New Here

[Guest guest]

Hi, my name is Fran, and I live in New Mexico.

I'm not on any meds now. Haven't been in three years. Came off them

with the help of a Doctor of Oriental Medicine, acupuncture and

herbs. Then I retired and moved 800+ away from 'home.' Now I don't

have my DOM, and I don't have medical insurance. (But I have a job

interview today, and if I get it, I'll have medical insurance.)

I've been fine but now I'm living alone the past six months, and I

can feel the depression creeping back back. Thanks to a lot of

websites a friend referred me to (including yours), I'm going back on

my daily vitamin and mineral regimen, going to pick up a B Complex

and some magnesium today, and I'll be more careful of my diet. As

soon as I get some money, I'll start doing Yoga again. (I just read

a great book entitled " Yoga for Depression. "

I don't what help I can be here, but I'd like to be here with all of

you and give and receive encouragement. Just the little I've read

this morning has been very encouraging.

You all seem so courageous. And I know I'm not alone in this.

Thanks.

Fran

[Guest guest]

Hi Fran,

I can totally sympathize with you. Several years ago, I moved 1200

miles away from my family and friends. It was a very difficult

experience. One thing that might help is to get yourself out

there...go to the library or other community places and get yourself

to meet some people. Or, get involved in a cause, however small.

In retrospect, if I had done this I would have had a much easier

time when I moved...I never felt that I was 'a part' of my new

world. Enjoy your new scenery and take in the world around you.

You're courage to pick up and move is outstanding, and as long as

you keep yourself open, you'll do fine.

I wound up moving back 'home'. I have to say, though, I long to go

back because I never gave my new location a chance. Some day, I

hope to move again with my husband if I can convince him!!

>

> Hi, my name is Fran, and I live in New Mexico.

>

> I'm not on any meds now. Haven't been in three years. Came off

them

> with the help of a Doctor of Oriental Medicine, acupuncture and

> herbs. Then I retired and moved 800+ away from 'home.' Now I

don't

> have my DOM, and I don't have medical insurance. (But I have a

job

> interview today, and if I get it, I'll have medical insurance.)

>

> I've been fine but now I'm living alone the past six months, and I

> can feel the depression creeping back back. Thanks to a lot of

> websites a friend referred me to (including yours), I'm going back

on

> my daily vitamin and mineral regimen, going to pick up a B Complex

> and some magnesium today, and I'll be more careful of my diet. As

> soon as I get some money, I'll start doing Yoga again. (I just

read

> a great book entitled " Yoga for Depression. "

>

> I don't what help I can be here, but I'd like to be here with all

of

> you and give and receive encouragement. Just the little I've read

> this morning has been very encouraging.

>

> You all seem so courageous. And I know I'm not alone in this.

>

> Thanks.

>

> Fran

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you. I am. At least I'm trying. I do volunteer work, and I'm going to increase it. I did get the job -- but my days will be different each week, and they (the hospital) can't decide on what hours yet.

I just want to be married again. Have someone to love. I hate living alone. I just hate it.

Stay where you are. Family and friends are everything. (I had no family 'back home' but I did have friends.)

Fran

Re: New Here

Hi Fran,

I can totally sympathize with you. Several years ago, I moved 1200

miles away from my family and friends. It was a very difficult

experience. One thing that might help is to get yourself out

there...go to the library or other community places and get yourself

to meet some people. Or, get involved in a cause, however small.

In retrospect, if I had done this I would have had a much easier

time when I moved...I never felt that I was 'a part' of my new

world. Enjoy your new scenery and take in the world around you.

You're courage to pick up and move is outstanding, and as long as

you keep yourself open, you'll do fine.

I wound up moving back 'home'. I have to say, though, I long to go

back because I never gave my new location a chance. Some day, I

hope to move again with my husband if I can convince him!!

>

> Hi, my name is Fran, and I live in New Mexico.

>

> I'm not on any meds now. Haven't been in three years. Came off

them

> with the help of a Doctor of Oriental Medicine, acupuncture and

> herbs. Then I retired and moved 800+ away from 'home.' Now I

don't

> have my DOM, and I don't have medical insurance. (But I have a

job

> interview today, and if I get it, I'll have medical insurance.)

>

> I've been fine but now I'm living alone the past six months, and I

> can feel the depression creeping back back. Thanks to a lot of

> websites a friend referred me to (including yours), I'm going back

on

> my daily vitamin and mineral regimen, going to pick up a B Complex

> and some magnesium today, and I'll be more careful of my diet. As

> soon as I get some money, I'll start doing Yoga again. (I just

read

> a great book entitled "Yoga for Depression."

