libido, sexual virility

May 29, 2006

This is a question for perhaps some of the older people on this list,

people who have been married for a long time, maybe 15 years or more.

Doesn't mean you single folks or younger folks can't chime in, but I'm

looking for data points from some people who have been in long and

commited relationships.

I'm on a religious list that has been recently involved in a thread

concerning sexual virility and desire as one ages. The consensus is

that its normal for sexual desire to fade away to the point where

husband and wife are content to live as brother and sister, so to

speak. Now I have seen that, all my life, from people all across the

religious/nonreligious spectrum, but I always attributed it to

relationships not being what they ought to be, and SAD food, and

sedentary lifestyles, rather than something inherent to the nature of

a relationship over time. And I have also seen some very notable

exceptions.

Maybe I'm wrong. Now before I wade in and get my head handed to me by

people who are far more astute than I am, I would at least like to

have have some comparative *physical* data points to bring to the

discussion.

My own personal observation is that desire, while it level outs,

doesn't fade for couples who have a good marital relationship, unless

there is something physically not right. But I could be wrong and I am

sure there are many varied and confounding factors.

--

I first met her...in the Student Union at the University...sitting

across and down the table from each other. Our eyes met and that was

it. I was lost immediately in her soulful gaze (which I remember

vividly and tearfully even now) and was drawn inexorably from that

very moment into a love so certain that I never doubted anything about

it, other than the improbability that she would put up with me.

Things worked out. Glory to God!

-Father Mark Gilstrap

May 31, 2006

>My own personal observation is that desire, while it level outs,

>doesn't fade for couples who have a good marital relationship, unless

>there is something physically not right. But I could be wrong and I am

>sure there are many varied and confounding factors.

My opinion is that you are correct on this point. I am 45 years old ( the

wife is 47) and we have been married over 23 years (24 in August). We have

7 children. My desire has not changed one bit in the time that we have been

married. My wife has far less desire now, though. She blames it on the

kids. They're my kids too and my desire is still there so I don't get it.

Actually, right now, she is still breast-feeding number 7 and she blames it

on that--some rot about hormones or something.

From talking to other men who have last their drive, I think a lot of it

is physical in nature. They are generally fat and eat a sadder than SAD

diet. The other extreme I've seen is men who are health conscious but think

a lot fat, low cholesterol tofu burger diet is healthy. Just drop the soy

and add some steak, eggs, and butter and these men would be back in

business. They don't seem to want to listen and instead, head to the doctor

for some Viagra.

Personally, I hope I never get to the point where I'm content to live as

brother/sister with my wife with no sex, whether it be loss of desire or

desire but no ability. That would be a bummer. But from a 23 year plus

marriage veteran, my libido and virility are still very much intact.

I haven't seen any other responses so I hope this helps you out somewhat on

your other list.

May 31, 2006

I am only 27 and my husband is 32. Just thought I'd add a couple of things

here. Hormones do have a play. My first wasn't so bad but my second pregnancy

just put me in an awful mood. That's not my nature. I certainly hope desire

doesn't wane. I'm really looking forward to a time when kids are taking care of

themselves. I hate that sometimes we have to choose sleep instead. For ,

here's an idea. Think about ways to make your wife feel pampered. My husband

will occasionally put the kids to bed and let me have a long uninterrupted

bubble bath. For woman still dealing with pregnancy, breastfeeding, and what

not, desire isn't always going to come physically. Sometimes it has to come

emotionally.

Have a blessed day,

Christy

wrote -

My opinion is that you are correct on this point. I am 45 years old ( the

wife is 47) and we have been married over 23 years (24 in August). We have

7 children. My desire has not changed one bit in the time that we have been

married. My wife has far less desire now, though. She blames it on the

kids. They're my kids too and my desire is still there so I don't get it.

Actually, right now, she is still breast-feeding number 7 and she blames it

on that--some rot about hormones or something.

May 31, 2006

, I side with your wife. For me now, foreplay means putting

the kids to bed and cleaning up after yourself .

When you're getting 5 hrs sleep a night and don't get two minutes to

yourself all day, it's hard to get much enthusiasm for one more call

for your attention. Maybe that's natural child spacing. A couple

years down the road when the youngest isn't keeping you up at night

any more and you're rested and more energetic again, it's time to

start making another one.

