Re: Re: Still stunned-NOW ENRAGED-How do you handle a NARCISSITIC *(^

July 12, 2008

How weird is that. I just read you post and we had the exact same first

sentence!

Take Care Of You,

JaneSoul

Re: Still stunned-NOW ENRAGED-How do you handle a

NARCISSITIC *(^

call the police and file a report now.

there doesn't seem to be much sense in giving this guy a second

chance. he doesn't seem like he'd take you up on it anyway.

bink

>

> Oh, my gosh! I just posted about my nephew the bully who bullies

> disabled children while pretending to be superman five minutes later.

>

> I can not stand this moron!!!! He's been hounding my mother for weeks

> to give him the key to my storage shed in her back yard. I told him

> I don't want him in my things. She told him those are " her things "

> and he isn't to bother them. " I'd really like to see what's in her

> shed. " he kept saying. Well, the only reason that I can see for

> that is wanting to see if there is something inside to steal. I left

> a note on the door for him to keep his arrogant, self absorbed butt

> out of my shed.

>

> Today, my mother made a comment " Josh said that he'd been out in the

> shed. " Well, I go over there looking to see if that was my

> shed " Josh " had been in. Though, I thought maybe it was her shed

> he'd been in. Because, what kind of nut would keep on after being

> reprimanded so many times. I was also looking for my oak table that

> I want to sell in the morning, so that I can attend an autism

> conference next week. The first thing that I noticed when I get

> into the shed is that everything has been gone through and moved. My

> table is gone. The lock looks like the screws were taken out and

> moved, or put back in...no stranger/thief would put the lock back

> on.

>

> I said that I thought he was narcissitic. But, now, I'm thinking

> that he's more a psychopath. I don't know how to tell the

> difference. But, he doesn't seem to ever have much of a real

> conscience. He seems to feel quite self righteous and yet, does

> things that are pretty creepy every so often. I remember when he was

> a teen, at one point, he was said to have been " messing around " with

> some neighborhood children. Then, he bullies my child as if he feels

> no remorse or care. He's stolen things from my mother and bullied

> her. Now, he's stolen from me...even after he knows we are on to

> him. The man is either completely stupid or has no moral

> conscience. He can't seem to think he ever does any wrong.

>

> Well, I don't know how to handle a psychopath. I think though that

> if he's a narc I handled it wrong. I freaked out mad and wrote a

> scathing note and left it on his door. I said something

> like " Congratulations, you win the narcissitic personality

> disordered jackass of the year award. " I told him that I had asked

> him to stay out of my shed and grandma had asked him to stay out.

> And asked him to return the table or I'd have to call the police. "

> Now, I'm all upset that I've handled it wrong.. I don't know what to

> do...it's the perfect time for them to hall of stuff that doesn't

> belong to them for they are moving from the other side of grandma's

> house (where they've stolen many things from her as well).

>

July 12, 2008

I absolutly concur. Take pictures of the contents of the shed. Take pictures of

the damage. If possible get the shed dusted for finger prints by the sheriff.

This little punk probably made no effort to hide what he was doing. To him this

is another big joke at your expense. He is not offensive, he is dangerous.

If you cannot move the items ask a hardward store what you can do to make it

more secure, and then do so. Take a photographic inventory of everything in the

shed and do the same for your mother. Call every pawn shop and thrift store in

the area and ask if anyone has tried to sell a table. Take a picture of your

nephew with you and ask if anyone remembers him trying to pawn any items, not

just your table.