>

> I don't what help I can be here, but I'd like to be here with all

of

> you and give and receive encouragement. Just the little I've read

> this morning has been very encouraging.

>

> You all seem so courageous. And I know I'm not alone in this.

>

> Thanks.

>

> Fran

>

Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from across the web, free AOL Mail and more.

[Guest guest]

,

Welcome, I would say your mother is a BP. Bless you for surviving and

somehow thriving.

You are doing the right thing, distancing yourself from your mother. The whole

berating and the incident with the food on your head at dinner, as a mother was

just a lot to even totally understand. I take that back, I get that BP's do

irrational things, but as a non BP- it just hurts to think a parent could be so

hurtful. Therapy helps and so do the wonderful people here. Please know up front

this is about you getting healthy....and you changing. We can't change the BP,

we have no control over them....just ourselves.

Somehow keep loving you and trusting you. Something inside of us goes a little

off course about trusting ourselves, when the first person to love us betrays us

and robs us of so much...that has been my huge discovery. I am giving back to me

in a very slow, painful at times and dear God, yes healing the love, faith in

self, and compassion my mother never gave to me. We cannot change what they

have done to us, but we can remember daily that we deserve better and we can

give ourselves so much more then will be ever capable of giving us. I know that

this is not the way it is suppose to be- a screwed up and unhealthy parent, but

it is the way for children of BP's.. We do make it and so will you. You are

finding your way- YOU are here.

Keep posting!

Malinda

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: damemagnifique@...: Wed, 9

Jul 2008 23:11:48 +0000Subject: New Here

Hi there!I just found this group today. I am pretty sure that my mom has BPD

although she would never go to a therapist because according to herthat is

something to be ashamed of. So I guess I will never reallyknow for sure. I was

severely verbally abused my whole life by my mom while my dadand entire family

sat back and didn't say a word. Basically I havehad to walk on eggshells my

entire life and if I wasn't being verballyattacked, I was either being ignored

or humiliated like the time mymom didn't like the face I made at what she made

for dinner so shetook the full dinner plate and smashed it over my head and then

mademe sit through dinner with food all over my head while my dad and herate

like nothing had happened. This was after her verbally beratingme at what a

worthless ungrateful piece of sh*t I was because of theface I supposedly made. I

also wasn't allowed to cry or show anyemotion because it would make my mom

furious and the verbal abuse was10 times worse. I could go on and on and usually

when I do confide insomeone that knows my mom they don't believe that she did

those thingsto me. Of course, to them she is super cool, really funny, and

alwaysnice. All she ever cares about is what other people might think ofher so

she is VERY manipulative and always conscious of " otherpeople. " Everyone else is

the bad guy and she is the victim. I am in my 30s now and I haven't spoken to my

mom since December. Thefinal straw for me was watching my mom and dad attempt to

force mylittle sister to get married to a guy that hits her and is a

completeloser because my sister was pregnant. My mom actually admitted to myface

that my sister's boyfriend is a piece of sh*t and marriage willnever work but

she doesn't care because other people will think she isa bad mom if she has a

bastard grandchild. My mom did the same thingto me when I was 17. She forced me

to get married because I wanted toshare a 2 bedroom apartment with my boyfriend

after I graduated highschool. And the funny thing is, I was so innocent back

then that Ireally was going to have my OWN room and we were going to be

roommatesinstead of boyfriend/girlfriend. She refused to sign my studentloans,

she had my dad disable my car, and she took my life savings (anaccount that I

had since I was 5 all saved by me) and would only givethe stuff back if I got

married. I did just so I could get away fromher. I moved 2 hours away from her

and then got myself divorced. Ofcourse that was used against me for YEARS. So

needless to say whenshe did that to my sister I had it and have not spoken to

her since. So that's a little about my background and the reason I am on

thissite is because my biggest challenge is being able to get angry

ordisappointed, etc and handle it appropriately in my personalrelationships. I

have had a hard time with conflict, I either shutdown, or blow up and then get

so scared that the person I am mad atwill leave me that I apologize and try to

take back whatever I mighthave done. Anyone figured out how to balance that? I

have beentrying to find something that can show me how to express myself in

ahealthy way but I can't seem to find anything that applies to

mysituation.Anyways, sorry this is so long. It's just that Ive never really

hadanyone to talk to that has been through this kind of stuff before.... Thanks

for understanding....Mel

_________________________________________________________________

Need to know now? Get instant answers with Windows Live Messenger.

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senger_072008

[Guest guest]

holy crap. forget borderline. your mom is absolutely psychotic and

your dad must either be blind or completely brain dead to let a woman

like that pull that kind of crap on his children.

wow. i hope your sister has someone else she can rely on. your

parents are super creepy.

bink

>

> Hi there!

