Re: Tired

[Guest guest]

I just wanted to add that I'm not after sympathy here, please don't

write and try to comfort me. told me I have a tendency to try

to get that kind of attention from people. I also hope I'm not giving

the impression of being in a fit of high drama. I've tried to keep

myself busy today, I even got out of the house for a while on my own

and looked round some shops and had an Indian buffet lunch. I've

resisted sugar cravings all day. I'm not stirring myself up. I just

hurt. Most of the time. And I'm sick, sick, sick of it. I don't really

know what I'm asking of anyone here, maybe just that you listen, or

suggest something like . . . I don't know . . . changing how I eat a

bit or something, if it might help. If anyone else who quit cold

turkey, persevered through this, and came out the other side, would

like to write, it would make all the difference to me.

Again, thanks,

.

[Guest guest]

,

There are people here who have cold turkeyed like you, they do feel

better now and I am sure some will speak up. BUT it does take longer

than if you do the little reductions. It is no good for you too

keep going over and over how you wish you had done it this way,

these thoughts do not help you.

If you feel tired, sleep as much as you can, your body will heal

from sleep. Do the Tai Chi and the meditations.

No-one can tell you how long it will take, it is different for

everyone dependant on so many factors.

I know you want a magic wand, but no-one has one, all you can do is

as and Kim have told you, you will improve, but it will

take time, 6 months is not a long time at all.

Put in place everything you have learnt, and ya know what, the best

way to keep going when you feel crap is to have faith, read our

stories again, read Kim's, then tell your mind how far and how

amazing Kim is now. You know what Kim has and is still achieving

every day.

Believe , that's all you have to do.

I know its hard, and it's not fun, but every night go to bed and say

Thanks to the universe for letting you find , for you being

off the drugs, for , for your friends and

family.........positive emotions will help you so much, however crap

you feel, just say Thankyou .

THinking of you

Love

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I'm not sure you really understand what's going on.

Not long ago, you went through intense stress while sweating every

detail of job-hunting. Then, you made a transatlantic flight followed

by two weeks at high altitude (very stressful on your system)

surrounded by people who cause you emotional distress. Then you made

a second transatlantic flight, complete with jet lag, and immediately

started a new and very stimulating job. Since then, you have done a

number of other things to throw yourself off.

You simply haven't given yourself a chance to recover. I'm not

scolding you for doing these things--I just want you to see, once and

for all, that you have to work with this on its own terms, or you will

not be able to get better.

Avoiding overstimulation is not a matter of lying low for a few days

while you allow the cortisol to settle. It is about becoming an

expert on what overstimulates you and learning ways to work around it.

This isn't temporary. It's life-altering. Although it will improve,

you will probably always have to be careful about overstimualtion. I

have been off the drugs for six years...and you couldn't give me

enough money to spend one afternoon in a classroom filled with noisy

young children. I would pay for that experience for days.

Your problem seems to be that you don't accept your problem. You have

been damaged by the drugs and the abrupt withdrawal. You can't

bargain with it. It's a fact. It really doesn't matter whether you

like it.

This job is probably too stimulating for you. I know it would be too

stimulating for me, and I am not six months away from a cold turkey

withdrawal. I do think you need a job to occupy your mind, but a

part-time job...not a near full-time job surrounded by loud, unruly

children.

You aren't going to be able to get better until you accept the way

things are. You haven't really accepted it, because you are fighting

it, hating it, and resenting it every step of the way. Yes, you've

made a lot of changes in your diet, and I applaud you for it--but

until you stop fighting the way you feel every step of the way, you

won't be able to improve.

Regards,

Kim

moderator

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I went cold turkey and it takes a lot longer to heal.It's a time thing and baby steps I told you this before it will go on for a time you have to work with it. I know it's hard and you feel it's not working and you will never be the same again. These drugs do damage and it takes a long time to heal from them.You don't have the option to go back on them and come down slow your way past that stage so you need to go on and deal with the hand you have been dealt.

