Re: BPD mother-in-law?

[Guest guest]

I believe that my mil is BPD or NPD, she's never been diagnosed, but

her behavior fits the descriptions of both disorders. I really don't

care too much about the label. I just want to deal with her behavior.

I tended to put myself in the middle to try to keep her out of our

lives as much as possible, and this played into her hand nicely. She

never had to face the fractured relationship she had with her adult

son, when she could blame it on his b*%chy wife.

Now, I deal with her as little as possible, and leave it up to my

husband to maintain whatever level of contact he's comfortable with.

At the present time, that is very limited contact, and that's alright

with me!

Best of luck. It can be hard to deal with these people when you

haven't been raised by them to service their endless emotional

demands. It can be especially difficult when your spouse is ambivalent

about the situation, and you feel stuck in the middle. Let me know if

there is anything more specific that you would find helpful.

>

> Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I have just

> read " Stop Walking on Eggshells " (Mason/Kreger), " Surviving a

> Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman), and " Toxic In-laws " (Forward).

> This is my first post.

>

> Thank you for any insight!

>

[Guest guest]

i find this thread interesting. My aunt, I suspect is BPD or Narc.

She always spoke to me in a horrible tone of voice - taking the piss

and trying to make me look small when I was a child. She used to

then send me birthday cards and presents and expect me to be

grateful. Did anyone else experience this?

> >

> > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I have just

> > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells " (Mason/Kreger) ,

> " Surviving a

> > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-laws "

> (Forward).

> > This is my first post.

> >

> > Thank you for any insight!

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

oh heck yeah. nada expected me to be grateful for everything,...down

to the powdered milk she so generously provided to me. nada demanded

ultimate servitude in return for the barest essentials but she will

tell you that she was the world's greatest mother.

Mercy

> >

> > ,

> > Oh yeah,...I've seen the hurt, about-to-cry look on my 8 year old

> one too many times.  My 17 year old has been told that he no longer

> needs to hold his tongue with it,...he can say or do whatever.  

> (He's a good kid, mind you.)  I've taken too many pains with my

boys

> to not break their spirits as mine was as a child.  I absolutely

> refuse to have a b & %ch of a SIL tear them down.  (Forgive me.) 

> Thanks for your advice.  I still feel sometimes that it's my

> fault,....weird huh?  Like your closing sentence,....ya have a mean

> streak in ya, dontcha?  (wink wink)

> > Hugs,

> > Mercy

> >

[Guest guest]

How can they be so abusive to children? I have felt that they are

just transfering the abusive way they've been with me over the

years, pinning all the families problems on me and setting me up as

some sort of scapegoat...onto my innocent child. For no other reason

that he is mine. That's when it's best to just remove your child

from these people's lives. They are not supportive, and building

the child's self esteem, providing a positive nurturing support

system...They are destroying his self worth and setting him up to

develop the same self hate that we all deal with. Because, he can't

do anything right. No matter how hard he tries. Some times it's

better to be alone, than with those who hurt you. That's what I've

done with my son too. I don't allow him near my nephew, or narc

sister and brother anymore. After the extremely hurtful things they

were doing to him. It's not worth it. We are working to build other

relationships and supports instead.

> >

> > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I have just

> > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells " (Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving a

> > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-laws "

(Forward).

> > This is my first post.

> >

> > Thank you for any insight!

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I feel the same way... it is hard for me. My husband is still tied

up with my MIL emotionally. For the first time in fourteen years I

am no longer consumed with trying to please her, and trying to

please my husband (non-BPD). The IL's live within a half hour from

us and the kids. I have no contact with my own Father due to

abusive situation, and I feel like my husband continues to trumpet

the tune, " Our kids aren't going to end up like you and your Dad,

not having a relationship with their grandmother " . I have not

wanted that either, and so I am trying to crawl out of this hole I

feel like I have helped dig. (And now beating myself up for not

seeing earlier!) It all came to a head this when for the first time

I insisted we (the four of us - two grandparents and us parents) sit

down and discuss boundaries for the kids when they go over to the

Grandparent's house. We're all adults right? Why would my hubby be

so against this? There has been mounting issues around this for

years, they have been going for visits once or twice a week. (The

IL's are starting to insist their house/their rules.) My husband

and I discussed the boundaries ahead of time, he said it might be

better on paper, I typed them up. It took three weeks for them to

finally agree to a meeting - only to have my MIL begin the meeting

with " wipe that smurck off your face, I didn't come here to be

laughed at by you. " What smurck ?@#?!? It went down hill from

there. My husband was able to stand up to his Mom and Dad regarding

the kids and boundaries (you may not pop our 1 1/2 year old, or any

of the other kids for that matter, you may not call our 7 year old

a 'crybaby', We will decide what is appropriate for the kids to

watch on TV, no family secrets - do not tell the kids, " don't tell

your mom. . . " , etc.) But I am still feeling resentful and hurt, he

would not stand up for me. He allowed her to treat me without regard

or respect. For the first time in fourteen years, when she stood up

and pointed down at me, blaming me and laying into me, I STOOD UP

AND POINTED BACK! Is it possible to be embarrassed and proud at the

same time? My husband now blames me. He says I blew it by stooping

to her level. He said this was why he wants to handle his Mom

instead of doing it together. He said I am a Christian and need to

act like one, etc. I am tired of being shamed and feeling like I

have to be perfect to be accepted within this family. How

embarrassing!!! I'm the mother in this family!!! My husband does

not see how emeshed with his BP Mom emotionally he is. She relies

and depends on him (daily phone calls, etc), and FIL likes it that

way - he doesn't have to deal with MIL. FIL does not to stand up to

MIL. It finally ended that my husband will be taking the kids over

for an evening visit tonight without me, chaperoned by him. I trust

him with the kids - and honestly don't mind him going and taking

them. Am I wrong in wanting him to say, " Hey Mom, I love my wife.

