Years to the Truth

[Guest guest]

It has taken me years to figure out that I was not the

all-good child.

I was told that I was " the one who does everything right " and on and

on. Blah blah

Now, I can see that my nada was telling me this partly as a

manipulative tool to get me to do what she wanted. As a " motivator "

for me to please her. In reality, I was so painted black by my

entire family that I really relate to what all of you painted blacks

are saying about being the family dumping ground and etc.

Though, it's conflicting, I almost feel that I played dual

roles...expected to keep everything afloat.

I was the all good child when needed and raised to " take care of

her. " And to sacrifice my life for the good of the family. And

yet, I have been made to feel that it is because I was " bad " and

undeserving of anything else, that I had to sacrifice to makeup for

all of the problems I caused by existing. I have not done a

thing " right " since I was born.

My family that I was raised with my sister(severe narc), brother

(introverted or quiet narc) are so narcissitic and so the tactics

they used with me over the years were to shun, to say that I was

mentally incompetant or mentally ill. Because, my real father was not

their father, and he had a brain injury, they would say that I took

after him. Beyond cruel now that I look back at it. Though, it

still is and will continue with them until I die. This is why I

don't attend family parties or have much to do with them.

They called me their " dumb ugly little sister. " And were quick to

not include me or to put me down. Someone once commented " she's not

dumb and she's gorgeous. " My sister paused and mimicking a wide eyed

doe caught in the headlights said, " Oh, we've just said that as a

joke. " She made this phtph sound with her lips and hit my shoulder

as if I thought it were funny. I just glared at her.

Anyways, I was punished if I looked too pretty. Because, then it

was my fault that my sister and brother didn't have enough

attention. I was punished if I weren't pretty enough, " Well, I

guess a mother just likes to think of her daughter as the most

beautiful in the room " she'd say commenting on every wrong feature

that she could find.

Everything was so black and white that I'm not sure I can even

discern through it all.

All I know is that much of the unhappiness in my life comes from

abuse from those who were meant to protect and love me.

I desire a family. But, I don't want this one. I think that desire

for ties is why people cling on to the " Not A Families " they have

despite the abuse. Now, I can see this same narcissitic crap in

children of my siblings...it goes on and on. And something about

that made me see...it's not going to end. It won't even change when

every last narcissitic you thought you had in your family has died

off. Because, they make and raise children. Luckily a few of them

are alright, kind and normal people.

I completely agree with so many of the things that you all have said.

No contact is the only way to go. You can't reason with bullies.

They're not emotionally competant.

[Guest guest]

Spot freaking on, Chick. Good lord I think we may be related. :-)

Be strong

Years to the Truth

It has taken me years to figure out that I was not the

all-good child.

I was told that I was " the one who does everything right " and on and

on. Blah blah

Now, I can see that my nada was telling me this partly as a

manipulative tool to get me to do what she wanted. As a " motivator "

for me to please her. In reality, I was so painted black by my

entire family that I really relate to what all of you painted blacks

are saying about being the family dumping ground and etc.

Though, it's conflicting, I almost feel that I played dual

roles...expected to keep everything afloat.

I was the all good child when needed and raised to " take care of

her. " And to sacrifice my life for the good of the family. And

yet, I have been made to feel that it is because I was " bad " and

undeserving of anything else, that I had to sacrifice to makeup for

all of the problems I caused by existing. I have not done a

thing " right " since I was born.

My family that I was raised with my sister(severe narc), brother

(introverted or quiet narc) are so narcissitic and so the tactics

they used with me over the years were to shun, to say that I was

mentally incompetant or mentally ill. Because, my real father was not

their father, and he had a brain injury, they would say that I took

after him. Beyond cruel now that I look back at it. Though, it

still is and will continue with them until I die. This is why I

don't attend family parties or have much to do with them.

They called me their " dumb ugly little sister. " And were quick to

not include me or to put me down. Someone once commented " she's not

dumb and she's gorgeous. " My sister paused and mimicking a wide eyed

doe caught in the headlights said, " Oh, we've just said that as a

joke. " She made this phtph sound with her lips and hit my shoulder

as if I thought it were funny. I just glared at her.

Anyways, I was punished if I looked too pretty. Because, then it

was my fault that my sister and brother didn't have enough

attention. I was punished if I weren't pretty enough, " Well, I

guess a mother just likes to think of her daughter as the most

beautiful in the room " she'd say commenting on every wrong feature

that she could find.