I cannot believe that your mother did not know what was going on when he moved

the table out of the shed. This young man is as much a danger to her as he is to

your son. Is there a way to evict him as a danger to an elder? He has stolen

from you, no doubt he has stolen from your mother. If your mother will not

listen to reason, find another place to store your items. Those are your things,

no one has the right to steal from you and your son. I am so sorry this has

happened and I am outraged by the audacity of that punk. However, know that

nothing you say will change his opinion of himself or of you. What you need to

do is minimize contact and opportunity for this punk to do damage. You may well

need to have your mother declared incompetent and take custody of her estate in

order to force this parasite out. If you haven't contacted a lawyer, do so. If

you haven't contacted the elder care services in your state do so and tell them

exactly why. You have a

relative who is stealing from an increasingly demented senior and taking

advantage of her generosity. This Narc will continue to abuse her and you until

you put a stop to it. I would also report every instance of bullying you have

personally observed. It is a bad as you think it is. As much as you want to lash

out, don't. It won't do any good. No more notes they are just tools for him to

use against you. Trust me I have had my share of run ins with a Narc lately and

nothing you say makes an impact. They don't think like we do. They don't value

others property like we do. They have no morals.. The only thing that stirs them

is the loss of face by the community. I would make sure that the family knows

that there is a thief in the ranks. Good luck.

Be strong

Re: Still stunned-NOW ENRAGED-How do you handle a

NARCISSITIC *(^

great minds. :)

> >

> > Oh, my gosh! I just posted about my nephew the bully who bullies

> > disabled children while pretending to be superman five minutes later.

> >

> > I can not stand this moron!!!! He's been hounding my mother for weeks

> > to give him the key to my storage shed in her back yard. I told him

> > I don't want him in my things. She told him those are " her things "

> > and he isn't to bother them. " I'd really like to see what's in her

> > shed. " he kept saying. Well, the only reason that I can see for

> > that is wanting to see if there is something inside to steal. I left

> > a note on the door for him to keep his arrogant, self absorbed butt

> > out of my shed.

> >

> > Today, my mother made a comment " Josh said that he'd been out in the

> > shed. " Well, I go over there looking to see if that was my

> > shed " Josh " had been in. Though, I thought maybe it was her shed

> > he'd been in. Because, what kind of nut would keep on after being

> > reprimanded so many times. I was also looking for my oak table that

> > I want to sell in the morning, so that I can attend an autism

> > conference next week. The first thing that I noticed when I get

> > into the shed is that everything has been gone through and moved. My

> > table is gone. The lock looks like the screws were taken out and

> > moved, or put back in...no stranger/thief would put the lock back

> > on.

> >

> > I said that I thought he was narcissitic. But, now, I'm thinking

> > that he's more a psychopath. I don't know how to tell the

> > difference. But, he doesn't seem to ever have much of a real

> > conscience. He seems to feel quite self righteous and yet, does

> > things that are pretty creepy every so often. I remember when he was

> > a teen, at one point, he was said to have been " messing around " with

> > some neighborhood children. Then, he bullies my child as if he feels

> > no remorse or care. He's stolen things from my mother and bullied

> > her. Now, he's stolen from me...even after he knows we are on to

> > him. The man is either completely stupid or has no moral

> > conscience. He can't seem to think he ever does any wrong.

> >

> > Well, I don't know how to handle a psychopath. I think though that

> > if he's a narc I handled it wrong. I freaked out mad and wrote a

> > scathing note and left it on his door. I said something

> > like " Congratulations, you win the narcissitic personality

> > disordered jackass of the year award. " I told him that I had asked

> > him to stay out of my shed and grandma had asked him to stay out.

> > And asked him to return the table or I'd have to call the police. "

> > Now, I'm all upset that I've handled it wrong.. I don't know what to

> > do...it's the perfect time for them to hall of stuff that doesn't

> > belong to them for they are moving from the other side of grandma's

> > house (where they've stolen many things from her as well).

> >

>

July 12, 2008

How do you get rid of the seething bitterness? Clearly and clinically examine

why you are bitter. If I had to hazard a guess I would sum it up in one

word...Betrayal. The disrespect your nephew has demonstrated is cause enough for

anger, any theft is violation of trust and security. But to have your nada

casually tell you that the punk has been in the shed? Good God I do not know why

your head didn't explode. She is your mother and you left cherished items in her

care and she did nothing to keep them secure. Your anger has two parts first for

the theft and second for the violation of trust. It hurts and is unfair in the

extreme.