>

> I just found this group today. I am pretty sure that my mom has BPD

> although she would never go to a therapist because according to her

> that is something to be ashamed of. So I guess I will never really

> know for sure.

>

> I was severely verbally abused my whole life by my mom while my dad

> and entire family sat back and didn't say a word. Basically I have

> had to walk on eggshells my entire life and if I wasn't being verbally

> attacked, I was either being ignored or humiliated like the time my

> mom didn't like the face I made at what she made for dinner so she

> took the full dinner plate and smashed it over my head and then made

> me sit through dinner with food all over my head while my dad and her

> ate like nothing had happened. This was after her verbally berating

> me at what a worthless ungrateful piece of sh*t I was because of the

> face I supposedly made. I also wasn't allowed to cry or show any

> emotion because it would make my mom furious and the verbal abuse was

> 10 times worse. I could go on and on and usually when I do confide in

> someone that knows my mom they don't believe that she did those things

> to me. Of course, to them she is super cool, really funny, and always

> nice. All she ever cares about is what other people might think of

> her so she is VERY manipulative and always conscious of " other

> people. " Everyone else is the bad guy and she is the victim.

>

> I am in my 30s now and I haven't spoken to my mom since December. The

> final straw for me was watching my mom and dad attempt to force my

> little sister to get married to a guy that hits her and is a complete

> loser because my sister was pregnant. My mom actually admitted to my

> face that my sister's boyfriend is a piece of sh*t and marriage will

> never work but she doesn't care because other people will think she is

> a bad mom if she has a bastard grandchild. My mom did the same thing

> to me when I was 17. She forced me to get married because I wanted to

> share a 2 bedroom apartment with my boyfriend after I graduated high

> school. And the funny thing is, I was so innocent back then that I

> really was going to have my OWN room and we were going to be roommates

> instead of boyfriend/girlfriend. She refused to sign my student

> loans, she had my dad disable my car, and she took my life savings (an

> account that I had since I was 5 all saved by me) and would only give

> the stuff back if I got married. I did just so I could get away from

> her. I moved 2 hours away from her and then got myself divorced. Of

> course that was used against me for YEARS. So needless to say when

> she did that to my sister I had it and have not spoken to her since.

>

> So that's a little about my background and the reason I am on this

> site is because my biggest challenge is being able to get angry or

> disappointed, etc and handle it appropriately in my personal

> relationships. I have had a hard time with conflict, I either shut

> down, or blow up and then get so scared that the person I am mad at

> will leave me that I apologize and try to take back whatever I might

> have done. Anyone figured out how to balance that? I have been

> trying to find something that can show me how to express myself in a

> healthy way but I can't seem to find anything that applies to my

> situation.

>

> Anyways, sorry this is so long. It's just that Ive never really had

> anyone to talk to that has been through this kind of stuff before....

>

> Thanks for understanding....

>

> Mel

>

[Guest guest]

Ha! My dad is super uninvolved, he lets my mom walk all over him. I

have no idea why he is that way. I guess it's just the easy road for

him to take. I used to put my dad on a pedestal because he was the

only one who was nice to me (meaning didn't verbally abuse me every

single day of my life) but now I see that he is just as guilty as her

for not doing a thing about it which is why I don't talk to him either.

Unfortunately my little sister is back living at home with my mom and

dad after her boyfriend tried to choke her in front of the baby. My

mom cornered her when she moved back in and told her that she would

pay for her to get married to him!! That really infuriated me. But

didn't surprise me because it's always been about what my mom wants

and not what is good for her children. I try really hard to spend

alone time with my sister and try to tell her that she doesn't need to

be with this guy, etc etc. But she gets all this negative

reinforcement from my mom and dad and I know that she doesn't really

even see that she comes from an abusive family. So it falls on deaf

ears.

> >

> > Hi there!

> >

> > I just found this group today. I am pretty sure that my mom has BPD

> > although she would never go to a therapist because according to her

> > that is something to be ashamed of. So I guess I will never really

> > know for sure.

> >

> > I was severely verbally abused my whole life by my mom while my dad

> > and entire family sat back and didn't say a word. Basically I have

> > had to walk on eggshells my entire life and if I wasn't being verbally

> > attacked, I was either being ignored or humiliated like the time my

> > mom didn't like the face I made at what she made for dinner so she

> > took the full dinner plate and smashed it over my head and then made

> > me sit through dinner with food all over my head while my dad and her

> > ate like nothing had happened. This was after her verbally berating

> > me at what a worthless ungrateful piece of sh*t I was because of the

> > face I supposedly made. I also wasn't allowed to cry or show any

> > emotion because it would make my mom furious and the verbal abuse was

> > 10 times worse. I could go on and on and usually when I do confide in

> > someone that knows my mom they don't believe that she did those things

> > to me. Of course, to them she is super cool, really funny, and always

> > nice. All she ever cares about is what other people might think of

> > her so she is VERY manipulative and always conscious of " other

> > people. " Everyone else is the bad guy and she is the victim.