Everything was so black and white that I'm not sure I can even

discern through it all.

All I know is that much of the unhappiness in my life comes from

abuse from those who were meant to protect and love me.

I desire a family. But, I don't want this one. I think that desire

for ties is why people cling on to the " Not A Families " they have

despite the abuse. Now, I can see this same narcissitic crap in

children of my siblings....it goes on and on. And something about

that made me see...it's not going to end. It won't even change when

every last narcissitic you thought you had in your family has died

off. Because, they make and raise children. Luckily a few of them

are alright, kind and normal people.

I completely agree with so many of the things that you all have said.

No contact is the only way to go. You can't reason with bullies.

They're not emotionally competant.

[Guest guest]

wow. this is really fascinating. i have struggled with the " black "

label because everyone (even my mom) knows that i kept everything

together. it was some combination of black and white, and it was

completely unpredictable... this also sort of explains my mom's

interactions with my little sisters. it always seemed that each of

us were painted black for individual personality traits, each were

painted white for others. i used to think the only reason that us

sisters weren't successfully pitted against one another was because

my parents are anti-authoritarian and it doesn't make sense to raise

children to question everything...EXCEPT FOR CRAZINESS! it just

doesn't work that way.

but now i think that was only part of the reason. i was given a

leadership role because my mom couldn't cope with the world and i was

painted white when she wanted to be a waif. the same behavior was

what got me painted black when she felt capable, prompting witch-ish

reactions because of my " lack of respect " for her. my sisters stuck

with me because I WAS THE CONSISTENT ONE. this is blowing my mind.

i don't think i would have put this all together like this if you

hadn't posted. this is also helping me to understand my complete

lack of self confidence, but my utter resistance to criticism when i

known i'm doing what needs to be done.

very very interesting.

bink

bink

very very interesting.

bink

>

> It has taken me years to figure out that I was not the

> all-good child.

>

> I was told that I was " the one who does everything right " and on

and

> on. Blah blah

>

> Now, I can see that my nada was telling me this partly as a

> manipulative tool to get me to do what she wanted. As

a " motivator "

> for me to please her. In reality, I was so painted black by my

> entire family that I really relate to what all of you painted

blacks

> are saying about being the family dumping ground and etc.

>

> Though, it's conflicting, I almost feel that I played dual

> roles...expected to keep everything afloat.

>

> I was the all good child when needed and raised to " take care of

> her. " And to sacrifice my life for the good of the family. And

> yet, I have been made to feel that it is because I was " bad " and

> undeserving of anything else, that I had to sacrifice to makeup for

> all of the problems I caused by existing. I have not done a

> thing " right " since I was born.

>

> My family that I was raised with my sister(severe narc), brother

> (introverted or quiet narc) are so narcissitic and so the tactics

> they used with me over the years were to shun, to say that I was

> mentally incompetant or mentally ill. Because, my real father was

not

> their father, and he had a brain injury, they would say that I took

> after him. Beyond cruel now that I look back at it. Though, it

> still is and will continue with them until I die. This is why I

> don't attend family parties or have much to do with them.

>

> They called me their " dumb ugly little sister. " And were quick to

> not include me or to put me down. Someone once commented " she's

not

> dumb and she's gorgeous. " My sister paused and mimicking a wide

eyed

> doe caught in the headlights said, " Oh, we've just said that as a

> joke. " She made this phtph sound with her lips and hit my shoulder

> as if I thought it were funny. I just glared at her.

>

> Anyways, I was punished if I looked too pretty. Because, then it

> was my fault that my sister and brother didn't have enough

> attention. I was punished if I weren't pretty enough, " Well, I

> guess a mother just likes to think of her daughter as the most

> beautiful in the room " she'd say commenting on every wrong feature

> that she could find.

>

> Everything was so black and white that I'm not sure I can even

> discern through it all.

>

> All I know is that much of the unhappiness in my life comes from

> abuse from those who were meant to protect and love me.

>

> I desire a family. But, I don't want this one. I think that

desire

> for ties is why people cling on to the " Not A Families " they have

> despite the abuse. Now, I can see this same narcissitic crap in

> children of my siblings...it goes on and on. And something about

> that made me see...it's not going to end. It won't even change

when

> every last narcissitic you thought you had in your family has died

> off. Because, they make and raise children. Luckily a few of them

> are alright, kind and normal people.

>

> I completely agree with so many of the things that you all have

said.