This is our family. If YOU want to be a part of US, then you will

have to respect her and treat her as if she is a part of me. " I am

determined to enjoy my evening; but I am torn between feeling

relieved at not having to go, and upset that I am the one being left

out.

Any words of wisdom?

WTOAdultChildren1 , " friendsofcam "

wrote:

>

> How can they be so abusive to children? I have felt that they are

> just transfering the abusive way they've been with me over the

> years, pinning all the families problems on me and setting me up

as

> some sort of scapegoat...onto my innocent child. For no other

reason

> that he is mine. That's when it's best to just remove your child

> from these people's lives. They are not supportive, and building

> the child's self esteem, providing a positive nurturing support

> system...They are destroying his self worth and setting him up to

> develop the same self hate that we all deal with. Because, he

can't

> do anything right. No matter how hard he tries. Some times it's

> better to be alone, than with those who hurt you. That's what

I've

> done with my son too. I don't allow him near my nephew, or narc

> sister and brother anymore. After the extremely hurtful things

they

> were doing to him. It's not worth it. We are working to build

other

> relationships and supports instead.

>

>

>

> > >

> > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I have

just

> > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells " (Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving a

> > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-laws "

> (Forward).

> > > This is my first post.

> > >

> > > Thank you for any insight!

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Oooh, I have such a hard time when someone uses the reasoning that if

you're a Christian you need to be someone's doormat. From the info

you gave in your post, it does not sound like you are asking anything

unreasonable in the way of treatment of your kids. I see a parent

asking for respect of her rules.

As far as the happenings with you and your husband,...um, I'm just

going to say that imho he needs to take a more proactive stance in

your favor. My husband doesn't tolerate his mother verbally abusing

me or his sister yelling at my kids.

Kindest regards,

Mercy

>

> I feel the same way... it is hard for me. My husband is still tied

> up with my MIL emotionally. For the first time in fourteen years I

> am no longer consumed with trying to please her, and trying to

> please my husband (non-BPD). The IL's live within a half hour from

> us and the kids. I have no contact with my own Father due to

> abusive situation, and I feel like my husband continues to trumpet

> the tune, " Our kids aren't going to end up like you and your Dad,

> not having a relationship with their grandmother " . I have not

> wanted that either, and so I am trying to crawl out of this hole I

> feel like I have helped dig. (And now beating myself up for not

> seeing earlier!) It all came to a head this when for the first

time

> I insisted we (the four of us - two grandparents and us parents)

sit

> down and discuss boundaries for the kids when they go over to the

> Grandparent's house. We're all adults right? Why would my hubby

be

> so against this? There has been mounting issues around this for

> years, they have been going for visits once or twice a week. (The

> IL's are starting to insist their house/their rules.) My husband

> and I discussed the boundaries ahead of time, he said it might be

> better on paper, I typed them up. It took three weeks for them to

> finally agree to a meeting - only to have my MIL begin the meeting

> with " wipe that smurck off your face, I didn't come here to be

> laughed at by you. " What smurck ?@#?!? It went down hill from

> there. My husband was able to stand up to his Mom and Dad

regarding

> the kids and boundaries (you may not pop our 1 1/2 year old, or any

> of the other kids for that matter, you may not call our 7 year old

> a 'crybaby', We will decide what is appropriate for the kids to

> watch on TV, no family secrets - do not tell the kids, " don't tell

> your mom. . . " , etc.) But I am still feeling resentful and hurt,

he

> would not stand up for me. He allowed her to treat me without

regard

> or respect. For the first time in fourteen years, when she stood

up

> and pointed down at me, blaming me and laying into me, I STOOD UP

> AND POINTED BACK! Is it possible to be embarrassed and proud at

the

> same time? My husband now blames me. He says I blew it by

stooping

> to her level. He said this was why he wants to handle his Mom

> instead of doing it together. He said I am a Christian and need to

> act like one, etc. I am tired of being shamed and feeling like I

> have to be perfect to be accepted within this family. How

> embarrassing!!! I'm the mother in this family!!! My husband does

> not see how emeshed with his BP Mom emotionally he is. She relies

> and depends on him (daily phone calls, etc), and FIL likes it that

> way - he doesn't have to deal with MIL. FIL does not to stand up

to

> MIL. It finally ended that my husband will be taking the kids over

> for an evening visit tonight without me, chaperoned by him. I

trust

> him with the kids - and honestly don't mind him going and taking

> them. Am I wrong in wanting him to say, " Hey Mom, I love my wife.

> This is our family. If YOU want to be a part of US, then you will

> have to respect her and treat her as if she is a part of me. " I am

> determined to enjoy my evening; but I am torn between feeling

> relieved at not having to go, and upset that I am the one being

left

> out.

>

> Any words of wisdom?

[Guest guest]

Thank you for writing. Believe it or not, I live life in tougher

skin - and appreciate you being straight forward. Sometimes I feel

like I can see everyone elses issues and somehow get lost in the fog

on mine. You have basically written my argument to him. My MIL has

had success. And you're right. . .he doesn't see it that way. He

sees it as keeping the peace in the family, which would be part of

the problem. He is the 'chosen' child. His older brother is the

one who could do no right - still can't according to MIL. My BIL is

the only one in their immediate family who dares to address her

straight on and it infuriates her. I see my husband still trying to

play the chosen child role, only I don't think he can see it. She

cannot form and keep friendships, she makes a friend and as long as

she is in control, all goes well. When the friendship goes south

(usually a couple of months when they come up for air) she does

mean things on purpose pretending not to, and even has a name for

this - she calls it giving someone a " nice-nasty " . She phones and

gives my hubby all the details, poor poor me, I've been pooped on

again - gaining his sympathy. (And a LOT of his emotional energy.)

