortunately, we live several hours away, so it doesn't hurt

my

> children's feelings, but it irritates me. My father didn't even

come

> to the hospital when my first child (his first grandchild) was

born

> (this was when we lived in the same town)--he was " too tired " (it

was

> 6 PM). My mom, on the other hand, showed up in the delivery room

and

> started ordering everyone around (I had NEVER invited her). My

> husband used to travel a lot for business, and once I called them

> because I had a fever of 103 and was drifting in and out of

> consciousness and really needed someone to watch my daughter.

When I

> told mom, she said, " I'm glad you told us, so we don't come over

and

> get sick " ! Several times they've come to our house wearing

surgical

> masks, because they " don't want to catch something " --this is when

my

> kids weren't sick, and my parents are perfectly healthy, it's not

> like they have some condition that neccessitates this. I got sick

of

> it and told them that if it was so dangerous for them to visit

their

> grandchildren, just leave--of course, that was me " over-reacting " .

> Then they got this dog that they do not train at all--it jumps,

nips,

> knocks my children over, goes to the bathroom everywhere--and I'm

> unreasonable if I ask them to put it in another room when we visit

so

> it doesn't hurt my children. Mother's explanation is, " You moved

and

> took my grandchildren away from me, so now all I have is my dog. "

But

> how often did they come to visit when we lived 10 minutes away?

They

> would come for an hour or so every few weeks, and then they'd

be " too

> tired " and leave.

> I see other grandparents who take their grandchildren on trips or

> overnight, and it just makes me sad that my children don't have

that.

>

> Beth

>

[Guest guest]

I have this really strange fear about my mil and my kids now that

they are getting older. I'm afraid that she's going to try to " get

her hooks " into them by going at them directly instead of through me

and my husband like she's had to in the past.

My son is going away to college next wednesday. He got a card in the

mail from my mil. Sometimes I wonder if I just read too much into

the messages she sends. Because as I read it I can see her sad

little boo boo bace, hear her woe is me whine, and see her pitiful

nearly tear filled eyes.

When I first saw the card in the mail box with her handwriting on the

envelope, I got a little " rush " of anxiety, and think oh jeez, what's

this. I wanted to open it first and get a gander and then decide

whether or not to pass it on. But he's 18 years old, it would be an

invasion of his privacy so I handed it over without comment. But I

had this odd feeling of dread. Isn't that awful to feel this way

when your son gets a card from his grandmother?

He opened it, read it, pocketed a twenty, and tossed the card on the

table. I asked, what's that about. He said, " a guilt trip " .

Yikes! I asked him if I could read it. I wonder if I'd passed my own

feelings about her onto them, this makes me feel bad, because other

than her basic lack of interest in them, she has never done anything

to overtly hurt my children.

Here's the text of the " good luck " message she wrote to my son:

You are starting an exciting chapter in your life. I know you will

do great in your studies, as you are a very smart young man. I hope

to hear from you once in a while to let me know how your classes are

going. Hugs and good wishes to you, love from Nana.

After I read the note, I said, well, I guess she'll probably hear

from you about your classes as often as she has in the past. (I

don't know what to say, I shrug my shoulders.) But he's

characterized this note as a " guilt trip " , I don't know what to say

to him. I guess I could have asked him, why do you feel like Nana

was sending you a guilt trip? What makes you feel guilty about that

note?

For comparison purposes, my mother (of failing eyesight and arthritic

hands) spent the summer crotcheting a beautiful afghan in his school

colors. When she gave it to him, she gave him a hug and a kiss, told

him she loves him, is proud of him, and she hopes this blanket helps

to keep him cozy when he's away at school.

>

> I guess I'm just venting, because I don't know why any of this

should

> surprise me, but I get so aggravated with how my parents deal with

my

> children. It's like my children are just toys to them, to be played

> with when they feel like it, and put away when they're not in the

> mood. Fortunately, we live several hours away, so it doesn't hurt

my

> children's feelings, but it irritates me. My father didn't even

come

> to the hospital when my first child (his first grandchild) was born

> (this was when we lived in the same town)--he was " too tired " (it

was

> 6 PM). My mom, on the other hand, showed up in the delivery room

and

> started ordering everyone around (I had NEVER invited her). My

> husband used to travel a lot for business, and once I called them

> because I had a fever of 103 and was drifting in and out of

> consciousness and really needed someone to watch my daughter. When

I

> told mom, she said, " I'm glad you told us, so we don't come over

and

> get sick " ! Several times they've come to our house wearing surgical

> masks, because they " don't want to catch something " --this is when

my

> kids weren't sick, and my parents are perfectly healthy, it's not

> like they have some condition that neccessitates this. I got sick

of

> it and told them that if it was so dangerous for them to visit

their

> grandchildren, just leave--of course, that was me " over-reacting " .

