6 months after Effexor... my experiences (with response)

[Guest guest]

Hello group. I've been lurking for several months, never posting until

now. I found the group in July a bit too late. I had been on Effexor

XR, with doses ranging from 150mg to 225mg since 1998. I began my AD

med journey in the summer of 1997 after a close 29 year old cousin

died and my mother had major life-threatening surgery. I tried Zoloft,

Prozac, Serzone, Remeron, Celexa, Paxil, Buspar and Xanax, with

horrible side effects from all of them. I trusted my doctor when she

said to be patient and I'd find one that would work for me. Effexor

was really the lesser of all evils, in that it produced fewer side

effects than others initially. I never did feel a drastic improvement,

but again, I trusted my doctor.

Last winter I had gained 45 lbs. that I couldn't lose and it was my

gynecologist who told me Effexor was actually harming me.

Unfortunately, even she didn't tell me to wean slowly (she probably

didn't know). I decided to quit and went back to the psychiatrist, who

weaned me off Effexor XR 150mg in 50% increments over 3 weeks, with my

final dose on June 1. I experienced all the physical symptoms

everyone else describes: the brain zaps, dizziness, flu-like symptoms,

etc. that first week. My doc then prescribed a 7-day release Prozac

which did blunt the side effects a little. After 3 weeks, the

emotional side effects began. I couldn't stop crying, I was extremely

anxious and fearful and for the first time in my life, suicidal. When

I approached my doctor, she told me I was depressed and that I needed

to go back on Effexor immediately. That's when I found the group and

decided she was wrong. I tried to get off Effexor in 2003 and had the

same withdrawal symptoms. Back then I was transferred to Wellbutrin

and was so miserable on that, that I gave up and went back to the

Effexor. This time I was determined to walk through it.

I had begun to change my diet in October 2005. I began a gluten-free,

caffeine-free diet and began to eliminate sugar. By spring of 2006 I

had been eating meat, fish, vegetables and little fruit, lots of water

and no caffeine or alcohol (I quit in AA in 2004) for 6 months. After

reading the how to documents on this group, I began the Cherry Plum,

White Chestnut, Carlson's fish oil (3 times per day). I began walking

every day and sitting in the sun regularly for 10 minute intervals. I

drink lots of lemon in my water and recently began taking inositol,

500mg 3 times per day.

At this point, I'd love to be able to share that I'm doing great, but

it has been a struggle. I am active in AA recovery, and have been

seeing an EFT practitioner since September. I've made great

improvement from where I was, but I'm still incredibly anxious. I have

been waking up between 4 and 6am for 3+ months now. When I wake up at

that time, I'm in a panic. My heart races and I feel terrified. I'm

self-employed and have managed well, but I have these huge irrational

fears that I'm about to lose everything. I have a difficult time

sorting that out and knowing that it's an illusion (it feels true and

scary). Prayer, meditation, and every recovery tool I know of have

helped little with this. I realize that being single and living alone

at times enables me to stay in my head too much. I make every effort

to get out and mix with people as much as possible to avoid isolating

and feeling sorry for myself.

I feel so frustrated with my progress and I feel very down. My

enthusiasm for life is just not what I'd like it to be. I cry

frequently and lately I've been feeling extreme anger. This is

definitely a thawing out process--I'm feeling things I have never let

myself feel before, which is a blessing, but there are times when it's

so overwhelming I feel like it's going to suffocate me.

I just needed to tell my story and I'd love to hear from others. Are

these feelings just a part of the grief process from the withdrawal?

I'm struggling to find hope lately... it's tough for me to remember

what being happy and relaxed feels like. Is this ever going to

improve? I appreciate this group so much. It's been great to know I'm

not alone in this.

Shari

** Shari, there is no need to be discouraged. This is a long recovery.

You can't expect to do these things (including alcohol and poor diet) to your

body for years and have it heal in a few months.

You're doing well with the things you're doing. The early morning

awakenings with anxiety are normal. You can help this by sleeping with a small

light on.

Are you taking any actual nutritional supplements? You need some. Magnesium,

fish oil, Vit D, selenium, etc. are all crucial to your recovery.

Feelings don't kill people. The feelings are there for you to learn what to

do with thrm. Ity is how you think about your experiences that causes

overwhelming feelings. You've been lurking for several months. Try to recall

what you've read here about how people feel in recovery and what they do to help

that. Becoming more involved here with people will help you develop more of a

view of things that will allow you to manage these feelings better.

REgards,