She cries when she doesn't get her way, doing her " it's not fair "

number, sharing way too much with my husband. MIL and FIL followed

us when we moved from one end of the state to the other, and bought

a second house 3 miles from our last one (we moved last year) while

I was pregnant. She said I would need help with all the kids - and

then gave me the silent treatment for several months when I asked my

Mom to help after delivery. Why didn't I tell her then? I kept

waiting for my husband to do that. I just can't wait for him any

longer to take the lead here. I waited too long, trying to please

and now trying not to beat myself up for it. My hubby is strong in

so many ways - a man's man really. Mountain bikes, hikes, runs,

basketball, insightful, reads Elderidge's every word sometimes

twice. Even likes to give me foot rubs! His mom is his achilles

heel. I am not trying to make excuses, he has hurt me horribly over

all of this - but I am not convienced he sees it. Oh I pray the

Lord will open his eyes. We agreed to re-group later this evening

and discuss their visit. I think your idea is great to have them

over here. That ought to put a damper on the visits for a while,

and some regained control over our family. I am proud of myself in

sending them off tonight. No lectures, no pineing; a smile and a

kiss.

Thank you for your straightforward honesty. I need it!

> > > >

> > > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I have

> just

> > > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells " (Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving

a

> > > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-laws "

> > (Forward).

> > > > This is my first post.

> > > >

> > > > Thank you for any insight!

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Thanks JaneSoul - I want to be healthy!

> > > >

> > > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I have

> just

> > > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells " (Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving

a

> > > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-laws "

> > (Forward).

> > > > This is my first post.

> > > >

> > > > Thank you for any insight!

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Thank you Mercy. Do you mind if I ask, how did your husband come to

the realization that his Mom was BPD? My hubby reads a lot but is

unwilling to read my 'boarderline' and " Toxic Inlaws " books. I have

asked him to. It was as if he and my FIL knew what to expect, with

her spewing when we tried to talk, the four of us. I am guessing

that if this happened with my hubby growing up, then he has been

both emotionally and verbally abused? But maybe not, since he was

the 'chosen' child? I was emotionally and verbally abused growing up

by my Dad. My parents divorced, my mother is happily remarried, I

have a wonderful step-father, but my biological father and I have no

relationship or contact. To my husband, this is the worst thing

that could ever happen in a family. When I push too hard (what is

too hard? I'm not sure I know - when I start to feel like Edith

Bunker,) he will say, " My Mom and I are not going to end up like you

and your Dad. " It cuts me to the core. Is there a way to open his

eyes to the possibility of him being 'abused'?

Thank you for writing,

finallystanding

> >

> > I feel the same way... it is hard for me. My husband is still

tied

> > up with my MIL emotionally. For the first time in fourteen

years I

> > am no longer consumed with trying to please her, and trying to

> > please my husband (non-BPD). The IL's live within a half hour

from

> > us and the kids. I have no contact with my own Father due to

> > abusive situation, and I feel like my husband continues to

trumpet

> > the tune, " Our kids aren't going to end up like you and your

Dad,

> > not having a relationship with their grandmother " . I have not

> > wanted that either, and so I am trying to crawl out of this hole

I

> > feel like I have helped dig. (And now beating myself up for not

> > seeing earlier!) It all came to a head this when for the first

> time

> > I insisted we (the four of us - two grandparents and us parents)

> sit

> > down and discuss boundaries for the kids when they go over to

the

> > Grandparent's house. We're all adults right? Why would my

hubby

> be

> > so against this? There has been mounting issues around this for

> > years, they have been going for visits once or twice a week.

(The

> > IL's are starting to insist their house/their rules.) My

husband

> > and I discussed the boundaries ahead of time, he said it might

be

> > better on paper, I typed them up. It took three weeks for them

to

> > finally agree to a meeting - only to have my MIL begin the

meeting

> > with " wipe that smurck off your face, I didn't come here to be

> > laughed at by you. " What smurck ?@#?!? It went down hill from

> > there. My husband was able to stand up to his Mom and Dad

> regarding

> > the kids and boundaries (you may not pop our 1 1/2 year old, or

any

> > of the other kids for that matter, you may not call our 7 year

old

> > a 'crybaby', We will decide what is appropriate for the kids to

> > watch on TV, no family secrets - do not tell the kids, " don't

tell

> > your mom. . . " , etc.) But I am still feeling resentful and

hurt,

> he

> > would not stand up for me. He allowed her to treat me without

> regard

> > or respect. For the first time in fourteen years, when she

stood

> up

> > and pointed down at me, blaming me and laying into me, I STOOD

UP

> > AND POINTED BACK! Is it possible to be embarrassed and proud at

> the

> > same time? My husband now blames me. He says I blew it by

> stooping

> > to her level. He said this was why he wants to handle his Mom

> > instead of doing it together. He said I am a Christian and need

to

> > act like one, etc. I am tired of being shamed and feeling like

I

> > have to be perfect to be accepted within this family. How

> > embarrassing!!! I'm the mother in this family!!! My husband

does

> > not see how emeshed with his BP Mom emotionally he is. She

relies

> > and depends on him (daily phone calls, etc), and FIL likes it

that

> > way - he doesn't have to deal with MIL. FIL does not to stand

up

> to

> > MIL. It finally ended that my husband will be taking the kids

over

> > for an evening visit tonight without me, chaperoned by him. I

> trust

> > him with the kids - and honestly don't mind him going and taking

> > them. Am I wrong in wanting him to say, " Hey Mom, I love my

wife.