> No contact is the only way to go. You can't reason with bullies.

> They're not emotionally competant.

>

[Guest guest]

I was an only child trapped by a single mother (my dad, supposedly,

couldn't be bothered - but that story has already unwound...) so I

was black/white/plaid whenever the mood struck her.

Somehow I was white when she, as you so aptly said " couldn't cope

with the world " and I could (uh, hello, I was a CHILD). Suddenly I

became " wise beyond my years " blah blah blah... I do know at age 7 I

used to heat tortilla's with butter on the gas stove when I was

hungry. Now, raise your hand if you see something SERIOUSLY WRONG

with this... During that time I was also given $ to go to the

corner store to get a Sunday paper and fudgepops for 'us'... Now,

mind you that " corner store " (after I took a long overdue 30+ year

visit there in Dec.) was 4 city blocks down on a really REALLY busy

street in the ghetto... and it wasn't 'better' then... good choice

mom.

I got to be black when I dared to say I could take care of myself in

response to some out of left field ambiguous rule she suddenly had.

I was then mouthy and hostile and unruley... and she shut me down

any way she could... usually by denying that anything SHE did could

cause any effect on me and that I was just an ungrateful brat.

I'm working so hard to gain my sense of self-worth - regardless of

output - that her nonsense, while traumatizing every day, isn't

really what I'm focused on at the moment. She makes me sick to my

stomach because I never know which cape she thinks I should wear on

any given day... not that I pick it up and put it on anymore...

Lynnette - solids, stripes or plaid...

> >

> > It has taken me years to figure out that I was not the

> > all-good child.

> >

> > I was told that I was " the one who does everything right " and on

> and

> > on. Blah blah

> >

> > Now, I can see that my nada was telling me this partly as a

> > manipulative tool to get me to do what she wanted. As

> a " motivator "

> > for me to please her. In reality, I was so painted black by my

> > entire family that I really relate to what all of you painted

> blacks

> > are saying about being the family dumping ground and etc.

> >

> > Though, it's conflicting, I almost feel that I played dual

> > roles...expected to keep everything afloat.

> >

> > I was the all good child when needed and raised to " take care of

> > her. " And to sacrifice my life for the good of the family. And

> > yet, I have been made to feel that it is because I was " bad "

and

> > undeserving of anything else, that I had to sacrifice to makeup

for

> > all of the problems I caused by existing. I have not done a

> > thing " right " since I was born.

> >

> > My family that I was raised with my sister(severe narc), brother

> > (introverted or quiet narc) are so narcissitic and so the

tactics

> > they used with me over the years were to shun, to say that I

was

> > mentally incompetant or mentally ill. Because, my real father

was

> not

> > their father, and he had a brain injury, they would say that I

took

> > after him. Beyond cruel now that I look back at it. Though,

it

> > still is and will continue with them until I die. This is why I

> > don't attend family parties or have much to do with them.

> >

> > They called me their " dumb ugly little sister. " And were quick

to

> > not include me or to put me down. Someone once

commented " she's

> not

> > dumb and she's gorgeous. " My sister paused and mimicking a wide

> eyed

> > doe caught in the headlights said, " Oh, we've just said that

as a

> > joke. " She made this phtph sound with her lips and hit my

shoulder

> > as if I thought it were funny. I just glared at her.

> >

> > Anyways, I was punished if I looked too pretty. Because, then

it

> > was my fault that my sister and brother didn't have enough

> > attention. I was punished if I weren't pretty enough, " Well, I

> > guess a mother just likes to think of her daughter as the most

> > beautiful in the room " she'd say commenting on every wrong

feature

> > that she could find.

> >

> > Everything was so black and white that I'm not sure I can even

> > discern through it all.

> >

> > All I know is that much of the unhappiness in my life comes from

> > abuse from those who were meant to protect and love me.

> >

> > I desire a family. But, I don't want this one. I think that

> desire

> > for ties is why people cling on to the " Not A Families " they

have

> > despite the abuse. Now, I can see this same narcissitic crap in

> > children of my siblings...it goes on and on. And something

about

> > that made me see...it's not going to end. It won't even change

> when

> > every last narcissitic you thought you had in your family has

died

> > off. Because, they make and raise children. Luckily a few of

them

> > are alright, kind and normal people.

> >

> > I completely agree with so many of the things that you all have

> said.

> > No contact is the only way to go. You can't reason with

bullies.

> > They're not emotionally competant.

> >

>