Guest guest Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 Hello, I am also new and can totally relate to so many of the posts here. My Mother has passed, but she completely controled our lives (her husband, my 2 brothers and one sister) for years. Walking on eggshells is such a great description. Of course, my Mothers legacy lives on.....after her passing, non of the siblings speak. My sister beat me up on the day my Mother passed. (She was drunk and wanted me to read something she wrote about me in rehab.) My father wanted me to reach out to her, so I did, but she was too mad at me! It's been six years. My parents had divorced and my Dad remarried. He went on to live a great life with a wonderful woman. My entire family suffers or suffered from depression in some way......I belive my sister is just like my Mother. I believe she suffers from BP also. I currently have a great family, husband of 28 years whom I love very much and 4 kids. I am really suffering with identifying my feelings and asking for what I want. I have always been the docile person in our marriage. My husband is agressive. (We are in marriage conseling and gaining some success) I am hyper-senitive to everything everyone says and take way to much personally. I cannot defend myself well or cannot say no. Consquently, I avoid situations that need me to say no. (Like my Mother in Law, certain overbearing persons in business etc.) I am wondering if my marriage issues are my problems or if my husband is too controling. In other words, I am having a hard time distingusing if my issues with him are valid or just percieved my me because I am over-senitive. Someone else wrote that they hear the voice or their Mother and husband critizing them in their head. That's me. And my husband is critical. But am I just over-sensitive? Maybe it's both. Thanks for this group.....it lets me know I am not crazy! Sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 Hi. I think it is good you and your husband are getting counseling. I don't know if he is too controlling or if you are just over-sensitive, but you will be better off if you work through your feelings either way. I know I was (am) too sensitive. One of the things my nada did that had the most lasting effect on me was to teach me to be too sensitive to what other people say and do and to interpret their actions as if they are all directed at me. One silly example: as a newlywed years ago I used to steam inside because my husband left his towel/clothes on the floor; I would think how dare he treat me like this, does he think I went to all that college to spend my time picking up his towels, etc. Of course, I never mentioned it to him. We visited his family, and I realized he left his towel on the floor of his mother's bathroom also, and his OJ cup in the sink. He loves and respects his mother! I realized he was just leaving his towel on the floor because his mother never made him pick it up and his father did the same thing. Now, he tries to do better and I try to focus on all the other kind loving things he does for me and our kids every day. Kind of a light example I know, but you know what I mean. I have had to be really honest with myself to figure these things out and it was painful to admit my own shortcomings. I have also been married to a controlling mean jerk and had to get out of that relationship. You will find your way, just be good to yourself. Good luck, Missy Subject: New also! To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Tuesday, July 8, 2008, 7:23 AM Hello, I am also new and can totally relate to so many of the posts here. My Mother has passed, but she completely controled our lives (her husband, my 2 brothers and one sister) for years. Walking on eggshells is such a great description. Of course, my Mothers legacy lives on.....after her passing, non of the siblings speak. My sister beat me up on the day my Mother passed. (She was drunk and wanted me to read something she wrote about me in rehab.) My father wanted me to reach out to her, so I did, but she was too mad at me! It's been six years. My parents had divorced and my Dad remarried. He went on to live a great life with a wonderful woman. My entire family suffers or suffered from depression in some way......I belive my sister is just like my Mother. I believe she suffers from BP also. I currently have a great family, husband of 28 years whom I love very much and 4 kids. I am really suffering with identifying my feelings and asking for what I want. I have always been the docile person in our marriage. My husband is agressive. (We are in marriage conseling and gaining some success) I am hyper-senitive to everything everyone says and take way to much personally. I cannot defend myself well or cannot say no. Consquently, I avoid situations that need me to say no. (Like my Mother in Law, certain overbearing persons in business etc.) I am wondering if my marriage issues are my problems or if my husband is too controling. In other words, I am having a hard time distingusing if my issues with him are valid or just percieved my me because I am over-senitive. Someone else wrote that they hear the voice or their Mother and husband critizing them in their head. That's me. And my husband is critical. But am I just over-sensitive? Maybe it's both. Thanks for this group.....it lets me know I am not crazy! Sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 One more thought -- our spouses, SO's, also learn about our journey with BPD and learn the new things we discover about ourselves. My husband is a good guy, but only human, and sometimes he might say to me that I am being too sensitive (or treating people as black or