> > This is our family. If YOU want to be a part of US, then you

will

> > have to respect her and treat her as if she is a part of me. " I

am

> > determined to enjoy my evening; but I am torn between feeling

> > relieved at not having to go, and upset that I am the one being

> left

> > out.

> >

> > Any words of wisdom?

>

[Guest guest]

Me again. I believe that the chances your hubby was emotionally and

verbally abused is around 90%, if he can see it for what it is. Just

because they are the 'chosen' one does not make them immune to the

abuse. Like most of us however the possibility that we are being

abused in such a manner by our parent may take some time and serioius

mental work of our own. It is literally too scary for words. That

your hubby seems to have fear of his nada should be a great big red

flag for you. Keeping the peace means that your hubby is sacrificing

himself to please his nada and keep her from going 'nuclear' on him

in an emotional way. She absolutly will. As I suggest in another

posting, you may get further if you address the tactic of

invalidation with your hubby rather than labeling it as abuse. That

may be too much for him at this point. Otherwise you may need to let

things run their course and wait for his eventual " blacklisting " that

will come from her as the two of you continue to push back with

respect to the parenting of your children. At that point, if you can

recognize it, you might be able to reach him.

Be strong

> > >

> > > I feel the same way... it is hard for me. My husband is still

> tied

> > > up with my MIL emotionally. For the first time in fourteen

> years I

> > > am no longer consumed with trying to please her, and trying to

> > > please my husband (non-BPD). The IL's live within a half hour

> from

> > > us and the kids. I have no contact with my own Father due to

> > > abusive situation, and I feel like my husband continues to

> trumpet

> > > the tune, " Our kids aren't going to end up like you and your

> Dad,

> > > not having a relationship with their grandmother " . I have not

> > > wanted that either, and so I am trying to crawl out of this

hole

> I

> > > feel like I have helped dig. (And now beating myself up for

not

> > > seeing earlier!) It all came to a head this when for the first

> > time

> > > I insisted we (the four of us - two grandparents and us

parents)

> > sit

> > > down and discuss boundaries for the kids when they go over to

> the

> > > Grandparent's house. We're all adults right? Why would my

> hubby

> > be

> > > so against this? There has been mounting issues around this

for

> > > years, they have been going for visits once or twice a week.

> (The

> > > IL's are starting to insist their house/their rules.) My

> husband

> > > and I discussed the boundaries ahead of time, he said it might

> be

> > > better on paper, I typed them up. It took three weeks for them

> to

> > > finally agree to a meeting - only to have my MIL begin the

> meeting

> > > with " wipe that smurck off your face, I didn't come here to be

> > > laughed at by you. " What smurck ?@#?!? It went down hill from

> > > there. My husband was able to stand up to his Mom and Dad

> > regarding

> > > the kids and boundaries (you may not pop our 1 1/2 year old, or

> any

> > > of the other kids for that matter, you may not call our 7 year

> old

> > > a 'crybaby', We will decide what is appropriate for the kids to

> > > watch on TV, no family secrets - do not tell the kids, " don't

> tell

> > > your mom. . . " , etc.) But I am still feeling resentful and

> hurt,

> > he

> > > would not stand up for me. He allowed her to treat me without

> > regard

> > > or respect. For the first time in fourteen years, when she

> stood

> > up

> > > and pointed down at me, blaming me and laying into me, I STOOD

> UP

> > > AND POINTED BACK! Is it possible to be embarrassed and proud

at

> > the

> > > same time? My husband now blames me. He says I blew it by

> > stooping

> > > to her level. He said this was why he wants to handle his Mom

> > > instead of doing it together. He said I am a Christian and

need

> to

> > > act like one, etc. I am tired of being shamed and feeling like

> I

> > > have to be perfect to be accepted within this family. How

> > > embarrassing!!! I'm the mother in this family!!! My husband

> does

> > > not see how emeshed with his BP Mom emotionally he is. She

> relies

> > > and depends on him (daily phone calls, etc), and FIL likes it

> that

> > > way - he doesn't have to deal with MIL. FIL does not to stand

> up

> > to

> > > MIL. It finally ended that my husband will be taking the kids

> over

> > > for an evening visit tonight without me, chaperoned by him. I

> > trust

> > > him with the kids - and honestly don't mind him going and

taking

> > > them. Am I wrong in wanting him to say, " Hey Mom, I love my

> wife.

> > > This is our family. If YOU want to be a part of US, then you

> will

> > > have to respect her and treat her as if she is a part of me. " I

> am

> > > determined to enjoy my evening; but I am torn between feeling

> > > relieved at not having to go, and upset that I am the one being

> > left

> > > out.

> > >

> > > Any words of wisdom?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Dearest Finally,

Hmm,...we're not exactly sure that MIL is BPD. We just know that

jacked up stuff is going on with MIL and SIL. MIL has some mild

traits like my Nada and I think we hopped on the boundary bandwagon

after my husband witnessed how my Nada treated me and how I reacted;

he knew limits had to be set with his MIL. We haven't quite put a

finger on what's really going on but we both know that our kids have

been hurt emotionally and we're not going to stand for it. My MIL

really blew it with my husband though when she ranted at me and took

sides with irrational SIL. That was a breaking point for him and she

blew the deal. I doubt their relationship will ever be the same.

Kindest regards,

Mercy

> >

> > Oooh, I have such a hard time when someone uses the reasoning

that

> if

> > you're a Christian you need to be someone's doormat. From the

> info

> > you gave in your post, it does not sound like you are asking

> anything

> > unreasonable in the way of treatment of your kids. I see a

parent

> > asking for respect of her rules.

> >

> > As far as the happenings with you and your husband,...um, I'm

just

> > going to say that imho he needs to take a more proactive stance

in

> > your favor. My husband doesn't tolerate his mother verbally

> abusing

> > me or his sister yelling at my kids.