However, now you need to shift gears and damn the family their desires to keep

this quiet. That is what the nephew is counting on. Do not accept that role. You

are not an easy mark. Contact the police and register the theft. You are not

accusing him. Tell the police that you believe the lock was removed via the

screws. Ask them to take fingerprints. Demand it. And I will tell you why you

must do this.

They may or they may not be able to match your nephews finger prints, they might

not get anything at all, BUT they will have a record of who has gone into that

shed. It is part of the criminal record and it should be made clear that they

are on record. I suspect strongly that the nephew has done this before at other

properties. Having his finger prints on record in a theft case may or may not

help you get your table back, BUT remember what affects a Narc's behavior:

IMPRESSIONS and what others think of him. If it sinks in that his finger prints

are on record in a THEFT case then any other theft where they lift his finger

prints will be tied back to this one. This puts him on notice. You don't have to

accuse him of anything, simply tell the police of your nephews unnatural interst

in getting into the sheds. IF they ask you if you suspect him, tell them the

truth. Yes you do and it is based on a gut feeling because of his actions

towards you, your mother

and your son.

If the family gets upset, point them in the direction they need to go...the

punk. You are protecting your mother and your property. END OF STORY. No doubt

it will get heated but tell them it is out of your hands and with the police. A

theft was registered, nothing more and nothing less. What you tell the police is

between you and the police, do not tell the family that you have implicated the

nephew they will assume that anyway. You do not have to confirm it. If the

nephew starts squwaking about it without you accusing him, then you will have

pretty strong evidence that he had a hand in it.

By filing a police report you are not holding on to your anger, but demanding

justice. This kid's behavior will escalate with everything he gets away with.

His sense of entitlement will grow and you put your mother in REAL danger by

tolerating it. Let the police handle it. Demand that they take the finger

prints, they will do it if grudgingly. They will do it if you insist on it. But

that is not for them, that is for the nephew. It is a boundary you are setting

down that tells him if there is another theft out of the shed and he has been

warned to stay out of it, YOU will be demanding that finger prints be taken

again. God help him if he goes anywhere near that shed. I'd leave the graphite

dust up for a couple of days just to make the point and then go and clean it.

Then clean the lock around the nada's shed. Put that bastard on notice. Once in

the system you stay in the system. He made his bed. Do not worry about the

" family " they are not worried about

you.

Take your power back.

Be strong

Re: Still stunned-NOW ENRAGED-How do you handle a

NARCISSITIC *(^

How do I get rid of this seething bitterness that I am experiencing.

I come on board and I register everything you are saying to me and

you are correct. But, it's this anger that I have that I can't

control. And if I keep pursuing it...like get the police etc..it's

like it just keep on and gets stronger. And I'll end up with a

nervous breakdown or stroke from high blood pressure. I know that if

I do call the police...my other family members will come down on

me...it will somehow be my fault. The reasoning is usually..After

all they said they didn't do it and they go to church every week and

talk about how righteous they are. So, it's like I can't win.

If I could quietly go about getting proof, fingerprints. ..how do I

do that? And then how do I handle the after math of it all.

I loved some of your comments and I appreciate the validation.

I'm certainly going to take control of my mothers house. This has

gone on long enough.

> >

> > call the police and file a report now.

> >

> > there doesn't seem to be much sense in giving this guy a second

> > chance. he doesn't seem like he'd take you up on it anyway.

> >

> > bink

> >

>

> I agree with Bink...call the Police and let him deal with the

> consequences. If he had broken into anyone elses house/shed, they

> would file a report.. You don't owe him the courtesy of making the

> situation right.

>

> So sorry you have to deal with this jerk.

>

> Take care-

> JJFan

>

July 12, 2008

Nicely and gently put.

Be strong

Re: Still stunned-NOW ENRAGED-How do you handle a

NARCISSITIC *(^

The anger and bitterness could be coming from feelings of

hopelessness at a situation you can't change, AND because you're

scared to take the action you know you need to take.

That's sometimes why we get stuck in being angry and railing that

they are making it difficult for us. It keeps us from moving to the

next step: Taking those actions that take care of ourselves.