> >

> > I am in my 30s now and I haven't spoken to my mom since December. The

> > final straw for me was watching my mom and dad attempt to force my

> > little sister to get married to a guy that hits her and is a complete

> > loser because my sister was pregnant. My mom actually admitted to my

> > face that my sister's boyfriend is a piece of sh*t and marriage will

> > never work but she doesn't care because other people will think she is

> > a bad mom if she has a bastard grandchild. My mom did the same thing

> > to me when I was 17. She forced me to get married because I wanted to

> > share a 2 bedroom apartment with my boyfriend after I graduated high

> > school. And the funny thing is, I was so innocent back then that I

> > really was going to have my OWN room and we were going to be roommates

> > instead of boyfriend/girlfriend. She refused to sign my student

> > loans, she had my dad disable my car, and she took my life savings (an

> > account that I had since I was 5 all saved by me) and would only give

> > the stuff back if I got married. I did just so I could get away from

> > her. I moved 2 hours away from her and then got myself divorced. Of

> > course that was used against me for YEARS. So needless to say when

> > she did that to my sister I had it and have not spoken to her since.

> >

> > So that's a little about my background and the reason I am on this

> > site is because my biggest challenge is being able to get angry or

> > disappointed, etc and handle it appropriately in my personal

> > relationships. I have had a hard time with conflict, I either shut

> > down, or blow up and then get so scared that the person I am mad at

> > will leave me that I apologize and try to take back whatever I might

> > have done. Anyone figured out how to balance that? I have been

> > trying to find something that can show me how to express myself in a

> > healthy way but I can't seem to find anything that applies to my

> > situation.

> >

> > Anyways, sorry this is so long. It's just that Ive never really had

> > anyone to talk to that has been through this kind of stuff before....

> >

> > Thanks for understanding....

> >

> > Mel

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It sounds like you are in the right place and welcome to the group.

There are three books that I read that really helped me understand what I have

been through and help me grow in a more positive way. The books are

Understanding the Borderline Mother, Stop Walking on Eggshells, and Leaving

Home.

I am only about (1) year into this process and I am so much happier now. I

have NO Contact (NC) with my extended family and my stress level has been cut by

90%.

This online support group has been wonderful. Once you start to read all the

posts, the behavior of all the other borderline parents are exactly the same. It

is really amazing to me the degree of similarity.

The most important thing you need to remember is that YOU did NOTHING wrong,

this behavior is a result of your mother's illness. You CANNOT control any of

the behaviors of your borderline parent. This will be the hardest thing for you

to accept.

Again, welcome to the group. I am sure we are all glad that you have found

us;-)

wrote:

Hi there!

I just found this group today. I am pretty sure that my mom has BPD

although she would never go to a therapist because according to her

that is something to be ashamed of. So I guess I will never really

know for sure.

I was severely verbally abused my whole life by my mom while my dad

and entire family sat back and didn't say a word. Basically I have

had to walk on eggshells my entire life and if I wasn't being verbally

attacked, I was either being ignored or humiliated like the time my

mom didn't like the face I made at what she made for dinner so she

took the full dinner plate and smashed it over my head and then made

me sit through dinner with food all over my head while my dad and her

ate like nothing had happened. This was after her verbally berating

me at what a worthless ungrateful piece of sh*t I was because of the

face I supposedly made. I also wasn't allowed to cry or show any

emotion because it would make my mom furious and the verbal abuse was

10 times worse. I could go on and on and usually when I do confide in

someone that knows my mom they don't believe that she did those things

to me. Of course, to them she is super cool, really funny, and always

nice. All she ever cares about is what other people might think of

her so she is VERY manipulative and always conscious of " other

people. " Everyone else is the bad guy and she is the victim.