> >

> > Kindest regards,

> > Mercy

[Guest guest]

If he wants to get all on you about Christianity, then maybe he

should take a look at some of these verses:

Genesis 2:24

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to

his wife, and the two are united into one.

Ephesians 5:25-28:

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the

church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean,

washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to

himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other

blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.In the same way,

husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For

a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.

I'm just sayin...

> > > >

> > > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I have

> just

> > > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells " (Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving

a

> > > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-laws "

> > (Forward).

> > > > This is my first post.

> > > >

> > > > Thank you for any insight!

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Thank you for posting the FULL text of that often-abused

commandment. I hate when BPDs cherry-pick to suit themselves,

conveniently ignoring anything that THEY are responsible for. My

dad loves to berate me behind my back for not " honoring thy father

and mother like the commandment says. I wish she'd get out that

Bible of hers....etc.....etc.... " He loves to trash me on that one.

You rock!

[hugs]

Kyla

> > > > >

> > > > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I

have

> > just

> > > > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells "

(Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving

> a

> > > > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-laws "

> > > (Forward).

> > > > > This is my first post.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thank you for any insight!

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

YEAH!! now that's what I'm talkin' about. you ALL rock!

Kindest regards,

Mercy

> >

> > Rock on, Daisy. It is amazing to me how the good name of Christ

> gets trotted out to justify all sorts of bad behavior. Somewhere I

> read that the Honor thy mother and father is only part of the

> commandment.

> > Here is the full text, which I find qutie revealing:

> > " Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

Honor

> thy father and thy mother; which is the first commandment with

> promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long

on

> the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but

> bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, " Ephesians

> 6:1-4.

> > *

> > " Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well

> pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to

anger,

> lest they be discouraged, " Colossians 3:20-21.

> > Makes you think that BPD has been around a long, long time.

> > Be strong

> >

> >

> >

> > Re: BPD mother-in-law?

> >

> >

> > If he wants to get all on you about Christianity, then maybe he

> > should take a look at some of these verses:

> >

> > Genesis 2:24

> > This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is

joined

> to

> > his wife, and the two are united into one.

> >

> > Ephesians 5:25-28:

> > For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved

the

> > church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean,

> > washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her

> to

> > himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any

> other

> > blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.In the same

> way,

> > husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies.

> For

> > a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.

> >

> > I'm just sayin...

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Just curious, do you two have children? Do they go with your

husband to see your MIL? I would love some feedback from anyone on

this. I have said a strong " no " to allowing the children to go over

there without him (was that MY voice I heard saying no?!?) MIL is

out of town visiting her painted black child now that her painted

white child relationship has been 'tarnished' by me, the DIL. This

is new territory and I am not sure what my expectations should be -

or what is fair in the situation. I want to be ready when they

return from out of town, I know they will be expecting a visit (from

everyone else but me). I don't want to prevent the kids from having

a relationship with MIL and FIL, but I also want to be careful in

that relationship, seeing as she is becoming more abusive and

selective. Or am I just becoming more intolerant, getting wiser? I

also struggle a bit with feeling like I am the one left out of the

family here, and she is the one with BPD. How did THAT happen?

Thanks rinkled!

Finally standing

> >

> > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I have

just

> > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells " (Mason/Kreger), " Surviving a

> > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman), and " Toxic In-laws "

(Forward).

> > This is my first post.

> >

> > Thank you for any insight!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hello finallystanding,

I have two children. They are 18 and 16 years old now. We rarely

visit my mil, but my husband has never taken them to see his parents

(his father died last June) without me. Taking the kids to visit his

parents without me was actually a " line in the sand " moment for me

and my husband. It happened in 1994.

Here's how it went down:

One Saturday in December, my inlaws stopped in for an unexpected

visit. I happened to be out of the house when they arrived. When I

walked in the house, my husband, 4 year old son, 2 year old daughter,

and my inlaws were sitting in the living room. My fil immediately

stood up from his seat and said " let's go, Peg " , as he pushed passed

me without saying hello or making eye contact. My mil, waif that she

is, stood there looking confused and worried.

I may have mentioned before that all the issues between us were my

fault as far as the inlaws are concerned. For instance things like

requesting that they refrain from dropping in uninvited was a huge

insult to them. From their point of view, I was keeping their son

(and THEIR grandchildren) away from them. From my point of view it

was an invasion of our privacy and an intrusion on our limited family

time on weekends.

Anyway, after the fil walked passed me, I said, this is my house, you

don't get to be rude to me here. Maybe I should have bit my tongue

in front of the kids, but I didn't. And my fil went off. Hurling

insults and cursing and etc. And my kids started crying, so I took

the two of them upstairs, and told my husband to " get rid of them. "

This occurred the weekend before Christmas. We were planning to go

visit them at their home about 2 hours away on the day after

Christmas. I told my husband, unless things change drastically

between now and then, we are not going.

My husband, said, you don't have to go.

NO, NO, NO!

They don't get to be rude, disrespectful and horrible to me. They

don't get to act as though I am a nonperson, and then get unfettered

access to MY children without the " burden " of my presence.

We had a huge fight. One of the worst ever. And then I guess he

realized at some point that his parents were not kind or loving

towards me. That he had to stop appeasing them and letting them " get

away with it " in order to keep them quiet and off his back. Because

it didn't realy keep them off his back, they just expected more and

more and more. We went NC with them for three glorious years.

My fil sent me a letter a couple weeks later. He apolgized that my

feelings were hurt because I take things the wrong way, and other non-

apologetic excuses for his behavior. I was instructed to let bygones

be bygones. The kicker? He spelled my name wrong!

On the one hand, it seems easier all around to stay home when your

husband takes them to see his parents. But I found the exculsion

unacceptable and it felt as if my husband was validating that " I " was

the problem if he did that. It hurts.