When you realize they won't change, that it's a hopeless situation,

and that you have the right to peace in your life and that you can

leave them behind -- will the anger and bitterness fade.

Your choice is this: sacrifice your feelings and your rights to

those feelings, and the anger of those still enmeshed in the sick

family system. If I were you, I'd choose ME and let the dust fall.

Let them get mad. Their reactions aren't yours to manage. By the

same token, your rights aren't theirs to take away.

It's time to live your own life, despite anyone who might get mad at

your choices. People who truly love and respect you won't be

bothered by your choices, and those who don't respect you aren't

worth your time. You certainly shouldn't waste precious time

worrying about what they might think.

-Kyla

> > >

> > > call the police and file a report now.

> > >

> > > there doesn't seem to be much sense in giving this guy a second

> > > chance. he doesn't seem like he'd take you up on it anyway.

> > >

> > > bink

> > >

> >

> > I agree with Bink...call the Police and let him deal with the

> > consequences. If he had broken into anyone elses house/shed,

they

> > would file a report. You don't owe him the courtesy of making

the

> > situation right.

> >

> > So sorry you have to deal with this jerk.

> >

> > Take care-

> > JJFan

> >

>

July 13, 2008

I think sometimes no matter how good your preventative strategy these people

poke through them. I can relate to forget it and get lost because my nada uses

whatever she can to attempt to get to me and I pretty much have had the

experience that not many people see her sick side, she's clever enough to

convince them that she's ok and I'm the screwed up one. Usually I have to let

people hang by their toes alone with her, allow them to get screwed once or

twice before the come back to me and decide that man she is crazy. That's only

happened since my dad was sick and died, before then, she had things very well

manipulated that I was the problem. I was messed up and so was dad. So I can

understand not wanting to deal with the police because some of these people can

have the police so well hoodwinked that you are the problem that it could get to

be a real mess. I guess if I were in the shoes of stuff disappearing to one of

these NPD idiots in a

shed that was someone else's and not my own I would decide how hard the stuff

would be to replace and replace it, get my own shed and that way if the stuff is

on your property in your shed and it disappears you can have the police over on

your property to have things checked out without ruffling feathers until the

culprit got caught. Remember these BPD/NPD idiots also have another problem

with stuff, remember they sometiems have a funny what's yours is mine unless

it's on your own property, that's how my nada worked anyhow, if it was in her

house it was hers, as soon as it got moved out it was allowed to be with it's

rightful owner, me. You're absolutely right about why most of us wind up NC, I

got tired of the lies and effort/energy it took to maintain any type of

relationship with her espeically when counselors prove useless.

Hope it helps

proflaf

Subject: Re: Still stunned-NOW ENRAGED-How do you handle a

NARCISSITIC *(^

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, July 13, 2008, 9:14 AM

I have a really hard time putting things into action. I think it's

because there are so many narcissists in my family. That If I say

anything or do anything at all, I suddenly have all these

narcissists increasing their intensity, threatening me and blowing

down my neck. I think it's frightening, at the least. And I feel

like maybe that's the reason I'm finding it so hard to follow through

with things I know that I need to do...police and etc. I've also

found over the years that they don't give up...if I get one of them

in trouble...the others will seek revenge and stab me in the back in

some way down the road. Of course, I guess they'd do that anyways. I

guess that's why so many of us just end up No Contact with these

idiots.

It seems just easier to say, " You know what. Fine then. Take my

stuff. Get lost! "

Because, it's easier just to have nothing to do with it. Remove my

stuff. Go back into No contact and live my life. Easier to have a

preventative rather than defensive strategy. Yet, I obviously

haven't had a good prevention. Or, I would not have left my stuff in

my mothers shed to begin with. I knew, inside, that it would only be

a matter of time, until one of them tried to rob me. I was stupidly

putting trust where I should not ever put it again!

What's that they say, " fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice,

shame on me. "

I want to get finger prints. But, I don't want to deal with my

nephew. Then my sister. Then, the schmear campaign about how I'm

mentally ill and on a rampage. Oh, brother.

