Re: Topper's bizzarro's from years past---Feisty's wild stuff

[Guest guest]

So, I'm not the only one that has been there, I see... It's amazing, when you feel so basally miserable that you can just sit back and say that you don't care if you die or not.... and then take no steps to stop something that may kill you....

It is not right that we are made to feel so horrible that we simply just back and take no action when our lives may be at risk... I have a feeling that there are a lot more of us that have been in this position....

It's humiliating to admit to having felt that way.... but maybe... just maybe... talking about it will help someone else that is in that same place right now to realize that what they are going through is not because they are crazy, or worthless.. but it's just another typical symptom of this horrible thyroid mess..

If you don't want to talk to the entire group about how you are feeling... get in touch with or me.... Talking with someone, understanding that this is part of what the thyroid is causing... might help you get through this part and on to the next.. the healing part.. the re-entry into life part... It's pretty cool to get back here... and boy... after going through that other part... it's sure sweet.

Topper ()

On Thu, 26 Aug 2004 21:03:34 -0500 "Feisty\(ThyroFeisty\)" writes:

I used to have tremendous nosebleeds, so one time , during one of my suicidal spells, I thought to just not stop the nosebleed, to bleed to death as it were.Well, guess what-----my nosebleed stopped by itself a lot quicker than ever before!

I also became very addicted to gambling.I lived in Vegas just after I turned 21 until three years ago.I loved the poker machines.What I would do, is spend like 72 hours at a stretch playing them, not budging except to go to the restroom rarely.I would go to the casinos that would pass put free sandwiches or doughnuts as well as the free beverages.I did not drink much alcohol, I preferred cherry seven-ups. So my food needs were met that way, and I could use the money for the poker machines. I was very territorial,I didf not want anyone sitting by me or talking to me.I would glare at them if they did.I was also very obsessed. I had to put only so much coin in, and then take it out when I had put that amount in, and then do it again and again. I could not really stop either after putting in that certain amount.I kept going and going as long as I had the funds. I skimped on everything else just to fuel the gambling. I feel that I was doing this mostly during hyper phases of my hashimoto's.I did not have Leon then, but I had friends so worried that they went out hunting for me. These friends, quite religious, but not the type to look down on others, would go against their religious bans and venture into casinos,and bars looking for me.See, Vegas has slots in other places legally than just casinos- even grocery stores.Thankfully, I have overcome the gambling.I could gamble on-line if I wanted too, but I don't. I will play the free games,but I just don't care to do the "real" gambling anymore.(Other than once in awhile buying a lottery ticket so as to win for the thyrophoenix clinic)

I am recalling the time I was out driving, Leon was in the passenger seat.I had stopped for a red light, and a car bumped us from behind. There was no damage or injury, but I reacted like it was my fault, and was very hysterical.

Even now, I get very panicky and start yelling etc when my things(such as books) are moved and not placed back where they were.

There was mention about naps yesterday. I was chuckling as I still am not sleeping more than 4 hours usually.I was recalling that my kindergarten and first grade teachers were always upset with me as I never would take a nap. I would lie down on my pink nap rug, but would soon be up doing something(most likely looking for the snacks or books!).But I also had times when I could do nothing more than sleep. I think that was especially during my depressions, especially when on the anti-depressions. At that time, this sleeping was so much, that I was booted out of college (counseled out) because of the depression and since I was sleeping, not being able to attend classes.My grades were good(when I managed to go).

Well, I have been long-winded, unusual for me!

Feisty*kind of scared and ashamed*

but Proud Group Co-owner!

[Guest guest]

That is true Topper... and I think part of the reason is that for

many of us (myself at least) the symptoms are not physical pain but

come through as MENTAL and we think we are losing our minds! And

there is only so much of our crying and hysteria, paranoia, panic

atticks, etc., that others can take!

Sue

> So, I'm not the only one that has been there, I see... It's

amazing, when

> you feel so basally miserable that you can just sit back and say

that you

> don't care if you die or not.... and then take no steps to stop

something

> that may kill you....

>

> It is not right that we are made to feel so horrible that we

simply just

> back and take no action when our lives may be at risk... I have a

feeling

> that there are a lot more of us that have been in this

position....