Have you read " Toxic Inlaws " by Forward? Also, " Understanding

the Borderline Mother " , by Lawson? Gave me a lot of

insight into the situation with my husband. But he had to be ready,

willing. Head in the sand is so much more comfortable in this

instance. It is very frustrating if they choose to stay there when

you are ready to pull their heads out, and force them to look at the

sky. We've been married for 21 years now, and we are still handling

the fallout.

(((((finallystanding)))))

> > >

> > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I have

> just

> > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells " (Mason/Kreger), " Surviving a

> > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman), and " Toxic In-laws "

> (Forward).

> > > This is my first post.

> > >

> > > Thank you for any insight!

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Rinkled, I sooo appreciate you sharing - very timely too, as sure

enough, the MIL called my husband last night, wanting " visitation

with the grandkids " . She just got back from visiting her other son

(split black), and told my husband she felt the need to discuss the

situation at length with him. He lives 10 hours away!!! Reading

this yesterday helped me to stay strong today in a

heated 'discussion' (with husband). My husband wants to allow the

kids to go over there and spend the night Friday. I stuck to my

guns and said no. . . though this was hard. Nothing has been

resolved. He said they now know our boundaries. I disagreed. They

didn't agree to any of them and she treated me horribly when we sat

down to try to discuss things. My husband keeps saying it is an

ongoing problem between she and I. This is the first time I have

embarrassingly EVER stood up to her, trying to set boundaries for

the kids and then had to take up for myself when my husband

wouldn't. I told him I felt like it is an ongoing problem between

she and him, and he and I (what a GREAT triangle!!) Boy is it hard

not to just go along. He said what he has learned is that the

longer things go unresolved, the harder it is to resolve them. I

said that is what he has experienced with his mother. I have asked

him to go with me to see a marriage counselor. He is not real hip

on the idea. Thank you again - especially " They don't get to be

rude, disrespectful and horrible to me. They don't get to act as

though I am a nonperson, and then get unfettered access to MY

children without the " burden " of my presence. " I LOVE this! This

is how I feel. My husband has had a phone interview with a company

about two hours from here - an INCREDIBLE thing, he hates the

company he is with now but he hasn't wanted to move again (MIL said

several months ago, " Honey, if you move again, we WON'T be going

with you. " ) She meant it as a threat. I am silently singing the

halleluiah chorus! Any other ideas or words of wisdom are

welcomed. Thanks again,

Finally Standing

>

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " rinkled " wrote:

>

> Hello finallystanding,

> I have two children. They are 18 and 16 years old now. We rarely

> visit my mil, but my husband has never taken them to see his

parents

> (his father died last June) without me. Taking the kids to visit

his

> parents without me was actually a " line in the sand " moment for me

> and my husband. It happened in 1994.

>

> Here's how it went down:

> One Saturday in December, my inlaws stopped in for an unexpected

> visit. I happened to be out of the house when they arrived. When

I

> walked in the house, my husband, 4 year old son, 2 year old

daughter,

> and my inlaws were sitting in the living room. My fil immediately

> stood up from his seat and said " let's go, Peg " , as he pushed

passed

> me without saying hello or making eye contact. My mil, waif that

she

> is, stood there looking confused and worried.

>

> I may have mentioned before that all the issues between us were my

> fault as far as the inlaws are concerned. For instance things

like

> requesting that they refrain from dropping in uninvited was a huge

> insult to them. From their point of view, I was keeping their son

> (and THEIR grandchildren) away from them. From my point of view

it

> was an invasion of our privacy and an intrusion on our limited

family

> time on weekends.

>

> Anyway, after the fil walked passed me, I said, this is my house,

you

> don't get to be rude to me here. Maybe I should have bit my

tongue

> in front of the kids, but I didn't. And my fil went off. Hurling

> insults and cursing and etc. And my kids started crying, so I

took

> the two of them upstairs, and told my husband to " get rid of them. "

>

> This occurred the weekend before Christmas. We were planning to

go

> visit them at their home about 2 hours away on the day after

> Christmas. I told my husband, unless things change drastically

> between now and then, we are not going.

>

> My husband, said, you don't have to go.

>

> NO, NO, NO!

>

> They don't get to be rude, disrespectful and horrible to me. They

> don't get to act as though I am a nonperson, and then get

unfettered

> access to MY children without the " burden " of my presence.

>

> We had a huge fight. One of the worst ever. And then I guess he

> realized at some point that his parents were not kind or loving

> towards me. That he had to stop appeasing them and letting

them " get

> away with it " in order to keep them quiet and off his back.

Because

> it didn't realy keep them off his back, they just expected more

and

> more and more. We went NC with them for three glorious years.

>

> My fil sent me a letter a couple weeks later. He apolgized that

my

> feelings were hurt because I take things the wrong way, and other

non-

> apologetic excuses for his behavior. I was instructed to let

bygones

> be bygones. The kicker? He spelled my name wrong!

>

> On the one hand, it seems easier all around to stay home when your

> husband takes them to see his parents. But I found the exculsion

> unacceptable and it felt as if my husband was validating that " I "

was

> the problem if he did that. It hurts.

>

> Have you read " Toxic Inlaws " by Forward?

Also, " Understanding

> the Borderline Mother " , by Lawson? Gave me a lot of

> insight into the situation with my husband. But he had to be

ready,

> willing. Head in the sand is so much more comfortable in this

> instance. It is very frustrating if they choose to stay there

when

> you are ready to pull their heads out, and force them to look at

the

> sky. We've been married for 21 years now, and we are still

handling

> the fallout.

>

> (((((finallystanding)))))

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I have

> > just

> > > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells " (Mason/Kreger), " Surviving

a

> > > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman), and " Toxic In-laws "

> > (Forward).