white), because he knows I have learned I have these tendencies. So, sometimes I have to say I thought about it and you know I am really not being oversensitive, you really did hurt my feelings on this one. Then we move on. Subject: New also! To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Tuesday, July 8, 2008, 7:23 AM Hello, I am also new and can totally relate to so many of the posts here. My Mother has passed, but she completely controled our lives (her husband, my 2 brothers and one sister) for years. Walking on eggshells is such a great description. Of course, my Mothers legacy lives on.....after her passing, non of the siblings speak. My sister beat me up on the day my Mother passed. (She was drunk and wanted me to read something she wrote about me in rehab.) My father wanted me to reach out to her, so I did, but she was too mad at me! It's been six years. My parents had divorced and my Dad remarried. He went on to live a great life with a wonderful woman. My entire family suffers or suffered from depression in some way......I belive my sister is just like my Mother. I believe she suffers from BP also. I currently have a great family, husband of 28 years whom I love very much and 4 kids. I am really suffering with identifying my feelings and asking for what I want. I have always been the docile person in our marriage. My husband is agressive. (We are in marriage conseling and gaining some success) I am hyper-senitive to everything everyone says and take way to much personally. I cannot defend myself well or cannot say no. Consquently, I avoid situations that need me to say no. (Like my Mother in Law, certain overbearing persons in business etc.) I am wondering if my marriage issues are my problems or if my husband is too controling. In other words, I am having a hard time distingusing if my issues with him are valid or just percieved my me because I am over-senitive. Someone else wrote that they hear the voice or their Mother and husband critizing them in their head. That's me. And my husband is critical. But am I just over-sensitive? Maybe it's both. Thanks for this group.....it lets me know I am not crazy! Sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 10, 2008 Report Share Posted July 10, 2008 Welcome to the group! I think when there is an issue where two people are relating it's not helpful to use words like 'over-sensitive' to describe (or chide) one of the two parties, especially if it's a situation where two chose to be together. To me that seems like the person saying someone is 'over-sensitive' is looking for a way to excuse bad behavior. He chose you, and he needs to understand the level of your sensitivity whatever it be. It sounds like there will be conflict if you have a sensitive person and one who is aggressive and may be a violator of boundaries as just who they are. You guys probably need to do some 'you said, and I heard' kind of communication exercises. I am one of the sensitive types, I have hyper-sensitivity to light/sound/texture, etc and I don't think I can change my emotional sensitivity level anymore than I can change those physical manifestations. The older I get the more I realize I am blessed and I wouldn't want to change. I think that the world suffers not from a surplus of people who are too sensitive, but from a surplus of those who are not sensitive enough. We should be loud and proud! (well, not too loud, lol.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 10, 2008 Report Share Posted July 10, 2008 Hello, I am new to the group and am not sure if this post (below) went through to the group or just to me. Thanks, Sherry _____ From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of sherbear42003 Sent: Tuesday, July 08, 2008 10:23 AM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: New also! Hello, I am also new and can totally relate to so many of the posts here. My Mother has passed, but she completely controled our lives (her husband, my 2 brothers and one sister) for years. Walking on eggshells is such a great description. Of course, my Mothers legacy lives on.....after her passing, non of the siblings speak. My sister beat me up on the day my Mother passed. (She was drunk and wanted me to read something she wrote about me in rehab.) My father wanted me to reach out to her, so I did, but she was too mad at me! It's been six years. My parents had divorced and my Dad remarried. He went on to live a great life with a wonderful woman. My entire family suffers or suffered from depression in some way......I belive my sister is just like my Mother. I believe she suffers from BP also. I currently have a great family, husband of 28 years whom I love very much and 4 kids. I am really suffering with identifying my feelings and asking for what I want. I have always been the docile person in our marriage. My husband is agressive. (We are in marriage conseling and gaining some success) I am hyper-senitive to everything everyone says and take way to much personally. I cannot defend myself well or cannot say no. Consquently, I avoid situations that need me to say no. (Like my Mother in Law, certain overbearing persons in business etc.) I am wondering if my marriage issues are my problems or if my husband is too controling. In other words, I am having a hard time distingusing if my issues with him are valid or just percieved my me because I am over-senitive. Someone else wrote that they hear the voice or their Mother and husband critizing them in their head. That's me. And my husband is critical. But am I just over-sensitive? Maybe it's both. Thanks for this group.....it lets me know I am not crazy! Sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.