I am in my 30s now and I haven't spoken to my mom since December. The

final straw for me was watching my mom and dad attempt to force my

little sister to get married to a guy that hits her and is a complete

loser because my sister was pregnant. My mom actually admitted to my

face that my sister's boyfriend is a piece of sh*t and marriage will

never work but she doesn't care because other people will think she is

a bad mom if she has a bastard grandchild. My mom did the same thing

to me when I was 17. She forced me to get married because I wanted to

share a 2 bedroom apartment with my boyfriend after I graduated high

school. And the funny thing is, I was so innocent back then that I

really was going to have my OWN room and we were going to be roommates

instead of boyfriend/girlfriend. She refused to sign my student

loans, she had my dad disable my car, and she took my life savings (an

account that I had since I was 5 all saved by me) and would only give

the stuff back if I got married. I did just so I could get away from

her. I moved 2 hours away from her and then got myself divorced. Of

course that was used against me for YEARS. So needless to say when

she did that to my sister I had it and have not spoken to her since.

So that's a little about my background and the reason I am on this

site is because my biggest challenge is being able to get angry or

disappointed, etc and handle it appropriately in my personal

relationships. I have had a hard time with conflict, I either shut

down, or blow up and then get so scared that the person I am mad at

will leave me that I apologize and try to take back whatever I might

have done. Anyone figured out how to balance that? I have been

trying to find something that can show me how to express myself in a

healthy way but I can't seem to find anything that applies to my

situation.

Anyways, sorry this is so long. It's just that Ive never really had

anyone to talk to that has been through this kind of stuff before....

Thanks for understanding....

Mel

[Guest guest]

Welcome to both of you! Glad you are here and I hope it can help

On Thu, Jul 10, 2008 at 5:50 PM, bink1227

wrote:

> i'm glad you appreciate it. my mouth gets me in trouble in real life!

> i cannot keep quiet!!!

>

> bink

>

> >> Hi there!> > I just found this

> group today. I am pretty sure that my mom has BPD > although she would

> never go to a therapist because according to her> that is something to

> be ashamed of. So I guess I will never really> know for sure. > > I

> was severely verbally abused my whole life by my mom while my dad> and

> entire family sat back and didn't say a word. Basically I have> had to

> walk on eggshells my entire life and if I wasn't being verbally>

> attacked, I was either being ignored or humiliated like the time my>

> mom didn't like the face I made at what she made for dinner so she>

> took the full dinner plate and smashed it over my head and then made>

> me sit through dinner with food all over my head while my dad and her>

> ate like nothing had happened. This was after her verbally berating>

> me at what a worthless ungrateful piece of sh*t I was because of the>

> face I supposedly made. I also wasn't allowed to cry or show any>

> emotion because it would make my mom furious and the verbal abuse was>

> 10 times worse. I could go on and on and usually when I do confide in>

> someone that knows my mom they don't believe that she did those

> things> to me. Of course, to them she is super cool, really funny, and

> always> nice. All she ever cares about is what other people might

> think of> her so she is VERY manipulative and always conscious of

> " other> people. " Everyone else is the bad guy and she is the victim. >

> > I am in my 30s now and I haven't spoken to my mom since December.

> The> final straw for me was watching my mom and dad attempt to force

> my> little sister to get married to a guy that hits her and is a

> complete> loser because my sister was pregnant. My mom actually

> admitted to my> face that my sister's boyfriend is a piece of sh*t and

> marriage will> never work but she doesn't care because other people

> will think she is> a bad mom if she has a bastard grandchild. My mom

> did the same thing> to me when I was 17. She forced me to get married

> because I wanted to> share a 2 bedroom apartment with my boyfriend

> after I graduated high> school. And the funny thing is, I was so

> innocent back then that I> really was going to have my OWN room and we

> were going to be roommates> instead of boyfriend/girlfriend. She

> refused to sign my student> loans, she had my dad disable my car, and

> she took my life savings (an> account that I had since I was 5 all

> saved by me) and would only give> the stuff back if I got married. I

> did just so I could get away from> her. I moved 2 hours away from her

> and then got myself divorced. Of> course that was used against me for

> YEARS. So needless to say when> she did that to my sister I had it and

> have not spoken to her since. > > So that's a little about my

> background and the reason I am on this> site is because my biggest

> challenge is being able to get angry or> disappointed, etc and handle

> it appropriately in my personal> relationships. I have had a hard time

> with conflict, I either shut> down, or blow up and then get so scared

> that the person I am mad at> will leave me that I apologize and try to

> take back whatever I might> have done. Anyone figured out how to

> balance that? I have been> trying to find something that can show me

> how to express myself in a> healthy way but I can't seem to find

> anything that applies to my> situation.> > Anyways, sorry this is so

> long. It's just that Ive never really had> anyone to talk to that has

> been through this kind of stuff before.... > > Thanks for

> understanding....> > Mel>

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > __________________________________________________________

> > It's a talkathon – but it's not just talk.

> > http://www.imtalkathon.com/?source=EML_WLH_Talkathon_JustTalk

> >

> >