> > > > This is my first post.

> > > >

> > > > Thank you for any insight!

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks , I hadn't thought of that. Any ideas of best

communicating that to a husband, whom I truely love dearly, but

doesn't yet know his head is still in the sand where his Nada is

concerned? I'd love a guy's perspective on this (I am assuming you

are a guy with the name , if not, I will just have to eat my

pen. ;-)

Finally Standing

>

> > He said they now know our boundaries.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks JaneSoul, I agree, it may come down to the dreaded choice.

My fear has been for years that he would choose her. Truely to his

benefit, he loves me and adores the kids - a great father. . . but

still an entangled and emeshed son. Somehow, I have felt there are

parts of him emotionally that I don't have access to. Like he sits

on the fence, trying to go between us - his two female obligations.

I think what the kicker has been for me is that over ten years ago,

I went NC with my father (NP). When I bring up my MIL or an issue

and my frustration, he says, " Well, we aren't going to end up like

you and your dad, not talking to each other. " I don't wish that on

him either, but that has been enough to shut me up in the past. I

see disengaged and emeshed as being two opposite polars,

with 'healthy' somewhere in the middle. I am still afraid of his

choice (or series of choices maybe?), and sometimes I wonder if he

will resent and blame me if in the end he does choose me, because my

MIL will do all she can to make him regret that decision, including

spewing her 'reality' of the situation to his extended family. I

just know that I truely think the kid's emotional (and physical, for

the baby) well-being is at stake, and I feel like I am fighting for

that. For me too, but honestly, I would probably still be

swallowing MIL behavior and attitude if it were just me in the

picture. That's hard to admit to myself sometimes. It just sounds

pathetic, even as I write it.

Thanks again,

Finally Standing

> > > > >

> > > > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I

have

> > > just

> > > > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells "

(Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving

> a

> > > > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-laws "

> > > (Forward).

> > > > > This is my first post.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thank you for any insight!

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think my husband and his mother used me as the problem in the

middle. I took the heat for him, because I was the one arguing, and

she didn't have to face that her son avoids her at all costs!

I understand why I allowed myself to get stuck in the middle like

that, because I felt that he wouldn't (couldn't?) stand up to her.

In most intimate relationships, there are going to be problems,

misunderstandings or disagreements. I learned to examine my own

behavior, and how it might be making the situation worse. And if you

are involved with a sane and rational person, they'll probably

examine their own part too. As far as my mil is concerned, I finally

realized that I'm dealing with a personality disorder, no amount of

arguing or discussion is going to do anything but make me dizzy. And

feed her disorder. It is impossible to " fix " things with her, unless

she decides to fix herself, and I don't see that ever happening.

> > > > >

> > > > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I have

> > > just

> > > > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells "

(Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving

> a

> > > > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-laws "

> > > (Forward).

> > > > > This is my first post.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thank you for any insight!

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

---

I think you need some outside help on this. He really doesn't get

it, and he's fighting to maintain the status quo, as you want to

change it. Sounds like he's fearing the wrath of nada. It bothers

me that he throws up your situation with your father. That sounds

manipulative to me. As if you aren't credible or something, b/c of

this, when really, it is irrelevant to the situation with his M. I

think a therapist could help him to see the triangulating, his role,

etc...

Will he at least read the books?

Joanna

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " finallystanding "

wrote:

>

> Thanks JaneSoul, I agree, it may come down to the dreaded choice.

> My fear has been for years that he would choose her. Truely to his

> benefit, he loves me and adores the kids - a great father. . . but

> still an entangled and emeshed son. Somehow, I have felt there are

> parts of him emotionally that I don't have access to. Like he sits

> on the fence, trying to go between us - his two female obligations.

> I think what the kicker has been for me is that over ten years ago,

> I went NC with my father (NP). When I bring up my MIL or an issue

> and my frustration, he says, " Well, we aren't going to end up like

> you and your dad, not talking to each other. " I don't wish that on

> him either, but that has been enough to shut me up in the past. I

> see disengaged and emeshed as being two opposite polars,

> with 'healthy' somewhere in the middle. I am still afraid of his

> choice (or series of choices maybe?), and sometimes I wonder if he

> will resent and blame me if in the end he does choose me, because

my

> MIL will do all she can to make him regret that decision, including

> spewing her 'reality' of the situation to his extended family. I

> just know that I truely think the kid's emotional (and physical,

for

> the baby) well-being is at stake, and I feel like I am fighting for

> that. For me too, but honestly, I would probably still be

> swallowing MIL behavior and attitude if it were just me in the

> picture. That's hard to admit to myself sometimes. It just sounds

> pathetic, even as I write it.

>

> Thanks again,

>

> Finally Standing

>

>

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I

> have

> > > > just

> > > > > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells "

> (Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving

> > a

> > > > > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-laws "

> > > > (Forward).

> > > > > > This is my first post.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Thank you for any insight!

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Thanks joanna, yes, I think he does fear the wrath of his Nada - he

has seen it first hand for years, and avoided it for just as long.

