Woman's book tells of sister's battle with obesity

[Guest guest]

Woman's book tells of sister's battle with obesity

Elaine Bessier, Staff Writer July 28, 2005

Ann Pai's memoir, " My Other Body, " is not so much the story of how

her older sister died of pulmonary failure, brought on by obesity,

at the age of 38. It is more about the two sisters growing up

together and Pai's own fight against binge eating.

" It is about poignant sisterhood and about learning to love each

other despite the challenges of our own bodies, " Pai said. " It's

about me and my sister, who both faced the challenges of overweight

in a society that is apprehensive at the least toward people dealing

with those challenges. "

While pursuing publication of her book, the author is sharing her

story with small groups, reading excerpts from the manuscript and

discussing the book and its subject.

" I felt like I had an obligation to tell this story because my

sister's death had such a strong emotional impact on me. And who

doesn't deal with body image? " Pai said during an appearance at the

home of a neighbor, Betty on, in Overland Park.

" I also wanted to make my sister visible to me in a way she had not

been to society, " Pai said. " People look past obese people, not at

them. "

Joyce Vandiver's weight did not creep up on her until college, but

her self-image was poor long before that, Pai said.

" She was never really done eating, only when she was interrupted.

She couldn't stop until she killed the want. No amount of pleading

could influence her. "

Pai hopes that telling her story will raise questions and offer

insight into body image.

Her sister was 5-foot-2 and weighed 550 pounds when she finally

entered St. Hospital in Tulsa, Okla., on Sept. 11, 2001. Up

until that time, she had never admitted having an eating disorder,

or even a serious weight problem, and steadfastly refused medical

help. She died six weeks later.

" While in the hospital, our family grew closer, " Pai recalls.

She soon discovered how little doctors and nurses know about obesity

and eating disorders. She also saw, through her parents' eyes, how

painful it was to lose a daughter in this way.

" Science doesn't know yet precisely what drives us to overeat, " she

said. " Why was my sister overweight? Only she could say. But I could

see the consequences of obesity in her life. Not everyone who is

overweight has a binge eating behavior. That's my story. "

Pai tells the story of the two sisters, but does not feel qualified

to give advice. She does not take a stance on the best way to lose

weight or the correct attitude to have.

" We all know about eating fewer calories and exercising more. But

science is still working to find out all the mechanisms of weight

gain, how appetite works, and why some people gain weight more

easily than others. Until we know those answers, it seems to me more

realistic to focus on loving relationships, productive lives and

healthy habits, not just on thinness.

" All of us have to grapple with this in their own way. Stories can

articulate our own experiences and help us deal with our own

problems. I hope in this case, I can help readers to be more open

and understanding. "

Pai says that, while we talk about weight problems, what we really

deal with are behavior choices and weight consequences.

" My weight isn't a problem to be solved, " she said. " It's a changing

condition. But my behavior is a challenge I can master. Right this

second, I can't change my weight. But I can work on healthy

responses to life problems - and everyone has those, not just

overweight people. "

It is not the weight that makes a binge eater ashamed, Pai said.

It's the behavior.

" In my book, I wanted to show how a person could make a journey from

a depth of shame and out-of-control behavior toward self-acceptance

and positive habits, " she said. " It's a journey I made and am still

making. "

Pai points out that, for every overweight or obese person, there are

many others who are in a love relationship with people who struggle

with those problems.