> Then they got this dog that they do not train at all--it jumps,

nips,

> knocks my children over, goes to the bathroom everywhere--and I'm

> unreasonable if I ask them to put it in another room when we visit

so

> it doesn't hurt my children. Mother's explanation is, " You moved

and

> took my grandchildren away from me, so now all I have is my dog. "

But

> how often did they come to visit when we lived 10 minutes away?

They

> would come for an hour or so every few weeks, and then they'd

be " too

> tired " and leave.

> I see other grandparents who take their grandchildren on trips or

> overnight, and it just makes me sad that my children don't have

that.

>

> Beth

>

[Guest guest]

Still Standing, I am sooooo sorry that this is your experience. I was

just fretting over my parent's unhealthy relationship with my brother

(enmeshed chosen boy) and his baby. Oh man! My nada has had the

freakiest reactions to my bro's girlfriends forever. Either she likes

them because they're total doormats and do whatever she says and

somehow miss the fact that she's nuts OR she HATES them. It's just

ridiculous. My bro and the baby-momma are not together (partly

because of my nada's meddling).

My nada purposely fills the role of mother when the baby is with them

(because bro lives in their house) talk about sick. My brother brings

the kid home and she wants to go straight to his BP granny. I realize

there's nothing I can do about this. I just sit back and watch the

nightmare unfold and cringe.

I'm glad you're at least aware of the situation and can protect your

kids. Although I have to say that you're husband not sticking up to

his nada (because he's enmeshed) would totally flip me out--hang in

there and keep standing up for yourself.

Trish

> >

> > I guess I'm just venting, because I don't know why any of this

> should

> > surprise me, but I get so aggravated with how my parents deal with

> my

> > children. It's like my children are just toys to them, to be

> played

> > with when they feel like it, and put away when they're not in the

> > mood. Fortunately, we live several hours away, so it doesn't hurt

> my

> > children's feelings, but it irritates me. My father didn't even

> come

> > to the hospital when my first child (his first grandchild) was

> born

> > (this was when we lived in the same town)--he was " too tired " (it

> was

> > 6 PM). My mom, on the other hand, showed up in the delivery room

> and

> > started ordering everyone around (I had NEVER invited her). My

> > husband used to travel a lot for business, and once I called them

> > because I had a fever of 103 and was drifting in and out of

> > consciousness and really needed someone to watch my daughter.

> When I

> > told mom, she said, " I'm glad you told us, so we don't come over

> and

> > get sick " ! Several times they've come to our house wearing

> surgical

> > masks, because they " don't want to catch something " --this is when

> my

> > kids weren't sick, and my parents are perfectly healthy, it's not

> > like they have some condition that neccessitates this. I got sick

> of

> > it and told them that if it was so dangerous for them to visit

> their

> > grandchildren, just leave--of course, that was me " over-reacting " .

> > Then they got this dog that they do not train at all--it jumps,

> nips,

> > knocks my children over, goes to the bathroom everywhere--and I'm

> > unreasonable if I ask them to put it in another room when we visit

> so

> > it doesn't hurt my children. Mother's explanation is, " You moved

> and

> > took my grandchildren away from me, so now all I have is my dog. "

> But

> > how often did they come to visit when we lived 10 minutes away?

> They

> > would come for an hour or so every few weeks, and then they'd

> be " too

> > tired " and leave.

> > I see other grandparents who take their grandchildren on trips or

> > overnight, and it just makes me sad that my children don't have

> that.

> >

> > Beth

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Mil called yesterday to " touch base " because we haven't talked since

July.

She went on tangent about how lonely I am without my son, and how my

house must be so empty and quiet. (um your granddaughter still lives

here) Then she finished with a statement. You miss him.

I hadn't said a word about him. She hadn't asked me how I felt or

how it was going since he went to school. I hate when she decides

what my feelings are without even asking me. It feels so invasive

when she does this.

She didn't ask about my daughter. So I said, daughter went back to

school on Tuesday. She said, she's a senior now, oh my, how

exciting. I said, she's a junior. Grrr.