You really think it is manipulative when he mentions my situation

with my father? I think I have taken the 'fear factor' I felt

growing up with my Father (NP), and put it onto my husband - who is

NOT NP, but I think in trying to be perfect and working hard to live

up to expectations and trying to please (all of which are me, me,

and me trying to somehow be good enough). I think I have put

(transfered?) this on him and my MIL. I think in the beginning, I

thought that if I could be a wonderful wife and wonderful DIL, that

I could be a part of a close-knit family - not like my FOO, not

close at all. After all, I am married to the chosen child. . . I

have lived with the fear of not measuring up, or if the 'real' me

stood up, everyone would leave the room. So, now I am beginning to

wonder, who is the 'real' me? Am I in here somewhere? Do my

thoughts count? I think I might be scared of having original

thoughts. And then I beat myself up for digging this hole. Isn't

this some kind of sick inside-out version of self-absorption? Maybe

that is why I haven't seen his words as manipulation. I have asked

him to read the books. Incidently, I have: Toxic Inlaws, Walking on

Eggshells, and Surviving the Borderline Parent. The titles

immediately put him on guard, but he has asked me to read some to

him. Like last night, I read to him the 'sponging' concept, and

told him I know I do this and it is a factor contributing to my

GAD. I also try to leave the books in the bathroom, hoping he might

be picking them up when I'm not looking. I see signs that he might

be realizing his mother has some deep-seeded issues, but I don't

know if he has yet made the jump to 'Borderline'. I am trying not

to talk about it too much, hoping he will cook some thoughts on his

own.

Thanks again,

Finally Standing

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I

> > have

> > > > > just

> > > > > > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells "

> > (Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving

> > > a

> > > > > > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-

laws "

> > > > > (Forward).

> > > > > > > This is my first post.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Thank you for any insight!

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

---

well, I think it's manipulative in that it stops you in your tracks

and distracts you from the issue at hand...it also makes me think

that he is afraid NC is the only other option re: his nada. he's

playing his part in maintaining the status quo. i can't imagine

being the chosen child, but i'm thinking it's a role that you have to

embrace fully to maintain - never looking closely at problems, lest

you fall off your pedestal...

have you gone to a therapist on your own? it would probably help to

get things sorted out. as you start to look at things, everyone is

going to dig in their heels...

it sounds like you've done very well, coming from such a family. of

course you wanted a close relationship with in-laws. it sounds like

if just took you a while to realize how whacked it is.

Joanna

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " finallystanding "

wrote:

>

> Thanks joanna, yes, I think he does fear the wrath of his Nada - he

> has seen it first hand for years, and avoided it for just as long.

> You really think it is manipulative when he mentions my situation

> with my father? I think I have taken the 'fear factor' I felt

> growing up with my Father (NP), and put it onto my husband - who is

> NOT NP, but I think in trying to be perfect and working hard to

live

> up to expectations and trying to please (all of which are me, me,

> and me trying to somehow be good enough). I think I have put

> (transfered?) this on him and my MIL. I think in the beginning, I

> thought that if I could be a wonderful wife and wonderful DIL, that

> I could be a part of a close-knit family - not like my FOO, not

> close at all. After all, I am married to the chosen child. . . I

> have lived with the fear of not measuring up, or if the 'real' me

> stood up, everyone would leave the room. So, now I am beginning to

> wonder, who is the 'real' me? Am I in here somewhere? Do my

> thoughts count? I think I might be scared of having original

> thoughts. And then I beat myself up for digging this hole. Isn't

> this some kind of sick inside-out version of self-absorption?

Maybe

> that is why I haven't seen his words as manipulation. I have asked

> him to read the books. Incidently, I have: Toxic Inlaws, Walking

on

> Eggshells, and Surviving the Borderline Parent. The titles

> immediately put him on guard, but he has asked me to read some to

> him. Like last night, I read to him the 'sponging' concept, and

> told him I know I do this and it is a factor contributing to my

> GAD. I also try to leave the books in the bathroom, hoping he

might

> be picking them up when I'm not looking. I see signs that he might

> be realizing his mother has some deep-seeded issues, but I don't

> know if he has yet made the jump to 'Borderline'. I am trying not

> to talk about it too much, hoping he will cook some thoughts on his

> own.

>

> Thanks again,

>

> Finally Standing

>

>

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD?

I

> > > have

> > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells "

> > > (Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving

> > > > a

> > > > > > > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-

> laws "

> > > > > > (Forward).

> > > > > > > > This is my first post.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Thank you for any insight!

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Thanks Joanna - It does stop me in my tracks when he says that, and

it does tend to shut me right up. Hummm. I asked him to go with me

to a therapist again this morning. He didn't say no this time, but

not a yes either. The first time I asked was a week or so ago. If

he doesn't agree by the end of the weekend, I will go ahead and make

myself an appointment. I appreciate your honesty. . . I am afraid

there is no easy fix, and probably will get bumpier before it gets

any better.

Finally Standing

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with

BPD?

> I

> > > > have

> > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells "

> > > > (Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving

> > > > > a

> > > > > > > > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-

> > laws "

> > > > > > > (Forward).

> > > > > > > > > This is my first post.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Thank you for any insight!

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

Thanks ! Bad news - HUGE fight last night. Good news - we are

going to see a counselor, together. He wanted to take the kids

tonight to MIL's house to stay the night. (After having

transmission problems and asking his parents to borrow one of their

four cars, driving it home from work. Am I not his wife? Could he

not have called me to come and pick him up? Why does he continue to

call Mom to bail him out? And who knows what they talked about?!?

Is it petty that I would be bothered by what they talked about?) I

stood my ground and said, " absolutely not " . It got bad. He asked

me to leave, then changed his mind when I started to go upstairs and

help the kids pack. No way I was leaving them behind! The

counselor also specializes in Marriage and Family, so I am hoping he

will be insightful. Thanks to all who have written. I am so

grateful and re-read these posts over and over. It helps me

remember I'm not the one who is crazy. A co-dependant textbook,

maybe, but not crazy.

Finally Standing

> > > > >

> > > > > Does anyone out there have a mother-in-law with BPD? I

have

> > > just

> > > > > read " Stop Walking on Eggshells "

(Mason/Kreger) , " Surviving

> a

> > > > > Borderline Parent " (Roth/Friedman) , and " Toxic In-laws "

> > > (Forward).

> > > > > This is my first post.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thank you for any insight!

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>