Re: The fun continues

June 30, 2008

JaneSoul,

These e-mails from your Nada are so horrific that I had to de-lurk

from this board.

A few sentences really got me:

" I feel absolutely no love for you right now. "

(I've heard this one lots of times from my nada. Here is my

translation: " I think you really owe me something. If you're not

careful about what you do next, I won't remember to start loving you

again later! " )

" Run to Dawn now so she can take care of you. "

(I have heard some variants on this one. Here's my translation: " (to

bro) I recognize that you feel I haven't been a good mother and

probably wish you could replace me with another caring woman in your

life. " (to you) " I know you are more reliable and consistent in your

love for Bro, and I am jealous of you. I feel bad and I want you to

feel bad for me)

Janesoul, I want you to know that I am wishing you and your brother

clarity in the midst of this obvious emotional hurricane your nada is

spinning.

As I see you write so often: take care of YOU!

April

>

> Here's the latest email to my brother...and who's the " abusive "

one?(Brother is Matt and I am Dawn.)

> A painter will be over tomorrow to do some more painting. He feels

so embarrassed that I have a so-called son who treats his mom the way

you do me. Wait till I tell him that you threatened to call the

police on me. Do you have any idea how sick that is? When are you

going to take your skirt off and put some pants on so Dawn doesn't

have to take care of you any more. You have hurt so many people by

not being responsible. You have no idea how sorry you are going to be

some day and then for the rest of your life.

>

> Chapter 11 ... " you may wonder why, if abusive men feel so justified

in their actions, they distort their stories so much when seeking

support. First, an abuser doesn " t want to have to explain his worst

behaviors ..... his outright cruelty, for example, to people who might

find those acts distasteful, and he may not feel confident that his

jujstifications will be accepted. Second, he may carry guilt or shame

about his worst acts, as most abusers do: his desire to esvape thaose

feelings is part of why he looks for validation from other people

(Dawn in particular), which relieves any nagging self-doubt. He

considers his guilt feelings a weakness to be overcome. And, last, he

may lie bcause he has convinced himself of his own distortions. He

believes his fabrications to be real especially if he is

narcissistic. " Anyone think you are narcissistic Matt? Does your

wife think you are?

>

> I hate you for hurting so many people. I wanted so much to be a

grandma. Two little innocent girls are paying the price because you

are a coward Matt. Dawn will pay the price later. Now I have to

re-identify who I am and start a new life. I feel absolutely no love

for you right now. You have always been a spoiled brat. You have

always been a self-sentered, selfish bully.

>

> Run to Dawn now so she can take care of you.

>

> Take Care Of You,

> JaneSoul

>

June 30, 2008

That's right Matt, run to Dawn, run to Dawn as fast as you can is what I say!!

My reaction to your 2 postings is, " how can anyone deal with such bizarre

behavior? " Then I laugh at myself because I am dealing with it also. What book

is she quoting? My nada likes to quote Forward to me -- Toxic Parents and

Emotional Blackmail. Quoting Toxic Parents to your daughter? How can they be

so devoid of self-awareness? I see how she tries to plant some doubt in your

brother's mind. Does your wife think you are narcissistic? I hear frequently

also about how amazing it is my nada is still standing.

Sorry you are going through this right now. I am really mad at my nada lately,

and after reading her e-mails, I am really mad at yours too. Stay strong, Missy

Subject: The fun continues

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Monday, June 30, 2008, 11:34 AM

Here's the latest email to my brother...and who's the " abusive "

one?(Brother is Matt and I am Dawn.)

A painter will be over tomorrow to do some more painting. He feels so

embarrassed that I have a so-called son who treats his mom the way you do me.

Wait till I tell him that you threatened to call the police on me. Do you have

any idea how sick that is? When are you going to take your skirt off and put

some pants on so Dawn doesn't have to take care of you any more. You have hurt

so many people by not being responsible. You have no idea how sorry you are

going to be some day and then for the rest of your life.

Chapter 11 ... " you may wonder why, if abusive men feel so justified in their

actions, they distort their stories so much when seeking support. First, an

abuser doesn " t want to have to explain his worst behaviors ..... his outright

cruelty, for example, to people who might find those acts distasteful, and he

may not feel confident that his jujstifications will be accepted. Second, he

may carry guilt or shame about his worst acts, as most abusers do: his desire to

esvape thaose feelings is part of why he looks for validation from other people

(Dawn in particular), which relieves any nagging self-doubt. He considers his

guilt feelings a weakness to be overcome. And, last, he may lie bcause he has

convinced himself of his own distortions. He believes his fabrications to be

real especially if he is narcissistic. " Anyone think you are narcissistic

Matt? Does your wife think you are?

I hate you for hurting so many people. I wanted so much to be a grandma. Two

little innocent girls are paying the price because you are a coward Matt. Dawn

will pay the price later. Now I have to re-identify who I am and start a new

life. I feel absolutely no love for you right now. You have always been a

spoiled brat. You have always been a self-sentered, selfish bully.

Run to Dawn now so she can take care of you.

Take Care Of You,

JaneSoul

June 30, 2008

Is he forwarding you these, or is she cc-ing you? If she's sending

them to you, she probably thinks it will make you want to be on her

side. You might consider asking her to stop.

Even if he WERE narcissistic...she obviously doesn't know how to

communicate with him and has some big, big problems of her own. Just

wait until she can tell the painter (probably a stranger) how HORRIBLE

her son is!!! Ish.

And like I said earlier, if a child is a " spoiled brat " it is because

he had a parent who spoiled him. My mom liked to use that line on me

whenever she felt out of control.

June 30, 2008

He forwarded it to me. I have asked to to stop contacting me, but she does as

she pleases. My brother and I have also asked her to stop using her house as a

place to dump junk...she says she will continue. She also told my brother at

one of her drop-ins that he would have to physically remove her from his home

and she left only when she was ready. His wife is considering a restraining

order. It amazes me how one person can affect so many.

Take Care Of You,

JaneSoul

Re: The fun continues

Is he forwarding you these, or is she cc-ing you? If she's sending

them to you, she probably thinks it will make you want to be on her

side. You might consider asking her to stop.

Even if he WERE narcissistic. ..she obviously doesn't know how to

communicate with him and has some big, big problems of her own. Just

wait until she can tell the painter (probably a stranger) how HORRIBLE

her son is!!! Ish.

And like I said earlier, if a child is a " spoiled brat " it is because

he had a parent who spoiled him. My mom liked to use that line on me

whenever she felt out of control.

June 30, 2008

This is from your nada? Are you freaking serious? He already knows how sorry he

is because he has to put up with this. This is emotional abuse, no doubt about

it. Calculated to humiliate and demean. Spot on that, nada.

Unreal.

Be strong.

The fun continues

Here's the latest email to my brother...and who's the " abusive " one?(Brother is

Matt and I am Dawn.)