>

> It's humiliating to admit to having felt that way.... but maybe...

just

> maybe... talking about it will help someone else that is in that

same

> place right now to realize that what they are going through is not

> because they are crazy, or worthless.. but it's just another

typical

> symptom of this horrible thyroid mess..

>

> If you don't want to talk to the entire group about how you are

> feeling... get in touch with or me.... Talking with someone,

> understanding that this is part of what the thyroid is causing...

might

> help you get through this part and on to the next.. the healing

part..

> the re-entry into life part... It's pretty cool to get back

here... and

> boy... after going through that other part... it's sure sweet.

>

> Topper ()

>

> On Thu, 26 Aug 2004 21:03:34 -0500 " Feisty\(ThyroFeisty\) "

> <thyrofeisty@g...> writes:

> I used to have tremendous nosebleeds, so one time , during one of

my

> suicidal spells, I thought to just not stop the nosebleed, to

bleed to

> death as it were.Well, guess what-----my nosebleed stopped by

itself a

> lot quicker than ever before!

> I also became very addicted to gambling.I lived in Vegas just

after I

> turned 21 until three years ago.I loved the poker machines.What I

would

> do, is spend like 72 hours at a stretch playing them, not budging

except

> to go to the restroom rarely.I would go to the casinos that would

pass

> put free sandwiches or doughnuts as well as the free beverages.I

did not

> drink much alcohol, I preferred cherry seven-ups. So my food needs

were

> met that way, and I could use the money for the poker machines. I

was

> very territorial,I didf not want anyone sitting by me or talking

to me.I

> would glare at them if they did.I was also very obsessed. I had to

put

> only so much coin in, and then take it out when I had put that

amount in,

> and then do it again and again. I could not really stop either

after

> putting in that certain amount.I kept going and going as long as I

had

> the funds. I skimped on everything else just to fuel the gambling.

I feel

> that I was doing this mostly during hyper phases of my

hashimoto's.I did

> not have Leon then, but I had friends so worried that they went out

> hunting for me. These friends, quite religious, but not the type

to look

> down on others, would go against their religious bans and venture

into

> casinos,and bars looking for me.See, Vegas has slots in other

places

> legally than just casinos- even grocery stores.Thankfully, I have

> overcome the gambling.I could gamble on-line if I wanted too, but I

> don't. I will play the free games,but I just don't care to do

the " real "

> gambling anymore.(Other than once in awhile buying a lottery

ticket so as

> to win for the thyrophoenix clinic)

> I am recalling the time I was out driving, Leon was in the

passenger

> seat.I had stopped for a red light, and a car bumped us from

behind.

> There was no damage or injury, but I reacted like it was my

fault, and

> was very hysterical.

> Even now, I get very panicky and start yelling etc when my things

(such as

> books) are moved and not placed back where they were.

> There was mention about naps yesterday. I was chuckling as I still

am not

> sleeping more than 4 hours usually.I was recalling that my

kindergarten

> and first grade teachers were always upset with me as I never

would take

> a nap. I would lie down on my pink nap rug, but would soon be up

doing

> something(most likely looking for the snacks or books!).But I also

had

> times when I could do nothing more than sleep. I think that was

> especially during my depressions, especially when on the

> anti-depressions. At that time, this sleeping was so much, that I

was

> booted out of college (counseled out) because of the depression

and since

> I was sleeping, not being able to attend classes.My grades were

good(when

> I managed to go).

> Well, I have been long-winded, unusual for me!

> Feisty*kind of scared and ashamed*

> but Proud Group Co-owner!

[Guest guest]

Well I do have to say that my friends have been incredibley patient

and understanding... especially considering I DIDN'T know there was

anything physically wrong.

Sue

> Well, you step back from some of the symptoms..

>

> for hyper... cold weather is a blessing, heat HURTS. Food is

mandatory,

> losing weight is scary. Your mind never pausing to vege... to talk

about

> these things to others.. they think you're nuts.. but to you

it's 'real',

> it's the way that it is....

>

> for hypo... cold terrifies you, going for a walk causes panic, over

> exertion means days in bed, unable to move. Looking at food ads 25

pounds

> - that you have to carry around! And again, everyone else thinks

you're

> insane.. but that is how your body perceives it...

