Re: Re: Going Away Parties

[Guest guest]

Bonnie, ,Joyce, et. al... I've given

a great deal of thought to the subject of funerals and all the rest.

My husband and I have already made the arrangements with the cemetery

and funeral people.

We don't want our kids to have to make any arrrangements....dealing

with death is difficult enough.

We feel that making the plans ahead of time and paying for all of it is

a gift to our kids.

I do like the fireworks idea...just wouldn't go over very well with my

very observant family members.

Z fibriotic NSIP/05

Z fibriotic NSIP/o5/PA

Potter, reader,carousel lover and

MomMom to Darah

“I’m gonna be iron like a lion in Zion”

Bob Marley

wrote:

I've never quite comprehended why we are so grief stricken over

death....yes we've had a loss, but particularly those who believe,

believe better lies ahead for them. I get a bit distraught when its a

tragic death of a young person in an accident or a parent with young

childre. However, I've been in the room twice when someone died, my

mother and my ex father in law. In both cases I felt good for them.

My mother had experienced strokes and had severe brain damage and

living in her state would have been no life. I was thankful that she

was able to live fine up until that final trip to the hospital. My ex

father in law was 83. He was doing fine the night before and went out

to dinner with his wife. He was alert but somehow knew this was it

much of the day and in his own way got to say goodbye. We had to turn

the morphine up late in the day and he lost consciousness and then

died. I remember my aunt's description of my mother's death afterward-

"She was breathing hard and then she was at peace." I just don't want

people mourning, but want them to move forward with whatever good

memories they have. I also don't want my ashes in an urn as I think

thats such a tough reminder. A photo of fun and enjoyment is a much

better memory. Now to each their own and I completely respect those

with more traditional ideas.

As to the costs of death and funerals, one needs to have some voice

of reason present as the immediate family often feels guilt and goes

overboard. Even on traditional funerals and burials the cost can be

modest or exhorbitant. Unfortunately some funeral homes do take

advantage of the emotional environment to oversell. I witnessed one

trying to sell a vault to a wife of someone being buried in a

military cemetary when the military provides the vault. I still am

trying to tell the difference between the $1500 caskets and the

$20,000 ones. Again, if one wants to spend the money, then fine, but

I think its definitely a subject to think seriously about before the

time.

>

> Yeah, Joyce, that sounds good! My daughter, 22, keeps

saying "write down what you want for a funeral" She's young and this

topic scares her. My Spousal Unit and I have discussed it and a

party keeps coming up as an option. I've told my daughter that,

after I'm dead, I'm dead. Anything done to mark my death should be

what means something to those left behind. But, being who were are,

we don't want funerals. While, not being Catholic, a wake sounds

good. Spousal Unit and I have decided that we'd like to be cremated

and have our ashes placed in fireworks that will be shot off to end

the party.

>

> I really hope the above doesn't gross anyone out or that anyone

thinks these sort of thoughts/comments are tasteless. I've just

never been the formal sort. No offense to anyone or their own

personal desires, but the American Way of Death has always offended

me. I resent docs making as much money off of me as they do; I

certainly don't want to turn over my family's resources to a

mortician.

>

> Peace be with you,

> Bonnie Faulkner/ IPF - 1/06 /SC

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell.

>

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[Guest guest]

, Your compassion for and understanding of indigenous people is heart warming. When I have more time I'll share a story about the first time my wife, a Native Alaskan dancer/drummer, went to Oz with me. But, for now I'd like to address this issue of funerals, burials, etc. Not long ago Public Television showed a documentary called "A Family Undertaking" It showed families that built their own caskets out of plywood, buried their loved ones "in the back yard" or "under the apple tree". Many states allow this sort of thing. It was a very refreshing alternative to the $10,000.00 commercial method. Here in Bush Alaska there are several traditions surrounding death that I've come to admire and share with folks whenever the subject comes up. I came here at age 40, 22 years ago,

and had been to 3 or 4 funerals. Since I've been here I've lost count. This is a community of 2000 people with another 4000 in the surrounding villages. Many people are related....huge extended families. The first thing I noticed years back at a funeral was at the gravesite. First, there is a big pile of dirt where the backhoe dug the hole. That pile of dirt has 8-10 shovels standing in it. When the time comes, first family members, then anyone and everyone helps out. I've lost 2 brother-in-laws, was there when they died. First, we wash the body, then dress them, talking to them through it all...............This is just one of the realities...did you ever try to put a pair of pants on a 200 pound piece of jello. That is where the "talking to him" comes in. "Come on , give us a hand here". It takes a real effort to be sad and morose during this "conversation". I've found these hands-on activities to be unbelievably therapeutic. Then