Can I get fingerprints without an audience, or without them

confronting anyone? Like you said that I wouldn't have to point any

fingers. Yet, I'm still afraid of it. Help!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > call the police and file a report now.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > there doesn't seem to be much sense in giving this guy a

> > second

> > > > > > chance. he doesn't seem like he'd take you up on it

anyway.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > bink

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > I agree with Bink...call the Police and let him deal with

the

> > > > > consequences. If he had broken into anyone elses

house/shed,

> > > they

> > > > > would file a report. You don't owe him the courtesy of

making

> > > the

> > > > > situation right.

> > > > >

> > > > > So sorry you have to deal with this jerk.

> > > > >

> > > > > Take care-

> > > > > JJFan

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

July 13, 2008

You must report the theft. I know that it is extremely frightening to stand up

to the gang, but you must make a stand. That was money you needed to get

information on how to treat and deal with your son. If nothing else look at it

that way. Your family is mistreating your son, yet again, by depriving you of

money to go to a conference on autism. That is just beyond selfish.. Let me

repeat, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FINGER YOUR NEPHEW.

Let the police figure that out. Let the chips fall where they may among the

family, they are enabling a thief, not you. No more letters, no more notes. Cut

off the contact about this matter with the family. You know where they stand and

in fact if they had taken care of the issue within the family there would be no

need for you to go to the police. If they want to lean on you, tell them to talk

to the police because as long as that table and the other items are missing you

will be working as hard as possible to get your money back. This is between you

and the police. If the police choose to interview everyone in the house, that is

part of the investigation. You are not directing that. Again you do not have to

engage anyone. YOU have suffered monetary damage and you either want the jerk

responsible (Whoever that was :-) ) behind bars or you want your money back.

That is pretty cut and dried, no accusations, no incriminations. Just the facts.

This is not about them. This is about being able to care for your son and being

aware of the latest research concerning your son's condition.

I would suggest you read everything you can on how to handle bullies. There is a

load of information on the net. Much of it is very practical and addresses many

of the difficulties you currently face.

Second, don't beat yourself up too much over your immediate reactions. They were

to be expected and you were exhasperated and MAD. Now concentrate on building a

record against your nephew. You will need it to eventually force him out of the

house. Think of this as the first step towards a forced eviction on grounds of

abuse. Narcs respect Authority. No one is more authoritative than a police

detective grilling a punk thief.

If you have home owners insurance you need to have a police report to collect on

any theft coverage you have with the insurance company. In fact this is what you

can tell the family. That the police report is the first step in being able to

collect on insurance on the stolen items. It doesn't matter whether or not you

have insurance. Let the family believe that you do and it will forestall any

criticism from them. You are no longer driving the events to follow the

" insurance " company is. If they ask for details tell them it is none of their

business and move on.

Do not discuss ANY of your actions with your family and let the system work its

way out. It has already been established that they will actively work against

you in this matter. The longer you wait the more degraded the fingerprints on

the shed will become. In fact I would not put it past your nephew, once he

figures out how serious you are about finding the perpetrator, to go out and

engage in a cleaning fit. Beat him to it. Even if he clean the outside of the

shed his prints will still be on the boxes inside. Make a note of those items

you know have been moved as targets for fingerprinting. You might get lucky. In

fact, I would concentrate on these items because you can prove he was in there

when he had no one's permission to be in there.

If you cannot bring yourself to call the police. Then I do suggest STRONGLY that

you begin a photographic inventory of all the valuable material you and your

mother have. I would have apprasials done on any jewlery and attach this to the

photo. Then I would get the locks beefed up on both the sheds so that they

cannot be removed via a screw driver. In your case it should be a combination

lock not a key lock. Screw the little bastard, he has no right to steal from

you. And you have every right to be outraged.

If you want to talk about this off line I will be happy to talk to you

and support you through this. Find the courage to put a stop to this for your

son's sake. SET this boundary. I have problems with Narc family as well, but

none of them has ever tried to steal from me... yet. If they ever did, God help

them.