Kim is right about your job it's to much to soon maybe private tutoring is what you would be more suited to now.or how about a library or book store.It's not going to be like this forever it's just until you are able to cope a bit better than you are right now. I only wish i knew what i know now when i came off the drug. People are lucky today that they find groups who have been bitten by these poisons and are able to get the information from people who have had to go through it and come out the other side

[Guest guest]

Kim, many thanks for your post. You're absolutely right, the stress

is the problem with me. I guess I'm putting too much blame on the

drugs and the state of my health, when it ought to be foremost in my

mind that I need to reduce stress. I've actually been tossing that

issue around in my mind but getting nowhere with it. I hope you don't

mind if I outline some of the problems here, I don't expect you to

solve them, but talking helps.

Last night, for the first time in ages, I didn't have a racing heart.

I often start feeling a bit better Saturday night, less stressed at

least, because I've had some rest. (I need to try to look more

carefully for patterns like this, as you've told me.) It carries on

through Monday, then I start going downhill. By Friday I am tearful,

low, exhausted. It seems clear to me that it is my job doing this

over the course of the week.

I take the car now. I have earplugs. There are a handful of lessons

in the week for which I need them. They are high-grade earplugs and

seem to help, though obviously these situations are still bad for me.

However, even when I have free time to do admin, I don't really

settle. Maybe because once the damage is done, it's done, and quiet

time afterward doesn't help much.

Just being in a school is overstimulating. Sometimes the bell goes

off while I'm standing near it. Sometimes I find myself in a noisy

corridor.

The business of getting lunches and juice ready for the next day is

utterly draining. I no longer roast veg, but I still need to prepare

a batch beforehand -- a litle less work, but still a pain.

However, there are some important plusses about this job that I

wouldn't get from any other, e.g. receptionist or shop assistant:

I feel very good when I've achieved a rapport with the kids and feel

I've helped them. Many of them are really sweet. I am finding myself

with the 11-year-olds a lot, and they are still childlike in many

ways. I love them, I love working with them. The glow I get from that

is the same one I get from teaching. I feel useful. I don't feel that

when I'm working in a shop.

I find I can, on occasion, make use of my own classroom skills.

Again, it makes me feel useful, like I'm achieving something.

I love the time I get to do admin. I'm working on a display, and I do

photocopying, laminating, etc. I wish I could do more of that. It's

really soothing.

What's more, if I decided I wanted to work in a local shop, that

brings in a whole new set of issues:

Job hunting, again. Very stressful in itself.

I wouldn't earn as much money, but the child care fees remain.

Shops aren't necessarily quiet, and I'd be doing a lot of standing,

which I find hard.

I feel very frustrated when I've got training and talent and a brain,

and end up working a till or stacking shelves. It's demoralising for

me.

The ideal option would be for me to quit working, period, and promise

myself to find ways to make the most of being at home with .

When I did that before, she went to pre-school most days, and that

time on my own was invaluable. However, and I have talked and

talked about this and can't find a way to make it work. Ironically,

the money I am now spending on healthy food and supplements is

necessitating the extra income. I don't think we can re-mortgage

because of the costs involved with that; taking a loan out means

repayments; borrowing against the mortgage means a higher mortgage

and paying about 33% interest over the years. If someone decided to

give us £5000 we'd be fine, LOL. is underpaid for what he does

but there's no way he'd make a move. We've been over and over that

for years as well and it's something we've never agreed on.

What I've been thinking is that I need to try to make my job work for

me, though in the back of my mind I keep wondering how we can get

more money so that I don't have to work at all. My health is precious

to me and I hate feeling the way I do, but I'm not sure what I can

practically change for the better. I function at work, but at home

I'm a mess. I don't find it acceptable. If you think it's still a

better option to try to find work in a local shop Kim, after

listening to what I've said, then I'd certainly take that on board.

I know this is long, and hearing about someone's life like this is

probably dull, so thanks again for listening.

.