Then she brought the subject back to my son, and to what I believe to

be the real purpose of her call. " I would loooooovvvvveee to get a

phone call from him, but I guess it is too much to ask a boy to call

his grandmother once in a while. Grrrr. Again.

>

> I have this really strange fear about my mil and my kids now that

> they are getting older. I'm afraid that she's going to try to " get

> her hooks " into them by going at them directly instead of through

me

> and my husband like she's had to in the past.

>

> My son is going away to college next wednesday. He got a card in

the

> mail from my mil. Sometimes I wonder if I just read too much into

> the messages she sends. Because as I read it I can see her sad

> little boo boo bace, hear her woe is me whine, and see her pitiful

> nearly tear filled eyes.

>

> When I first saw the card in the mail box with her handwriting on

the

> envelope, I got a little " rush " of anxiety, and think oh jeez,

what's

> this. I wanted to open it first and get a gander and then decide

> whether or not to pass it on. But he's 18 years old, it would be

an

> invasion of his privacy so I handed it over without comment. But I

> had this odd feeling of dread. Isn't that awful to feel this way

> when your son gets a card from his grandmother?

>

> He opened it, read it, pocketed a twenty, and tossed the card on

the

> table. I asked, what's that about. He said, " a guilt trip " .

>

> Yikes! I asked him if I could read it. I wonder if I'd passed my

own

> feelings about her onto them, this makes me feel bad, because other

> than her basic lack of interest in them, she has never done

anything

> to overtly hurt my children.

>

> Here's the text of the " good luck " message she wrote to my son:

> You are starting an exciting chapter in your life. I know you will

> do great in your studies, as you are a very smart young man. I

hope

> to hear from you once in a while to let me know how your classes

are

> going. Hugs and good wishes to you, love from Nana.

>

> After I read the note, I said, well, I guess she'll probably hear

> from you about your classes as often as she has in the past. (I

> don't know what to say, I shrug my shoulders.) But he's

> characterized this note as a " guilt trip " , I don't know what to say

> to him. I guess I could have asked him, why do you feel like Nana

> was sending you a guilt trip? What makes you feel guilty about

that

> note?

>

> For comparison purposes, my mother (of failing eyesight and

arthritic

> hands) spent the summer crotcheting a beautiful afghan in his

school

> colors. When she gave it to him, she gave him a hug and a kiss,

told

> him she loves him, is proud of him, and she hopes this blanket

helps

> to keep him cozy when he's away at school.

>

[Guest guest]

Okay, I've been meaning to post this for a few days but things got

busy around here. It's been almost a year since I've spoken to nada,

after I discovered that she was being mean to my kids, I confronted

her about it, and all of the ugly BPD activity that ensued. Well, my

oldest daughter turned nine in May. I intercepted a birthday card

from my parents filled with crap like " tell your brother and sister

that we love them " and " we have a gift we'd love to give you if we're

allowed to " . She never saw that card, and nothing else happened. My

son turned five last Monday. The next day, someone (don't know who)

dropped off presents from my parents for him and my oldest daughter

for their birthdays. His gift: a scooter, complete with helmet (too

small), elbow and arm pads. Her gift: a Hannah Montana pillow and a

Mickey Mouse watch. Problem? My daughter has never liked Hannah

Montana, and isn't into Mickey Mouse, either. I should also mention

that for Christmas, she got a Hannah Montana barbie from them. All

of their female grandchildren under the age of ten got Hannah Montana

barbies. The boys got individual gifts. It just still sets me off

that they continue to try to force girls into what they think they

*should* be like, but boys are allowed to be who they are. Not only

that, but it was okay to withhold her gift for four months, but when

his birthday rolled around, by golly that gift was there the next day.

Anyway, bit of a tangent, but I can totally relate to how you're

feeling. She's telling you how you feel, which is bad enough, but in

addition completely ignores the fact that her granddaughter (how old

is she again?) is still around. Son's at school--TRAGEDY--

granddaughter still at home--meh.

> >

> > I have this really strange fear about my mil and my kids now that

> > they are getting older. I'm afraid that she's going to try

to " get

> > her hooks " into them by going at them directly instead of through

> me

> > and my husband like she's had to in the past.

> >

> > My son is going away to college next wednesday. He got a card in

> the

> > mail from my mil. Sometimes I wonder if I just read too much

into

> > the messages she sends. Because as I read it I can see her sad

> > little boo boo bace, hear her woe is me whine, and see her

pitiful

> > nearly tear filled eyes.