Which makes me wonder if there's anything wrong with modern men for

not being able to go awhile without " it " .

--- In , Long <longc@...>

wrote:

> My wife has far less desire now, though. She blames it on the

> kids. They're my kids too and my desire is still there so I don't

get it.

> Actually, right now, she is still breast-feeding number 7 and she

blames it

> on that--some rot about hormones or something.

>

May 31, 2006

--- In , " haecklers " <haecklers@...>

wrote:

> Which makes me wonder if there's anything wrong with modern men for

> not being able to go awhile without " it " .

Haeklers,

From the stories I hear, men everywhere are going without it for

extended time periods.

In fact, one gauge of good health--and adequate testosterone--is that

a man should desire sex every day.

Certainly something I'd check for in a potential partner. But I'm

clinical that way.

B.

May 31, 2006

,

I was going to stay out of this conversation....

But I just wanted to comment on something that you said: In fact, one guage of

good health--and adequate testosterone--ist that a man should desire sex every

day.

I am sooooo happy to know that my husband must be in good health adn have an

" adequate " testosterone level! :-)

Mrs Bernstein (Avery)

Sports Cards, Clothing and Fuller? http://www.dabscardsandmore.com

I Need YOUR Help to Reach My Goals! http://my.tupperware.com/mrsbernstein

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May 31, 2006

On 5/31/06, haecklers <haecklers@...> wrote:

> Which makes me wonder if there's anything wrong with modern men for

> not being able to go awhile without " it " .

I'd say the wonder is that modern man is able to repress himself as

fully as he does.

(I.e. what's wrong [or maybe just what's changed] might be that we're

a bunch of chronically flaccid flabby nincompoops and not that we have

desires. " Those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak

enough to be restrained " sd Blake. Cause most of human history has

been all about mutual respect and tenderness WRT fundamental desires

unfulfilled. etc.)

May 31, 2006

On 5/31/06, downwardog7 <illneverbecool@...> wrote:

> In fact, one gauge of good health--and adequate testosterone--is that

> a man should desire sex every day.

I use my libido as a guage of my health. The connection seems very

clear. I have no idea if that would be as applicable when I'm 75 or

not.

Chris

--

Dioxins in Animal Foods:

A Case For Vegetarianism?

Find Out the Truth:

http://www.westonaprice.org/envtoxins/dioxins.html

June 1, 2006

Just so you know you're not alone, I'm with the wife as well...nursing #7 and

tired all the time...too little sleep! ct

>>, I side with your wife. For me now, foreplay means putting

the kids to bed and cleaning up after yourself .

When you're getting 5 hrs sleep a night and don't get two minutes to

yourself all day, it's hard to get much enthusiasm for one more call

for your attention. Maybe that's natural child spacing. A couple

years down the road when the youngest isn't keeping you up at night

any more and you're rested and more energetic again, it's time to

start making another one.

Which makes me wonder if there's anything wrong with modern men for

not being able to go awhile without " it " .<<<<

> My wife has far less desire now, though. She blames it on the

> kids. They're my kids too and my desire is still there so I don't

get it.

> Actually, right now, she is still breast-feeding number 7 and she

blames it

> on that--some rot about hormones or something.

>

June 1, 2006

CHRISTINE TAYLOR wrote:

>Just so you know you're not alone, I'm with the wife as well...nursing #7 and

tired all the time...too little sleep! ct

>

Yup, I'm feeling that and I only have three! Chuck isn't going to get

much in the way of sensitivity points today.

> >>, I side with your wife. For me now, foreplay means putting

> the kids to bed and cleaning up after yourself .

>

I've always said the sexiest thing my dh could do is the dishes.

BTW, , to your original question.....dh and I have been married

for 23 years and he isn't feeling the effects of time, either physically

or relationally.

--s

June 1, 2006

I can say that I experienced a major lessening

of libido with all of my pregnancies and during

breastfeeding. It seemed a 'natural' state of

affairs but led to a very unhappy husband and

almost ended my marriage. During the last years

that I was breastfeeding I was also taking

birthcontrol shots which I later found out are

the same medicine given to convicted rapists to

eliminate their sexual desire, a sort of chemical

castration. Thanks, Doctor!!