the casket maker (cousin-in-law) brings in the plywood casket and we load the body into it and make him comfortable and presentable for visitation. This visitation takes place in someone's living room, around the clock they stop by. How long the body remains in the living room depends on several things.........availability of a preacher/church, waiting on all relatives to fly in, weather is a big factor. The living room needs to remain cool, in summer the visitation period can be relatively short..........this is practical stuff, real stuff...we've had to haul ice and fans to cool the room until Uncle can get here. There is none of the sterility of the commercial process. I know that my experience has influenced my feelings about my own death. I've told my son that no matter what, he needs to be there to wash and dress me. I always figured that I'd be cremated, simply because it is the least expensive. My wife wants to bury me....she points out

that I will not be there to object. She has a point.......I really don't care. After the burial there is a huge community potluck. In fact there are folks in town that are known to attend every funeral, related on not, just for the great meal. I hope I haven't grossed anyone out, that is certainly not my intention. This way of dealing with death makes the whole grieving process much healthier. jim IPF 05 wrote: Since we're on this subject I'd like to share that I bought my 'eternal real estate' before I left on this holiday. Being a Family Historian I LIKE addresses! I've enjoyed getting to know my ancestors stories & it's always a thrill to find them in graveyards in Australia , Ireland, Cornwall & England.The place I've chosen is significant because our family drives past it often on our way to our favourite camping spot at Woody Head Beach. It is on a magnificent hill-top with a 360 Deg view of the places where I've spent my life. Down south to Grafton on the Clarence River where I grew up, West up to the Great Dividng Range where my daughters were born at Armidale on the Northern Tablelands & directly across to the Richmond

River/Lismore area where we've lived for the last 30 or so years & East to the Pacific Ocean where we've played all that time!It's also a highly significant Aboriginal Tribal Inititiation site & has hardly been used by the White Colonial Society. I've asked permission from our local Aboriginanl Elders to be buried there & they have accepted me to do so. My headstone will be a dirty great locally quarried ROCK surrounded by native shrubs!People visit the spot to have picnics & watch for Koalas in the tall Eucalypt Trees.I want my family to continue to 'visit' me & have picnics & enjoy the gorgeous views!No funeral for me either, I've left a request that various friends go to a spot that we've enjoyed together near wherever they live & have a picnic with scrummy yummy tucka (food) & share a joke or three !My immediate family will be witness to my burial & of

course have a PICNIC!When I get back to Oz I'll be researching bio-degradeable low-cost coffins & the grandkids & I will do a big painting session (bio-degradeable paint of course!) & store it under my house! The it's all down & dusted & can be forgotten until the time is right!Now many might see my actions as macabre or downright DOTTY but I feel really CHUFFED that I've got it sorted! I LOVE my patch of Real Estate & have often driven out there just to enjoy the view & watch the Koalas & wondered about the time when Aboriginal people had control of their own lives & land. It saddens me to think about the results of our colonisation on their way of life & cultural disintegration. They are so generaous in their forgiving of our actions while they still live in such misery because of us!I'm a Celtic/Anglo Saxon/ Norman girl by ancestry but I've been nutured by the

Spirit of the Bundjalung Nation Tribe all my life.Kerensa, in Cornwall from OzIPF; Fibrotic NSIP/UIP?May 2007> > >> > > Yeah, Joyce, that sounds good! My daughter, 22, keeps> > saying "write down what you want for a funeral" She's young and this> > topic scares her. My Spousal Unit and I have discussed it and a> > party keeps coming up as an option. I've told my daughter that,> > after I'm dead, I'm dead. Anything done to mark my death should be> > what means something to those left behind. But, being who were are,> > we don't want funerals. While, not being Catholic, a wake sounds> > good. Spousal Unit and I have decided that we'd like to be cremated> > and have our ashes placed in fireworks that will be shot off to end> > the party.> > >> > > I really hope the above doesn't gross anyone out or that anyone> > thinks these sort of thoughts/comments are tasteless. I've

just> > never been the formal sort. No offense to anyone or their own> > personal desires, but the American Way of Death has always offended> > me. I resent docs making as much money off of me as they do; I> > certainly don't want to turn over my family's resources to a> > mortician.> > >> > > Peace be with you,> > > Bonnie Faulkner/ IPF - 1/06 /SC> > >> > >> > > ---------------------------------> > > Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell.> > >> >> > > >> >----------------------------------------------------------------> >> >No virus found in this incoming message.> >Checked by AVG Free Edition. > >Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.14.11/1071 - Release Date:

10/15/2007 6:48 AM> > > >> __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I forgot to mention.....The PBS Special, "A Family Undertaking", that I spoke of featured 2 women that have a ......consulting business, I guess. I don't remember their names or the name of their business (I'm sure "business" is not the right word) but they provide information to families regarding what their state allows, etc. I remember that they referred to themselves as similar to mid-wives.....but not. I'll bet Mr. Google could find them jim IPF 05Bonnie Faulkner wrote: , Jim, K, Joyce: You've all given me something to think about. You have all talked about ways to give your death meaning to those around you which is something traditional funerals, etc, do not do. All of you have talked about very lovely, intimate processes where the essence of you remains in contact with your family and your community. I make jokes about a going out with a bang, but what I really want is to avoid what has become a death industry. I don't have available to me some of the options you have. I'll think about it some more; thank you for facilitating the next level of reality. Peace be with you Bonnie Faulkner/ IPF - 1/06 / SC __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I forgot to mention.....The PBS Special, "A Family Undertaking", that I spoke of featured 2 women that have a ......consulting business, I guess. I don't remember their names or the name of their business (I'm sure "business" is not the right word) but they provide information to families regarding what their state allows, etc. I remember that they referred to themselves as similar to mid-wives.....but not. I'll bet Mr. Google could find them jim IPF 05Bonnie Faulkner wrote: , Jim, K, Joyce: You've all given me something to think about. You have all talked about ways to give your death meaning to those around you which is something traditional funerals, etc, do not do. All of you have talked about very lovely, intimate processes where the essence of you remains in contact with your family and your community. I make jokes about a going out with a bang, but what I really want is to avoid what has become a death industry. I don't have available to me some of the options you have. I'll think about it some more; thank you for facilitating the next level of reality. Peace be with you Bonnie Faulkner/ IPF - 1/06 / SC __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I forgot to mention.....The PBS Special, "A Family Undertaking", that I spoke of featured 2 women that have a ......consulting business, I guess. I don't remember their names or the name of their business (I'm sure "business" is not the right word) but they provide information to families regarding what their state allows, etc. I remember that they referred to themselves as similar to mid-wives.....but not. I'll bet Mr. Google could find them jim IPF 05Bonnie Faulkner wrote: , Jim, K, Joyce: You've all given me something to think about. You have all talked about ways to give your death meaning to those around you which is something traditional funerals, etc, do not do. All of you have talked about very lovely, intimate processes where the essence of you remains in contact with your family and your community. I make jokes about a going out with a bang, but what I really want is to avoid what has become a death industry. I don't have available to me some of the options you have. I'll think about it some more; thank you for facilitating the next level of reality. Peace be with you Bonnie Faulkner/ IPF - 1/06 / SC __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

http://wholelifetimes.com/2007/05/sacredcrossings0705.html This is the link to the home-grown funeral stuff.....I promise, I am not obsessing on this stuff!! jim IPF 05Bonnie Faulkner wrote: , Jim, K, Joyce: You've all given me something to think about. You have all talked about ways to give your death meaning to those around you which is something traditional funerals,

etc, do not do. All of you have talked about very lovely, intimate processes where the essence of you remains in contact with your family and your community. I make jokes about a going out with a bang, but what I really want is to avoid what has become a death industry. I don't have available to me some of the options you have. I'll think about it some more; thank you for facilitating the next level of reality. Peace be with you Bonnie Faulkner/ IPF - 1/06 / SC __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

http://wholelifetimes.com/2007/05/sacredcrossings0705.html This is the link to the home-grown funeral stuff.....I promise, I am not obsessing on this stuff!! jim IPF 05Bonnie Faulkner wrote: , Jim, K, Joyce: You've all given me something to think about. You have all talked about ways to give your death meaning to those around you which is something traditional funerals,

etc, do not do. All of you have talked about very lovely, intimate processes where the essence of you remains in contact with your family and your community. I make jokes about a going out with a bang, but what I really want is to avoid what has become a death industry. I don't have available to me some of the options you have. I'll think about it some more; thank you for facilitating the next level of reality. Peace be with you Bonnie Faulkner/ IPF - 1/06 / SC __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

http://wholelifetimes.com/2007/05/sacredcrossings0705.html This is the link to the home-grown funeral stuff.....I promise, I am not obsessing on this stuff!! jim IPF 05Bonnie Faulkner wrote: , Jim, K, Joyce: You've all given me something to think about. You have all talked about ways to give your death meaning to those around you which is something traditional funerals,

etc, do not do. All of you have talked about very lovely, intimate processes where the essence of you remains in contact with your family and your community. I make jokes about a going out with a bang, but what I really want is to avoid what has become a death industry. I don't have available to me some of the options you have. I'll think about it some more; thank you for facilitating the next level of reality. Peace be with you Bonnie Faulkner/ IPF - 1/06 / SC __________________________________________________