> >

> > When I first saw the card in the mail box with her handwriting on

> the

> > envelope, I got a little " rush " of anxiety, and think oh jeez,

> what's

> > this. I wanted to open it first and get a gander and then decide

> > whether or not to pass it on. But he's 18 years old, it would be

> an

> > invasion of his privacy so I handed it over without comment. But

I

> > had this odd feeling of dread. Isn't that awful to feel this way

> > when your son gets a card from his grandmother?

> >

> > He opened it, read it, pocketed a twenty, and tossed the card on

> the

> > table. I asked, what's that about. He said, " a guilt trip " .

> >

> > Yikes! I asked him if I could read it. I wonder if I'd passed my

> own

> > feelings about her onto them, this makes me feel bad, because

other

> > than her basic lack of interest in them, she has never done

> anything

> > to overtly hurt my children.

> >

> > Here's the text of the " good luck " message she wrote to my son:

> > You are starting an exciting chapter in your life. I know you

will

> > do great in your studies, as you are a very smart young man. I

> hope

> > to hear from you once in a while to let me know how your classes

> are

> > going. Hugs and good wishes to you, love from Nana.

> >

> > After I read the note, I said, well, I guess she'll probably hear

> > from you about your classes as often as she has in the past. (I

> > don't know what to say, I shrug my shoulders.) But he's

> > characterized this note as a " guilt trip " , I don't know what to

say

> > to him. I guess I could have asked him, why do you feel like

Nana

> > was sending you a guilt trip? What makes you feel guilty about

> that

> > note?

> >

> > For comparison purposes, my mother (of failing eyesight and

> arthritic

> > hands) spent the summer crotcheting a beautiful afghan in his

> school

> > colors. When she gave it to him, she gave him a hug and a kiss,

> told

> > him she loves him, is proud of him, and she hopes this blanket

> helps

> > to keep him cozy when he's away at school.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

After a short time of realizing this was the " same old, same old " , I

would have cut it short and wrapped it up with a quick " Well, thanks

for touching base -- I've got to run along now. Bye! "

CLICK.

> >

> > I have this really strange fear about my mil and my kids now

that

> > they are getting older. I'm afraid that she's going to try

to " get

> > her hooks " into them by going at them directly instead of

through

> me

> > and my husband like she's had to in the past.

> >

> > My son is going away to college next wednesday. He got a card

in

> the

> > mail from my mil. Sometimes I wonder if I just read too much

into

> > the messages she sends. Because as I read it I can see her sad

> > little boo boo bace, hear her woe is me whine, and see her

pitiful

> > nearly tear filled eyes.

> >

> > When I first saw the card in the mail box with her handwriting

on

> the

> > envelope, I got a little " rush " of anxiety, and think oh jeez,

> what's

> > this. I wanted to open it first and get a gander and then

decide

> > whether or not to pass it on. But he's 18 years old, it would

be

> an

> > invasion of his privacy so I handed it over without comment.

But I

> > had this odd feeling of dread. Isn't that awful to feel this

way

> > when your son gets a card from his grandmother?

> >

> > He opened it, read it, pocketed a twenty, and tossed the card on

> the

> > table. I asked, what's that about. He said, " a guilt trip " .

> >

> > Yikes! I asked him if I could read it. I wonder if I'd passed

my

> own

> > feelings about her onto them, this makes me feel bad, because

other

> > than her basic lack of interest in them, she has never done

> anything

> > to overtly hurt my children.

> >

> > Here's the text of the " good luck " message she wrote to my son:

> > You are starting an exciting chapter in your life. I know you

will

> > do great in your studies, as you are a very smart young man. I

> hope

> > to hear from you once in a while to let me know how your classes

> are

> > going. Hugs and good wishes to you, love from Nana.

> >

> > After I read the note, I said, well, I guess she'll probably

hear

> > from you about your classes as often as she has in the past. (I

> > don't know what to say, I shrug my shoulders.) But he's

> > characterized this note as a " guilt trip " , I don't know what to

say

> > to him. I guess I could have asked him, why do you feel like

Nana

> > was sending you a guilt trip? What makes you feel guilty about

> that

> > note?

> >

> > For comparison purposes, my mother (of failing eyesight and

> arthritic

> > hands) spent the summer crotcheting a beautiful afghan in his

> school

> > colors. When she gave it to him, she gave him a hug and a kiss,

> told

> > him she loves him, is proud of him, and she hopes this blanket

> helps

> > to keep him cozy when he's away at school.

> >

>