Anyway, after all of that was over, my libido did

rebound a bit but is still much less than I and

my hubby would like, and is certainly less than

when I was a teenager. It is frustrating! I have

complete compassion for women during these

childbearing years. I also have compassion for

men with their constant, unflagging desire. What

is the answer here? Communication, I guess. Does

anyone have thoughts on this?

> Long <longc@...>

> wrote:

> > My wife has far less desire now, though.

> She blames it on the

> > kids. They're my kids too and my desire is

> still there so I don't

> get it.

> > Actually, right now, she is still

> breast-feeding number 7 and she

> blames it

> > on that--some rot about hormones or

> something.

> >

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

Joy and Peace,

" What would the world be, once bereft

Of wet and of wildness? Let them be left,

O let them be left, wildness and wet;

Long live the weeds and the wilderness yet. "

From Inversnaid by Gerard Manley Hopkins

(1844–89)

__________________________________________________

June 1, 2006

I was just kidding about not getting it. I understand completely although I

still find it frustrating when my desires aren't met. Another 5-6 months

and the breast feeding will be over with. We modern men can go without it.

We just don't like it very much when we have to. I'm speaking for myself

but I would think there are lots of men who would agree.

>, I side with your wife. For me now, foreplay means putting

>the kids to bed and cleaning up after yourself .

>

>When you're getting 5 hrs sleep a night and don't get two minutes to

>yourself all day, it's hard to get much enthusiasm for one more call

>for your attention. Maybe that's natural child spacing. A couple

>years down the road when the youngest isn't keeping you up at night

>any more and you're rested and more energetic again, it's time to

>start making another one.

>

>Which makes me wonder if there's anything wrong with modern men for

>not being able to go awhile without " it " .

June 1, 2006

I know about the hormone thing. I was just kidding. I do take the kids and

leave her alone on occasion. She has a bad back and when I know she's had

it rough, I'll give her a good back rub even though it means staying up way

past my bedtime. (I get up at 4:30 for work so I go to bed early.) I do

what I can to help although it's no doubt, not enough. The breast feeding

will be over some day and I hope things can get back to the normal 2-3

times a day. (just kidding about that! Just seeing if you were paying

attention.)

>I am only 27 and my husband is 32. Just thought I'd add a couple of

>things here. Hormones do have a play. My first wasn't so bad but my second

>pregnancy just put me in an awful mood. That's not my nature. I certainly

>hope desire doesn't wane. I'm really looking forward to a time when kids

>are taking care of themselves. I hate that sometimes we have to choose

>sleep instead. For , here's an idea. Think about ways to make your

>wife feel pampered. My husband will occasionally put the kids to bed and

>let me have a long uninterrupted bubble bath. For woman still dealing with

>pregnancy, breastfeeding, and what not, desire isn't always going to come

>physically. Sometimes it has to come emotionally.

>

>Have a blessed day,

>Christy

June 1, 2006

I figured the women would jump in when I said that. You've all been very

polite about it and I do appreciate the nice way in which you all took me

to task.

>Just so you know you're not alone, I'm with the wife as well...nursing #7

>and tired all the time...too little sleep! ct

>

> >>, I side with your wife. For me now, foreplay means putting

> the kids to bed and cleaning up after yourself .

>

> When you're getting 5 hrs sleep a night and don't get two minutes to

> yourself all day, it's hard to get much enthusiasm for one more call

> for your attention. Maybe that's natural child spacing. A couple

> years down the road when the youngest isn't keeping you up at night

> any more and you're rested and more energetic again, it's time to

> start making another one.

>

> Which makes me wonder if there's anything wrong with modern men for

> not being able to go awhile without " it " .<<<<

>

> > My wife has far less desire now, though. She blames it on the

> > kids. They're my kids too and my desire is still there so I don't

> get it.

> > Actually, right now, she is still breast-feeding number 7 and she

> blames it

> > on that--some rot about hormones or something.

> >

>

June 1, 2006

quit dreaming . That was when you were 20. Gloria

Re: libido, sexual virility