>

> So no matter which stage you are at (hyper or hypo) everyone

around you

> discounts your observations as to how your body functions, they

accuse

> you of lying, pretending or losing your mind.... So, your family,

your

> friends, your co-workers are all telling you that you are nuts,

imagining

> things, that you are lazy and irresponsible and, oh, I love this

one,

> Gullible (cause you listen to people tell you that you have a

disease and

> are now using that as your excuse)

>

> I can understand their perspective. I can understand that it is

hard on

> them. I honestly do... but if you love someone, if you consider

yourself

> a true friend, if you have family... those are all situations

where you

> are supposed to be there for that friend or loved one or family

member

> and help, not judge, not ridicule, not condemn

>

> ... and not abandon!

>

> I reached a point where I wasn't going to put up with that behavior

> anymore... I 'fired' several 'friends' in the last year that would

not

> listen to me. The one that said all I need to do was get off my

lazy fat

> ass and go for a walk. The one that said I should just skip a few

meals

> and I'd lose weight. Or one that said that my buying stuff online

and

> calling it 'medicine' was just me trying to glorify my imaginary

excuse -

> if I were really as sick as I claimed I'd be eligible for health

care and

> be under the supervision of a doctor cause a doctor will care for a

> person that is really sick even if they don't have money....

>

> I miss them sometimes... but then I remember the insults and the

> accusations and the lectures... Then I remind myself that I'm

pretty good

> company, I don't need that abuse.

>

> Topper ()

>

> On Fri, 27 Aug 2004 17:19:54 -0000 " Sue " <dance4joy7@h...> writes:

> That is true Topper... and I think part of the reason is that for

> many of us (myself at least) the symptoms are not physical pain

but

> come through as MENTAL and we think we are losing our minds! And

> there is only so much of our crying and hysteria, paranoia, panic

> atticks, etc., that others can take!

>

> Sue

[Guest guest]

Well I do have to say that my friends have been incredibley patient

and understanding... especially considering I DIDN'T know there was

anything physically wrong.

Sue

> Well, you step back from some of the symptoms..

>

> for hyper... cold weather is a blessing, heat HURTS. Food is

mandatory,

> losing weight is scary. Your mind never pausing to vege... to talk

about

> these things to others.. they think you're nuts.. but to you

it's 'real',

> it's the way that it is....

>

> for hypo... cold terrifies you, going for a walk causes panic, over

> exertion means days in bed, unable to move. Looking at food ads 25

pounds

> - that you have to carry around! And again, everyone else thinks

you're

> insane.. but that is how your body perceives it...

>

> So no matter which stage you are at (hyper or hypo) everyone

around you

> discounts your observations as to how your body functions, they

accuse

> you of lying, pretending or losing your mind.... So, your family,

your

> friends, your co-workers are all telling you that you are nuts,

imagining

> things, that you are lazy and irresponsible and, oh, I love this

one,

> Gullible (cause you listen to people tell you that you have a

disease and

> are now using that as your excuse)

>

> I can understand their perspective. I can understand that it is

hard on

> them. I honestly do... but if you love someone, if you consider

yourself

> a true friend, if you have family... those are all situations

where you

> are supposed to be there for that friend or loved one or family

member

> and help, not judge, not ridicule, not condemn

>

> ... and not abandon!

>

> I reached a point where I wasn't going to put up with that behavior

> anymore... I 'fired' several 'friends' in the last year that would

not

> listen to me. The one that said all I need to do was get off my

lazy fat

> ass and go for a walk. The one that said I should just skip a few

meals

> and I'd lose weight. Or one that said that my buying stuff online

and

> calling it 'medicine' was just me trying to glorify my imaginary

excuse -

> if I were really as sick as I claimed I'd be eligible for health

care and

> be under the supervision of a doctor cause a doctor will care for a

> person that is really sick even if they don't have money....

>

> I miss them sometimes... but then I remember the insults and the

> accusations and the lectures... Then I remind myself that I'm

pretty good

> company, I don't need that abuse.

>

> Topper ()

>

> On Fri, 27 Aug 2004 17:19:54 -0000 " Sue " <dance4joy7@h...> writes:

> That is true Topper... and I think part of the reason is that for

> many of us (myself at least) the symptoms are not physical pain

but

> come through as MENTAL and we think we are losing our minds! And

> there is only so much of our crying and hysteria, paranoia, panic

> atticks, etc., that others can take!

>

> Sue