[Guest guest]

Kim is right about your job it's to much to soon maybe private tutoring is what you would be more suited to now.or how about a library or book store. *************Just a word of caution. I was working part time at a library...it was very busy and it was too stimulating for me. I think tutoring is a great idea. I do some hospice work and I'm training to teach students english as a volunteer one one one. I feel both these things are low stress. I hope to make the teaching english into a job once I get the experience. I actually feel like I can teach or sit with people one on one and I can't think of another kind of job that would be suitable. (although a bookstore might not be a bad idea if it's low traffic...or shelving books might be good in a libray...I worked the

front desk and it was chaotic)

Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta.

[Guest guest]

Hey guys,

Wow, the more I think that I don't HAVE to continue with this

teaching assistant job, the lighter I feel. It's as if a burden is

being lifted. Yet, I wouldn't have seen it that way before. Sure I'd

like it to work out, and they'll be majorly p****d off at me if I

quit before I've been there long, but I need to do what it takes to

protect my health.

Plan A: See if my parents will lend some money. They may not because

they gave us some recently, and also because they have a very strong

work ethic and think I ought to be at work, with simply

learning how to be away from me. Or they might try to put a condition

on it, e.g. that I promise I'll go see a shrink, which I wouldn't do.

Plan B: Find a local shop to work in, with more amenable hours.

I'd love to be able to stay at home until 's at full-time

school, next autumn. I'd like to go back to teaching then; but at

least if I have to do something easier, the money I earn will be my

own; there shouldn't be any childcare costs involved.

I'm still concerned that I'd be feeling rather low if I have to end

up running a till or stacking shelves all day, but I guess I could

cross that bridge if I came to it.

Thanks, Kim, for setting me free. I am going to do something about

this and get some control of my life back.

.

[Guest guest]

<<I'm still concerned that I'd be feeling rather low if I have to end

up running a till or stacking shelves all day, but I guess I could

cross that bridge if I came to it.>>

You can cross that bridge right now. There is no need to " fear "

feeling " rather low " . There is no need to allow yourelf to be

controlled in such a way.

You have control over your feelings. If you start having thoughts

about the job not being what you want, you must remind yourself that

it meets your needs for the present time.

Are there any choices other than teaching assistant or shop worker?

That seems like a rather limited selection.

[Guest guest]

> You have control over your feelings. If you start having thoughts

> about the job not being what you want, you must remind yourself that

> it meets your needs for the present time.

That's what my horoscope says for this past week, basically, LOL. I

don't usually pay attention to these things. But it did say that in

order to get more independence or satisfaction in life, I'm going to

need to move out of my comfort zone, and remember that if I work for

less than my usual fees, it doesn't have to be always.

>

> Are there any choices other than teaching assistant or shop worker?

> That seems like a rather limited selection.

Given the time, I hope I could do something outside of a school but

still use some of my experience, e.g. do something in a library.

At the moment it looks like my parents will lend me the money I need

to be able to stay at home with for the next 10 months or so.

I'm well aware of the problems I had before and am hoping to head

some of them off. has been walking to work and he'd be happy to

still do some of that, which means I'd have the car, and could take

out, or go out on my own when she's at pre-school. If I can

avoid some of the boredom and isolation it would make all the

difference.

Kim, you say you used to have some similar problems to me, but I'm

just so amazed at how far you've come. How understanding you are, and

how keenly you can cut through the ways people fool themselves, or

how you can see what's going on when they can't. It's hard for me to

even imagine doing a job like stacking shelves, without feeling low,

bored and useless. Maybe I have an issue about using work to make

myself feel worthwhile. Actually yeah, definitely there's an issue

there.

Most people, as well, would say there's nothing wrong with taking

some kind of drug once in a while to feel better, even if it's

something that's seen as more benign, like coffee. The thinking here

on this list seems to be that it's a cop-out, and the reason why many

of us ended up on the meds. You seem to be aware of strategies to use

in these situations where other people would use the cop-out. Maybe

you're right, I need to think this through and decide where I stand.

At the moment my honest feeling is that some people here have a guru-

like wisdom that I'm in awe of, but don't have the ability to achieve

myself. I guess you all must have learned somehow though, which means

I must be able to, too.

Thanks Kim,

.